Lil Jhonny jokes

[pri 0]

He y all VJ glued members hv sum fun

Johnny and his father are observing

a couple of dogs screwing each

other."Dad, what're the dogs

doing?" asks Johnny.

"Well, the one below has relaxed

and the one above has

concentrated."

"Okay, I've understood."

"What've you understood!?" asks the

father sarcastically.

"Never relax in your life, dad, or

you'll get ###### like a dog!"

Lil' Johnny & Politics

Lil' Johnny goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad

says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the

breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Mommy is

the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the

Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call

you The People. The nanny, well, consider her The Working Class.

Your baby brother, we'll call him The Future. Now go think about

this and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has

said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and

runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled.

So the little boy goes to his parents' room. Mom is sound

asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room.

Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees

his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to

bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I

think I understand what politics is now."

"Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the

Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are

being ignored and the Future is in deep ######."

[j&js 0]

haha I love the 2nd one!

[pri 0]

One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had written the word '#######' in tiny letters. She turned around, scanned the class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her class.

The next day she went into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the word '#######' again on the black board. Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.

Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's word, larger than the previous day's word.

Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead, found the words:

"The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!"

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to screw your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

There are four kinds of sex :

HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.

BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.

HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "SCREW YOU"

COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer screw you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.

Better Health plan

The queen of England was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating.

"Oh my god!", said the Queen, "That's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this???"

The doctor leading the tour explains, "I'm sorry your ladyship, this man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn't do that five times a day, they would explode and he would most likely die instantly."

"Oh, I am sorry" said the Queen.

On the next floor they passed a room where a young nurse was giving a patient a #######.

"Oh my God", said the Queen, "What's happening in there?"

The Doctor replied, "Same problem, better health plan."

Edited April 1, 2006 by pri

[pri 0]

Wasp Emergeny

A young husband and wife were sunning on a nude beach when a wasp buzzed into the woman's #######. The husband covered her with a coat, pulled on his shorts, carried her to the car and made a dash to the hospital.

After examining her, the doctor explained that the wasp was too far in to be reached with forceps. He suggested the husband try to entice it out by putting honey on his #######, penetrating her and withdrawing as soon as he felt the wasp.

The man agreed to try, but because he was so nervous, he couldn't rise to the occasion. "if neither of you objects," the medic said, "I could give it a try."

Under the circumstances, both agreed. The doctor quickly undressed, slathered on some honey and mounted the woman. The husband watched with increasing alarm as the doctor's thrust continued for several long minutes. "Hey, What the hell is happening?"

"Change of plans," The physician panted. " I'm going to drown the little #######!."

[pri 0]

good gal n Bad

Good girls say "thanks for a wonderful dinner"...

Bad girls say, "what's for breakfast?"

Good girls never go after another girl's man...

Bad girls go after him AND his brother.

Good girls wear white cotton panties...

Bad girls don't wear any.

Good girls wax their floors...

Bad girls wax their bikini lines.

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot...

Bad girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

Good girls make chicken for dinner...

Bad girls make reservations.

Good girls blush during bedrooms scenes in movies...

Bad girls know they could do better.

Good girls never consider sleeping with the boss...

Bad girls never do either, unless he's very, very rich.

Good girls believe you're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls...

Bad girls believe that you are fully dressed with JUST a strand of pearls.

Good girls love Italian food...

Bad girls love Italian waiters.

[MrMrsKnight 0]

Well..... if that's true I'm a bad girl according to 4 out of the 10 choices up there.

Shame on me.......

[Jasman0717 9]

[JElsafty 0]