Fiancee pretty stressed..... help

[AustinJohn 2]

Hi VJers,

My fiancee is getting pretty stressed out over the upcoming interview. We don't have the date yet but should be getting it soon. Anyways, she's really stressed out over it. She's saying that she's going to fail, consulate officers will probably be too difficult with her, etc. I've been supportive but thought she might could use more help.

I thought that if she got some help knowing what to expect, it might help. I've been helping her prepare but my own knowledge of this whole process is limited seeing that this is my first time as well.

I've heard of IOM (International Organization for Migration) but don't know anyone who has used their services. Not sure if they help with building interviewees confidence and preparedness either.

Does anyone know of some good resources (people or organizations) that she could use to help her get mentally prepared?

John

[ridejewel 0]

I think this thread was the most helpful for my wife and I. http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...mp;#entry680301

As long as you have your stuff together, you'll be fine. We all get nervous, it's a difficult process.

Good luck.

[reeses16 8]

Yeah, its a stressful time for everyone. To help with the stress, we (1) did practice questions together. We found some from old VJposts, others we just made up, (2) we talked on the phone more to practice questions and just for extra comfort and support, and (3) my then fiance studied our Visa folder (application) frequently. He bumped it up to 2 times a day the week before the interview.

Also, tell you fiance to be firm in her answers. During my husbands interview, he gave a correct response to a question. They told him he was wrong, and asked him the question again so that he could change his answer. When he didn't change his answer, the next words he heard were, "your visa has been approved." I've seen at least two other posts in the last month with similar stories.

Do anything else you can think of to boost confidence in your case and her interviewing skills.

Good luck.

[Dakine 26]

Going over other peeps interviews will definitely help.

Main thing is her knowing EVERYTHING possible about you. Right down to pets names, your mothers maiden name, siblings names, kids, why you divorced etc. This will help give her confidence.

Each CO has different trips to establish you have a bonafide relationship.

Having varied and good pictures may limit what they ask as the old saying!

"A picture is worth a thousand words" holds true.

I've seen where MANY peeps mentioned the CO "liked" looking at the pics!

Same for us also.

First time around we were outright denied for lack of enough pictures.

Second time we had 40 on 10 pages with captions.

Interview only lasted 5 minutes and she flew outa there a few days later.

My wife didn't know one question the CO asked about me and she just answered ! I don't know, and he moved on.

[AustinJohn 2]

Going over other peeps interviews will definitely help.

Main thing is her knowing EVERYTHING possible about you. Right down to pets names, your mothers maiden name, siblings names, kids, why you divorced etc. This will help give her confidence.

Each CO has different trips to establish you have a bonafide relationship.

Having varied and good pictures may limit what they ask as the old saying!

"A picture is worth a thousand words" holds true.

I've seen where MANY peeps mentioned the CO "liked" looking at the pics!

Same for us also.

First time around we were outright denied for lack of enough pictures.

Second time we had 40 on 10 pages with captions.

Interview only lasted 5 minutes and she flew outa there a few days later.

My wife didn't know one question the CO asked about me and she just answered ! I don't know, and he moved on.

Thanks, I liked reading this post; made me feel a little better with my own stress over the whole situation.

My fiancee has around 500 pictures of us with about 50 different family members over the 5 weeks that we spent together in Vietnam. She has enough pictures to keep them occupied for a couple of hours.

I'll pass this on this on to her and hope that it helps.

John

Edited July 20, 2007 by AustinJohn

[Anh map 2,098]

Pics are good because they paint part of the picture. But as so many have said over and over the CO wants to see a bona fide relationship. Your fiance needs to be able to tell the CO anything about your life. That includes your daughter's life.

As others have debated the marriage in VN can be seen differently by each CO. Don't bank on that as proof of your valid relationship. Sometimes that can be a one way ticket to the K3 process, other times not. It can be the mundane things you discuss in chat or e-mail that will tip the scales in your favor.

Thinking BIG PICTURE is the key. Her facility with English can matter. Questions will be rephrased to check her answers. Her desire to have a life with you is good. A desire to find a good American man would be bad. Think like a CO and plan accordingly. That will deliver her to you and your daughter.

The waiting can be frustrating, but the PINK slip is worth every minute!!!!!!!!

[AustinJohn 2]

Pics are good because they paint part of the picture. But as so many have said over and over the CO wants to see a bona fide relationship. Your fiance needs to be able to tell the CO anything about your life. That includes your daughter's life.

As others have debated the marriage in VN can be seen differently by each CO. Don't bank on that as proof of your valid relationship. Sometimes that can be a one way ticket to the K3 process, other times not. It can be the mundane things you discuss in chat or e-mail that will tip the scales in your favor.

Thinking BIG PICTURE is the key. Her facility with English can matter. Questions will be rephrased to check her answers. Her desire to have a life with you is good. A desire to find a good American man would be bad. Think like a CO and plan accordingly. That will deliver her to you and your daughter.

The waiting can be frustrating, but the PINK slip is worth every minute!!!!!!!!

Anh map, thanks for the input. I've called the consulate on two separate occassions asking about the marriage without paperwork and both times they said that it was not a problem. I believe that it's pretty cut and dried in Vietnam. Have you seen a list of the requirements for getting a marriage certificate? It's seems to me alot more trouble than in the U.S.

John

[sealedkiss 1]

John, I did not use any service for packet 3 and 4 so I am not sure what they can do. Many people do and they may be able to give you some insight.

As for preparation for the interview, we did not practice or do mock interviews. Rather I just sent her a list of actual past interview questions I collected on VJ and let her think about how to answer them. Then some time later I sent her my answers ONLY to those questions that don’t come up in everyday normal conversation. E.g. in my case: when did I immigrate to the US and under what program? There is no point in reminding her “when was our engagement date?” If someone should forget that, it would be me.

I agree with others that “knowledge is power.” The more you (correctly) know, the better off you are. “(correctly)” means “don’t let irrational rumors get you.”

I have some tips for making her a little comfortable with the paperwork:

1. When you send things to her, label it and make it neat and presentable. For example, I pasted all the boarding passes belonging to a trip on a sheet of white paper. Imagine you give the CO a zip lock bag with all your boarding passes thrown in there. Don’t do that to the CO, and don’t do that to your fiancée either.

2. If it is not obvious, include some details to tell her why this piece of paper could be important. For example, I sent her pictures of my college graduation, some with friends, some with family, some holding my degree. She was not in the pictures, but I told her to make it a priority piece of photo evidence, because it shows we share parts of our life, and further it shows I have a potential for earning adequate income.

Let’s see – you packet 3 was 6/29. With the ways things have been, I’m guessing packet 4 will come in the first half of August. Plenty of time to panic later, but have you been preparing the financial stuff?

Hi VJers,

My fiancee is getting pretty stressed out over the upcoming interview. We don't have the date yet but should be getting it soon. Anyways, she's really stressed out over it. She's saying that she's going to fail, consulate officers will probably be too difficult with her, etc. I've been supportive but thought she might could use more help.

I thought that if she got some help knowing what to expect, it might help. I've been helping her prepare but my own knowledge of this whole process is limited seeing that this is my first time as well.

I've heard of IOM (International Organization for Migration) but don't know anyone who has used their services. Not sure if they help with building interviewees confidence and preparedness either.

Does anyone know of some good resources (people or organizations) that she could use to help her get mentally prepared?

John

[AustinJohn 2]

John, I did not use any service for packet 3 and 4 so I am not sure what they can do. Many people do and they may be able to give you some insight.

As for preparation for the interview, we did not practice or do mock interviews. Rather I just sent her a list of actual past interview questions I collected on VJ and let her think about how to answer them. Then some time later I sent her my answers ONLY to those questions that don’t come up in everyday normal conversation. E.g. in my case: when did I immigrate to the US and under what program? There is no point in reminding her “when was our engagement date?” If someone should forget that, it would be me.

I agree with others that “knowledge is power.” The more you (correctly) know, the better off you are. “(correctly)” means “don’t let irrational rumors get you.”

I have some tips for making her a little comfortable with the paperwork:

1. When you send things to her, label it and make it neat and presentable. For example, I pasted all the boarding passes belonging to a trip on a sheet of white paper. Imagine you give the CO a zip lock bag with all your boarding passes thrown in there. Don’t do that to the CO, and don’t do that to your fiancée either.

2. If it is not obvious, include some details to tell her why this piece of paper could be important. For example, I sent her pictures of my college graduation, some with friends, some with family, some holding my degree. She was not in the pictures, but I told her to make it a priority piece of photo evidence, because it shows we share parts of our life, and further it shows I have a potential for earning adequate income.

Let’s see – you packet 3 was 6/29. With the ways things have been, I’m guessing packet 4 will come in the first half of August. Plenty of time to panic later, but have you been preparing the financial stuff?

Thankfully, the financial part is taken care of and no issue. I make well above minimum requirements. That paperwork is done. I gave it to her in June.

You make a good point about organizing the materials. I helped her alot with that but I think that I could help her more there. It's funny you mentioned throwing the boarding passes in a bag because I think that's what I did. Ah, shucks. Well, we're all human and can always do better.

Actually, I think now it's probably a good idea for me to go over a couple days early when she gets her date so that we can organize it the best way possible.

Not a bad idea about the copy of the college degree either. I hadn't thought of that.

John

[sealedkiss 1]

That was just an example and a minor detail. I think you're OK. Well, sounds like you're in control of the paperwork and the whole thing.

I can be of no help with how to calm women down I'm no good at it. In fact I often "pour fuel into fire" (there's a Vietnamese expression for that, verbatim)

One thing I can suggest is for her to read some of the posts here, especially the ones written by the Vietnamese fiancée who went through with the interview. There are a few: David-Hien, Lan&Mike, Sweet Love, Phillip-Phuoc. Your fiancée will see that it's not too impossible.

You make a good point about organizing the materials. I helped her alot with that but I think that I could help her more there. It's funny you mentioned throwing the boarding passes in a bag because I think that's what I did. Ah, shucks. Well, we're all human and can always do better.

[AustinJohn 2]

That was just an example and a minor detail. I think you're OK. Well, sounds like you're in control of the paperwork and the whole thing.

I can be of no help with how to calm women down I'm no good at it. In fact I often "pour fuel into fire" (there's a Vietnamese expression for that, verbatim)

One thing I can suggest is for her to read some of the posts here, especially the ones written by the Vietnamese fiancée who went through with the interview. There are a few: David-Hien, Lan&Mike, Sweet Love, Phillip-Phuoc. Your fiancée will see that it's not too impossible.

You make a good point about organizing the materials. I helped her alot with that but I think that I could help her more there. It's funny you mentioned throwing the boarding passes in a bag because I think that's what I did. Ah, shucks. Well, we're all human and can always do better.

Oh yeah, I remember seeing that post by the Vietnamese fiancee but I don't have it now. Do you remember when that was posted? If you find it easily, can you link it? If not, I'll try to find it.

Thanks.

John

[SharynY 2]

my interview is tomorrow - and i'm a bundle of nerves - i've checked all the paperwork like 20 times and ticked it off the list of what to give them................

you cant help be doubtful but i know she'll get thru this just like i will....

if you have everything they ask for theres no need for them to fail you.

[poppscc 0]

I think your fiance should come in confident and assertive. Believe in your love and express it. My fiance was too concerned about minor details like my fathers and mothers birth dates, like it was a quiz or something. She told me that she could not express how in love we were.

My fiance says that she would have been more assertive next time around, and that she shouldnt have feared the consulate because they tend to pick it up. The consulate will look at your wife as a subhuman and will treat her like the underclass. Try to change that somehow. If she knows english, that would help a lot.

[Kevin&Loan 0]

Austin John, a few things for you

1. We are in Houston, PM me should you need to seek any assistance.

2. There is no service in Saigon can do to "calm" your wife down or build her confidence up. If they clain they can do so, better take your money and run for the hill.

3. I have only used IOM twice for my wife health's exam and ticket booking and on both occasions, they succeded my expectation. So, as I have said many times here, I highly recommend IOM. I am not sure if they can help your fiance with her paperworks but it's worth a try to phone them up for details.

4. Lastly, everyone is very nervours or stressed beyond belief before the interviews. It is like waiting for your judgement day. I was even more nervous then my wife back then. So, tell your wife to go out, hang out with friends, exercise, do whatever to get her mind off of the upcoming event, provided that all paperworks are in order and she have done her homework. Stage a mock interview with her would help.

[AustinJohn 2]

I just called consulate. Interview date is August 24th. Yes!

John