Some uncomfortable truths

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

I haven't spoken about this before, because I think it's controversial here but, here goes...

My husband can't wait to shuck himself of his British passport. Before anyone judges us, I will say this: Bruce is one of those people who feels they were born in the wrong country. He has lived in Russia and Germany for long stints and felt more at home elsewhere than here in Britain. It happens. My brother has just moved over here because Britain feels more like home (though we'll wait for judgement!).

Before Bruce came for a visit with me for the first time to America he was really apprehensive. He'd heard the usual cr*p about the US, and Americans, and he thought he would find it grating and overweeningly earnest. Well, surprise surprise, just like he fell in love with this American girl, he fell in love with America. And frankly, he opened my eyes to my home country in such a way that I dispelled my cynicism hangover from my ex and I realised I, we, needed to go home. Before I made the leap and proposed, we thought about him doing a postdoc programme in the US very seriously and explored all the options. He even registered (and paid!) to take the GRE. Then one night, I threw caution to the wind, proposed and 10 months later...Mr and Mrs Elmcitymaven, and the CR1 process started.

It is unusual for anyone here in the UK forum to eschew Britain so fully when they are a native, but boy, I got one. And lest anyone think he is in it for the green card, know ye this: we are creeping up on our 2nd anniversary as a couple, and met when I was still fully committed to being here in the UK. I have loved much of the past 12 years here, but it is time to come home. My UKC husband agees, and can't wait to be truly, wholly American.

Just felt like I needed to tell my tale tonight...(off to bed, I'll deal with the brickbats tomorrow...)

[TimsDaisy 0]

Stranger things have happened! I'm glad you're both so enthusiastic about the move - it'll be a big change, even if it's a welcome one.

I'm glad you found each other and a country that feels right to boot!

p.s. you had me SO worried from that post title that this was going to be some uber bad news post! I'm glad the "bad" news is that your husband is excited about his new country!

Edited July 20, 2007 by TimsDaisy

[no name 1]

That makes me sad to hear.

There are many things about America that I don't like but overall, yeah, I am blessed to be a Yank! I know my hubby would never give up being a Brit, it means a lot to him.

Hey, good news he is so excited to come here tho! Where are you guys going to live?

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

He shouldn't give up his passport though - at least to save waiting in line at immigration when he returns to the UK! (I assume he'll return to visit family and what not)

[rebeccajo 14]

My husband isn't fascinated with the UK either, although he has no intention of giving up his British passport. He intends to naturalize here, but I'm sure that decision is made easier for him since he doesn't need to relinquish his Brit citizenship.

I just asked him a few nights ago that if it weren't for me, would he still feel this is the best place for him to be. He thought about it a while and said yes. He firmly believes there are more employment opportunities here. Being from Northern Ireland, he's happy to be in an environment where he feels there is no discrimination. And while he misses not having to pay out of pocket for health care in the UK, he believes treatment is superior here.

[cheeky^Wolf 0]

My husband isn't fascinated with the UK either, although he has no intention of giving up his British passport. He intends to naturalize here, but I'm sure that decision is made easier for him since he doesn't need to relinquish his Brit citizenship.

I just asked him a few nights ago that if it weren't for me, would he still feel this is the best place for him to be. He thought about it a while and said yes. He firmly believes there are more employment opportunities here. Being from Northern Ireland, he's happy to be in an environment where he feels there is no discrimination. And while he misses not having to pay out of pocket for health care in the UK, he believes treatment is superior here.

Exactly the same here. Don't miss the UK, have no desire to return, God forbid if anything happened to Dave, I would happily stay over here. I feel so much more secure over here. I stand out in the back yard at 2am with the dogs, watching the deer and raccoons and remember being frightened to put my garbage out after 7pm at night in London! I know alot has to do with where you live. To me, it doesn't get much better than around here.

I wouldn't give up my British citizenship though, I'd love my kids to have the option of being able to spend time over there in the future.

Helen

[Lansbury 19]

My wife (USC) lived with me in the UK, we settled there as I still had 10 years police service between me and a full service pension. We came over last November and apart from having to correct Wells Fargo's stupid banking practices I have settled in very well. I really enjoy it here, took some stick on 4th July and will get me citizenship as soon as I can. The standard of living we have on our pensions, we are both in our 50s, is as good as we had in the UK with two well paying jobs. Miss UK no, I miss my sons but they think free holidays in America are great.

We are off on a road trip next week and when we get back I might well assimilate myself even further in American culture by applying to be a school bus driver, our school district is desperate and will take anyone. Hope they have busses with Sat Nav on.

[rebeccajo 14]

I should of said my husband DOES miss the bacon! lol

[cheeky^Wolf 0]

I should of said my husband DOES miss the bacon! lol

Ohhh the bacon!!

Go for it Lansbury! I'm midway through joining the American masses in the medical field. Something I always wanted to do in the UK, but the idea of being a paramedic around London just filled me with fear. As well as learning the medical side, I also have to learn my way around the Township! I think that may be the bigger hurdle of the two. Not looking forward to trying to drive backwards through cones in an ambulance for my driving certification, but it'll be fun I'm sure.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Wow! I expected a few more criticisms, but you guys have gone and spread that VJ love!

It is difficult sometimes to explain to people, when I tell them that Bruce has no interest in coming back to the UK. Ever. He has to do it later this year when he defends his PhD thesis. But after that...pffft. His mum is happy to visit us and he isn't close to any other members of his family. We are very unlikely to have children, so we don't have them to consider. I, on the other hand, have no hang-ups about this place and will probably be back several times a year, mostly for work. And bacon!

I have repeatedly asked Bruce if surrendering his passport is what he really, really wants to do. He says he has never really felt British, even English, or a West Countryman, it was all an accident of birth. He is eager to get on with being an American, and he feels that being wholly thus, with a single nationality, is a signal that he is serious about this. Personally, being American and proud of my nationality is so knit into my every fibre that I can't imagine wanting to ever give it up. But it is his decision and I'll support him.

It makes me sad sometimes that he has felt so much unhappiness here. But our new life beckons -- only 30 days from now! We're off to Connecticut at first, probably for 6 months or so, until we get acclimated to America. Then it's off to LA, which will mean more culture shock! And poor bacon...

[FutureAmerican 2]

Elmcitymaven - you can tell your Bruce that he has someone who totally sympathises with him here! I plan to do exactly the same thing when I'm eligible for US Citizenship (whether in 3 years as a civilian or a few months if I enlist in the military). It's a personal choice, as I see it as my own Declaration of Independence as such, and furthermore, as many of my future career goals include jobs where I need to get a high level security clearance, it'll make it easier and more viable to the background investigators that I'm free of any "foreign influence" (even from a very friendly country as the UK!).

The UK will always be part of my heritage and history, but I don't want it to be part of my future. Too much has changed about the country for me to want any attachment to it, although we may occasionally go back to visit family etc (particularly while my parents/grandparents/brother are here), the extra hassle of standing in a different queue is a small price for me to pay in order to make myself "truely american" (although sadly there are some who say that no matter what I do, they'll always consider me British, even if I say served in the US Military, worked for the US government in some security clearance capacity etc).

Equally so, I never expect anyone to make the same choice I did if it's not the way they feel - but I do feel resentful when some people continually question my choice (not because they want to know why, which is fine, but when they look disgusted when I explain my reasons).

[TracyTN 237]

My fiance is wholly dissatisfied with the state of Britain right now - pretty much with everything about how the country is run. Everytime he tells someone he is emigrating, they'll say something either about how they wish they could, or that they're planning to as well.

He has said he's ashamed to be English, which frankly I hate to hear. And I find it sad that so many over there are dissatisfied with how things are going. I think its a wonderful place with a proud and long heritage - personally, I'm proud to tell people where my fiance is from - but I can also see some of the things he's saying about it, and that honestly does make me sad. The country and its people deserve better than they get a lot of times.

Edited to add that my fiance isn't going to give up his UK passport, but he does plan to become a US citizen whenever possible.

Edited July 20, 2007 by TracyTN

[sarahandbrian 0]

It's a difficult one.

I think the majority of my postive feeling about the Uk are some sort of romantic notions about how it used to be; green fields, rolling hills, village fetes and cream teas etc etc

In reality it's quite a difficult living over here. I've been hiding out at my mums in the country for the past year waiting on my visa so in a way have been removed from alot of the harsher realities of life over here this year.

I will definately miss my family and certain places but I'm looking forward to a better life, and feel myself pretty lucky to have this opportunity.

Sarah

[C and J 1]

I have to agree completely with Sarah's fiance. That is exactly the way I feel. England isn't the place it used to be. I will not be giving up my British passport but I will be persuing US citizenship when it becomes available to me.

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

I lived in Jamaica　for my formative years, came back 12 years ago. Never felt `English`, in fact I`m happy to say while I`m third generation English, I have no English blood in me.

I`ll keep my passport, but can`t think of one thing I`ll miss about England...