Medical ... what exactly do they do?

[Ladylethal 12]

Can´t your fiancee visit her gyn doc, get the exames done, and get her doc to write a letter saying she´s alright?

[meauxna 15]

I am terribly concerned for my fiancée, who lives in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam.

<snip>

Needless to say, this can really be a problem for us. I'm not about to tell her to suck it up and let a man grope her privates. That would be humiliating and traumatizing for her.

<snip>

I'm praying that when my girl's examination takes place

But to my fiancee this is a major event and one that will scare the hell out of her. It WILL be traumatizing if she does not have a female doctor. I am terribly worried about this.

Mistreatment = Rude male doctors touching more than they should, or refusing to allow a female nurse to be present, or even inserting a finger, if you know what I mean.

<snip>

I will talk with her in depth about it when I see her next month. I hope and pray for the best. The best would be a female doctor.

Playing Devil's Advocate....

Could your attitude have anything to do with it? If you reinforce her suspicions with your fears/assumptions, might it make it worse?

A digital exam is sometimes done to check for a previous pregnancy (have really only heard of this in Manila). Even a GYN exam isn't classified as 'groping'. And it hasn't even been determined that a full GYN exam is required.

I suspect that, traditional or not, this is a university educated woman who has traveled in the West before and is not made of glass.

There are plenty of struggles in this process; don't invent ones that don't need to be there.

/devil's adovcate

[Matt_Stevens 5]

I have been nothing but reassuring on the phone and telling her it will not be like that, to ask for a female doctor or a female nurse and to relax because it will be quick and painless. But my telling her this doesn't matter when other women are saying they were touched "down there" by a male doctor with no ability to have a female present.

I understand you are trying to help, but the fact remains that she IS terrified of doctors and that she will flat our refuse to allow any male doctor to touch her where her underwear should be. Look, yes. Touch, NO.

She is educted and speaks three languages, but she is a very traditional young woman and she has her beliefs and I want them to be respected.

By the way, her brother has TB. She shows no signs of it, but I have spent the last three months trying to convince her to get get the "scratch" test and she won't do it. She is afraid.

Edited April 7, 2006 by Matt_Stevens

[Ladylethal 12]

She´ll be inquired about diseases in the family, and she won´t lie, I hope, so when she informs her brother has TB, she´ll be required to take a test, and if she doesn´t, she´ll be denied the visa.

[rebeccajo 14]

Can´t your fiancee visit her gyn doc, get the exames done, and get her doc to write a letter saying she´s alright?

No. Consulate designated physicians have to do the exam.

She´ll be inquired about diseases in the family, and she won´t lie, I hope, so when she informs her brother has TB, she´ll be required to take a test, and if she doesn´t, she´ll be denied the visa.

I'm not sure about that. There is a member from the UK with a fiance who actually had TB in the past. No further testing was required for him. I do note in saying this his exam was in London, not Brazil or Vietnam.

[Matt_Stevens 5]

A chest X-ray will clearly reveal no active TB. I want her to have the scratch test now to make sure it is not in her system and inactive. God, it is so hard to convince her to do this. I'll likely have to take her to the doctor when I see her in May and be done with it.

[Ladylethal 12]

Rebbeca, I meant that she could go to her gyn and take the results to the designated doc, and explain to him she feels very uncomfortable about this and she went to her own doc instead.

[rebeccajo 14]

Rebbeca, I meant that she could go to her gyn and take the results to the designated doc, and explain to him she feels very uncomfortable about this and she went to her own doc instead.

Laura - Yes, I think I understood what you meant. I don't believe they will accept that. Especially at a stricter consulate. An underlying issue is fraud. It would be easy enough in any culture to obtain forged statements from any expert. That's why USCIS designates who it wants information filtered through.

[Ladylethal 12]

I read someone did that and was accepted, dunno which Consulate it was, but if Vietnam is that strict, maybe they won´t take it.

Wouldn´t hurt for his fiancee to call and ask.

[Trompe le Monde 1,107]

If the doctor designated by the consulate really won't allow women to be seen with a female nurse present during more intrusive examinations then people going through HCMC really need to raise a stink about it with the embassy -- the same standard of care should apply there as you would expect in the USA.

But -- for a properly administered smear test and an internal exam -- yes, it requires a finge to be inserted and there is nothing improper about that. I had malignant cells on my uterus at the ripe old age of 29, and I know a surprising number of women also found themselves in this situation long before their 30th birthday. I can't say such an exam is my favorite thing in the world to have to do, but I'd much rather do that than have all my hair fall out from chemotherapy. I have to say 25 is waayyyy too old to have never had one done.

[Matt_Stevens 5]

Forgive me, but what if the woman is a virgin? Can you really be sticking things up there?

[meauxna 15]

Forgive me, but what if the woman is a virgin? Can you really be sticking things up there?

um, yes.

Fingers, tampons, can even have intercourse without breaking the hymen (if that's what you're referring to).

www.webmd.com might have a picture or better explanation.

[Matt_Stevens 5]

I'm just a guy. Don't know how far up and in a doctor has to put that thing into a woman. Being a guy has it's pluses.

By the way, my fiancee has been told since she started having her period that she cannot use tampons until she is "married." Were she to use them everyone would assume she is no longer a virgin and would therefore be shamed. Insane, I know, but true. She laughs about it because she knows it's so stupid. But then again, she knows not to rock the boat.

[meauxna 15]

I'm just a guy. Don't know how far up and in a doctor has to put that thing into a woman. Being a guy has it's pluses.

By the way, my fiancee has been told since she started having her period that she cannot use tampons until she is "married." Were she to use them everyone would assume she is no longer a virgin and would therefore be shamed. Insane, I know, but true. She laughs about it because she knows it's so stupid. But then again, she knows not to rock the boat.

lol, I hear ya. I've lived in some under developed places where women thought the same way, or had other, equally strange-to-me reasons for not using tampons. To each, her own.

I really appreciate your openess and frankness, Matt. I thought I should point that out to you, so you don't think my answers are meant to be anything but informative.

It does occur to me that this is the sort of thing that it wouldn't hurt you to learn about. There are things that will be different about living in the US that might not occur to you, and she will appreciate learning how to adapt in many different ways. Like going to the doctor, and the importance of looking after her GYN health. If you guys are going to have a family, all of it's going to come out sooner or later. So go to webmd (good site!) and learn what's involved in a regular annual exam, what a speculum is, where it goes and what the doc's looking for. My hub was a fireman and claims to have seen it all (eek), but we're pretty frank with each other about body stuff. And then again, still no farting in front of each other. Some boundries are OK!

As for being a guy, your punishment will be ear hair that goes totally out of control.

Not much of a tradeoff for 40 years of child-bearing-preparedness if you ask me! <g>

[Matt_Stevens 5]

My punishing male pattern baldness and believe me, that is enough.

My mom is a nurse and my sister a physical therapist, so they have promised me that they will take care of my fiancee in regards to her health needs. Thank God!!