Concerns and Trust

[Marry American 0]

While this may be the experience of some, I have a problem with it being portrayed as THE TRUTH. This certainly doesn't describe my husband or my experiences.

it does not describe my experience thus far either!

Not all African American women have a dislike for white women because you guys take our men. Funny! I dated a white man for two years, I guess white women would hate me????? Especially since he wanted to get married and took very good care of me i might add.

I've seen this kind of thing happen more times than I'd like to admit. The OP makes very valid points in her post. It may not happen to everyone but it does happen. Very sad and sickening.

I read about this kind of thing happening online. These storied are everywhere. Women should not be soooo gullible!

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I don't want to disrupt the openness of this thread (being that I'm a man) but I think this thread has a wealth of wisdom. Some really great posts here.

[Marry American 0]

You don't know until he's ready for you to know (if *he's* being dishonest). These men are extremely patient and will put up with a lot of BS to get what they want. Not saying that all MENA men are that way but many of them are.

so if many of mena men are like this..makes me wonder how many of us mena wives will be married five years from now.

[Meriem_DZ 37]

Hachemi has never given me any indication that he married me for a green card. We have been together almost a year and he is just as loving and affectionate as when he first stepped foot in the USA. I can not count the times a day this man hugs me, kisses me and tells me that he loves me. He is so proud to be my husband. If he is using me for a green card, he deserves an academy award.

Meriem

[♥JP♥ 5]

Hey JP! You're a married woman now! How does it feel? What's new, long time no see here on VJ.

Doing well thanks, married civilly for now, the big wedding is on Sept 29th. Going crazy with wedding plans, nothing else new. I hope things are going well with you too.

JP

[Marry American 0]

here is something I posted a few days ago on a different thread in this forum but its what I would like to say here too:

Next time anyone anyone brings up the marrying for a green card issue just say, hmm, yeah, maybe he is... so what?

I mean, yes, that would suck but all of life is a gamble. its all about taking chances. I am sure there ARE some people on this board being married for a green card, statistically it has to be, and for those people I am so so sorry. But there are a lot of people that ARENT being used and hey, thats what each of us is hoping for. Love is always a gamble, a gamble on a broken heart, a gamble on being lied to or deceived or USED FOR A GREEN CARD but whats the alternative?

and what I always say to that kind of green card ####### (although fortunately after almost 3 years married its pretty much a non issue for me now) is to point out that people like Scott Peterson and OJ and whatever that guy is this summer with the 9 month pregnant girlfriend and all those other wife killers/abusers were NOT from overseas, or looking for a green card, and in fact I bet Laci Peterson's parents loved Scott when they first met him, but that didnt help them any in the long run, did it?

the point being that as has been pointed out, when we choose to love we roll the dice. whoever we are, whoever our loved one is, its always a risk.

An alternative could be to marry someone that is American. He will definitely not use you for a green card. One less worry for some mena spouses.

[lasso 0]

I WANT TO TELL YOU HOW YOU KNOW?

That little voice inside tells you something is not right????????????

Even though he always re assured me that he loved me that little voice kept telling me I was being used!

LISTEN TO THE LITTLE VOICE!

Think about the times when a man really loved you, did you ever doubt he loved you or was using you?

Only when he really was and when you found out you thought you should have listened?

I am telling you 100% if it walks like a duck it is a duck!

Don't waste five years like I did.

I still cannot get it through my thick skull that someone would use me ME OF ALL PEOPLE smart successfull honest loving caring god fearing women I was used. I thought that happens to other people not me!

Something else sad I actually set his friend up with a girl I know and I have a strong feeling he is using her and I tried to talk to her and she don't come and visit me anymore she is conviced he loves her.

The apple does not fall far from the tree if his friends or family do it he will do it.

Next time you talk to your man ask him if you can come live with him in jordan see his re-action.

Mine would always say "honey don't say that God is bringing me back to america and we are going to have a good future together"

He never wanted to talk about me living in jordan.

Anyone want to message me welcome.

I want to help and save the world from my pain!

THANK YOU GOD FOR HEALING ME and maybe I can help others.

I am not saying these men are bad I am just saying this is part of thier culture we marry for love they marry to reproduce.\

look up honor killings on the internet if they can kill thier own sister or family member then why not divorce an american women who does not fallow them.

They have strong personalities it is thier way or the high way.

The men make good male friends and fathers THAT IS IT!

[AInfante-Saraireh 0]

I feel your pain, But please don't waste a year like I did. This is my story,

I also was with a man from jordan I am muslim smart attractive funny. I loved him and thought he loved me. I waited for him for almost five years during that time I sent him money took care of his family when he came ect...

You name it I did it. I look Arab I speak Arabic and I cook Arabic I took on the role of being the perfect Arab wife.

I been around the culture my whole life trust me when I tell you this I did nothing wrong.

I went to see him every year his family loved me everyone treated me with respect and kindness inviting me for dinner going shopping with me ect...

We I thought where in love. He alwasy told me how much he loved me and I was his everything.

Behind my back last year I found out he got engaged to another women in his country!

When I first heard of it I thought the person telling me was jealouse of me because she is not happy wiht his brother so I thought our relationship made her jealouse.

When I comfronted him I was laughing and told him what she said.

And that is when I found out it was true! I could not beleive it! And even after I found out he said "I was his love blah blah blah"

I hung out even after that thinking maybe his family put presure on him ect...

Well he just had his wedding and I did nothing but feel misserable for almost a year thinking it was not true because he continued to lead me on making me think that he was not going to go through with it.

I am telling you those men from Jordan will lye cheat steal anything to come to the USA. And the sooner you realize it the faster you will be able to move on!

I have a hard head and I could not believe someone would use me like that. I also thought I am very attractive smart have a little money know the culture religion why would he not want me??????

But it is true they marry thier own kind no matter what and if they do stay with an american women it is because papers then the kids come and they are very loyal to thier children.

I was married before to a Palestinian that is how I know so much about the culture we had 3 children together whom I raised muslim and when I ended up divorced he was on a plane ASAP going back home to marry a women from over there.

Let me put you in the head of a middle eastern man

They are raised in an enviroment (remember I lived over seas for two years) watching the fatther go off to work all day long and left alone with the mother (Arab women have a hate for american women just like some black women do for white women because they feel like we take thier men) So the kids are at home being raised by women who dislike american women then they are raised seeing the mother never leave the home not even to shop. In thier country women do not leave the home unless she is older or escorted by a man. And most men do not want to escort their women out because they don't want to have a problem with other men.

The men are raised that women are below them and women are here to serve thier needs.

Now this will raise eyebrows but I am telling you this is a true statement (remember I am muslim) But the islam they practice in the middle east is to thier likeing.

They think of american women as slutty and they will date have fun with us but when it comes to staying married long term(unless you get knocked up when he is trying to get his papers) they want to marry thier own kind.

When they marry thier own kind they know the women will take care of them cook clean ect...and never complain.

They then have affairs because they look at the wife like the virgin marry who is the mother of thier kids so it is kind of hard for them to be sexually wild with the mother of thier kids.

If you look at the culture unless your blind you will see most Arab men secretly have affairs but will never leave thier wife.

Because they know 100% thier wife will never leave them it is thier culture and if she does her family will not accept it she will be an outcast.

The Arab women will cook clean take care of his mother bare his kids carry heavy thing and never complain!

She is bread like that. I know I live thier thier husband is thier life they are not a real women unless they are married.

And the women know if they do not do what they should he will take another wife.

They dont like american women because we dont listen.

If you want to go back to him start kissing his butt and he will take you back.

In the Holy Quran GOD promissing them virgins in heaven that is the ultimate heavan so what do you think then they want on earth???

Trust me when I tell you this I am telling you because I have a very very big heart and I hurt and had pain for almost a year living in a fantasy and it took me a real long time to get it in my head that this man used me.

The last words I had with him I was crying and told him I heard he was getting married this summer and he said yes his whole family was there for the party, laughing eating having a good time and then he said could he call me later?

I said no I want you to be happy good bye.

And that was that after five years of my life of doing nothing but giving and doing.

It made me sick to know that his family whom I did everything for and acted to me like I was so special behind my back was finding him a wife.

It made me sick to know that all his sisters and mother where dancing at his wedding and everyone laughing having a good time why I was hurt and crying.

This culture is monster have no feeling for man kind. I am not the only one that this has happen too. I just thought I was specail because I was muslim and I looked Arab but I am telling you the family will pretend to like you just to get what they can.

Thier whole purpose in life is to come to america! I lived in the middle east I was all over the middle east they are very very poor culture imagine you live in poverty where you are living 10 people in a house no one making decent money you will lye cheat steal to get what you want.

I beleive his plan was to marry her come here live with me and us work here make good money so he can support his family there.

I know a few Arab men(remember I been around the culture 20 years) that are married in thier country and living here in america with an american women that has no clue!

When the american women goes back home they send the wife to her mothers house!

The Arab women does not care because she is convinced her husband loves her and using the american girl.

Arab women are bread from little on to STAND BY YOUR MAN! They will never question him they are just happy to have someone take care of them.

I have arab friends now that are men and they tell me even though they are married when they go back home the mother is begging them to marry another one.

The women themself beleive they are not worthy they are convinced that they are nothing without the husband and they will do anything in thier power to keep him happy including letting him marry another women.

When I was over sea's my sister inlaw had 3 kids she went home one day and found a young girl in her home her husband married and told her to bad deal with it.

She left but ended up living in a very poor situation with her father and mother who where old so she ended up going back and accepting it.

When this happen all the women in the family where extra nice to thier husbands for fear it was going to happen to them.

PLEASE REMEMBER don't try to think like them they think different we marry for love they marry to reproduce!

Thier love thier life is not a women it is thier kids!

And they marry a women for her to bare kids and take and raise them to be good muslims.

If you go back to the middle east you will see the men have tons of male friends women are not thier friends we are just to bare kids.

They hang out all day with other males go home at night eat have another baby and then go back to work and to hang out with the guys.

Once a week they will stay home relax and family members will come to visit.

Think about it when ever you see an arab man here in this country he is with his friends and if he is with a women she is walking with the kids and he is rushing her through a shopping mall ect...

You will never seee them holding hands walking hugging. It is a rare thing and if you do you better beleive they are young or just got married.

I feel bad for you but I wrote all this in hopes that I help you because I was stupid and I really thought that he loved me.

I cannot beleive that another human being could use you but they can they are not like us american people have compasion for life.

God will protect you and will give justice you will be ok.

GOD BLESS YOU!

this was not intended to offend you I am trying to help I wish someone would have told me instead everyone did not want to hurt me so they kept telling me he loves me but is confused. In the end that only hurt more because I lost allot of good oppurtunities waiting for him.

GOD BLESS AND IF YOU NEED TO TALK SHOOT ME AN EMAIL

Hello. You know I was thinking, we don't know your name and according to your profile, you just jonied today. I added you on my yahoo messenger but it says that you are on my ignore list, but you are not. I know you were in love with a Jordanian, but you are not telling us your purpose of joining us here on MENA or if you are married again to another Jordanian as it says on your profile. Please tell us about yourself.

Andrea

[doodlebug 3]

I am not saying these men are bad I am just saying this is part of thier culture we marry for love they marry to reproduce.\

look up honor killings on the internet if they can kill thier own sister or family member then why not divorce an american women who does not fallow them.

The men make good male friends and fathers THAT IS IT!

You know, I know you have been hurt but I totally feel you've crossed the line here. Don't forget these are STILL our husbands you are talking about. I know I have joked today about wanting to give him hell and all that but I'm joking.

I have been hurt deeply by american men. A$$holes don't just come in one color/size/culture, they're pretty much everywhere. So are the good ones.

You could say look at all the pedophiles in America, so of course they can do this or that. I mean what is that. That's a big generalization that has no basis whatsoever.

Im sorry you got screwed but that's not the case with all MENA men.

[lasso 0]

just another fyi,

My jordan man was very americanized he smoke drank He was very open minded.

I thought he was open minded to be honest I could not even imagine him being arab he seemed very western but when it came to marriage he wanted an arab women.

by the way I dont drink or smoke but he did and tried to hide it from me when I found out I told him I still loved him and would not judge him.

He just never did it in front of me out of respect.

That goes to show you they want to act open minded but they want a good little arab girl.

[mybackpages 0]

I am not saying these men are bad I am just saying this is part of thier culture we marry for love they marry to reproduce.\

look up honor killings on the internet if they can kill thier own sister or family member then why not divorce an american women who does not fallow them.

They have strong personalities it is thier way or the high way.

The men make good male friends and fathers THAT IS IT!

I am sorry you were betrayed and used. It does happen and to good women. BUT what you are saying about MENA men is so colored by your uown experiences. Please do not continue to pass off your experience as the truth.

I have met men who exhibit the qualities you claim all MENA men have, btu I have met many many mroe who are nothing llike what you describe. And HONOR KILLINGS???? Come on...this just proves you know nothing about the culture or you couldn't ake such a blanket statement.

I'm sure you believe everything you are saying. I am sure it appears to be truthful, but you really do not seem able to understand Arab culture from the inside.

[JODO 2]

but they want a good little arab girl.

Bitter much?

[♥JP♥ 5]

I don't think the OP is out of line OR a troll for what they posted. You would have to be an Arab to know that most of what they posted is 100% true, its sad but true. I'm sorry if that is hurtful to some women here but her post helps just one person than she has done enough.

If you don't feel that its true, than good for you. But this does hold true for many. Many women have posted in VJ in another subforum about men that used them. It happens alot, however people always have that mentality that it will never and can't ever happen to them. The same holds true for many things in life.

The message she wrote, no matter how harsh it may seem hold a lot of truth.

[lasso 0]

please dont be offended I am not saying this to any of you, all of you know your husband I dont know anything about you at all I am warning anyone just like someone would who had breast cancer just of the risk I dont know you or your relatioship this is not intended for anyone who does not want to read it.

This is for all those women who have that little voice in thier head that is all.

I had a friend who comes here and she emailed me today to tell me someone is going through what I did so I came here to give her my supporst this post was intended for another thread but they placed it on its own.

It was not to bash your husbands.

It was meant for another member.

[sereia 0]

just another fyi,

My jordan man was very americanized he smoke drank He was very open minded.

I thought he was open minded to be honest I could not even imagine him being arab he seemed very western but when it came to marriage he wanted an arab women.

by the way I dont drink or smoke but he did and tried to hide it from me when I found out I told him I still loved him and would not judge him.

He just never did it in front of me out of respect.

That goes to show you they want to act open minded but they want a good little arab girl.

i don't think smoking or drinking has anything to do with it. i would love to see statistics but i bet an upwards of 90% of MENA men smoke, and at least 50% or more drink!

wanting a "good arab girl" is one thing, acting like a "good arab boy" themselves is another. lol

i'm convinced a lot of these men marry american women thinking they were okay with the cultural differences, thinking they could handle having a western wife. .. and once they get here and live here a while, they realize its not something they can do. the guilt factor could set it. the culture differences. i'm sure some come here with good intentions of it working out. just like i'm sure some of the women think they can handle an arab man and realize its not for them once they've been married. to each their own!

Edited July 20, 2007 by sereia