Concerns and Trust

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

You must no matter what you get from this post clearly understand over and over again in your head

IT IS ALL ABOUT THE MONEY!

Wait a second? Are you my Mother? Seriously, She chewed my ear for a year on this before I got married. Hmmm....

[allousa 1]

Oh, and the whole "hymen reconstruction" post...I have been married to my husband for 6 1/2 years now and have come to know his family very well and his friends and I have NEVER heard this mentioned before. As a matter of fact, my SIL has remarried and had 2 kids from a previous marriage and she went on to have a child from her second husband. They live in Gaza. I've been to a wedding in Morocco where it was the 2nd marriage for both. I'm curious as to whether any other MENA people have heard about this before? This is the first time I've ever heard this mentioned on VJ.

Oh gosh. First let me apologize in advance. I can't believe I am posting on this topic.

Yes we had the talk but I brought it up. I read an article about it in a female magazine and asked him if he wanted me to do something like that. He liked the idea and since he's a doctor we priced it with various doctors. Then we choose against it after several more conversations. After we were married some several months he mentioned to me sometimes he wishes he was my first. Don't get me wrong but I sometimes wish that too. He doesn't like to hear about my past at all. I don't blame him I feel the same way. Even though he can't be my first after I watch an episode of Dr. 90210 designer ####### I felt compelled to have the procedure someday. You know at the hospital the doctors joke about the 50 year tune up present. You know after having the kids and all your junk falls on average around the age of 50 then they have to preform several procedures. Oprah did say 50 is the new 30. I guess it can be with all the technology out there.

Olivia

I have heard of this procedure, but I was not aware it was such a prodominant thing in the ME. This is my second marriage. My first was to an American man. Hicham has never asked me anything about this, suggested it or even talked about it. We have been together since the birth of our son and he didn't mention anything about it either.

Some other general blogs and forums that I've visited before, many of the Arab bashers bring up how Muslims/Arabs are in to the genital mutilation thing. I believe the practice that they are talking about is the whole cutting off of the ####### and I believe that mostly happens in Central to Southern Africa. I could be wrong about that. And I believe the latter is more of a cultural thing than a religious issue...I think it's wrong either way.

I will ask my husband about this practice though and see what he says.

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Oh, and the whole "hymen reconstruction" post...I have been married to my husband for 6 1/2 years now and have come to know his family very well and his friends and I have NEVER heard this mentioned before. As a matter of fact, my SIL has remarried and had 2 kids from a previous marriage and she went on to have a child from her second husband. They live in Gaza. I've been to a wedding in Morocco where it was the 2nd marriage for both. I'm curious as to whether any other MENA people have heard about this before? This is the first time I've ever heard this mentioned on VJ.

Oh gosh. First let me apologize in advance. I can't believe I am posting on this topic.

Yes we had the talk but I brought it up. I read an article about it in a female magazine and asked him if he wanted me to do something like that. He liked the idea and since he's a doctor we priced it with various doctors. Then we choose against it after several more conversations. After we were married some several months he mentioned to me sometimes he wishes he was my first. Don't get me wrong but I sometimes wish that too. He doesn't like to hear about my past at all. I don't blame him I feel the same way. Even though he can't be my first after I watch an episode of Dr. 90210 designer ####### I felt compelled to have the procedure someday. You know at the hospital the doctors joke about the 50 year tune up present. You know after having the kids and all your junk falls on average around the age of 50 then they have to preform several procedures. Oprah did say 50 is the new 30. I guess it can be with all the technology out there.

Olivia

I have heard of this procedure, but I was not aware it was such a prodominant thing in the ME. This is my second marriage. My first was to an American man. Hicham has never asked me anything about this, suggested it or even talked about it. We have been together since the birth of our son and he didn't mention anything about it either.

Some other general blogs and forums that I've visited before, many of the Arab bashers bring up how Muslims/Arabs are in to the genital mutilation thing. I believe the practice that they are talking about is the whole cutting off of the ####### and I believe that mostly happens in Central to Southern Africa. I could be wrong about that. And I believe the latter is more of a cultural thing than a religious issue...I think it's wrong either way.

I will ask my husband about this practice though and see what he says.

Ok. I have stayed up all night reading this entire thread begining to end. Got to go now. Thx everyone I will check back again!

[mybackpages 0]

Ok. I have stayed up all night reading this entire thread begining to end. Got to go now. Thx everyone I will check back again!

Oh no! There really should be a disclaimer at the start of this thread warning about the dangers ahead.

[allousa 1]

You must no matter what you get from this post clearly understand over and over again in your head

IT IS ALL ABOUT THE MONEY!

Whoa....definitely a generalization! My husband had way more money than me when we met and he was a student putting himself through school!!! I was going through some hard times after my divorce and Hicham is the one that helped me make my mortgage payments so I wouldn't lose my house.

You need to back up the train on this one!

[allousa 1]

Ok. I have stayed up all night reading this entire thread begining to end. Got to go now. Thx everyone I will check back again!

Oh no! There really should be a disclaimer at the start of this thread warning about the dangers ahead.

EXACTLY!!!!!

It's like a car accident...you don't want to look, but you can't keep yourself from doing it. AGH!

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

OK enough's enough.

This OP has left a very interesting trail on sites all over the net. Here is one particularly fascinating link:

http://www.realitycharity.com/view_item.php?listing_id=1385

In the public interest,

-MK

[allousa 1]

AGH!!!!!!

OMG....not the whole "Not Without My Daughter" reference! That drives me f%^&ing INSANE!!!!!!!

OK enough's enough.

This OP has left a very interesting trail on sites all over the net. Here is one particularly fascinating link:

http://www.realitycharity.com/view_item.php?listing_id=1385

In the public interest,

-MK

MK, your detective skills....amazing {as I bow and back out of the room}

[Marry American 0]

I am a bit confused by these posts about money and what everything thinks it says about their SO. IMO a MENA man who doesn;t support his family back home is a deadbeat, so not wanting to help the parents is a HUGE red flag. Why would a husband feel like he has to send money behind his wife's back unless she just doesn't understand the importance of this for him?

Pugsly- I think your fiance wanting to send money for his parents to go to Mecca is so honorable and it doesn;t even sound as if he was demanding it but asking if you would agree its a good idea.

By culture and by religous law, a Muslim man must support his familyI can't imagine as a wife I would not do whatever it takes to support his family too. Just as he would also support my family if it became necessary.

A woman who isn't rady to place parents and family first above the needs of the couple really should reconsider marrying into this culture.

WHAT???

[mybackpages 0]

I am a bit confused by these posts about money and what everything thinks it says about their SO. IMO a MENA man who doesn;t support his family back home is a deadbeat, so not wanting to help the parents is a HUGE red flag. Why would a husband feel like he has to send money behind his wife's back unless she just doesn't understand the importance of this for him?

Pugsly- I think your fiance wanting to send money for his parents to go to Mecca is so honorable and it doesn;t even sound as if he was demanding it but asking if you would agree its a good idea.

By culture and by religous law, a Muslim man must support his familyI can't imagine as a wife I would not do whatever it takes to support his family too. Just as he would also support my family if it became necessary.

A woman who isn't rady to place parents and family first above the needs of the couple really should reconsider marrying into this culture.

WHAT???

Let me clarify just a bit. I am not saying the husband and wife need to sacrifie their lives to provide for the needs of the family. A husband is obligated to provide for his wife and she may choose to financially assist the family. BUT marriage in MENA is the marriage of two families, not just two people. Just because a MENA man lives int he US married to an american woman whom he nows provides for and is committed to, doesn mean he leaves his obligation to his parents behind.

Ask your husband how right or wrong I am.

[mybackpages 0]

OK enough's enough.

This OP has left a very interesting trail on sites all over the net. Here is one particularly fascinating link:

http://www.realitycharity.com/view_item.php?listing_id=1385

In the public interest,

-MK

MK, your post is just what this drownng audience needed

[Marry American 0]

after reading the same general message from the same user over and over again, i feel the below is appropriate:

IMO-most cases are fraud! Argue it all you like. Will your husband or SO have married you if he were already in America or you were an American living in his country temporarily? I said most. The OP has said it, it has been said before, it is in the back of many ladies minds the possibility of fraud. It happens. Of course the SO is going to tell you that America does not matter. The goal is to tell gullible women whatever so that they can believe it. It is my opinion. My husband and I got in several heated debated about this opinion. Now when I say it, he just does not debate me any longer. I will not say my opinion about this again.

People online or in person can tell you about visa fraud, men just wanting a green card, etc. 24-7. I would love to see a post about 'how good relationships are going'. A post about being together for 15 years and having 5 children together (like an African American woman my husband and I met the other day that was with her children and her Jordanian husband. I was like dang-he keeps her pregnant). My husband said see-not all cases. I said you are right.

[Marry American 0]

I am a bit confused by these posts about money and what everything thinks it says about their SO. IMO a MENA man who doesn;t support his family back home is a deadbeat, so not wanting to help the parents is a HUGE red flag. Why would a husband feel like he has to send money behind his wife's back unless she just doesn't understand the importance of this for him?

Pugsly- I think your fiance wanting to send money for his parents to go to Mecca is so honorable and it doesn;t even sound as if he was demanding it but asking if you would agree its a good idea.

By culture and by religous law, a Muslim man must support his familyI can't imagine as a wife I would not do whatever it takes to support his family too. Just as he would also support my family if it became necessary.

A woman who isn't rady to place parents and family first above the needs of the couple really should reconsider marrying into this culture.

WHAT???

Let me clarify just a bit. I am not saying the husband and wife need to sacrifie their lives to provide for the needs of the family. A husband is obligated to provide for his wife and she may choose to financially assist the family. BUT marriage in MENA is the marriage of two families, not just two people. Just because a MENA man lives int he US married to an american woman whom he nows provides for and is committed to, doesn mean he leaves his obligation to his parents behind.

Ask your husband how right or wrong I am.

Yes he feels this way. We send money. He also feels that I come first.

[me_4_musa 1]

OK enough's enough.

This OP has left a very interesting trail on sites all over the net. Here is one particularly fascinating link:

http://www.realitycharity.com/view_item.php?listing_id=1385

In the public interest,

-MK

Wow....just wow!

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

OK enough's enough.

This OP has left a very interesting trail on sites all over the net. Here is one particularly fascinating link:

http://www.realitycharity.com/view_item.php?listing_id=1385

In the public interest,

-MK

Wow....just wow!

I thought it was pretty eye-opening. (And that's not all I found )

But it seems that not many here on VJ have taken the time to read it through carefully, and noted the glaring discrepancies with the story as told here.

Gotta love the net -- so many interesting characters !!

Edited July 22, 2007 by wife_of_mahmoud