Concerns and Trust

[lasso 0]

another fyi

In the middle eastern culture the girl leaves her home with nothing and the new husband buys her everything for the wedding new home clothes ect...

A man that fallows his culture would never let a women pay for anything, as a matter of fact most arabs are very generouse when it comes to paying the bill for friends or family when eating out for dinner.

As I stated before they are great providers and hard workers.

This is the main reason I ended up marrying twice I love it that they take care of thier family.

[sara535 15]

well, again as I said before in maybe this thread, maybe another, I am not particularly interested in bashing Arab men. Yes theirs is a different culture than mine, but guess what? this entire site would not exist if multi cultural relationships were impossible. they can and do work beautifully every single day and month and year. I am enriched by my contact with my husbands cultural differences as he is by mine and we've had a great time integrating it all into our own personal melting pot. Sure we've had some troubles in the first years of our marriage but I think if you take an honest poll of marriages, leaving any cross cultural differences out of it, most people will say that the first year or two of marriage is difficult! Its a LOT Of adjusting, ESPECIALLY if you add in immigration #######. No, I am not blind to the fact that immigration fraud can and does occur. Divorces occur. Lying and cheating occurs. But its not the focus of this forum, at least it shouldnt be. Yeah, everyone should pay attention to any warning signs and not wear blinders, but thats true in any relationship.

I for one fell certain that IF my marriage were to ever end, I would be heartbroken and everything that goes along with it but I would not immediately decide it was immigration fraud.

Furthermore, I think if anyone wants to look at the recent examples on THIS board, we have no reason to believe that Jackie's problems are immigration related, they were married 5 years and he's had his green card for a long time so until we hear it from her we dont need to conclude that this was a 'fraud' situation at all.

Edited July 22, 2007 by sara535

[one...two...tree 2,762]

well, again as I said before in maybe this thread, maybe another, I am not particularly interested in bashing Arab men. Yes theirs is a different culture than mine, but guess what? this entire site would not exist if multi cultural relationships were impossible. they can and do work beautifully every single day and month and year. I am enriched by my contact with my husbands cultural differences as he is by mine and we've had a great time integrating it all into our own personal melting pot. Sure we've had some troubles in the first years of our marriage but I think if you take an honest poll of marriages, leaving any cross cultural differences out of it, most people will say that the first year or two of marriage is difficult! Its a LOT Of adjusting, ESPECIALLY if you add in immigration #######. No, I am not blind to the fact that immigration fraud can and does occur. Divorces occur. Lying and cheating occurs. But its not the focus of this forum, at least it shouldnt be. Yeah, everyone should pay attention to any warning signs and not wear blinders, but thats true in any relationship.

I for one fell certain that IF my marriage were to ever end, I would be heartbroken and everything that goes along with it but I would not immediately decide it was immigration fraud.

Furthermore, I think if anyone wants to look at the recent examples on THIS board, we have no reason to believe that Jackie's problems are immigration related, they were married 5 years and he's had his green card for a long time so until we hear it from her we dont need to conclude that this was a 'fraud' situation at all.

Great post.

[Ban Hammer 13,345]

after reading the same general message from the same user over and over again, i feel the below is appropriate:

[MelindaandTarek 0]

after reading the same general message from the same user over and over again, i feel the below is appropriate:

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

I feel so much sympathy for you. Heart break really sucks. As much as I don't want to admit it this post started a fight with my Husband and I. He doesn't know that is why though. LOL.

One thing that plauges me is something he said in Egypt after we got married. "You seem to be really in love."

It was alarming for me to hear that from him. As if he wasn't in love. Then what are you supposed to do? He tried to explain it and maybe somethings are lost in translation. I don't know if I'll get over that.

You post really sheds some light on things.

I don't believe all marriages are meant to last ya know but I'm optimistic with mine. It's all I can do really.

I am a bit confused now and like some others it makes me consider divorce.

I just don't know.

Olivia

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

The men make good male friends and fathers THAT IS IT!

you left out good for alimony too.

LMAO!

[SimoFati 0]

after reading the same general message from the same user over and over again, i feel the below is appropriate:

I LOVE THIS ONE

[SimoFati 0]

well, again as I said before in maybe this thread, maybe another, I am not particularly interested in bashing Arab men. Yes theirs is a different culture than mine, but guess what? this entire site would not exist if multi cultural relationships were impossible. they can and do work beautifully every single day and month and year. I am enriched by my contact with my husbands cultural differences as he is by mine and we've had a great time integrating it all into our own personal melting pot. Sure we've had some troubles in the first years of our marriage but I think if you take an honest poll of marriages, leaving any cross cultural differences out of it, most people will say that the first year or two of marriage is difficult! Its a LOT Of adjusting, ESPECIALLY if you add in immigration #######. No, I am not blind to the fact that immigration fraud can and does occur. Divorces occur. Lying and cheating occurs. But its not the focus of this forum, at least it shouldnt be. Yeah, everyone should pay attention to any warning signs and not wear blinders, but thats true in any relationship.

I for one fell certain that IF my marriage were to ever end, I would be heartbroken and everything that goes along with it but I would not immediately decide it was immigration fraud.

Furthermore, I think if anyone wants to look at the recent examples on THIS board, we have no reason to believe that Jackie's problems are immigration related, they were married 5 years and he's had his green card for a long time so until we hear it from her we dont need to conclude that this was a 'fraud' situation at all.

I agree with you 100%

in fact I was married to an american born man ..I was already a legal resident going thru my citizenship test when we got married , when I felt our relationship was not working ,and was sure it wasn t going to work .I asked him for divorce...the first thing that he asked me was if I married him for the citizenship ??? I thought how stupid could you be, I was very mad l and that made me want divorce just more than anytime before..

[caybee 21]

This is what concerns me and is confusing to me. I understand that the OP was married once to a MENA man, divorced, and then was going to bring another MENA man here, and it sounds like he did come here, but he got engaged to a woman in his country, then got married to her, and never got his papers to stay here. But from the OP's posts of the last several days, she waited for the second man for five years because she was blinded by love and heartache from her divorce, but she was divorced from the first one last year.

I understand that a person could be separated and in a second relationship for several years, then finally divorce the first man last year, successfully petition the second man, bring him here, find out he is engaged to another woman... then wait a year hoping it is not true (if he was here all that time without a GC, they must have been married at some point) and then apparently not go through with AOS. This is where I get confused, with the time overlapping, especially because it sounds like the second man was here for a year after she petitioned him but she was divorced from the first one last year.

I don't post a lot, and I have never, to my knowledge, taken issue with anyone on VJ in a post. And if the OP has been through the torture she describes, God bless her, and I'm sorry for saying this. But what disturbs me is that we have several longtime members, including a dear soul who has been so helpful to so many, going through their own personal hell right now, and to my weak eyes, I see a new member posting horror stories with sweeping generalizations, as others have mentioned, and facts that don't seem to add up. So my BS meter starts beeping and I'm torn between compassion and distrust. If there weren't many ripple effects from this, I would ignore what disturbs me and hope that everyone else would do the same. But several longtime members have described increasing tension in their own relationships, even fights with their husbands (with their husbands not knowing the reason) and one longtime member took a drastic step a couple of days ago because of butterflies that may or may not have been born out of these posts (she has not said so, so I admit I am making an assumption, but that is how the timing has worked out).

I truly don't want lollipops and kittens and fuzzy bunnies, and I do want and need to see the ugly side when it does happen. I know it does happen. A true story that helps someone see something he or she didn't want to see or couldn't see, in time for them to get out of something unhealthy...a post like that is worth a great deal. But the thing that puts me on edge is the idea that someone might come in here and feed us something untrue, or a badly stretched truth, at a time when some members are already hurting and others are under stress. It is damaging to the members and also insulting to a culture that I have married into and love dearly, although granted I have soooooo very much to learn about it. I want the naked truth, ugly as it may be, but I don't want my sympathies to be manipulated, nor do I want to see this ripple effect taking place, because of something untrue or stretched.

I do make mistakes, and if I have grossly misread all of this, I'm sorry, and I'm also sorry if I've stepped out of line by writing this.

I've snipped and bolded.

I also was with a man from jordan I am muslim smart attractive funny. I loved him and thought he loved me. I waited for him for almost five years during that time I sent him money took care of his family when he came ect...

--- snip ---

Behind my back last year I found out he got engaged to another women in his country!

--- snip ---

Well he just had his wedding and I did nothing but feel misserable for almost a year thinking it was not true because he continued to lead me on making me think that he was not going to go through with it.

--- snip ---

I was married before to a Palestinian that is how I know so much about the culture we had 3 children together whom I raised muslim and when I ended up divorced he was on a plane ASAP going back home to marry a women from over there.

Honestly at that time I was lonely I just got divorced felt ugly fat ect...

And here was this young guy who claimed to love me. I was blinded.

God will protect you in any choice you make as long as you ask him for guidence and like I said before mine never did get his papers!

HA HA HA HA

I guess I had the last laugh!

My ex he is 8 years older then me and lives low income even though he owns a business 4 times the size of mine because he sends money back home.

He will not buy his kids shoes or give money all of that is my responsibility even though he makes more then me.

He even told me once "people starving back home and your living good"

This was after our divorce just last year!

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Oh, and the whole "hymen reconstruction" post...I have been married to my husband for 6 1/2 years now and have come to know his family very well and his friends and I have NEVER heard this mentioned before. As a matter of fact, my SIL has remarried and had 2 kids from a previous marriage and she went on to have a child from her second husband. They live in Gaza. I've been to a wedding in Morocco where it was the 2nd marriage for both. I'm curious as to whether any other MENA people have heard about this before? This is the first time I've ever heard this mentioned on VJ.

Oh gosh. First let me apologize in advance. I can't believe I am posting on this topic.

Yes we had the talk but I brought it up. I read an article about it in a female magazine and asked him if he wanted me to do something like that. He liked the idea and since he's a doctor we priced it with various doctors. Then we choose against it after several more conversations. After we were married some several months he mentioned to me sometimes he wishes he was my first. Don't get me wrong but I sometimes wish that too. He doesn't like to hear about my past at all. I don't blame him I feel the same way. Even though he can't be my first after I watch an episode of Dr. 90210 designer ####### I felt compelled to have the procedure someday. You know at the hospital the doctors joke about the 50 year tune up present. You know after having the kids and all your junk falls on average around the age of 50 then they have to preform several procedures. Oprah did say 50 is the new 30. I guess it can be with all the technology out there.

Olivia

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

I'm jealous!!

I've never been to a village.

I've never even seen a movie with a village in it.

Does the village in NYC count?

Mmm.. maybe never been the NYC village but isn't that a gay place? Anyways point is my whole deffinition of village has changed in my travels. First I lived in Abourder, Scotland a "village" of 500 people. I thought it meant small population. Then I came to Egypt and my Husband tells me we're going to the "village" to meet my extended family. I'm thinking it's a small population again. I asked him how many people lived there and he said 800,000. My eyes got wide and I said "That's not a village that's a large city!"

He then explained to me that no it was a village because of the mentality of the people. Once we arrived I understood what he mean. Squatting toilets, donkey and wooden cart, worked in the fields without large heavy machinery.

Hey gotta hand it to them though even in the "village" they had sattilite TV and internet cafes. Sometimes I think they are more eco-friendly while still having the advantages of technology.

[chasnik 0]

This is what freaks me out about this...alot of people in this thread are now questioning their relationships/marriages. Yes maybe the fears were there before, or maybe as I feel was the intention the seed was planted here. If I am wrong, then I do apologize(sp?) to the op but really it is like a mantra....you will listen...you will make my views your own...Yes there is fraud out there. But it isnt limited to immigration marriages. And all multi cultural marriages that end didnt do so due to fraud. This process to get them here is long and hard, and seeing each other online each day and over a phone makes it hard to stay connected. Then actually getting here and combining households and culture shock...thats alot for anyone...if they just cant get it together does that mean fraud??? Not imo. I was with my kids dad from the age of 15 on. When I was 22 we got married. When I was 24 we got divorced. He was a redneck american citizen....it was alot harder to live day to day together when we didnt have seperate houses to go to...some marriages even with the best of intentions do not work. My advice would be to talk wioth your so about this....not in an accusatory manor just talk. I did to Mohammed...he read the post and we discussed it. When my best friend died in 2004 someone sent me a poem...I try to keep this in my head, maybe it'll help someone here...not all relationships are forever relationships whether they are friendships, or marriages. But you do get something from each of them...and maybe that was the purpose all along.

Reason, Season, Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a

need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist

you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support,

to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a

godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time,this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your

turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of

peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must

build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.

Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);

and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas

of your life.

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Thank you for being a part of my life...

[allousa 1]

well, again as I said before in maybe this thread, maybe another, I am not particularly interested in bashing Arab men. Yes theirs is a different culture than mine, but guess what? this entire site would not exist if multi cultural relationships were impossible. they can and do work beautifully every single day and month and year. I am enriched by my contact with my husbands cultural differences as he is by mine and we've had a great time integrating it all into our own personal melting pot. Sure we've had some troubles in the first years of our marriage but I think if you take an honest poll of marriages, leaving any cross cultural differences out of it, most people will say that the first year or two of marriage is difficult! Its a LOT Of adjusting, ESPECIALLY if you add in immigration #######. No, I am not blind to the fact that immigration fraud can and does occur. Divorces occur. Lying and cheating occurs. But its not the focus of this forum, at least it shouldnt be. Yeah, everyone should pay attention to any warning signs and not wear blinders, but thats true in any relationship.

I for one fell certain that IF my marriage were to ever end, I would be heartbroken and everything that goes along with it but I would not immediately decide it was immigration fraud.

Furthermore, I think if anyone wants to look at the recent examples on THIS board, we have no reason to believe that Jackie's problems are immigration related, they were married 5 years and he's had his green card for a long time so until we hear it from her we dont need to conclude that this was a 'fraud' situation at all.

Wonderfully and beautifully put!!!!!!

after reading the same general message from the same user over and over again, i feel the below is appropriate:

Charles.... :lol:

:lol:....gasping for air.... :lol:

You KILL me!!!!

[mybackpages 0]

I never thought I would say this but MENA Sock Puppet Theater SUCKS!