Concerns and Trust

[sarah and hicham 3]

I think it's good to post good and bad experiences for others to see. What concerns me is the OP's comments seem rather odd...don't you think. I know others have expressed the same. I find it odd that the OP's fiance hit every single mark of the stereotypical male that most Arab bashers always bring up. Coupled with the fact that the OP is taking a poll on another thread about how many MENA girls are fat and signficantly older than their SO. Just doesn't add up, you know?

The other thing that makes me very sad is that just reading these posts, I felt the doubt creep into my mind. And I've NEVER doubted my husband's love for me before (and keep in mind we have lived together in the states). Funny thing is though, right after I logged off VJ, I happened to check my email before I went to bed and I had an email from my husband telling me how much he missed me and our son...so then I felt bad that I doubted him at all.

It would be terribly sad if the OP was not truthful about their comments and then planted all these seeds of doubt in relationships that aren't fradulent.

I don't think it matters how strong your relationship is, when you read stuff like this, if your SO does one thing that is remotely close to what the OP said...that seed of doubt starts to grow in your mind. Know what I mean?

Don't get me wrong...I don't think it should be all rainbows and unicorns here, but some of this is awfully suspicious.

Well then put the OP aside and think about what has recently happened to other "legitimate" members of VJ.

[allousa 1]

I will say though that this whole discussion has brought up a very good point about discussing cultural differences with your SO before you ever get to marriage. Many of you are exactly right about that!!!

[allousa 1]

I think it's good to post good and bad experiences for others to see. What concerns me is the OP's comments seem rather odd...don't you think. I know others have expressed the same. I find it odd that the OP's fiance hit every single mark of the stereotypical male that most Arab bashers always bring up. Coupled with the fact that the OP is taking a poll on another thread about how many MENA girls are fat and signficantly older than their SO. Just doesn't add up, you know?

The other thing that makes me very sad is that just reading these posts, I felt the doubt creep into my mind. And I've NEVER doubted my husband's love for me before (and keep in mind we have lived together in the states). Funny thing is though, right after I logged off VJ, I happened to check my email before I went to bed and I had an email from my husband telling me how much he missed me and our son...so then I felt bad that I doubted him at all.

It would be terribly sad if the OP was not truthful about their comments and then planted all these seeds of doubt in relationships that aren't fradulent.

I don't think it matters how strong your relationship is, when you read stuff like this, if your SO does one thing that is remotely close to what the OP said...that seed of doubt starts to grow in your mind. Know what I mean?

Don't get me wrong...I don't think it should be all rainbows and unicorns here, but some of this is awfully suspicious.

Well then put the OP aside and think about what has recently happened to other "legitimate" members of VJ.

I agree with you about that. I'm not referring to anyone of the legit members...just the OP. Like I said, I DO think it is good to be honest about these things. It's helpful to others that are new to MENA.

I'm just commenting on the issue of someone coming to this forum with the intent to be malicious.

[dillydally 0]

I think it's good to post good and bad experiences for others to see. What concerns me is the OP's comments seem rather odd...don't you think. I know others have expressed the same. I find it odd that the OP's fiance hit every single mark of the stereotypical male that most Arab bashers always bring up. Coupled with the fact that the OP is taking a poll on another thread about how many MENA girls are fat and signficantly older than their SO. Just doesn't add up, you know?

The other thing that makes me very sad is that just reading these posts, I felt the doubt creep into my mind. And I've NEVER doubted my husband's love for me before (and keep in mind we have lived together in the states). Funny thing is though, right after I logged off VJ, I happened to check my email before I went to bed and I had an email from my husband telling me how much he missed me and our son...so then I felt bad that I doubted him at all.

It would be terribly sad if the OP was not truthful about their comments and then planted all these seeds of doubt in relationships that aren't fradulent.

I don't think it matters how strong your relationship is, when you read stuff like this, if your SO does one thing that is remotely close to what the OP said...that seed of doubt starts to grow in your mind. Know what I mean?

Don't get me wrong...I don't think it should be all rainbows and unicorns here, but some of this is awfully suspicious.

hello dear,

do not doubt your husband...he obviously loves you but this thread is just acting as a reminder to be cautious of actions that MIGHT lead to trouble...i mean who knows what the future holds right??? i do not doubt my husband now that i have gotten to know him better and better...but like i said...el 3eshra (living and knowing one another longer and longer) brings on even more love to help build a solid loving future! if the OP was not truthful...well i have no comment about it...but again, this is an issue in the world today...do not doubt every action he does...i mean we all loved our men for the way they act...we are used to their behavior...its when the behavior changes that gets our brains doubting...and again these are men coming to a place that is new and unfamiliar we have to care for them and love them no worries dear!! EL HAMDULILLAH I am sooooooooo happy in my relationship and love my husband to death and i am happy you are happy as well take care dear and do not think too much

[sarah and hicham 3]

gotcha.

[pugsly 0]

No i have no problem with him sending money home to family. That was not the point i was making. He had his family in mind before me and i was the one that did things for him not his family. I thought maybe on his first paycheck he would think of me first that all . Like maybe getting me a small price ring. I would of supported him till death. I didnt tell whole story so please dont judge me.

[sarah and hicham 3]

No i have no problem with him sending money home to family. That was not the point i was making. He had his family in mind before me and i was the one that did things for him not his family. I thought maybe on his first paycheck he would think of me first that all . Like maybe getting me a small price ring. I would of supported him till death. I didnt tell whole story so please dont judge me.

Being raised and supported by his family until he met you doesn't count?

[pugsly 0]

No i have no problem with him sending money home to family. That was not the point i was making. He had his family in mind before me and i was the one that did things for him not his family. I thought maybe on his first paycheck he would think of me first that all . Like maybe getting me a small price ring. I would of supported him till death. I didnt tell whole story so please dont judge me.

Being raised and supported by his family until he met you doesn't count?

sorry, please explain more.

[sarah and hicham 3]

No i have no problem with him sending money home to family. That was not the point i was making. He had his family in mind before me and i was the one that did things for him not his family. I thought maybe on his first paycheck he would think of me first that all . Like maybe getting me a small price ring. I would of supported him till death. I didnt tell whole story so please dont judge me.

Being raised and supported by his family until he met you doesn't count?

sorry, please explain more.

You said you were the one who did things for him, and not his family. I'm saying his family probably raised him and supported him up until he left them for you... so why is it not understandable that he wanted to send them money to help support them for all that his family has done for him?

Maybe I don't understand.

[allousa 1]

hello dear,

do not doubt your husband...he obviously loves you but this thread is just acting as a reminder to be cautious of actions that MIGHT lead to trouble...i mean who knows what the future holds right??? i do not doubt my husband now that i have gotten to know him better and better...but like i said...el 3eshra (living and knowing one another longer and longer) brings on even more love to help build a solid loving future! if the OP was not truthful...well i have no comment about it...but again, this is an issue in the world today...do not doubt every action he does...i mean we all loved our men for the way they act...we are used to their behavior...its when the behavior changes that gets our brains doubting...and again these are men coming to a place that is new and unfamiliar we have to care for them and love them no worries dear!! EL HAMDULILLAH I am sooooooooo happy in my relationship and love my husband to death and i am happy you are happy as well take care dear and do not think too much

I appreciate that.

I don't think I'm even going to bring up to my hubby when we talk again (we have a set time we talk each week) because I know he would be really hurt if I told him I doubted his love. I know it would hurt me.

Thanks for the "whomp" upside my head!!! I needed it!!!!

[pugsly 0]

No i have no problem with him sending money home to family. That was not the point i was making. He had his family in mind before me and i was the one that did things for him not his family. I thought maybe on his first paycheck he would think of me first that all . Like maybe getting me a small price ring. I would of supported him till death. I didnt tell whole story so please dont judge me.

Being raised and supported by his family until he met you doesn't count?

sorry, please explain more.

You said you were the one who did things for him, and not his family. I'm saying his family probably raised him and supported him up until he left them for you... so why is it not understandable that he wanted to send them money to help support them for all that his family has done for him?

Maybe I don't understand.

ok i get your point. Maybe you are right in some way. This is just past experience and water under the bridge anyway. Peace

[Henia 11]

Is it normal for a man in the MENA to accept money from a woman? If he is engaged to a woman from the same country does she give him money when he needs it?

Not usually. In fact, I think it is rare.

[lasso 0]

Your stories are so heart felt and thank you for thanking me, I love this post we can open up and talk,

First I want to say I am a muslim and God tells us to seek knowledge and the only thing between christians and muslims is a thin line, Being a muslim we must love and respect others views and religion.

Your husband was wrong for saying that about your cross on your bed. You have sacrificed and he should understand that.

By the way I do have a very cute puppy but I am surprised he never told you in islam we should keep the dogs outside because the angels will not enter the home.

But again this goes back to the men from the middle east who practice islam the way they want too.

I also want to stress Islam is a kind beautiful religion please don't think anything that your spouse might do or say negative has anything to do with islam it is more culture.

I love the islam I found here in America.

And about the husband not getting approved you see that was gods way of protecting you, that tells me your have a pure heart. GOD BLESS YOU.

If you want to speak of money back home this is something you should get used too because I have yet to meet an Arab that did not send money back home.

I saved and saved and my kids went without so my ex could send money back home.

Get this we are divorced now and he does not want to pay child support because he sends money back home.

We did not have a wedding but all his brothers did on us.

You will never have the american dream with them because they are always sending money back home.

Unless he gets lucky and becomes extremely wealthy.

Arabs don't view money like Americans here we say "this is our business or this is my money or if you want to get something from me you must pay back"

Arab culture is "we have a store we have money this is our business and you dont have to pay me back"

They work as a whole group not individual that is why I am telling you it is hard to get ahead unless you have more them one brother here in the states if your husband is the only one in the family then you can expect to be broke and sending money back home.

My last one my exact words to him was "I loved you when you had nothing"

This is our American heart always giving and trying to save the world and going without.

I live a very good life now on my own because I dont send money back home!

My ex he is 8 years older then me and lives low income even though he owns a business 4 times the size of mine because he sends money back home.

He will not buy his kids shoes or give money all of that is my responsibility even though he makes more then me.

He even told me once "people starving back home and your living good"

This was after our divorce just last year!

I told him "I am amerian my kids are american they deserve to have nice things why should I have to support them so you can send money back home and we are not married anymore why should I suffer for your family"

Basically he thought I was a monster and heartless. And guess what he makes way more money then me but I am supporting our kids he will not even buy a hair cut. LIKE IT IS MY RESPONSIBILITY TO SUPPORT my divorced husbands family!

They all pretend like they like you but what they want is MONEY MONEY MONEY!

[lasso 0]

You must no matter what you get from this post clearly understand over and over again in your head

IT IS ALL ABOUT THE MONEY!

Americans we have it around us even if your poor you live good in a 3rd world country like the middle east they are trying to survive all the time and even if they live good now they still have that mentality to survive from many years of suffering.

They would rather send thier son to american and never see him again as long as he is sending money that is all they care about.

The women will marry an ugly old man she is 15 years old because he has money.

It is all about the money!

Men will fall in love with a girl and cannot marry because he does not have the money and his older uncle will marry that same girl because he has money.

That is why when you see they come here they work like dogs they dont care about enjoying life vacations relaxing all they want to do is work all day long to save money to send back home.

Both men I was with I would beg to take a day off work.

They work like dogs and if you want to spend some you better believe it will be on something he can show off.

There dream is to go back home and build a villa and show off.

I lived in the middle east I am telling you 100% all them men do all the time is sit around and talk about going to america it is a dream.

Because if you live there you will see it is nothing no future no life dry land nowhere to go nothing to do.

They cannot even take a vacation there is no vacation place to go.

My friends husband he used to tell her how beautiful back home was and how fun and discos and what not and I warned her and sure enough she spent 6 months and was so depressed calling me all the time she went crazy.

If you go for less then 3 months it is not bad but I am telling you go there for more then 6 months and you will realize why all these men want to get the hell out of there.

It is a missarable place. GOD BLESS AMERICA

[lasso 0]

ooops I actually posted the above post before I read what you all have posted after me.

I want to say something.

Number one no I have never post on another forum I told you all that I have a friend that comes here and read jackies story and it was the same like mine.

Because I have a big heart and want to save the world I felt the need to comfort her so she did not waste the time I did, anyway the people who run this site moved my post to its own topic, when this happen it opened up a big can of worms.

If you have no doubts you would have took this as informative or flat out feel bad for this women thank god it was not me!

None of this was meant to put doubt in anyones head I was trying to help a women that I never met before to save her from the pain I felt.

I did not want to say anything bad about your husbands ect....

There is plenty of good Arab men out there. And for those of you who found fault if you would have read deeper you would see I made very good comments about Arab men also.

I have a great friend who is older and married a jordinian man and she is a nurse he had nothing when they met and they both together built a nice life and now have a 9 year old son.

They own a huge business and live in a 4000 sq foot home and they travel back and forth ect...

But one thing she did differently then me is she never lost herself. She always stood firm on her religion culture ect...

I remember when she first married we all talked about her how she could not cook or clean or how she did not want to send money back home.

But she is the one still married.

KEEP in mind this post was not intended for anyone but jackie and then it got moved and started a debate.

If your happy then so be it there is not enough love to go around anyway.

GOD BLESS YOU

OOOOH and by the way I might have poor grammer but I make a 6 figure income!

GOD I LOVE THIS COUNTRY