Concerns and Trust

[mybackpages 0]

I have to say, reading all of this this past week has made me think alot about my marriage and my life with my husband. At times, I think my husband really, truly loves me and other times, I think he's doing this marriage to support his family back home and get the green card. This morning, he woke up crabby. He hasn't been able to sleep all that well, waking up at odd hours. Maybe his conscious is not clear, like sending more money to Jordan behind my back. Anyway, I have this cross that's been special to me, left it on my bed board along with the rosary I bought in Jordan on my first visit. He said this morning, THROW IT OUT! GET RID OF IT! I said, what you think it's keeping you from sleeping? He looked at me and said, I'M NOT CHRISTIAN, THROW IT OUT!" I didn't throw it out, even though all is in my heart, figures don't mean anything to me, I just kept it there to ward off any evil thingys, I put it in a drawer. So, it seems as time goes by, he keeps changing. I told him, if you ask me to get rid of my dogs, it will be you I get rid of coz im not changing my entire life for you. Remember, we brought them here, and yes they left their families, awe! But, they didn't want us to really live there. So really, they benefited more than we did by coming to America.

Peace

Andrea

andrea sounds like you have some big doubts going on and from what i read faisal has been doing some shady things by sending money back to Jordan without your knowledge especially when i know how tight money is for you. I'll be on Yahoo later and try to catch up with you.

Angel

You know my fiance also spoke of sending money to his family. He is not here yet and one time he told me . You know what ? I said what? the first pay check i get i really want to send my parents to mecca for prilgrimage. Do you mind? I thought to myself. All the sacrifices i made for him and he is thinking of his family first that isnt even sending him money for schooling in this other country that he lives in . This past few days has made me think alot about things especially after so many posts about fraud. I broke up with him about one month ago. I really think i made the right decision. I think i would of been another stitistic in some book. Our petiton got denied about one year ago and maybe it was for the best.

I am a bit confused by these posts about money and what everything thinks it says about their SO. IMO a MENA man who doesn;t support his family back home is a deadbeat, so not wanting to help the parents is a HUGE red flag. Why would a husband feel like he has to send money behind his wife's back unless she just doesn't understand the importance of this for him?

Pugsly- I think your fiance wanting to send money for his parents to go to Mecca is so honorable and it doesn;t even sound as if he was demanding it but asking if you would agree its a good idea.

By culture and by religous law, a Muslim man must support his familyI can't imagine as a wife I would not do whatever it takes to support his family too. Just as he would also support my family if it became necessary.

A woman who isn't rady to place parents and family first above the needs of the couple really should reconsider marrying into this culture.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I think it's unfortunate that so many bad things had to go on here in order for many to re examine their relationships. I don't think there's anything wrong with thinking long and hard about our husband's true intentions because as we have all seen recently that things do go wrong, and men do use women to come to the US and gain Greencards and Citizenship.

I agree with MBP that it is honorable to send money home to support family abroad. Hicham's family is lucky enough not to need monetary help, but if they did I know he would be happy to send money back home and I wouldn't have a problem with that. However, if Hicham was sending his and my paycheck home, then we would have some problems.

[mybackpages 0]

I think it's unfortunate that so many bad things had to go on here in order for many to re examine their relationships. I don't think there's anything wrong with thinking long and hard about our husband's true intentions because as we have all seen recently that things do go wrong, and men do use women to come to the US and gain Greencards and Citizenship.

I agree with MBP that it is honorable to send money home to support family abroad. Hicham's family is lucky enough not to need monetary help, but if they did I know he would be happy to send money back home and I wouldn't have a problem with that. However, if Hicham was sending his and my paycheck home, then we would have some problems.

Yes SArah I should clarify- not sending money home doesn't mean he is a loser. Maybe the need to send money home isn't there as in Hicham's case. It's the willingness to do it when it is needed. I can;t helpo but wonder how many women have never thought about these issues until it was too late.

It is amazing that so much bad news had to be posted here before people really started to examine their relationships. It's sad because there are women suffering when it could have been prevented. OF course there was a time on VJ when if this had been brought up before, the poster would have been slammed for causing trouble to even suggest eerything is not rainbows and sunshine.

[dillydally 0]

in response to rahma's post...i TOTALLY agree...BE NOSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ask as many questions as you want...i mean sometimes the simplest question that you think you know the answer to...will give you a response that will shed a lot of light on the reality of your relationship..you name it I asked it...and i do not care if he gets offended...he picked me...loved me...proposed to me...and married me...so he better take any question from me seriously and i expect the proper response or else i would have said goodbye a while ago...and fyi...i am a psychology major...and it is proven that mentally in men...when asked questions regarding their loved life... those who respond easily to tough questions (Did you marry me to come to America or did you marry me for love)...are not really in love with you...they are in love with the GREEN (money and the green card)...for example:

When my husband and I first got engaged...I got him to swear and do a lot more when I asked him if he had any other previous or current relationships...and I confronted his mother and father...at first they looked at me and were like no wallahy he has never been with any other girl or is with any other girl currently...he only loves you and has loved you for a long time... I said I need proof...my husband was like you are more than welcome to search my parents house where i have lived and anything i own... i was like let me see your cell phone...and el hamdulillah the only gal on his cell phone list is his mom...loooool...i mean you have to investigate these things...yeah he may get offended but there is this sense of green card craziness that is present in the world today...and we have to be careful regardless of our cultural background (i was born and raised to egyptian muslim parents in the USA who also immigrated here to america in search of a better life...and i speak arabic fluently and a good muslim el hamdulillah...)...

i mean call them at random hours...i mean he is your husband...if he is doing his evil deed at 2 am when you call him or 2 pm he is going to get caught...(you cannot hide the sound of a disco or a stuttering voice nervewracked at the fact that his wife will yell at him)...i have done it and will continue to do it...and I COULD CARE less if he gets offended...and yes i have become like a mother...but you know bringing someone to a new country is like raising a child...teach him to stand on his feet and walk in a place that he has never set foot in before...he can either walk in the right direction from the beginning...or walk the wrong way because no offense...men are men and will always be men...its proven...yes there are great men out there...but let's face it...sometimes love is not everything...i mean these arab countries (along with many others) are third world countries...people DREAM of america in their sleep...lol...

and also...my husband called me about a month ago and asked me to cancel the petition...i asked him why...he said he got offered a great job in dubai (he is only 25) and thinks it would be best if we moved there and lived there together...i was like what about america and school...he said "ana la 3ayez america wala ay haga men america gheerek enty we bas...we mesh mohem 3andy tekoony fee america aw antarctica...ana 3ayzaky tekoony ma3aya we bas"...translation: i do not want america or anything from america but you and that is it...and it is not important to me if you are in america or antarctica...i want you to be with me and that is it"...yeah sweet talk is great...but would someone give up the american dream for a job in dubai...things like this make me confident in my choice but i still have the green card nightmare in the back of my head...

AND men are men...keep that in mind people...arab, portuguese, american, japanese, australian, south american, etc....men are men are men are men areeeeeeee men...NO DENYING IT...and lemme just leave it at that...

my best piece of advice is analyze your relationships...and ask questions...do not rush into things to regret it later...its not worth it...and every woman out there deserves a man who will love and care for her...not for the green she can provide him...i mean the men should be the breadwinners anyway right? and if he loves you he will accept you as you...and will not try to change you to his liking...i mean you cannot mold a human in a day...neither can you mold her by love...only God molds humans and our loved ones (parents) raise us to our present state...you cannot change what you have become unless it is for the better...and never change for anyone always be yourself take care everyone and my prayers are with everyone as always

[caybee 21]

I have to say, reading all of this this past week has made me think alot about my marriage and my life with my husband. At times, I think my husband really, truly loves me and other times, I think he's doing this marriage to support his family back home and get the green card. This morning, he woke up crabby. He hasn't been able to sleep all that well, waking up at odd hours. Maybe his conscious is not clear, like sending more money to Jordan behind my back. Anyway, I have this cross that's been special to me, left it on my bed board along with the rosary I bought in Jordan on my first visit. He said this morning, THROW IT OUT! GET RID OF IT! I said, what you think it's keeping you from sleeping? He looked at me and said, I'M NOT CHRISTIAN, THROW IT OUT!" I didn't throw it out, even though all is in my heart, figures don't mean anything to me, I just kept it there to ward off any evil thingys, I put it in a drawer. So, it seems as time goes by, he keeps changing. I told him, if you ask me to get rid of my dogs, it will be you I get rid of coz im not changing my entire life for you. Remember, we brought them here, and yes they left their families, awe! But, they didn't want us to really live there. So really, they benefited more than we did by coming to America.

Peace

Andrea

andrea sounds like you have some big doubts going on and from what i read faisal has been doing some shady things by sending money back to Jordan without your knowledge especially when i know how tight money is for you. I'll be on Yahoo later and try to catch up with you.

Angel

You know my fiance also spoke of sending money to his family. He is not here yet and one time he told me . You know what ? I said what? the first pay check i get i really want to send my parents to mecca for prilgrimage. Do you mind? I thought to myself. All the sacrifices i made for him and he is thinking of his family first that isnt even sending him money for schooling in this other country that he lives in . This past few days has made me think alot about things especially after so many posts about fraud. I broke up with him about one month ago. I really think i made the right decision. I think i would of been another stitistic in some book. Our petiton got denied about one year ago and maybe it was for the best.

I am a bit confused by these posts about money and what everything thinks it says about their SO. IMO a MENA man who doesn;t support his family back home is a deadbeat, so not wanting to help the parents is a HUGE red flag. Why would a husband feel like he has to send money behind his wife's back unless she just doesn't understand the importance of this for him?

Pugsly- I think your fiance wanting to send money for his parents to go to Mecca is so honorable and it doesn;t even sound as if he was demanding it but asking if you would agree its a good idea.

By culture and by religous law, a Muslim man must support his familyI can't imagine as a wife I would not do whatever it takes to support his family too. Just as he would also support my family if it became necessary.

A woman who isn't rady to place parents and family first above the needs of the couple really should reconsider marrying into this culture.

I agree that someone from MENA is very likely going to want to send money home. My husband told me he believes that disrespect of one's parents ranks right up there with murder as an unforgivable sin. It's that serious to him. We agreed before we even started the process that we would send money to his family when we are able, as long as our own needs are covered. He dreams of sending his parents to Mecca also, and we want to get his mom a washing machine when we are able. When he sends something, we discuss it first and agree on the amount. He did ask to send some of his first paycheck to them, which was fine with me, especially since his family scraped together the money for his airplane ticket here to me. If he knew we were in a huge financial bind when he sent money, I would be concerned, as I would be if he sent it without telling me. But I would worry if he never sent them anything, unless they were financially comfortable themselves. Even then, I imagine he would send them something as a gesture. That's just his tradition.

[caybee 21]

I think it's unfortunate that so many bad things had to go on here in order for many to re examine their relationships. I don't think there's anything wrong with thinking long and hard about our husband's true intentions because as we have all seen recently that things do go wrong, and men do use women to come to the US and gain Greencards and Citizenship.

I agree with MBP that it is honorable to send money home to support family abroad. Hicham's family is lucky enough not to need monetary help, but if they did I know he would be happy to send money back home and I wouldn't have a problem with that. However, if Hicham was sending his and my paycheck home, then we would have some problems.

[sarah and hicham 3]

I think it's unfortunate that so many bad things had to go on here in order for many to re examine their relationships. I don't think there's anything wrong with thinking long and hard about our husband's true intentions because as we have all seen recently that things do go wrong, and men do use women to come to the US and gain Greencards and Citizenship.

I agree with MBP that it is honorable to send money home to support family abroad. Hicham's family is lucky enough not to need monetary help, but if they did I know he would be happy to send money back home and I wouldn't have a problem with that. However, if Hicham was sending his and my paycheck home, then we would have some problems.

Yes SArah I should clarify- not sending money home doesn't mean he is a loser. Maybe the need to send money home isn't there as in Hicham's case. It's the willingness to do it when it is needed. I can;t helpo but wonder how many women have never thought about these issues until it was too late.

It is amazing that so much bad news had to be posted here before people really started to examine their relationships. It's sad because there are women suffering when it could have been prevented. OF course there was a time on VJ when if this had been brought up before, the poster would have been slammed for causing trouble to even suggest eerything is not rainbows and sunshine.

Yep, I got burned so many times for expressing my opinion about some relationships.

Hopefully people can learn from others and start recognizing red flags and questions intentions in order to prevent future forest fires.

[melly 0]

in response to rahma's post...i TOTALLY agree...BE NOSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ask as many questions as you want...i mean sometimes the simplest question that you think you know the answer to...will give you a response that will shed a lot of light on the reality of your relationship..you name it I asked it...and i do not care if he gets offended...he picked me...loved me...proposed to me...and married me...so he better take any question from me seriously and i expect the proper response or else i would have said goodbye a while ago...and fyi...i am a psychology major...and it is proven that mentally in men...when asked questions regarding their loved life... those who respond easily to tough questions (Did you marry me to come to America or did you marry me for love)...are not really in love with you...they are in love with the GREEN (money and the green card)...for example:

When my husband and I first got engaged...I got him to swear and do a lot more when I asked him if he had any other previous or current relationships...and I confronted his mother and father...at first they looked at me and were like no wallahy he has never been with any other girl or is with any other girl currently...he only loves you and has loved you for a long time... I said I need proof...my husband was like you are more than welcome to search my parents house where i have lived and anything i own... i was like let me see your cell phone...and el hamdulillah the only gal on his cell phone list is his mom...loooool...i mean you have to investigate these things...yeah he may get offended but there is this sense of green card craziness that is present in the world today...and we have to be careful regardless of our cultural background (i was born and raised to egyptian muslim parents in the USA who also immigrated here to america in search of a better life...and i speak arabic fluently and a good muslim el hamdulillah...)...

i mean call them at random hours...i mean he is your husband...if he is doing his evil deed at 2 am when you call him or 2 pm he is going to get caught...(you cannot hide the sound of a disco or a stuttering voice nervewracked at the fact that his wife will yell at him)...i have done it and will continue to do it...and I COULD CARE less if he gets offended...and yes i have become like a mother...but you know bringing someone to a new country is like raising a child...teach him to stand on his feet and walk in a place that he has never set foot in before...he can either walk in the right direction from the beginning...or walk the wrong way because no offense...men are men and will always be men...its proven...yes there are great men out there...but let's face it...sometimes love is not everything...i mean these arab countries (along with many others) are third world countries...people DREAM of america in their sleep...lol...

and also...my husband called me about a month ago and asked me to cancel the petition...i asked him why...he said he got offered a great job in dubai (he is only 25) and thinks it would be best if we moved there and lived there together...i was like what about america and school...he said "ana la 3ayez america wala ay haga men america gheerek enty we bas...we mesh mohem 3andy tekoony fee america aw antarctica...ana 3ayzaky tekoony ma3aya we bas"...translation: i do not want america or anything from america but you and that is it...and it is not important to me if you are in america or antarctica...i want you to be with me and that is it"...yeah sweet talk is great...but would someone give up the american dream for a job in dubai...things like this make me confident in my choice but i still have the green card nightmare in the back of my head...

AND men are men...keep that in mind people...arab, portuguese, american, japanese, australian, south american, etc....men are men are men are men areeeeeeee men...NO DENYING IT...and lemme just leave it at that...

my best piece of advice is analyze your relationships...and ask questions...do not rush into things to regret it later...its not worth it...and every woman out there deserves a man who will love and care for her...not for the green she can provide him...i mean the men should be the breadwinners anyway right? and if he loves you he will accept you as you...and will not try to change you to his liking...i mean you cannot mold a human in a day...neither can you mold her by love...only God molds humans and our loved ones (parents) raise us to our present state...you cannot change what you have become unless it is for the better...and never change for anyone always be yourself take care everyone and my prayers are with everyone as always

Honestly, I find this whole post pretty offensive.

You make it sound like men are the enemy and not to be trusted with anything.

Everyone deserves some privacy and space, and if you can't trust your husband, why did you marry him?

Sounds like you have some issues.

[Henia 11]

Funny thing, this post exactly has been posted on several other forums as well. Same exact words. And also the poor grammer is dubious.

I feel your pain, But please don't waste a year like I did. This is my story,

I also was with a man from jordan I am muslim smart attractive funny. I loved him and thought he loved me. I waited for him for almost five years during that time I sent him money took care of his family when he came ect...

You name it I did it. I look Arab I speak Arabic and I cook Arabic I took on the role of being the perfect Arab wife.

I been around the culture my whole life trust me when I tell you this I did nothing wrong.

I went to see him every year his family loved me everyone treated me with respect and kindness inviting me for dinner going shopping with me ect...

We I thought where in love. He alwasy told me how much he loved me and I was his everything.

Behind my back last year I found out he got engaged to another women in his country!

When I first heard of it I thought the person telling me was jealouse of me because she is not happy wiht his brother so I thought our relationship made her jealouse.

When I comfronted him I was laughing and told him what she said.

And that is when I found out it was true! I could not beleive it! And even after I found out he said "I was his love blah blah blah"

I hung out even after that thinking maybe his family put presure on him ect...

Well he just had his wedding and I did nothing but feel misserable for almost a year thinking it was not true because he continued to lead me on making me think that he was not going to go through with it.

I am telling you those men from Jordan will lye cheat steal anything to come to the USA. And the sooner you realize it the faster you will be able to move on!

I have a hard head and I could not believe someone would use me like that. I also thought I am very attractive smart have a little money know the culture religion why would he not want me??????

But it is true they marry thier own kind no matter what and if they do stay with an american women it is because papers then the kids come and they are very loyal to thier children.

I was married before to a Palestinian that is how I know so much about the culture we had 3 children together whom I raised muslim and when I ended up divorced he was on a plane ASAP going back home to marry a women from over there.

Let me put you in the head of a middle eastern man

They are raised in an enviroment (remember I lived over seas for two years) watching the fatther go off to work all day long and left alone with the mother (Arab women have a hate for american women just like some black women do for white women because they feel like we take thier men) So the kids are at home being raised by women who dislike american women then they are raised seeing the mother never leave the home not even to shop. In thier country women do not leave the home unless she is older or escorted by a man. And most men do not want to escort their women out because they don't want to have a problem with other men.

The men are raised that women are below them and women are here to serve thier needs.

Now this will raise eyebrows but I am telling you this is a true statement (remember I am muslim) But the islam they practice in the middle east is to thier likeing.

They think of american women as slutty and they will date have fun with us but when it comes to staying married long term(unless you get knocked up when he is trying to get his papers) they want to marry thier own kind.

When they marry thier own kind they know the women will take care of them cook clean ect...and never complain.

They then have affairs because they look at the wife like the virgin marry who is the mother of thier kids so it is kind of hard for them to be sexually wild with the mother of thier kids.

If you look at the culture unless your blind you will see most Arab men secretly have affairs but will never leave thier wife.

Because they know 100% thier wife will never leave them it is thier culture and if she does her family will not accept it she will be an outcast.

The Arab women will cook clean take care of his mother bare his kids carry heavy thing and never complain!

She is bread like that. I know I live thier thier husband is thier life they are not a real women unless they are married.

And the women know if they do not do what they should he will take another wife.

They dont like american women because we dont listen.

If you want to go back to him start kissing his butt and he will take you back.

In the Holy Quran GOD promissing them virgins in heaven that is the ultimate heavan so what do you think then they want on earth???

Trust me when I tell you this I am telling you because I have a very very big heart and I hurt and had pain for almost a year living in a fantasy and it took me a real long time to get it in my head that this man used me.

The last words I had with him I was crying and told him I heard he was getting married this summer and he said yes his whole family was there for the party, laughing eating having a good time and then he said could he call me later?

I said no I want you to be happy good bye.

And that was that after five years of my life of doing nothing but giving and doing.

It made me sick to know that his family whom I did everything for and acted to me like I was so special behind my back was finding him a wife.

It made me sick to know that all his sisters and mother where dancing at his wedding and everyone laughing having a good time why I was hurt and crying.

This culture is monster have no feeling for man kind. I am not the only one that this has happen too. I just thought I was specail because I was muslim and I looked Arab but I am telling you the family will pretend to like you just to get what they can.

Thier whole purpose in life is to come to america! I lived in the middle east I was all over the middle east they are very very poor culture imagine you live in poverty where you are living 10 people in a house no one making decent money you will lye cheat steal to get what you want.

I beleive his plan was to marry her come here live with me and us work here make good money so he can support his family there.

I know a few Arab men(remember I been around the culture 20 years) that are married in thier country and living here in america with an american women that has no clue!

When the american women goes back home they send the wife to her mothers house!

The Arab women does not care because she is convinced her husband loves her and using the american girl.

Arab women are bread from little on to STAND BY YOUR MAN! They will never question him they are just happy to have someone take care of them.

I have arab friends now that are men and they tell me even though they are married when they go back home the mother is begging them to marry another one.

The women themself beleive they are not worthy they are convinced that they are nothing without the husband and they will do anything in thier power to keep him happy including letting him marry another women.

When I was over sea's my sister inlaw had 3 kids she went home one day and found a young girl in her home her husband married and told her to bad deal with it.

She left but ended up living in a very poor situation with her father and mother who where old so she ended up going back and accepting it.

When this happen all the women in the family where extra nice to thier husbands for fear it was going to happen to them.

PLEASE REMEMBER don't try to think like them they think different we marry for love they marry to reproduce!

Thier love thier life is not a women it is thier kids!

And they marry a women for her to bare kids and take and raise them to be good muslims.

If you go back to the middle east you will see the men have tons of male friends women are not thier friends we are just to bare kids.

They hang out all day with other males go home at night eat have another baby and then go back to work and to hang out with the guys.

Once a week they will stay home relax and family members will come to visit.

Think about it when ever you see an arab man here in this country he is with his friends and if he is with a women she is walking with the kids and he is rushing her through a shopping mall ect...

You will never seee them holding hands walking hugging. It is a rare thing and if you do you better beleive they are young or just got married.

I feel bad for you but I wrote all this in hopes that I help you because I was stupid and I really thought that he loved me.

I cannot beleive that another human being could use you but they can they are not like us american people have compasion for life.

God will protect you and will give justice you will be ok.

GOD BLESS YOU!

this was not intended to offend you I am trying to help I wish someone would have told me instead everyone did not want to hurt me so they kept telling me he loves me but is confused. In the end that only hurt more because I lost allot of good oppurtunities waiting for him.

GOD BLESS AND IF YOU NEED TO TALK SHOOT ME AN EMAIL

[palilover 1]

Why wouldnt a husband want to send money back home to help his family? He above all should know what they are going through in his country. The wife has to go along with it. He is not making her homeless by supporting his family. In many of these countries, a hundred bucks a month could go a long way for them for example. What seems like a crumb to us is a meal to them. We, as women, chos eto marry into this culture. And yes, things are hard to get used to at first, but at the end of the day, we chose to marry our husbands which means we kinda married their families as well. We have to respect them and care for them like we do our own or what kind of wives are we?

If my husband refused to send money back home I would hit him because I know that he should care for his family...both out of respect and Islamically. And as his wife, I support that even though in this time of our relationship, we have not discussed such things.....but as far as I'm concerned, we don't have to. I already support him on the matter.

After reading this thread (no, I have not read eht ENTIRE thread as it is tooooo long), it makes me glad I married my husband. Every girl has the evil demon inside her head, and who knows how long it will stay. BUT in reality, who was the one that did not want me to file paperwork? My husband. Who was the one that said he could live with me anywhere? My husband. Who was the one taht said I was all he cared about in Amreica. My husband. Who is the one that I can call at any hour of the day and he will in 99 percent of the cases speak to me and even let me speak to his family? My husband. Who is the one taht thinks of his family but also a future for us and our future kids? My husband. And who is the one that is refusing to take money from his own wife to help him (ok, stubborness is sometimes a godo thing, but sometimes a bad thing)? My husband.

I LOVE MY HUSBAND AND THANK ALLAH EVERYDAY FOR HIM AND I HOPE WE ARE TOGETHER SOON:)

[sarah and hicham 3]

Is it normal for a man in the MENA to accept money from a woman? If he is engaged to a woman from the same country does she give him money when he needs it?

[palilover 1]

lol

yeah I know that is very true. lol Dont worry, I am not dissing him:)

[dillydally 0]

in response to rahma's post...i TOTALLY agree...BE NOSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ask as many questions as you want...i mean sometimes the simplest question that you think you know the answer to...will give you a response that will shed a lot of light on the reality of your relationship..you name it I asked it...and i do not care if he gets offended...he picked me...loved me...proposed to me...and married me...so he better take any question from me seriously and i expect the proper response or else i would have said goodbye a while ago...and fyi...i am a psychology major...and it is proven that mentally in men...when asked questions regarding their loved life... those who respond easily to tough questions (Did you marry me to come to America or did you marry me for love)...are not really in love with you...they are in love with the GREEN (money and the green card)...for example:

When my husband and I first got engaged...I got him to swear and do a lot more when I asked him if he had any other previous or current relationships...and I confronted his mother and father...at first they looked at me and were like no wallahy he has never been with any other girl or is with any other girl currently...he only loves you and has loved you for a long time... I said I need proof...my husband was like you are more than welcome to search my parents house where i have lived and anything i own... i was like let me see your cell phone...and el hamdulillah the only gal on his cell phone list is his mom...loooool...i mean you have to investigate these things...yeah he may get offended but there is this sense of green card craziness that is present in the world today...and we have to be careful regardless of our cultural background (i was born and raised to egyptian muslim parents in the USA who also immigrated here to america in search of a better life...and i speak arabic fluently and a good muslim el hamdulillah...)...

i mean call them at random hours...i mean he is your husband...if he is doing his evil deed at 2 am when you call him or 2 pm he is going to get caught...(you cannot hide the sound of a disco or a stuttering voice nervewracked at the fact that his wife will yell at him)...i have done it and will continue to do it...and I COULD CARE less if he gets offended...and yes i have become like a mother...but you know bringing someone to a new country is like raising a child...teach him to stand on his feet and walk in a place that he has never set foot in before...he can either walk in the right direction from the beginning...or walk the wrong way because no offense...men are men and will always be men...its proven...yes there are great men out there...but let's face it...sometimes love is not everything...i mean these arab countries (along with many others) are third world countries...people DREAM of america in their sleep...lol...

and also...my husband called me about a month ago and asked me to cancel the petition...i asked him why...he said he got offered a great job in dubai (he is only 25) and thinks it would be best if we moved there and lived there together...i was like what about america and school...he said "ana la 3ayez america wala ay haga men america gheerek enty we bas...we mesh mohem 3andy tekoony fee america aw antarctica...ana 3ayzaky tekoony ma3aya we bas"...translation: i do not want america or anything from america but you and that is it...and it is not important to me if you are in america or antarctica...i want you to be with me and that is it"...yeah sweet talk is great...but would someone give up the american dream for a job in dubai...things like this make me confident in my choice but i still have the green card nightmare in the back of my head...

AND men are men...keep that in mind people...arab, portuguese, american, japanese, australian, south american, etc....men are men are men are men areeeeeeee men...NO DENYING IT...and lemme just leave it at that...

my best piece of advice is analyze your relationships...and ask questions...do not rush into things to regret it later...its not worth it...and every woman out there deserves a man who will love and care for her...not for the green she can provide him...i mean the men should be the breadwinners anyway right? and if he loves you he will accept you as you...and will not try to change you to his liking...i mean you cannot mold a human in a day...neither can you mold her by love...only God molds humans and our loved ones (parents) raise us to our present state...you cannot change what you have become unless it is for the better...and never change for anyone always be yourself take care everyone and my prayers are with everyone as always

Honestly, I find this whole post pretty offensive.

You make it sound like men are the enemy and not to be trusted with anything.

Everyone deserves some privacy and space, and if you can't trust your husband, why did you marry him?

Sounds like you have some issues.

melly,

i do trust him...but trust is something that comes with time and with "3eshra" as we say in the arabic language...i swear i do love him to death and everyone can stand witness to that who knows us...but i am not talking about ME now...i am saying that those relationships where questions are not asked remain questionable forever...and sadly it is the truth...i DO trust men...and have a loving husband a loving father a loving father in law and loving brother as well and i have no issues...i am just stating the truth...because I had this happen to several of my friends and friends of the family and i would HATE to see anyone else get hurt because it tears me up inside to know there are SOME (not all) men that hurt their loved ones...i mean yes maybe this ( and i pray it won't happen to any of us) won't happen to me or you or to anyone else...but i mean it DOES happen and it HAS HAPPENED...and i am not bashing men...i mean women have their bad aspects as well...no one is perfect...but i am just saying relationships should be clear from the get go...ask questions...you have every right to...you know...a family friend of one of my best friends...who is palestinian US citizen got married to a palestinian...and they were married for 10 years...had children...were happy and truly everyone thought they would be together forever...but the one question that she never forgot to ask was did you have any previous relationships...maybe he answered no...but it turns out she found that he had been in touch with his previous wife for many years...now THAT hurts...and she divorced him...and he brought his other wife here and now she is broken hearted...but she will be stronger with time

again, i am not bashing men or bashing anyone for that matter (i mean i am an arab...egyptian as well...and muslims always try to do and say what is right...not bash others...and i for one always have to hear both sides of the stroy before presenting my own side) and plus i would never dare bash my own people...but in every culture there are good and bad men and women...its life and habib alby my husband is the love of my life since the day i first met him (we were childhood sweethearts)...but i am talking in a GENERAL sense...and he or she that does not ask...is ALWAYS the last to know and i do not want anyone on VJ to be in a loving relationship they though would succeed but because they found out last their happiness sadly is crushed...

take care everyone

[allousa 1]

I think it's good to post good and bad experiences for others to see. What concerns me is the OP's comments seem rather odd...don't you think. I know others have expressed the same. I find it odd that the OP's fiance hit every single mark of the stereotypical male that most Arab bashers always bring up. Coupled with the fact that the OP is taking a poll on another thread about how many MENA girls are fat and signficantly older than their SO. Just doesn't add up, you know?

The other thing that makes me very sad is that just reading these posts, I felt the doubt creep into my mind. And I've NEVER doubted my husband's love for me before (and keep in mind we have lived together in the states). Funny thing is though, right after I logged off VJ, I happened to check my email before I went to bed and I had an email from my husband telling me how much he missed me and our son...so then I felt bad that I doubted him at all.

It would be terribly sad if the OP was not truthful about their comments and then planted all these seeds of doubt in relationships that aren't fradulent.

I don't think it matters how strong your relationship is, when you read stuff like this, if your SO does one thing that is remotely close to what the OP said...that seed of doubt starts to grow in your mind. Know what I mean?

Don't get me wrong...I don't think it should be all rainbows and unicorns here, but some of this is awfully suspicious.

[dillydally 0]

and besides if i did not love him i would not ask about him as much as i do...or he would not ask about me at almost every hour like he does (even though he is in egypt...and it is expensive) its not like i actually searched his house!!!! looooool...i mean you can ask that...and they actually respect you more for it...or maybe egyptians are a little different...or maybe it is because we are close family friends...i dunno...but that all does not matter...i loved him...engaged him...married him...and he is my life regardless of anything i do or he does...as long as he does not hurt me and i would not dare hurt him..we married each other in sickness and in health...in good and bad...and we are both muslims who pray to Allah everyday...and i pray that Allah has a wonderful future planned for us and for every VJ member here i trust him melly...i have known him for 12+years... but trust does come with time