3 week vacation but staying with friends?, esta approved but anxious it’s not enough.

[HorsePanic 1]

Because I’ve heard some horror stories about us boarder trying to say your doing illegal things when you arn’t, and my esta was approved for my vacation over Halloween but it’s my first trip to the USA from England, my best friend is allowing me to stay at his for a few weeks, because we’re doing a lot of cool things. But as I just finished uni in the U.K. and my parents bought me my flight as a gift, I just have to fund food and other spending on my low budget savings, but I was told on another forum I’d need a written proof of invitation from him? Either as proof he exists or proof I’m not lying and going to work, when I have absolutely no intention to work??
(I dint know how hand written would arrive fast enough or if email would be acceptable with photos of him, and I have a small one day a week U.K. job continuing when I return)

my friend’s address is also listed as my usa point of contact in my esta which was approved really fast and he lives where my connecting flight is supposed to take me to. I have return flight ticket to the U.K., travel insurance for 3 weeks, enough money for food etc, a valid U.K. passport and that’s all my travel agent said I would need, even U.K. gov site just says vaccine proof and esta, but the more I research the more anxious I get that it’s not going to be enough. Is possible that the other forum is confusing esta with normal visa??
I have ocd and an anxiety disorder so I’m finding functioning really hard right now because I feel like I can’t prepare enough whatever I do.

[Boiler 45,904]

No harm visiting BF, nothing required in writing, what Forum was this suggested.

[Crazy Cat 42,033]

16 minutes ago, HorsePanic said:

but I was told on another forum I’d need a written proof of invitation from him? Either as proof he exists or proof I’m not lying and going to work, when I have absolutely no intention to work??

That is 100% false.   What forum? 

[HorsePanic 1]

@Crazy Cat @Boiler it was on one my dad joined me to called travel.stackexchange (we joined hoping they’d calm my anxiety with advice but just made it worse) they started going on about packing appropriately too or talking too much stuff is suspicious and so is taking too little and needing proof of my bank accounts or I’d be sent back for not having enough money to support myself. I’m autistic but independent, early 30s, but I was warned to not wear my sunflower lanyard or they’d single me out, or to make sure my social medias and chat apps had no mention of anything bad which they don’t or didn’t mention moving to America- I don’t want to move to America my family is in the U.K.😭 ,  apparently I’d have to prove my family ties too, I’m just an artist, I met my friend online but we’ve known each other a long time and I thought people met their bffs all the time. 

my therapist she messaged the cbp like she was asking about it for herself and tbh they told her they’d need a letter as proof of invite too ‘probably accept email but it’s down to the officer you see at the boarder’  (she told me she’s been seeing her long distance bf in Florida for years and never needed that, unless it’s new) so now I’m just mega confused, this was supposed to be a stress free trip of a lifetime 😭

Edited September 23, 2022 by HorsePanic

[Crazy Cat 42,033]

Millions of people visit the US every year.  Millions and millions.  I wouldn't worry.

 

FACT SHEET: 2022 National Travel and Tourism Strategy | U.S. Department of Commerce

"International arrivals to the United States grew to 22.1 million in 2021, up from 19.2 million in 2020."

Edited September 23, 2022 by Crazy Cat

[Daphne . 1,913]

Just try to calm down.. You don’t need an invitation and it is perfectly fine to visit a friend. 
Just answer the questions truthfully and there is no need to volunteer information

if not asked.

 

In your posts, you provide a lot of details and it’s not necessary to tell CBP anything they didn’t ask for.

[Boiler 45,904]

The old adage comes to mind, do you know what time it is? Answer is yes or no.

 

 

[HorsePanic 1]

26 minutes ago, Daphne . said:

Just try to calm down.. You don’t need an invitation and it is perfectly fine to visit a friend. 
Just answer the questions truthfully and there is no need to volunteer information

if not asked.

 

In your posts, you provide a lot of details and it’s not necessary to tell CBP anything they didn’t ask for.

I think I learned from Reddit years ago you need to be really situation specific to get the right help it’s a weird habit, but also when I’m anxious I really do just overshare and For this I really need to figure out how to curb it. 😵‍💫
being emo/goth too I’m worried my fashion stands out too much as well lmao 

 

Edited September 23, 2022 by HorsePanic

[Lil bear 4,283]

38 minutes ago, HorsePanic said:

@Crazy Cat @Boiler it was on one my dad joined me to called travel.stackexchange (we joined hoping they’d calm my anxiety with advice but just made it worse) they started going on about packing appropriately too or talking too much stuff is suspicious and so is taking too little and needing proof of my bank accounts or I’d be sent back for not having enough money to support myself. I’m autistic but independent, early 30s, but I was warned to not wear my sunflower lanyard or they’d single me out, or to make sure my social medias and chat apps had no mention of anything bad which they don’t or didn’t mention moving to America- I don’t want to move to America my family is in the U.K.😭 ,  apparently I’d have to prove my family ties too, I’m just an artist, I met my friend online but we’ve known each other a long time and I thought people met their bffs all the time. 

my therapist she messaged the cbp like she was asking about it for herself and tbh they told her they’d need a letter as proof of invite too ‘probably accept email but it’s down to the officer you see at the boarder’  (she told me she’s been seeing her long distance bf in Florida for years and never needed that, unless it’s new) so now I’m just mega confused, this was supposed to be a stress free trip of a lifetime 😭

Smile and nod  politely at the CBP officer,  call them sir or ma’am, say thankyou, answer with short answers to any questions asked.  No need to offer any explanations Keep a hard lolly in your mouth to suck and and remind yourself to speak “little” 

Delete the non useful app. You will need your passport, credit/debit cards.. i never travel with cash !! Id bring your UK drivers licence as extra ID. You can get a prepaid SIM over here for use as long as your phone is unlocked. If it isnt, maybe your friend has an old handset you can use. You are here on holidays, yes you have a friend you are staying with who is going to show you around. Yes you are returning on …date…   Keep it simple. Deep breaths. Remind yourself of the challenges you have  already overcome in life. And …. definitely not PC.. but between you and me as no one else is reading this post.. think of the dumbest person you know who has travelled overseas .. if they can do it, you can certainly do it better !! Told you it was politically incorrect but its true. People with far less skills and even bigger challenges have safely made this trip and loved every minute of it !! 😁

[Boiler 45,904]

The sir or ma'am sounds a bit odd to me.

 

 

[Lil bear 4,283]

8 minutes ago, HorsePanic said:

I think I learned from Reddit years ago you need to be really situation specific to get the right help it’s a weird habit, but also when I’m anxious I really do just overshare and For this I really need to figure out how to curb it. 😵‍💫
being emo/goth too I’m worried my fashion stands out too much as well lmao 

 

Its not unwise .. if you are ok doing it .. to tone down a bit on clothes and accessories on the travel ..  should you have to ?? NO!! But you are right that people don't always accept us and our choices like they should. If you know that doing so minimizes unwanted and unwarranted attention during the travel /flights then that should help reduce your anxiety. 

[Lil bear 4,283]

2 minutes ago, Boiler said:

The sir or ma'am sounds a bit odd to me.

 

 

Ahhh. Polite responses. I always say it .. and I’m from a pretty egalitarian society and older than most of their grandmothers. Doesnt cost me anything 

[Boiler 45,904]

Well I used to say that the Queen has not honoured me yet, but can not say that any longer.

[Lil bear 4,283]

1 minute ago, Boiler said:

Well I used to say that the Queen has not honoured me yet, but can not say that any longer.

Nope. Dont hold your breath on the King either ! 🤪

[HorsePanic 1]

55 minutes ago, Lil bear said:

Its not unwise .. if you are ok doing it .. to tone down a bit on clothes and accessories on the travel ..  should you have to ?? NO!! But you are right that people don't always accept us and our choices like they should. If you know that doing so minimizes unwanted and unwarranted attention during the travel /flights then that should help reduce your anxiety. 

The headphones I wear for sensory reasons have cat ears on them and they’re silver, I’m autistic and it’s already obvious, I have to carry a plushy for mental support- but I wouldn’t wear a heavy chain goth look on the plane for comfort reasons but my suitcase would certainly be packed with my clothes I want to wear out there- on the plane I’m probably basic black t, with jeans, my doc martens and my hoodie and the blue costume jacket I have to carry if I’m not sure it will fit in my case. (I’m a Cosplayer and the entire point of going is to vacation over Halloween)
 

in ref to your other post too, I’m taking my new iPad but there’s not much of anything on there other than a million pictures of my cat..my chat app is my main way of communicating with my friend I’m going to stay with but I wouldn’t really need it I suppose until I’d got past the border I could just reinstall it and I do have his phone number. Do need a new cheap phone though as my screen is broken on my old one and it’s getting harder and harder to see 😂 but the lolly or thing to suck on is a good suggestion, if I can be allowed anything like that, it might be calming too.