Situation escalating with abusive spouse

[Crazy Cat 42,023]

8 minutes ago, Family said:

you had already decided divorce before you made the Green Card Activation Entry on May 27, 2022 and stayed in a hotel somewhere,

Say what?  That sheds a different light on the whole situation.  I missed that part of the story.  That, alone, could bolster his case....

I'm out.

[Boiler 45,820]

OP is visiting the UK, I assume has a CA address, doubt that the CA courts would accept a UK one?

1 minute ago, Crazy Cat said:

Say what?  That sheds a different light on the whole situation.  I missed that part of the story.  That, alone, could bolster his case....

I'm out.

Prior thread said it was shortly afterwards.

[oat12 29]

11 minutes ago, Family said:

Interesting point that CA courts can support a zoom trial with you living in the UK. 
As per your previous posts , you had already decided divorce before you made the Green Card Activation Entry on May 27, 2022 and stayed in a hotel somewhere,  for 2 weeks  ..and another few days in US to file re-entry in June , 2022 …am assuming yet another few days trip in July 2022 to do biometrics for I-131 …so you could not have established residence.,

I did not think it would be so simple to DIY a divorce in CA while living in the UK and Zoom the trial to boot ! 
 

Live and learn 

 

That's not what happened.

 

We had not decided on divorce before my green card activation, this was decided after. I came to the US to activate my green card in the hopes that we could work things out and for a while it seemed he was calming down. Then he escalated his threats and made death threats and physical threats and weeks after, I decided a divorce was needed.

I have not received an appointment for my biometrics, I am awaiting one so I can return to provide them. 

The residency requirement in a CA divorce only applies to 1 party in the marriage. Since my ex meets the residency requirements, they are able to accept my current and temporary position in the UK.

[Crazy Cat 42,023]

2 minutes ago, oat12 said:

That's not what happened.

 

We had not decided on divorce before my green card activation, this was decided after. I came to the US to activate my green card in the hopes that we could work things out and for a while it seemed he was calming down. Then he escalated his threats and made death threats and physical threats and weeks after, I decided a divorce was needed.

I have not received an appointment for my biometrics, I am awaiting one so I can return to provide them. 

The residency requirement in a CA divorce only applies to 1 party in the marriage. Since my ex meets the residency requirements, they are able to accept my current and temporary position in the UK.

Thanks for the clarification.

[Maki&Kiki 123]

I would stop replying his emails.. I would even block him everywhere since you said you collected enough of evidence. Reason that he keeps emailing you and your family is because he wants ATTENTION.  He wants to see you hurt, miserable and he wants to see you begging him. He won’t stop as long as you’re replying. Last thing that i would do, and Idk if this is possible, but if the cat he threatens to kill lives with him, i would call police or animal services to get that cat removed from the house. You have the evidence that he is emotionally abusing you and that he might do anything in his power to hurt you even if it means to kill your pet. He can’t take away your green card. You got plenty of evidence that your marriage was truthful. You don’t need immigration attorney.  divorce lawyer yes.

 

Edit:  I think that killing a pet is just a bluff,  in a way to control you, again so you would beg him not to hurt the pet, but who knows. better safe than sorry.

Edited August 2, 2022 by Kittinpaw

[Family 4,094]

9 minutes ago, oat12 said:

24 minutes ago, Family said:

Interesting point that CA courts can support a zoom trial with you living in the UK. 
As per your previous posts , you had already decided divorce before you made the Green Card Activation Entry on May 27, 2022 and stayed in a hotel somewhere,  for 2 weeks  ..and another few days in US to file re-entry in June , 2022 …am assuming yet another few days trip in July 2022 to do biometrics for I-131 …so you could not have established residence.,

I did not think it would be so simple to DIY a divorce in CA while living in the UK and Zoom the trial to boot ! 
 

Live and learn 

 

That's not what happened.

 

We had not decided on divorce before my green card activation, this was decided after. I came to the US to activate my green card in the hopes that we could work things out and for a while it seemed he was calming down. Then he escalated his threats and made death threats and physical threats and weeks after, I decided a divorce was needed.

I have not received an appointment for my biometrics, I am awaiting one so I can return to provide them. 

The residency requirement in a CA divorce only applies to 1 party in the marriage. Since my ex meets the residency requirements, they are able to accept my current and temporary position in the UK.

Perhaps I missed some nuance in when you made your final decision…but I thought you clarified it was somewhere between visa in hand and entry.
 

You must admit it is one of those rare instances where the new LPR spouse enters to activate and never lives one day with the Petitioning USC. 

I am not sure USCIS can use the previously captured biometrics at Consulate , but perhaps someone can chime in. 

 

 

Worried and scared... Abusive spouse threatening to call USCIS

By oat12,  July 13 in Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits 

 

 

[Boiler 45,820]

How rare it is I do not know, but certainly not unknown, I have seen quite a few.

[Ontarkie 14,340]

1 minute ago, Family said:

Perhaps I missed some nuance in when you made your final decision…but I thought you clarified it was somewhere between visa in hand and entry.
 

You must admit it is one of those rare instances where the new LPR spouse enters to activate and never lives one day with the Petitioning USC. 

I am not sure USCIS can use the previously captured biometrics at Consulate , but perhaps someone can chime in. 

 

 

Worried and scared... Abusive spouse threatening to call USCIS

By oat12,  July 13 in Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits 

 

 

There is a member here who did just that. Never set foot in the same space. Knew full well they would be divorced. He had no issues at all even became a USC. 

[oat12 29]

4 minutes ago, Family said:

Perhaps I missed some nuance in when you made your final decision…but I thought you clarified it was somewhere between visa in hand and entry.
 

You must admit it is one of those rare instances where the new LPR spouse enters to activate and never lives one day with the Petitioning USC. 

I am not sure USCIS can use the previously captured biometrics at Consulate , but perhaps someone can chime in. 

 

 

Worried and scared... Abusive spouse threatening to call USCIS

By oat12,  July 13 in Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits 

 

 

My ex dumped me after the visa approval. Of course this changed when he begged for me back weeks later. It was always an on and off issue with him dumping me/blocking me and then pretending it had never happened. Pure emotional abuse. I always begged and grovelled every time which I now understand is what he wanted. He never genuinely wanted to leave me, just control me.

 

I completely understand how it looks and can appreciate that some people on here feel I 'duped' my spouse but the truth of the matter is that we got married 4 years ago because we loved each other. I wanted nothing more than for us to be together for the rest of our lives. 

However, slowly his behaviour got worse and worse until it escalated to really bad levels during and after my interview. I still tried to be with him but after the death threats I had to look out for my own safety and stop wearing my rose coloured glasses thinking that he would change or would not pose a danger to me.

 

Since all of this, his behaviour has escalated to even worse levels. The longer I have been away from his influence, the more clearly I see how unhinged he is.

 

I blame myself for making so many excuses for him over the years.


 

[Chancy 6,243]

11 minutes ago, oat12 said:

I completely understand how it looks and can appreciate that some people on here feel I 'duped' my spouse but the truth of the matter is that we got married 4 years ago because we loved each other.

 

Do not worry about what other people feel about how your situation "looks".  DOS already made a judgment on the bona fides of your marriage when they issued you a spouse visa.  Also, it is perfectly legal to use your valid visa to enter the US even if you have a rocky marriage.  DOS/USCIS/CBP has no requirement that the immigrant be in a "happy" marriage, only that the marriage was entered in good faith (not for immigration benefits) and remains valid on the day of US entry.  That's it.  Divorcing soon after entry is fine, if that's the path to your well-being.  Based on the info you shared, you have nothing to worry about, immigration-wise, as there was no fraud on your part.

 

[Family 4,094]

1 hour ago, oat12 said:

still tried to be with him but after the death threats

Death threats against you or the cat are too serious to ignore and warrant protective orders….

 

[Villanelle 4,122]

Where is the cat? 

 

You said you are in the UK, where is the cat? With him? If so please call the spca or arrange for someone to get the cat from him ok? 

 

For immigration- theres 0 concern unless the divorce is based on fraud (divorce or annulment). Annulment is most likely not an option as you all have been married so long. But you MUST make sure to not willingly allow wording of fraud to occur. For a fraud ruling to occur he will need to present evidence and have a judge rule such. 

 

What evidence does he have? That you refused to live with him after he verbally assaulted you the trip over? Lol. That you filed for divorce after he threatened physical violence.  Good gracious.  

 

Don't let him get to you.  As part of a standard filing theres typically no contact orders attached.  Speak to the clerk about his harassment and see if they can assist. Explain you can't afford an attorney , they may be able to set up a moderation hearing.  You won't know unless you ask.

 

In general divorce cases follow a basic format. One person files (petitioner) the other responds (respondent). So you file. You list out the grounds and the terms and then he responds with either agreeing or his grounds and terms. Ball is back to you.  You can agree with what he said or not (do not agree to fraud). If you agree the case goes to a Judge to sign off on.  If you don't agree the courts will direct you to negotiate amongst yourselves or with a mediator to come up with a settlement you do agree on so the judge can sign off.

 

If absolutely no agreement can be made there will be a hearing. The judge will hear both sides, you will both be questioned and both have an opportunity to present evidences. The judge will decide and whatever decision is made is final. 

 

The courts try to avoid wasting the judges time and typically insist on moderation or a hearing with a magistrate.  This can be helpful because the magistrate or moderator will tell you bluntly how the judge will rule if the case ends up in the court,  so they are typically able to get both sides to come to an agreement. 

 

I understand you don't want anything from your ex. You may be entitled to something and you can use that in your negotiations. Have you ever negotiated for something? You start high so you can come down.  So it can be a strategy to ask for x y z and then 'negotiate down' to only x. If all you ask for is x theres no where to go. 

 

Know your rights. Take advantage of as many free consultations as you can. Many states have resources on how to self file. Contact legal aid and see if you qualify. They may not be able to take you on right now but if he gets an attorney they might as its not fair for you to face an attorney unrepresented. You can also ask the court to help you obtain counsel at his expense if he can afford such.

 

The 864 is also a concern (for him). You can find info on suing for support based on the 864 online as well.  

 

[SalishSea 18,012]

23 hours ago, oat12 said:

Hello everyone. 
 

I need some help. I am a 10 year greencard holder (IR1).
 

Since leaving my spouse (please refer to previous topic). I was able to file a divorce case with a court in CA. My spouse got served and this must have triggered him as he has reported me to USCIS (I'm not worried about this as he has no evidence since it’s all lies) but my concern here is that he told me he will be filing a response to my divorce by ticking the box “annulment based on fraud”. 
 

I appreciate that this maybe not be the right place to ask but I cannot afford a lawyer and wanted to know how I proceed if I filed for a divorce based on irreconcilable differences and he is responding with annulment based on fraud?

 

He is doing anything and everything he can to spite me and I just want to move on. 
 

 

No judge is going to annul a marriage of that length.

 

 

Can you look for a free legal advice clinic?  You wouldn't necessarily find someone to represent you pro bono, but perhaps you could get advice on how to proceed.

[oat12 29]

6 hours ago, Villanelle said:

Where is the cat? 

 

You said you are in the UK, where is the cat? With him? If so please call the spca or arrange for someone to get the cat from him ok? 

 

For immigration- theres 0 concern unless the divorce is based on fraud (divorce or annulment). Annulment is most likely not an option as you all have been married so long. But you MUST make sure to not willingly allow wording of fraud to occur. For a fraud ruling to occur he will need to present evidence and have a judge rule such. 

 

What evidence does he have? That you refused to live with him after he verbally assaulted you the trip over? Lol. That you filed for divorce after he threatened physical violence.  Good gracious.  

 

Don't let him get to you.  As part of a standard filing theres typically no contact orders attached.  Speak to the clerk about his harassment and see if they can assist. Explain you can't afford an attorney , they may be able to set up a moderation hearing.  You won't know unless you ask.

 

In general divorce cases follow a basic format. One person files (petitioner) the other responds (respondent). So you file. You list out the grounds and the terms and then he responds with either agreeing or his grounds and terms. Ball is back to you.  You can agree with what he said or not (do not agree to fraud). If you agree the case goes to a Judge to sign off on.  If you don't agree the courts will direct you to negotiate amongst yourselves or with a mediator to come up with a settlement you do agree on so the judge can sign off.

 

If absolutely no agreement can be made there will be a hearing. The judge will hear both sides, you will both be questioned and both have an opportunity to present evidences. The judge will decide and whatever decision is made is final. 

 

The courts try to avoid wasting the judges time and typically insist on moderation or a hearing with a magistrate.  This can be helpful because the magistrate or moderator will tell you bluntly how the judge will rule if the case ends up in the court,  so they are typically able to get both sides to come to an agreement. 

 

I understand you don't want anything from your ex. You may be entitled to something and you can use that in your negotiations. Have you ever negotiated for something? You start high so you can come down.  So it can be a strategy to ask for x y z and then 'negotiate down' to only x. If all you ask for is x theres no where to go. 

 

Know your rights. Take advantage of as many free consultations as you can. Many states have resources on how to self file. Contact legal aid and see if you qualify. They may not be able to take you on right now but if he gets an attorney they might as its not fair for you to face an attorney unrepresented. You can also ask the court to help you obtain counsel at his expense if he can afford such.

 

The 864 is also a concern (for him). You can find info on suing for support based on the 864 online as well.  

 

My cat is thankfully with me and being well looked after and spoiled as she deserves.

 

He has absolutely no evidence whatsoever. He’s just letting his feelings dictate everything he does. I filed the divorce and he’s since been served so he has 30 days to respond. We have no kids and no joint property. It should be simple because we don’t have anything to disagree on and he’s aware of that. He just wants to make it difficult for me which he has stated in an email. 

Thank you for the suggestion about negotiations and the 864. I’ll need to stop trying to be nice and start standing up to him. 

 

[Family 4,094]

Death threats, if real, in the form of texts/emails, are NOT a negotiating tactic to be kept in the back pocket ….

 

Continuing to do so is playing a dangerous game. ..as is continued engagement with your jilted husband : 

 

You described the death threats as reason for telling him the week you were flying in to activate green card , but not the day 

 

Your polite email to him about divorce and ongoing back and forth, am assuming your newfound I-864 upper hand. 
 

You are well researched and DIY savvy and called him “ ignorant and uneducated “ in how immigration/divorce works…but do not underestimate your once beloved IF DEATH THREATS are real and ongoing.