What are the implications of K1 visa Marriage falls apart?

[Palawan 131]

I would divorce ASAP, I myself wouldn't tolerate such actions from a wife, She has no respect for the marriage or you by complaining all the time, life is too short to deal with an unhappy person. 

 

I-134 is not enforceable

 

You can be a nice guy and offer to buy airlines tickets back to her home, if she wants to go.

[R&OC 371]

To be honest, I complained about everything in the US during my first stay. I hung out with friends from the same background and we all became a tribe of complainers. Until, I realised, I really do love the US and I am just being a total ignorant for complaining. The biggest mistake immigrants can do is to complain and compare. But its a common mistake and I would put it down to a cultural shock.

 

Now as for your marriage, I believe marriage counselling and more tolerance is the way forward. My husband luckily got stationed in my home country for three years and went through the same situation. I heard him complain about Germany (not sure what German engineering is all about, this s*** doesn't work, complain about traffic lights (that was a big one), buildings stink because they are build for eternity/with concrete and do not allow for HGTV home projects). I had the luxury to observe my husband struggle with "light" immigration as he was only stationed there. He and I have become a lot more tolerant since.

 

But in all honesty, it was a rocky road. I would give it way more time of at least 1-2 years. Even without immigration and a cultural shock, moving together isn't easy as newly weds and as a new blended family. There are so many layers of complexity. They have just arrived and she is in protection mode. Embracing something new takes energy. It helped me to meet other Germans who were fully assimilated in the US. Do you guys know other Ukrainian families that are happily living in the US? Perhaps church or other organisations may give her a tribe and a sense of belonging?

 

I may be naive but I would turn in the AOS paperwork and give it more time. If it all goes south in a year, you are still able to pull it. Granted, I am an optimist and believe people turn around. I am not someone who throws in the towel quickly, so take my comment with a grain of salt.

Edited August 2, 2022 by R&OC

[R&OC 371]

On 8/1/2022 at 5:48 AM, Mike E said:

I know of one immigration   whose blog has posted several times in 2022 about using I-864 to sue for support.  I don’t know why he would do that if he didn’t have a successful track record in these cases.  
 

The risk is real. I am dumb founded that anyone would encourage OP to sign I-864 in this situation.  

Mike E, I appreciate and enjoy your immigration advice very much! And its a great sounding board to naive optimists like myself but I am thinking this situation may be solved with patience and tolerance and perhaps marriage counselling. It seems to be more of a cultural shock situation than ill intent, immigration fraud or adultery. 

[Family 3,988]

51 minutes ago, R&OC said:

may be naive but I would turn in the AOS paperwork and give it more time. If it all goes south in a year, you are still able to pull it. Granted, I am an optimist and believe people turn around. I am not someone who throws in the towel quickly, so take my comment with a grain of salt.

Edited 27 minutes ago by R&OC

OPs K-1 and children are excellent candidates for AOS /I-485 interview waiver  and thus no opportunity to play it by the ear withdrawal strategy on I-864 “ permanent “ obligations for all.

 

I too was stunned.

Only OP can distinguish between the day cold and distant day time stresses of and moonlight promises.

 

 

[Silentcloud 25]

On 7/31/2022 at 5:20 PM, Crazy Cat said:

A couple months is not long enough to adapt to a new life in the US.  But, personally, I would NOT sign an I-864 (or submit the package) until this was settled.  Does she realize that she is out of status and subject to deportation after being inside the US for 90 days? 

 

"She also said two days back that "why would the man feel used or upset if the woman doesn't feel love anymore and want to separate after a few years"."

Unless she adjusts status through you, as her spouse, she has no legal path to stay in the US.  

 

I hope you can work this out, and I hope you all can be happy.

 

By the way, I know how it feels to re-locate to a new country.  I didn't adapt well, either. 

Thanks for the response. So, is it that if I don't file AOS within 90 days from the time she entered the US she will be deported even though she is married to me? The 90 days expire on 8/13 so I'm concerned. We talked again and she calmed down and now again I see a glimpse of hope that this might work out. I want this to work out as I love her and her kids as my own. Last few days I was running around to get the kids into the school hence the delay in responding to the messages. It's been 2 days the kids are in school and they are liking it.

[Silentcloud 25]

On 7/31/2022 at 5:31 PM, Dashinka said:

I am sorry you are going through this, and I agree with the others, you need to work out the relationship issues before proceeding.  Moving from one country to another can be quite traumatic for anyone, but make sure you are also emotionally supportive if you proceed.  Remember, it is not all about the money.  Before my fiancé came here I networked with others from Russia and introduced her so when she got here she had immediate friends.  This helped a lot, and she has expanded that circle of friends.  
 

Also keep in mind that your spouse is still in the transition period between coming o the K1 and having more freedom as an LPR.  This is a very tough period for any couple and is one of the major drawbacks of the K1.  Apart from that, since we don’t have the entire story, make sure you keep yourself safe as you are working through the relationship.

 

Good Luck!

Thanks and I liked your suggest of finding Russian/Ukrainian friends ahead of time which I couldn't do as I was busy in so many other things. How did you find Russian people ahead of time? Now that the war in ON Ukrainians don't like to be friends with Russians and it is understandable but I want to use the same strategy as you to find local Ukrainians here. We had a detailed talk and we both were in tears and finally looks like it will work out or at least a ray of hope I could see. Please let me know.

[Silentcloud 25]

On 7/31/2022 at 9:14 PM, EM_Vandaveer said:

This. I was wondering how can everything be better in the Ukraine with an actual WAR going on?

 

OP, there is no such thing as you have to support her for 10 years if you sign the I-864. It's true that divorce does not stop the obligation. Her naturalizing does stop it, though. Or her working for 40 quarters (usually 10 years). 

Also, it's not about spousal support (some may have tried to use it as such in divorce proceedings, with varying success), rather supposedly the government making you repay any public benefits she receives (some time ago the government tried this in a few cases, it turned out it cost more to run these cases than the money recovered, so it's not something that realistically happens nowadays, either).

Now I'm not saying it's no big deal to sign the I-864, but I also feel like it's made out to be a bigger deal than it really is, sometimes.

Thanks for bringing clarity to the i-864 topic. I just read it online when I googled it and got scared. When my wife made the comment that "everything is better in Ukraine" she refers to pre-war time.

[Family 3,988]

11 minutes ago, Silentcloud said:

Thanks for the response. So, is it that if I don't file AOS within 90 days from the time she entered the US she will be deported even though she is married to me? The 90 days expire on 8/13 so I'm concerned. We talked again and she calmed down and now again I see a glimpse of hope that this might work out. I want this to work out as I love her and her kids as my own. Last few days I was running around to get the kids into the school hence the delay in responding to the messages. It's been 2 days the kids are in school and they are liking it.

She will not be deported, have no fear. Work through this and file AOS when you two are ready. 
 

 

[Silentcloud 25]

On 8/1/2022 at 10:58 AM, beloved_dingo said:

A few months is not much time to adjust, especially since she cannot work or drive. It's probably not so much that "everything is better in Ukraine" but more than her life is radically different than it was even a few months ago and she is struggling to process this. It also must be hard to be homesick for a country that is going through a war. However, her being cold and dismissive to you is extremely concerning. You need to find out if she is still invested in your relationship at all. 

 

In that same vein - do you still love her? If it was possible for things to improve, would you want to work it out with her? If so, you need to try and talk to her about marriage counseling and also find out what would help her feel more comfortable here in the U.S. If you respond to her concerns by listing out expenses you have taken care of for her/the kids, that is not really helpful because frankly, it is the minimum that should be expected. She has no way to work right now and there are children involved so, you shouldn't consider taking care of their basic needs as being enough to make her happy. 

 

Also, the U.S. is very very different depending on where you live. Is it possible she'd be happier living in a different city? What is it that she is specifically missing about her home country?

 

As others have said, do not send the AOS package until you at least have confirmation that she is willing to work on the marriage. 

Yes, you are absolutely right. She misses her country and her lifestyle and her freedom to go wherever she wants to rather than depending on me to take her everywhere. In Europe as you would know people can walk to "city center" with shops, parks, historical monuments etc. People can walk to most of the places and if it's a bit far they can get on economical public transport which are non-existent in the US. I explained to her that US has been designed in such a way that people have to use cars and the public transport is very minimal. She hates the weather being too hot, no sidewalk (pavement) to walk along the road, no public transport, no city center close by being in the suburbs, mosquitoes biting her and the kids when standing in our lush green backyard etc. I can understand how difficult it is to change countries as I did it myself 22 years ago but I had a lot of patience, flexibility and no complain attitude. She doesn't have patience and flexibility and when kids complain about anything she immediately complains to me instead of managing the kids.

 

I do love her and her kids very much even till today and do everything within my limits to make them happy. After we had a long talk in the park and after a lot of tears rolled by we both understood that we love each other but have a little bit of fear in our hearts as how will it be in the future. At least for the last 1 week she seems to be calmer and also that we get a lot of time to be together at home when the kids go to school as I work from home. It feels like it's getting better.

[Dashinka 24,512]

29 minutes ago, Silentcloud said:

Thanks and I liked your suggest of finding Russian/Ukrainian friends ahead of time which I couldn't do as I was busy in so many other things. How did you find Russian people ahead of time? Now that the war in ON Ukrainians don't like to be friends with Russians and it is understandable but I want to use the same strategy as you to find local Ukrainians here. We had a detailed talk and we both were in tears and finally looks like it will work out or at least a ray of hope I could see. Please let me know.

Not sure where you are located, but in our area there are a couple of Eastern European grocery stores, so I went there and talked to some people.  There are also a couple of Eastern European restaurants where there are a lot of Russians and Ukrainians.  Another place to look is for any local churches in your area that cater to Ukrainians.  I know there is some strain now between Russians and Ukrainians as well as others from former Soviet Bloc countries, but there are also a lot of folks that have combined Russian and Ukrainian roots.

[Silentcloud 25]

On 8/1/2022 at 11:44 AM, SteveInBostonI130 said:

 

There was a saying from various forums about dating in Ukraine/Russia/Belarus:  If your girlfriend likes/loves you, you will know it.  The above does not sound like she loves you or likes you.

 

I am really blessed.  Every every morning when my wife sees me she smiles and is genuinely happy.  I also love how sometimes, when she wakes in the middle of the night, she giggles and kisses me and goes back to sleep. 

 

It is normal for your wife to complain about her new surroundings.  My wife hated my house, the weather, and how nothing was familiar.   The house was because she was used to tall ceilings - soviet era apartments, while shabby looking on the outside, were built with 10 foot ceilings (maybe 3 meters?) and finished nicely on the inside.  The weather..well, we are in MA - she was hoping for someplace warmer, because in Ukraine there was no choice to move to a warmer state, where in the US there are lots of warmer states.  The "nothing familiar" is what it is, but the most jarring thing for her was not hearing any Ukrainian/Russian speech, which was something that was subconscious and noticeable only when it was missing.  There was a chance that the whole thing would not work out the first week she was here.

 

But what is different from us and from what you described of your relationship, is that we talked.  We discussed all the issues and found ways to alleviate her unease.  She still hates the low ceilings, but is more used to it and tolerates it a bit.  The weather, well she moved in Feb and it did get better.  The "nothing familiar" was overcame by listening to Ukrainian podcasts and Marshall's/TJ Maxx.   Not that Marshall's is familiar, but the fantastic price for good clothes.  She still hates manicures/pedicures here, both in quality and price.  She ended up learning to do it by herself at home.

 

If your wife is from the city, then there are lots of things that were better back home.  Everything was in walking distance or via mass transit (subway, tram, bus).  Latte's were about $1 - $1.50, generally things costs less for the same or better quality (except clothes at Marshall's).  Meat prices are lower here, but veggies are more expensive.  But that does not excuse her not trying to work things out with you.  If she is in love with you, you would not have these doubts.  From your snippets of conversation, it sounds like she has lost respect for you.  I would consult a divorce attorney. 

Thanks for sharing in such great detail. My wife does her own manicure and pedicure and keeps herself in good shape. I got her and her son registered at the nearby gym and she goes almost everyday. I took her to Marshall/TJmax, Burling Coat Factory, Malls etc and he wants to live close to these places which is not possible for me. We are living 15mts away by car but definitely not walking distance. I hope and wish she gets accustomed to this way of living over a period of 10-12 months. Secondly, she is doing good on the online learner permit tests and hopefully she clears the exam and get onto the preparation for road test. I'm thinking of sending her to a driving school so she will be busy and learns it the right way. I hope all of this works out and we will happily and peacefully together.

 

[Silentcloud 25]

On 8/1/2022 at 12:59 PM, JeanneAdil said:

no advice here but questions

but listen to others with some good points

 

Do u love her?

Are u willing to work this out??

How are the kids doing?

Has she asked to go back to EU?

Are u willing to buy her and kids a ticket to go back?

Have u reminded her Ukraine was great but its not the same now? I could never return to my home town as its all changed and what i remember is gone

Yes very much

Yes very much

Doing good and now started going to school and they like it

She was saying that many people who were displaced out of Ukraine are now coming back (from facebook conversations)

Yes, but I want this to work out

Yes, many times and have prepared her quite a bit about US as compared to EU nations but she never understood how different that could be.

[Silentcloud 25]

On 8/2/2022 at 11:27 AM, R&OC said:

To be honest, I complained about everything in the US during my first stay. I hung out with friends from the same background and we all became a tribe of complainers. Until, I realised, I really do love the US and I am just being a total ignorant for complaining. The biggest mistake immigrants can do is to complain and compare. But its a common mistake and I would put it down to a cultural shock.

 

Now as for your marriage, I believe marriage counselling and more tolerance is the way forward. My husband luckily got stationed in my home country for three years and went through the same situation. I heard him complain about Germany (not sure what German engineering is all about, this s*** doesn't work, complain about traffic lights (that was a big one), buildings stink because they are build for eternity/with concrete and do not allow for HGTV home projects). I had the luxury to observe my husband struggle with "light" immigration as he was only stationed there. He and I have become a lot more tolerant since.

 

But in all honesty, it was a rocky road. I would give it way more time of at least 1-2 years. Even without immigration and a cultural shock, moving together isn't easy as newly weds and as a new blended family. There are so many layers of complexity. They have just arrived and she is in protection mode. Embracing something new takes energy. It helped me to meet other Germans who were fully assimilated in the US. Do you guys know other Ukrainian families that are happily living in the US? Perhaps church or other organisations may give her a tribe and a sense of belonging?

 

I may be naive but I would turn in the AOS paperwork and give it more time. If it all goes south in a year, you are still able to pull it. Granted, I am an optimist and believe people turn around. I am not someone who throws in the towel quickly, so take my comment with a grain of salt.

Thanks very much for sharing about how you were complaining before and not anymore now. I wish someone like you could talk to my wife and explain how US could be better. She doesn't speak to anyone here and I don't know how to find local Ukrainians who are happily settled here and not the ones who just moved recently as they will add to her complaining nature. I love her and her kids and want to give more time.

[Silentcloud 25]

17 minutes ago, Dashinka said:

Not sure where you are located, but in our area there are a couple of Eastern European grocery stores, so I went there and talked to some people.  There are also a couple of Eastern European restaurants where there are a lot of Russians and Ukrainians.  Another place to look is for any local churches in your area that cater to Ukrainians.  I know there is some strain now between Russians and Ukrainians as well as others from former Soviet Bloc countries, but there are also a lot of folks that have combined Russian and Ukrainian roots.

Thanks and I'll explore the options you provided. I initially thought of using Ukrainian group on Facebook.

[Boiler 45,525]

Did you get a pre or post nup?