What are the implications of K1 visa Marriage falls apart?

[Silentcloud 25]

I did a lot to bring my present wife and her two kids on a fiance visa in May 2022 from Ukraine and got married in June 2022 and now we see that it's not working. She hates America and the lifestyle here and constantly complaining about everything here in the US and later complaining whatever I do. Complaining like at least 10 complaints a day. Whatever I buy for the house she finds fault and complains saying that it is so better in Ukraine. She said many times like "I don't understand why is America number# 1 country as I don't find one thing better here than Ukraine". I mentioned many times to her that she is new in the country and she and her kids need to adapt to the new country and the lifestyle and it takes time and needs patience and flexibility. I couldn't take it anymore and talked to her today and she sounded very cold and not seem interested and had shown no interest to mend the situation so our discussion ended in putting an end to the marriage. She discards everything what I do for them saying "every man does it so what? You didn't do anything special".  She also said two days back that "why would the man feel used or upset if the woman doesn't feel love anymore and want to separate after a few years". I lost trust on her that she will be with me and showing me signs that she will walk away eventually maybe after the green card or anytime before whenever her mind changes. It happened several times and it was very humiliating and hurting.

 

I'm 51 and she is 39. I saw life and the hardships thrown at me. I learned not to complain and go with the flow. Spent thousands of dollars so far on them. It's quite unfortunate and painful for me at least as I loved her for true and so deeply but she is very cool with it. I apologize to share all this here but I wanted to give some background here and maybe there are certain people here who might have endured a similar situation.

 

I need to tell you that I have filled in all the needed paperwork for I-485 and about to ship the package out but this happened so I'm refraining from sending the package as i-864 (affidavit of support) is very financially bounding. I read that even a divorce don't neutralize it and the husband has to pay for 40 quarter years i.e 10 years for maintenance. As I didn't sign it doesn't apply to me but I don't know what I-134 and my 1.5 months marriage would do to me. I want to know what are the legal and financial implications of going for a divorce? The only thing I signed is I-134 (affidavit of support) and now married. Appreciate any guidance that could be provided. Thanks a lot for your valuable suggestions.

Edited July 31, 2022 by Silentcloud

[Adventine 3,196]

****moved to subforum Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits where similar topics are discussed***

 

I recommend marital counseling to try to save the marriage. You are correct that you should not send the AOS (I-485) package until you are 100% sure that the issues are resolved. 

 

You can browse the forum I linked above for many, many, many threads that are similar to the situation you're facing now. You'll get to read perspectives from both immigrants and US citizens. 

[Ontarkie 14,227]

First off I complained every single day for the first year and then it slowly over the years became less and less. I hated everything, but like the hours that Walmart was open and I liked the longer summer. I like that if I didn't like one doctor I could switch that day and have a new one. There was a 10 wait list to get a doctor back home. SO that in itself I feel is pretty normal. 

 

Now the talk about falling out of love has me worried. Not once with all my complaining and that was a lot of complaining, did I ever once say something hurtful like that.  Follow your gut.

You said the marriage is over then do not send in anything in.

Also be very careful of a total change in behaviour when she finds out she has to leave. 

[Crazy Cat 41,888]

53 minutes ago, Silentcloud said:

I did a lot to bring my present wife and her two kids on a fiance visa in May 2022 from Ukraine and got married in June 2022 and now we see that it's not working. She hates America and the lifestyle here and constantly complaining about everything here in the US and later complaining whatever I do. Complaining like at least 10 complaints a day. Whatever I buy for the house she finds fault and complains saying that it is so better in Ukraine. She said many times like "I don't understand why is America number# 1 country as I don't find one thing better here than Ukraine". I mentioned many times to her that she is new in the country and she and her kids need to adapt to the new country and the lifestyle and it takes time and needs patience and flexibility. I couldn't take it anymore and talked to her today and she sounded very cold and not seem interested and had shown no interest to mend the situation so our discussion ended in putting an end to the marriage. She discards everything what I do for them saying "every man does it so what? You didn't do anything special".  She also said two days back that "why would the man feel used or upset if the woman doesn't feel love anymore and want to separate after a few years". I lost trust on her that she will be with me and showing me signs that she will walk away eventually maybe after the green card or anytime before whenever her mind changes. It happened several times and it was very humiliating and hurting.

 

I'm 51 and she is 39. I saw life and the hardships thrown at me. I learned not to complain and go with the flow. Spent thousands of dollars so far on them. It's quite unfortunate and painful for me at least as I loved her for true and so deeply but she is very cool with it. I apologize to share all this here but I wanted to give some background here and maybe there are certain people here who might have endured a similar situation.

 

I need to tell you that I have filled in all the needed paperwork for I-485 and about to ship the package out but this happened so I'm refraining from sending the package as i-864 (affidavit of support) is very financially bounding. I read that even a divorce don't neutralize it and the husband has to pay for 40 quarter years i.e 10 years for maintenance. As I didn't sign it doesn't apply to me but I don't know what I-134 and my 1.5 months marriage would do to me. I want to know what are the legal and financial implications of going for a divorce? The only thing I signed is I-134 (affidavit of support) and now married. Appreciate any guidance that could be provided. Thanks a lot for your valuable suggestions.

A couple months is not long enough to adapt to a new life in the US.  But, personally, I would NOT sign an I-864 (or submit the package) until this was settled.  Does she realize that she is out of status and subject to deportation after being inside the US for 90 days? 

 

"She also said two days back that "why would the man feel used or upset if the woman doesn't feel love anymore and want to separate after a few years"."

Unless she adjusts status through you, as her spouse, she has no legal path to stay in the US.  

 

I hope you can work this out, and I hope you all can be happy.

 

By the way, I know how it feels to re-locate to a new country.  I didn't adapt well, either. 

Edited July 31, 2022 by Crazy Cat

[Dashinka 24,512]

I am sorry you are going through this, and I agree with the others, you need to work out the relationship issues before proceeding.  Moving from one country to another can be quite traumatic for anyone, but make sure you are also emotionally supportive if you proceed.  Remember, it is not all about the money.  Before my fiancé came here I networked with others from Russia and introduced her so when she got here she had immediate friends.  This helped a lot, and she has expanded that circle of friends.  
 

Also keep in mind that your spouse is still in the transition period between coming o the K1 and having more freedom as an LPR.  This is a very tough period for any couple and is one of the major drawbacks of the K1.  Apart from that, since we don’t have the entire story, make sure you keep yourself safe as you are working through the relationship.

 

Good Luck!

[Family 3,988]

2 hours ago, Silentcloud said:

As I didn't sign it doesn't apply to me but I don't know what I-134 and my 1.5 months marriage would do to me. I want to know what are the legal and financial implications of going for a divorce? The only thing I signed is I-134 (affidavit of support) and now married. Appreciate any guidance that could be provided. Thanks a lot for your valuable suggestions.

Edited 2 hours ago by Silentcloud

If you are going to throw in the towel, then don’t prolong the misery. File the divorce. You will immediately learn what her expectations are and can cut your losses..

 

Given the country conditions in Ukraine , she has the option to file for asylum immediately IF she wants to remain in the US , without relying on your marriage for a green card. 
 

 

[Crazy Cat 41,888]

13 minutes ago, Family said:

Given the country conditions in Ukraine

Which makes some of her statements very puzzling,,,,imo. 

Edited July 31, 2022 by Crazy Cat

[EM_Vandaveer 2,408]

1 hour ago, Crazy Cat said:

Which makes some of her statements very puzzling,,,,imo. 

This. I was wondering how can everything be better in the Ukraine with an actual WAR going on?

 

OP, there is no such thing as you have to support her for 10 years if you sign the I-864. It's true that divorce does not stop the obligation. Her naturalizing does stop it, though. Or her working for 40 quarters (usually 10 years). 

Also, it's not about spousal support (some may have tried to use it as such in divorce proceedings, with varying success), rather supposedly the government making you repay any public benefits she receives (some time ago the government tried this in a few cases, it turned out it cost more to run these cases than the money recovered, so it's not something that realistically happens nowadays, either).

Now I'm not saying it's no big deal to sign the I-864, but I also feel like it's made out to be a bigger deal than it really is, sometimes.

[Mike E 11,739]

I know of one immigration   whose blog has posted several times in 2022 about using I-864 to sue for support.  I don’t know why he would do that if he didn’t have a successful track record in these cases.  
 

The risk is real. I am dumb founded that anyone would encourage OP to sign I-864 in this situation.  

[beloved_dingo 1,979]

A few months is not much time to adjust, especially since she cannot work or drive. It's probably not so much that "everything is better in Ukraine" but more than her life is radically different than it was even a few months ago and she is struggling to process this. It also must be hard to be homesick for a country that is going through a war. However, her being cold and dismissive to you is extremely concerning. You need to find out if she is still invested in your relationship at all. 

 

In that same vein - do you still love her? If it was possible for things to improve, would you want to work it out with her? If so, you need to try and talk to her about marriage counseling and also find out what would help her feel more comfortable here in the U.S. If you respond to her concerns by listing out expenses you have taken care of for her/the kids, that is not really helpful because frankly, it is the minimum that should be expected. She has no way to work right now and there are children involved so, you shouldn't consider taking care of their basic needs as being enough to make her happy. 

 

Also, the U.S. is very very different depending on where you live. Is it possible she'd be happier living in a different city? What is it that she is specifically missing about her home country?

 

As others have said, do not send the AOS package until you at least have confirmation that she is willing to work on the marriage. 

[SteveInBostonI130 3,459]

17 hours ago, Silentcloud said:

Complaining like at least 10 complaints a day. Whatever I buy for the house she finds fault and complains saying that it is so better in Ukraine. She said many times like "I don't understand why is America number# 1 country as I don't find one thing better here than Ukraine". I mentioned many times to her that she is new in the country and she and her kids need to adapt to the new country and the lifestyle and it takes time and needs patience and flexibility. I couldn't take it anymore and talked to her today and she sounded very cold and not seem interested and had shown no interest to mend the situation so our discussion ended in putting an end to the marriage. She discards everything what I do for them saying "every man does it so what? You didn't do anything special".  She also said two days back that "why would the man feel used or upset if the woman doesn't feel love anymore and want to separate after a few years".

 

There was a saying from various forums about dating in Ukraine/Russia/Belarus:  If your girlfriend likes/loves you, you will know it.  The above does not sound like she loves you or likes you.

 

I am really blessed.  Every every morning when my wife sees me she smiles and is genuinely happy.  I also love how sometimes, when she wakes in the middle of the night, she giggles and kisses me and goes back to sleep. 

 

It is normal for your wife to complain about her new surroundings.  My wife hated my house, the weather, and how nothing was familiar.   The house was because she was used to tall ceilings - soviet era apartments, while shabby looking on the outside, were built with 10 foot ceilings (maybe 3 meters?) and finished nicely on the inside.  The weather..well, we are in MA - she was hoping for someplace warmer, because in Ukraine there was no choice to move to a warmer state, where in the US there are lots of warmer states.  The "nothing familiar" is what it is, but the most jarring thing for her was not hearing any Ukrainian/Russian speech, which was something that was subconscious and noticeable only when it was missing.  There was a chance that the whole thing would not work out the first week she was here.

 

But what is different from us and from what you described of your relationship, is that we talked.  We discussed all the issues and found ways to alleviate her unease.  She still hates the low ceilings, but is more used to it and tolerates it a bit.  The weather, well she moved in Feb and it did get better.  The "nothing familiar" was overcame by listening to Ukrainian podcasts and Marshall's/TJ Maxx.   Not that Marshall's is familiar, but the fantastic price for good clothes.  She still hates manicures/pedicures here, both in quality and price.  She ended up learning to do it by herself at home.

 

If your wife is from the city, then there are lots of things that were better back home.  Everything was in walking distance or via mass transit (subway, tram, bus).  Latte's were about $1 - $1.50, generally things costs less for the same or better quality (except clothes at Marshall's).  Meat prices are lower here, but veggies are more expensive.  But that does not excuse her not trying to work things out with you.  If she is in love with you, you would not have these doubts.  From your snippets of conversation, it sounds like she has lost respect for you.  I would consult a divorce attorney. 

[JeanneAdil 6,511]

no advice here but questions

but listen to others with some good points

 

Do u love her?

Are u willing to work this out??

How are the kids doing?

Has she asked to go back to EU?

Are u willing to buy her and kids a ticket to go back?

Have u reminded her Ukraine was great but its not the same now? I could never return to my home town as its all changed and what i remember is gone

Edited August 1, 2022 by JeanneAdil

[Dashinka 24,512]

1 hour ago, SteveInBostonI130 said:

 

There was a saying from various forums about dating in Ukraine/Russia/Belarus:  If your girlfriend likes/loves you, you will know it.  The above does not sound like she loves you or likes you.

 

I am really blessed.  Every every morning when my wife sees me she smiles and is genuinely happy.  I also love how sometimes, when she wakes in the middle of the night, she giggles and kisses me and goes back to sleep. 

 

It is normal for your wife to complain about her new surroundings.  My wife hated my house, the weather, and how nothing was familiar.   The house was because she was used to tall ceilings - soviet era apartments, while shabby looking on the outside, were built with 10 foot ceilings (maybe 3 meters?) and finished nicely on the inside.  The weather..well, we are in MA - she was hoping for someplace warmer, because in Ukraine there was no choice to move to a warmer state, where in the US there are lots of warmer states.  The "nothing familiar" is what it is, but the most jarring thing for her was not hearing any Ukrainian/Russian speech, which was something that was subconscious and noticeable only when it was missing.  There was a chance that the whole thing would not work out the first week she was here.

 

But what is different from us and from what you described of your relationship, is that we talked.  We discussed all the issues and found ways to alleviate her unease.  She still hates the low ceilings, but is more used to it and tolerates it a bit.  The weather, well she moved in Feb and it did get better.  The "nothing familiar" was overcame by listening to Ukrainian podcasts and Marshall's/TJ Maxx.   Not that Marshall's is familiar, but the fantastic price for good clothes.  She still hates manicures/pedicures here, both in quality and price.  She ended up learning to do it by herself at home.

 

If your wife is from the city, then there are lots of things that were better back home.  Everything was in walking distance or via mass transit (subway, tram, bus).  Latte's were about $1 - $1.50, generally things costs less for the same or better quality (except clothes at Marshall's).  Meat prices are lower here, but veggies are more expensive.  But that does not excuse her not trying to work things out with you.  If she is in love with you, you would not have these doubts.  From your snippets of conversation, it sounds like she has lost respect for you.  I would consult a divorce attorney. 

This was a big thing I prepared my fiancé (now wife) about when coming here.  I told her that mass transit was not really an option, and she would have to re-learn how to drive.  When she actually arrived even before our wedding, we started her on driving with me as the teacher.  We started in the local parks and cemeteries,  and gradually moved to the road ways.  She took her written exam and passed even doing it in English (Russian was an option), and eventually also passed her driving exam on her second attempt (the first exam proctor was very nit-picky).  Anyway, I completely agree with your comments, and maybe it was a little easier for me as I was very easy going.  My wife still does complain about the weather even though she lived the majority of her life in Siberia, but we take trips to warmer areas as often as possible.  I also made sure she had a phone upon arrival so she could still talk to her mother, son and the rest of the family back in Russia.  We also got a Russian speaking television channel which she appreciated.  As I mentioned earlier, setting up some local Russian/Ukrainian/Moldovan/Uzbekistan, etc. contacts was also very helpful.  My wife also did not like the manicure/pedicure shops around, but through her friend she found someone from Uzbekistan that did it locally.

 

Regardless, it is all about adjustment for everyone.

[EM_Vandaveer 2,408]

4 hours ago, Mike E said:

I know of one immigration   whose blog has posted several times in 2022 about using I-864 to sue for support.  I don’t know why he would do that if he didn’t have a successful track record in these cases.  
 

The risk is real. I am dumb founded that anyone would encourage OP to sign I-864 in this situation.  

I'm not encouraging OP to sign the I-864 but at the same time holding one's spouse's immigration status over their head is not nice, either.... It's a sticky situation for sure.

And IMHO a good example of one of the drawbacks of K-1 for the immigrant, especially since children are involved.

Edited August 1, 2022 by EM_Vandaveer

[Boiler 45,525]

Obviously having married there ae going to be complication but the I 134 is not enforceable.

 

You need to discuss your situation with a local divorce lawyer, at this point in time hopefully it will not be too painful.