I-864 only enforceable if immigrant gets visa correct?

[JeanneAdil 6,489]

12 minutes ago, Strawberrymermaid said:

I just never know what a court will decide... I know this is just a grab for money and a couple thousand may appease him and he will settle. I don't want to be stuck with my attorney fees, his attorney fees, and additional money to pay him on top of that. Even though I'm just a "rich American" in his eyes lol

you won't be stuck with his fees 

delete him

block him

divorce and move on 

and don't pay out a dime /  he can support himself 

 

[Crazy Cat 41,814]

2 minutes ago, JeanneAdil said:

you won't be stuck with his fees 

delete him

block him

divorce and move on 

and don't pay out a dime /  he can support himself 

 

The divorce judge might disagree.

[Strawberrymermaid 346]

7 hours ago, ROK2USA said:

 

@Strawberrymermaid I am so sorry to hear about this latest development in your relationship. I always found your posts so helpful and inspiring and I loved your tenacity in fighting for your marriage and all the expedite requests ❤️ I wish you all the best in your journey.

 

 

 

3 minutes ago, Dashinka said:

First of all, sorry you are going through this.  Like many others I followed your journey, and am sorry to see it has come to an end.

 

I don't have much to add at this point as I have never been involved in a divorce domestically or internationally, but I would caution that he certainly could try to get through our porous Southern Border, and getting to Mexico although difficult due to limited flights, might be an option.  I am not advocating paying him off or fighting him at this point, that is best left to you and your attorney, but hopefully you can wrap this up very soon to avoid any other potential drama.

 

Good Luck!

Thank you to everyone who followed along.. 💟 I am the one who wanted this so don't feel sad for me persay, just take my situation as an example for anyone else NOT to have to go through. I feel my eyes were opened finally.

Another word of caution to anyone reading this and still in the process, this sounds silly but I am trying to offer some advice- make SURE you don't keep in this situation for a sunken costs reason, or to feel like you finally "won" if/ when they get their visa. The only reason you are going through this is so you can be together and then start your life. I fought so hard, tried so many things, expedites, being patient, research, time and money spent, trips to Russia etc... as if it was a problem I was trying to solve to get over the hump to finally be together. I focused on the formalities and difficulties of the paperwork during a worldwide pandemic and didn't really look at the compatibility of myself and my partner. We straight up were not compatible in any way and me fighting for the paperwork (and then the disaster that is Moscow embassy closing and having to do CRAZY getting ducks in a row to get an interview) that took up so much of my time that I overlooked just how miserable I would have been when we finally got to live a married life together, the REAL ACTUAL relationship. No real shared life goals, interests, or wants. I then didn't file divorce sooner because I felt terrible about the war and his situation in Russia. It's not my fault or duty to "save" him , and its not yours either. So just heed my advice, please. 😀

 

[TBoneTX 45,259]

Rely on solid legal advice before deciding how to proceed.

Consider consulting 3 lawyers who have substantial experience in Tennessee and international divorces.

[TBoneTX 45,259]

1 minute ago, Strawberrymermaid said:

I overlooked just how miserable I would have been when we finally got to live a married life together, the REAL ACTUAL relationship.

This is easy to do, and not something that many or even most would consistently be aware of.

Your head seems to be on very straight indeed.  

[Strawberrymermaid 346]

20 minutes ago, Crazy Cat said:

The divorce judge might disagree.

This is my fear as well. You just never know what a judge is going to decide.... He will never have the earning capacity or potential that I have. He is not educated, he does not make much money.. etc. Could a judge say, hey, he will NEVER make as much money as her and she owes him alimony for a long period of time? Or, she owes him the ability to get an education and a better job? Probably not, but, if alimony is based on the party's need and the other's ability to pay, stranger things have happened. We were married for 16 months before I filed for divorce. It doesn't matter what is fair or right or even reasonable. I think it's judge's interpretations of the law/ equitable division/ long term earning potential. I hope I'm wrong, but I am fearful. Thankfully we have no children or joint property. I spent thousands of dollars in the last couple years. This was an expensive mistake that I don't want to have to pay for, for much longer.

 

It's also hard for me to even differentiate between our marriage and other outside factors. Russian war, not my fault. World pandemic, not my fault. Him quitting his job? Not my fault but he claims it was for us. Him not being able to make more money... is that my fault or my responsibility? 

If I already hired a lawyer who filed the paperwork and is doing research for me, is it worth it to call others who may have more experience with international divorces?

Edited July 18, 2022 by Strawberrymermaid

[TBoneTX 45,259]

8 minutes ago, Strawberrymermaid said:

I think it's judge's interpretations of the law/ equitable division/ long term earning potential. I hope I'm wrong, but I am fearful.

FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real

Find out for sure.

Some lawyers can get cases filed in "favorable" courtrooms.

9 minutes ago, Strawberrymermaid said:

is that my fault or my responsibility? 

Negatory.

10 minutes ago, Strawberrymermaid said:

is it worth it to call others

If you're calling purely for information, it seems harmless.  If your lawyer learns about it and becomes miffed, that's a sign that you should look elsewhere for legal help.

[Boiler 45,449]

I know too many people who have been hosed in the divorce courts so will not comment on that, a B Visa, well no its not impossible but pretty close to it.

[SalishSea 17,803]

1 hour ago, Strawberrymermaid said:

I honestly could see him & his family pulling some kind of crazy request to get him an emergency US tourist visa to come to the US "and fight his ex wife who wronged him".

 

Aint love grand.. but aint divorce a real pain...

Luckily, getting a B as a Russian currently is harder than ever, plus since he need not be present in the US to be divorced in the US, there is no legitimate 'emergency.'

[Family 3,988]

1 hour ago, Strawberrymermaid said:

If I already hired a lawyer who filed the paperwork and is doing research for me, is it worth it to call others who may have more experience with international divorces

Worth every penny, or you could end up with an Elaine instead of Ben/ Camille! 

[Redro 4,611]

8 hours ago, Strawberrymermaid said:

If I already hired a lawyer who filed the paperwork and is doing research for me, is it worth it to call others who may have more experience with international divorces?

It is 100% worth it to have a few consults with lawyers who have more experience with international divorce. 

Please get a second, third and forth opinion. Don't engage in sunk cost fallacy thinking because you already have a lawyer. 

 

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

Service by publication is absolutely permissible under TN law and is probably a good choice here. As someone who spent months during 2020 trying to serve a Russian oligarch with a complaint, ask me how much fun it is to try to effect even substitute service on someone who's resident in Russia, even before the war. (Hint: it was not fun, except when we got the court to grant an order allowing us to serve the guy via email. That felt fantastic, because his US lawyers were [insert nasty plural noun].) Service by publication usually requires a showing that something more than "I tried" -- have you exhausted all regular means of service? Can you document your efforts? That's what they're looking for. The impossibility of service by regular means will help, too. 

 

A few other points to the OP: PLEASE seek competent local counsel. PLEASE! That your attorney didn't mention service by publication right off the bat is worrying. Yes, there are hoops to jump through, but you look likely to be able to jump through them. Ask people you know for personal referrals, and read Google reviews as well as Martindale-Hubbell for peer reviews. (Google reviews of lawyers tend to be more informative, in my personal opinion, than Yelp reviews.) 

 

Also, I looked at your timeline and you were married for under 18 months before you split. Now, I don't claim to know anything about TN family law (see my closing remarks below), but family courts are courts of equity. This means that the judge is empowered to weigh all sorts of different factors in deciding how to distribute the marital estate, and whether either party has a right to spousal support, and how much, for how long, and from where.

 

In your favor: short marriage, never lived together, little (if any?) financial comingling, likely little to no showing of financial dependence of one spouse upon the other, and (I'm guessing) your husband is still relatively young and capable of gainful employment at or around the same level of seniority and pay as before the marriage, notwithstanding factors outside of his and your control like the war. Working against you: that you were married at all, and I'm guessing no prenup. Theoretically, your husband may be entitled to a portion (not necessarily half, and unlikely to be given the factors I listed above) of the real and personal property you acquired during the duration of the marriage. This means normal earnings from a job, investment dividends, cars and other big-ticket items, and any real estate. It doesn't mean any inheritances or personal injury proceeds, plus anything you brought into the marriage or anything you designated as your own separate property. Of all that, the salary and investment earnings are the most likely targets, but even then -- you were only married 16 months before the date of separation to someone you never lived with as your spouse.

 

You aren't required to give him a better life -- the court needs to ensure that he is not worse off economically for marrying you. A judge isn't going to make a person in a 16-month marriage pay for the other spouse's education, give him a leg up, or set him up for life. Particularly someone who (forgive me if I am wrong) is likely not a squillionaire.

 

In my personal opinion, do not pay this man money to go away without letting the court shepherd you through this a little. It could be you can walk away with an order of dissolution without needing to pay him a penny. Is he planning on having local representation? How's he going to pay for that? Contingency fee agreements are not a thing under TN law as it relates to "domestic relations" matters such as obtaining a divorce or alimony so he needs to pay. He's blowing smoke up your heinie (legal term) and trying to get you to cough up without him having to spend anything. Stuff that. Once you serve him, whether by publication (affordable) or court order permitting service by email (less affordable, requires much more attorney work), he's in the case. If he's a no show, he gets no chance to make his case -- but that's his problem, not yours.

 

Right now, start gathering all your evidence. That you didn't support him, that there was little to no financial comingling, what he was earning before the marriage, etc. Find a good local attorney with at least some experience of international divorce. Paying him now to go away, when you don't have an order you can enforce in court, is just opening a tap that he isn't going to want to turn off. The courts are here to help enforce rights, yours and his. Take advantage of them.

 

Touchy-feely stuff: I know this feels like junk right now. I have been divorced twice, and they both felt like hell for different reasons. (Note: do not marry your first boyfriend after you divorce -- rebound divorce is real!) But it truly does test your mettle and can be transformative. Big girl pants time now. You can do this. 

 

Closing remarks in disclaimer: I am a lawyer, but not anyone on here's lawyer, and I'm a California lawyer and definitely NOT a Tennessee family lawyer, so everything I just said is just plain ol' "I'm trying to be helpful in a, you know, friendly capacity" so don't rely on anything I said in court -- seek qualified local counsel. And to the OP specifically: your soon to be ex sucks. I'm glad you figured it out before you had to suffer through marriage together.

[Family 3,988]

20 minutes ago, elmcitymaven said:

specifically: your soon to be ex sucks

Hoorah! By the end of your post I was quasi saluting …especially as I enter my 3rd divorce whining woeth me ! 

[JeanneAdil 6,489]

20 hours ago, Crazy Cat said:

The divorce judge might disagree.

Tennessee is very red neck ( i can explain if you want to know what i mean by this ) but trying not to insult any 

[Ontarkie 14,218]

~~Hijack post removed. Please start your own thread if you have question about your process.~~