Huge Age Gap...65/21

[mytruelove18 608]

4 hours ago, Adventine said:

I'm a Filipina. I lived 30 years in the Philippines and dated many Filipinos before eventually marrying an American.

 

Time for some brutal honesty. 

 

The age gap is definitely a consideration. But for many people, especially those who don't have significant resources of their own, the bigger consideration is money. 

 

I don't know of any 21 year old Filipina with her own resources who would happily marry a 65 year old man. But I can think of many 21 year olds without resources who would do and say anything to land a rich senior citizen. Especially one who offers a path to US citizenship.

 

People will tell you what they think you want to hear because they see you (and your young fiancee, once she gets to the States) as a golden ticket to a better life. They will never admit it to you, of course. 

 

A good test to see if this relationship is genuine: try pretending that you lost all your money (and of course look and act the part). See what your fiancee does. 

 

 

 

Good advice, if she is OK after he pretend lost everything, then it is real love,.

If he start to act as if he doesn't have money and propose her live in Philippines because he doesn't have money to live in usa, I am sure she will change

[RO_AH 1,659]

David, you came to the wrong place for this. If you need info on immigration specifics, there is a great wealth of knowledge. While there may be some truth to what is posted, there are many here that love to go over the top with their judgment of you without knowing anything about you. Is the age gap big? For me, yes, it's outside of my comfort zone, but I am not about to judge you for it.

 

Now my opinion, I do not think it will be a huge issue at the Embassy. Taking a bunch of pictures holding a newspaper is rather pointless, they just need to see your passport stamps with the dates you were in country. What will be more important is pictures together and also lots of pictures with family and friends and time spent together.

 

I am in one of those relationships that most posting before me say are impossible, and don't exist. Me and my wife have a 25 year age gap. We have been in a relationship for 11.5 years. We are coming up on our 5th wedding anniversary. We have 2 beautiful children together. My wife has zero interest in getting citizenship and would much rather be living in the Philippines. The sooner I can retire and move us back to the Philippines the happier she will be. I will be pushing her to get her citizenship mostly because both of our son's are dual citizen's. She has never once in our relationship asked me for anything. Luckily I had 2 previous girlfriends in the Philippines that are like everyone here described. They taught me how to spot someone that is less than genuine so I value those short lived relationships.

[Boiler 45,532]

The age gap seems a non issue, after all he has experience in this.

[david&who? 10]

14 hours ago, ROK2USA said:

In a previous post you mentioned your partner worked overseas... has she moved back to the Philippines now or is she planning on working overseas again?

Be aware there is a huge backlog for K1 visas in Manila and currently it is taking 13 months for the K1 petition to be approved so you're looking at maybe 2 years or so before she can move to the US. 

If she is going to interview somewhere else it might be a little shorter.

I would consider either living with your partner during those two years to see if you are fully compatible and forget about the K1 on file. Or maybe consider getting married in a third country of via Utah and filing the spousal visa. . . 

But, maybe you should play it safe and file the K1 in case the CO doesn't believe the relationship is bonafide. Easier to walk away from an engagement as opposed to a marriage. 

She does not work overseas and never has.  She lives in the Philippines.

[david&who? 10]

8 hours ago, Daphne K said:

Exactly this!

 

if we would take out the general statement of Filipino men being horrible (and I am sure there are still plenty of stable, loving Filipino men out there), would a 21 year old Filipina pick a 65 year old Filipino man who can provide her with the same companionship, stability, etc.? I don’t think so..

 

We see similar situations with middle aged (US citizen) women and young men from certain African countries. Not all of these cases are the same, but you get my point.

 

USCIS will scrutinize your case, I think you already know that. Especially because a pattern is starting to develop. 

 

I NEVER said that all Filipino men are horrible.  I have heard this from many people (dozens I have personally spoken to not just my fiance. Men and women included.)

[david&who? 10]

2 hours ago, Boiler said:

The age gap seems a non issue, after all he has experience in this.

Now that's a rather inappropriate and judgemental comment if I ever heard one. Coming from you Boiler, I am shocked.

[david&who? 10]

2 hours ago, RO_AH said:

David, you came to the wrong place for this. If you need info on immigration specifics, there is a great wealth of knowledge. While there may be some truth to what is posted, there are many here that love to go over the top with their judgment of you without knowing anything about you. Is the age gap big? For me, yes, it's outside of my comfort zone, but I am not about to judge you for it.

 

Now my opinion, I do not think it will be a huge issue at the Embassy. Taking a bunch of pictures holding a newspaper is rather pointless, they just need to see your passport stamps with the dates you were in country. What will be more important is pictures together and also lots of pictures with family and friends and time spent together.

 

I am in one of those relationships that most posting before me say are impossible, and don't exist. Me and my wife have a 25 year age gap. We have been in a relationship for 11.5 years. We are coming up on our 5th wedding anniversary. We have 2 beautiful children together. My wife has zero interest in getting citizenship and would much rather be living in the Philippines. The sooner I can retire and move us back to the Philippines the happier she will be. I will be pushing her to get her citizenship mostly because both of our son's are dual citizen's. She has never once in our relationship asked me for anything. Luckily I had 2 previous girlfriends in the Philippines that are like everyone here described. They taught me how to spot someone that is less than genuine so I value those short lived relationships.

Mahalo for the kind words.  Yes, I can see that VJ had changed since the last time I really used it 12 years ago.  It's full of judgemental people making snide remarks. Making statements that they know nothing about. I will not post anything here again.  I'm done with VJ.

[laylalex 7,285]

7 hours ago, MarJhi said:

Lines that have always been red flags for me are.... "men from my country are disrespectful to women"...and  "age is just a number". These are the standard answers when someone is telling you what you want to hear. And yes those can be applied to men in some countries trying to snag themselves an older American woman. 

Same goes for the American guys on here who start spouting off about how American women are disrespectful and lazy, so they just had to go abroad... 

 

OP, you have to understand (I'm sure you do) that what you're doing is out of the norm, so many people will judge you for it. We have all seen similar cases to yours that don't turn out well, so we're jaded. Of course your case is your case, and nobody else's, and we don't know all the details. But on the face of it -- and I say this will all respect -- your relationship looks like it has red flags. We don't know! We're not you! But you can't blame people for clicking on a topic called "Huge Age Gap" and then posting, yeah, that's a big age gap. It's not normal in our society -- which is not to say it's bad, it's just not "normal." So accept the brickbats as the risk of posting on a public forum. If you love your fiancee enough, you won't care. Personally, it's not an age gap I am comfortable with, but that's just me. You're you. Be confident in that.

Edited July 7, 2022 by laylalex

[Daphne . 1,866]

15 minutes ago, laylalex said:

Same goes for the American guys on here who start spouting off about how American women are disrespectful and lazy, so they just had to go abroad... 

 

OP, you have to understand (I'm sure you do) that what you're doing is out of the norm, so many people will judge you for it. We have all seen similar cases to yours that don't turn out well, so we're jaded. Of course your case is your case, and nobody else's, and we don't know all the details. But on the face of it -- and I say this will all respect -- your relationship looks like it has red flags. We don't know! We're not you! But you can't blame people for clicking on a topic called "Huge Age Gap" and then posting, yeah, that's a big age gap. It's not normal in our society -- which is not to say it's bad, it's just not "normal." So accept the brickbats as the risk of posting on a public forum. If you love your fiancee enough, you won't care. Personally, it's not an age gap I am comfortable with, but that's just me. You're you. Be confident in that.

I think it is about more than just the age gap.

These are young girls, VERY young girls and that adds something to this mix as well. For example: A 45 year old women with an 80 year old man is the same age gap (and probably with a similar reason) but feels different. 

Edited July 7, 2022 by Daphne K

[laylalex 7,285]

2 minutes ago, Daphne K said:

I think it is about more than just the age gap.

These are young girls, VERY young girls and that adds something to this mix as well. For example: A 45 year old women with an 80 year old man is the same age gap (and probably with a similar reason) but feels different. 

I was being polite.  

 

And I very much agree with everything you say here. 45 and 80 is a little out of the ordinary, but those are two people with entire lives of experience. The power balance is more equal.

[MarJhi 963]

28 minutes ago, DaveAndRudyLove said:

Mahalo for the kind words.  Yes, I can see that VJ had changed since the last time I really used it 12 years ago.  It's full of judgemental people making snide remarks. Making statements that they know nothing about. I will not post anything here again.  I'm done with VJ.

To be fair,  in your initial post you wanted to know if USCIS would scrutinize your relationship specifically because of the age gap. I am not sure how anyone can answer that question without making a judgment from the details you gave. Expect a similar amount of skepticism from USCIS, just because you don't like the skepticism doesn't mean it's unfounded. 

 

You did cross a line (for me) when you made a blanket statement about Filipino men. Now you put the disclaimer that everyone you talked to said those things, but you have to know those people are either fools or lying to you. Don't insult Filipino men in order to help you justify the age gap that you clearly know is a problem from your first post.

 

 

[MarJhi 963]

8 minutes ago, Daphne K said:

I think it is about more than just the age gap.

These are young girls, VERY young girls and that adds something to this mix as well. For example: A 45 year old women with an 80 year old man is the same age gap (and probably with a similar reason) but feels different. 

Yes, because that 45 year old woman has some life experience behind her and is decades past being a child. 

[RO_AH 1,659]

43 minutes ago, MarJhi said:

You did cross a line (for me) when you made a blanket statement about Filipino men.

I'm sorry, but how many single mothers do you know in the Philippines? How many of them are collecting child support? Comments about Filipino men are not unfounded.

 

Now on the other hand that is not saying all Filipino men are bad. There are plenty of very kind, loving, family oriented, loyal Pinoy men. Just like people saying that all Pinay woman want to escape poverty and will say anything a foreigner wants to hear and are not really interested in the guy, only his money and citizenship. Those do exist, however there are those that are very kind, loving, family oriented, loyal  women.

Edited July 7, 2022 by RO_AH

[MarJhi 963]

5 minutes ago, RO_AH said:

I'm sorry, but how many single mothers do you know in the Philippines? How many of them are collecting child support? Comments about Filipino men are not unfounded.

 

Now on the other hand that is not saying all Filipino men are bad. There are plenty of very kind, loving, family oriented, loyal Pinoy men. Just like people saying that all Pinay woman want to escape poverty and will say anything a foreigner wants to hear and are not really interested in the guy, only his money and citizenship. Those do exist, however there are those that are very kind, loving, family oriented, loyal  women.

I'm sorry, but how many single mothers do you know in the US? How many of them are collecting child support? Comments about Western Men are not unfounded.

 

See, 2 can play that game. 😁

[Daphne . 1,866]

2 minutes ago, RO_AH said:

I'm sorry, but how many single mothers do you know in the Philippines? How many of them are collecting child support. Comments about Filipino men are not unfounded.

 

Now on the other hand that is not saying all Filipino men are bad. There are plenty of very kind, loving, family oriented, loyal Pinoy men. Just like people saying that all Pinay woman want to escape poverty and will say anything a foreigner wants to hear and are not really interested in the guy, only his money and citizenship. Those do exist, however there are those that are very kind, loving, family oriented, loyal  women.

Absolutely agree with everything you say, there are good and bad people everywhere and everybody should be treated as an individual. 

 

OP's first wife was 19 (so just barely an adult) when they married and he was in his mid-late 50's. OP's 2nd wife to be is 21 and he is now 65. Regardless of stereotyping and talking about possible ulterior motives, these are girls, not women...