Huge Age Gap...65/21

[david&who? 10]

36 minutes ago, MarJhi said:

Obviously if you are mentioning the age gap issue then you already have an understanding of the problem, or potential problems. If USCIS questions something, it's because they have seen it a million times and have a pretty good idea where it is going.

 

Since you did it twice, can I ask if you were specifically seeking someone with that much of an age difference or was it just happenstance both times?  Why not find someone with more life experience?

No, honestly I was looking for an older woman but had no luck. Many of them were "stuck" in a marriage to a man who had deserted her and their children.  Many were Separated, and that's a disaster in the Philippines.  I had no luck.  I was actually introduced to this girl by my trike driver in the Philippines.  He had a friend who's sister just moved from the Provence to the city and he introduced us.  No dating sites this time around.

Search youtube for David Olsten. You can see the story, the engagement party, etc.

[Timona 4,207]

10 minutes ago, DaveAndRudyLove said:

With all due respect the first Filipina did not use me.  We were married for 8 years. She had her green card and US citizenship after 2 years of marriage.  We had two children, after the US Citizenship together and were very happy.  After having the second child my then wife suffered extreme bleeding in the hospital and went CODE BLUE.  Emergency surgery, ventilator, the whole works. Complete removal of all her her female parts, uterus and Fallopian tubes.  She survived and we were very happy but she became a different woman.  She refused and still refuses to take the female hormones that her doctor prescribed.  This is when our marriage started to go down the tubes.  And I didn't lose much in the divorce.  She wanted very little.  I only pay 529 dollars a month child support.  So she was not a bad person. She was the only one who couldn't see the changes.  I actually feel bad for her but she refuses to take the meds.

 

I did read some where $2500 per month..

 

But hey, if you're happy, I will be for you. Until then, take it easy....

[david&who? 10]

20 minutes ago, Timona said:

 

I did read some where $2500 per month..

 

But hey, if you're happy, I will be for you. Until then, take it easy....

Oh yeah I forgot.  I pay her 1000 a month for 4 years to buy out her share of the house.  Only 50k for a 750,000 dollar home on Maui.  So I currently pay her 1529. a month. I stand corrected.

[TBoneTX 45,329]

An unnecessarily judgmental post has been removed.

[david&who? 10]

8 minutes ago, TBoneTX said:

An unnecessarily judgmental post has been removed.

Thanks for staying on top of this .  I really appreciate it.

[Redro 4,611]

3 hours ago, DaveAndRudyLove said:

Okay, so my Fiance is 21 and I am 65.  I know this is a huge age gap however in the Philippines age is not the deciding factor for young ladies.  Does the US Embassy know this or are they going to give her/us extreme scrutiny at the interview?  How do we prepare for this? We have provided evidence with our initial filing of us being together in the Philippines. We have provided evidence of our engagement, including the Manager of the Hotel who wrote a letter, on hotel letterhead and stated that he was present at the engagement surprise.  We have provided photos together holding up 4 newspapers with the dates on them.  I also provided my boarding passes, etc...  I know the age gap is huge and maybe I am crazy but I believe that my fiance loves me just as much as I love her. 

(In 2013 I went to the Philippines and married a 19 year old girl and brought her to the US.  She walked out on me after 8 years of marriage and two children. I never saw it coming.)  Our divorce was finalized in January 2021.  I knew I could not marry in the Philippines again  as they do not recognize  US Divorce, hence the K-1 visa this time.  Tell me, am I crazy?

 

 

In a previous post you mentioned your partner worked overseas... has she moved back to the Philippines now or is she planning on working overseas again?

Be aware there is a huge backlog for K1 visas in Manila and currently it is taking 13 months for the K1 petition to be approved so you're looking at maybe 2 years or so before she can move to the US. 

If she is going to interview somewhere else it might be a little shorter.

I would consider either living with your partner during those two years to see if you are fully compatible and forget about the K1 on file. Or maybe consider getting married in a third country of via Utah and filing the spousal visa. . . 

But, maybe you should play it safe and file the K1 in case the CO doesn't believe the relationship is bonafide. Easier to walk away from an engagement as opposed to a marriage. 

[MarJhi 963]

2 hours ago, DaveAndRudyLove said:

Security, trust, love, structure, companionship...  All of the Filipinos I have spoken to say that they don't want to marry a Filipino because they are notorious for leaving for another woman, or they just don't want to take responsibility for the child/children.   I know for a fact that this is a common problem in the Philippines leaving many single mothers to fend for them selves.  No alimony, child support, spousal support or responsibility for the cheating boyfriend/husband.  And since the Philippines has no divorce these poor girls are stuck in limbo, never able to marry another.  It's tragic.

I believe the statements about men in the Philippines is more the women telling a westerner what they want to hear than the actual truth. The average Filipino man is no more and no less likely to be a dirt bag than a man from any other country, that is a completely unfair generalization. I know of many hardworking Filipino men who are good loyal husbands. Their income ceiling is a lot lower than even a poor American/westerner, and that is more likely the reason why a young Filipina (individual) would tell a westerner what he wants to hear. They (the individual filipina) are never going to tell the older westerner they are looking for a better financial situation,  they are going to flatter him.

[Daphne . 1,871]

5 hours ago, MarJhi said:

I believe the statements about men in the Philippines is more the women telling a westerner what they want to hear than the actual truth. The average Filipino man is no more and no less likely to be a dirt bag than a man from any other country, that is a completely unfair generalization. I know of many hardworking Filipino men who are good loyal husbands. Their income ceiling is a lot lower than even a poor American/westerner, and that is more likely the reason why a young Filipina (individual) would tell a westerner what he wants to hear. They (the individual filipina) are never going to tell the older westerner they are looking for a better financial situation,  they are going to flatter him.

Exactly this!

 

if we would take out the general statement of Filipino men being horrible (and I am sure there are still plenty of stable, loving Filipino men out there), would a 21 year old Filipina pick a 65 year old Filipino man who can provide her with the same companionship, stability, etc.? I don’t think so..

 

We see similar situations with middle aged (US citizen) women and young men from certain African countries. Not all of these cases are the same, but you get my point.

 

USCIS will scrutinize your case, I think you already know that. Especially because a pattern is starting to develop. 

 

[Adventine 3,196]

I'm a Filipina. I lived 30 years in the Philippines and dated many Filipinos before eventually marrying an American.

 

Time for some brutal honesty. 

 

The age gap is definitely a consideration. But for many people, especially those who don't have significant resources of their own, the bigger consideration is money. 

 

I don't know of any 21 year old Filipina with her own resources who would happily marry a 65 year old man. But I can think of many 21 year olds without resources who would do and say anything to land a rich senior citizen. Especially one who offers a path to US citizenship.

 

People will tell you what they think you want to hear because they see you (and your young fiancee, once she gets to the States) as a golden ticket to a better life. They will never admit it to you, of course. 

 

A good test to see if this relationship is genuine: try pretending that you lost all your money (and of course look and act the part). See what your fiancee does. 

 

 

 

[Boiler 45,557]

It seems OK for the super wealthy to have a big age gap, the dynamics here are similar.

 

Leonardo DiCaprio seems to have an age limit of 25. Boris, Elon?

 

OP seems to know the deal, he has the T Short.

 

If you want to have a go why not?

 

No real downside.

[Redro 4,611]

Guys... this really could be true love.

But, if it isn't and I was a cynical person.

I would suggest living together in the Philippines for the (plus/minus) two years it will take for the K1 visa to reach interview. 

Maybe tell your partner filing is impossible due to the previous marriage in the Philippines and you'll live together "in sin" on a retirement visa. 

If partner is happy to live together in the Philippines and doesn't try to push for a move to the US go ahead with the K1 petition.

If partner is more interested in finding alternative solutions to moving to the US... they're more interested in a green card not the relationship. 

 

DISCLAIMER: I'm a fan of complete honesty in relationships so I would never play this game... but it is a game you could play.

 

[MarJhi 963]

1 minute ago, ROK2USA said:

Guys... this really could be true love.

But, if it isn't and I was a cynical person.

I would suggest living together in the Philippines for the (plus/minus) two years it will take for the K1 visa to reach interview. 

Maybe tell your partner filing is impossible due to the previous marriage in the Philippines and you'll live together "in sin" on a retirement visa. 

If partner is happy to live together in the Philippines and doesn't try to push for a move to the US go ahead with the K1 petition.

If partner is more interested in finding alternative solutions to moving to the US... they're more interested in a green card not the relationship. 

 

DISCLAIMER: I'm a fan of complete honesty in relationships so I would never play this game... but it is a game you could play.

 

 

 

Lines that have always been red flags for me are.... "men from my country are disrespectful to women"...and  "age is just a number". These are the standard answers when someone is telling you what you want to hear. And yes those can be applied to men in some countries trying to snag themselves an older American woman. 

 

Not saying it isn't true love in the OP's case, but when I hear that stuff I get very skeptical. Reminds me of the lyrics from The Eagles song "Lyin' Eyes"

[PWB 213]

11 hours ago, DaveAndRudyLove said:

With all due respect the first Filipina did not use me.  We were married for 8 years. She had her green card and US citizenship after 2 years of marriage.  We had two children, after the US Citizenship together and were very happy.  After having the second child my then wife suffered extreme bleeding in the hospital and went CODE BLUE.  Emergency surgery, ventilator, the whole works. Complete removal of all her her female parts, uterus and Fallopian tubes.  She survived and we were very happy but she became a different woman.  She refused and still refuses to take the female hormones that her doctor prescribed.  This is when our marriage started to go down the tubes.  And I didn't lose much in the divorce.  She wanted very little.  I only pay 529 dollars a month child support.  So she was not a bad person. She was the only one who couldn't see the changes.  I actually feel bad for her but she refuses to take the meds.

When you post extreme personal issues on VJ you will get beat up by some of these experts.  I was 75 and my wife 50 and we have a wonderful relationship.  I forgive her with all my heart that she can not keep up with me.  Just saying that there are a bunch of quality ladies in the Philippines over 50 years old. 

[Carpe Vinum 2,327]

12 minutes ago, PWB said:

When you post extreme personal issues on VJ you will get beat up by some of these experts.  I was 75 and my wife 50 and we have a wonderful relationship.  I forgive her with all my heart that she can not keep up with me.  Just saying that there are a bunch of quality ladies in the Philippines over 50 years old. 

I don't judge what others do. I was 53 and my wife was 30 when we met. Any more of an age gap and I would have felt a little uncomfortable. But, to each their own. I would expect that the OP might face some added scrutiny but Manila is pretty forgiving of age differences.

[Verrou 1,962]

cant answer if you are crazy or not,  but plenty people already gave their opinion here about relationship, u will be the judge.

 

yes, u / ur fiancee will be scrutinize during the interview. just prepare everything thoroughly and hope for the best