More than a serious concern!

[Susan&Pete 0]

Our relationship was absolutely fantastic when we were living in the US together. It was real and wonderful and we loved each so much more as each day passed. Together with our kids (My daughter and his daughter) we became a happy family for close to year. Our world came crashing down when Pete had to leave the country, leaving all us behind (including his daughter who lives here with her mother). But the relationship was far too good to end. Though we were ripped apart, we were determined to be together again. And so, began our K-1 journey.

It took months longer than we expected to start, because we had a horrible lawyer who did no work for us at all. I decided to do it myself. During our time apart, we both tried to settle into a temporary life until our reunion. No matter the faith, Pete carried around a heavy depression and great fear that he would not be able to return.

It came to my attention yesterday, that he was dating a woman while he's been back in the UK. It ended a few weeks ago. He has told me all that you would expect to hear- he's so sorry, he still loves;never stopped, and he will do whatever it takes to fix this.

I am crushed and confused. Instantly, upon hearing this from my source, I decided that I must end it all. I couldn't get a hold of him thru his mobile. I called the house and spoke to his mom, who was able soon after to get a hold of him and tip him off that I knew! He quickly called me to say that he would speak to me later that night. 12 hours passed until I got the "I'm sorry, etc...."

My head is crushing my heart. The people who know us best are shocked and know this would never have had happened if it weren't for the distance. I'm afraid to look a complete fool (if I don't already) if I should change my mind and try to repair this. But this is going to be the worst thing ever to end. I also know that this would never happen if he were here.

Am I in the denial part of the grieving process? Am I really being used at this point? We depend on each other for so many things, I mean alot! I'm sure to suffer greatly if he's not with me.

[BYRON-LEIDY 0]

IM SORRY TO HEAR WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU..IT SENDS CHILLS UP MY BAC BECAUSE TGHE DISTANCE IS KILLING ME AWAY FROM MY FIANCE..OUR TRUST IS GREAT AND ALL WE BOTH DO IS GOM TO WORK AND STRAIGHT HOME TO THE COMPUTER AND THE PHONE, REGARDLESS I STILL OCASSIONALLY WONDER " I HOPE SHE IS FAITHFULL THE WAY IM BEING..IN YOUR CASE ITS HARD..THERE ARE KIDS INVOLVED, HE DEFINATELY SHOULD HAVE RESPECTED THE RELATIONSHIP BUT LIKE YOUSAID IF THE DISTANCE WASNT THERE THEN HE PROBABLY WOULDNT HAVE...ITS A TOUH DECISION!!!!!!!! FOLLOW WHAT YOUR HEART SAYS AND NOT WHAT OTHERS DO...ITS YOUR LIFE AND YOU HAVE TO LIVE IT..DONT LET OTHERS INFLUECE YOUR DECISION

[Lance27 19]

First off I would like to say that Im sorry to hear that your relationship is over. I would however like to add that it may be for the better. If he truly loved you why date someone else. If he used being apart as a reason to date someone else I would hate to see if you guys were married and then while you were away or he was away he ended up cheating on you.

I always believe that everything happens to us for a reason and no matter how bad it may feel or seem to you it is always for the best.

[jundp 191]

Susan,

I am sorry to hear this is what you are going through.

I don't know what kind of "advice" I could give you, because I'm not in your shoes.

If it was me, I would probably have to consider a number of factors, but I don't know if I could forgive cheating (been there, done that...).

I do wish you luck in your decision process. I say follow your heart.

[jom 4]

We are both sorry to hear what you are going through. The emotional turmoil must be great and we are both praying for you to make the right decision. It is hard to think straight when your heart says otherwise. . weigh your options well. You have two choices now, to let go or continue and whatever that is we will be praying for you. It is hard when the trust is broken because it takes time to earn it but there is also the word forgiveness. Think about it . .your heart and mind will guide you. At the end of the day it is you who will make the decision and its your hapiness that counts.

Praying for you,

Joe and Myla

[Elmira 1]

We are very sorry to hear that I am sorry, but it is everything we can do

[SirLancelot 1]

My head is crushing my heart. The people who know us best are shocked and know this would never have had happened if it weren't for the distance. I'm afraid to look a complete fool (if I don't already) if I should change my mind and try to repair this. But this is going to be the worst thing ever to end. I also know that this would never happen if he were here.

Am I in the denial part of the grieving process? Am I really being used at this point? We depend on each other for so many things, I mean alot! I'm sure to suffer greatly if he's not with me.

Susan, I'm sorry to read about your situation. I can only imagine what you're going through.

But with regards to the denial part, I believe you are in a state of denial. You cannot allow the excuse of distance to pardon this infidelity. There are plenty of other couples in your similar situation and neither party cheated, even with the great distance apart. I'm not saying you cannot forgive this infidelity. If your religion allows you to or even desires you to forgive, then it's up to you to forgive this infidelity, but do not excuse this infidelity of his on distance. If he's not committed or faithful to you, then even if he's right beside you, he will find other excuses to cheat.

You need to accept the fact that he cheated on you and allow no excuses of distance to cloud your judgment. Once you've fully accepted that he cheated, then you can decided whether he's worth it to forgive and continue on, or to dump him.

Whatever you ultimately decide, you need to be fully OK with it yourself before this relationship can have a chance for a future.

Again, so sorry to read about this situation.

Wishing you the best.

[RosemarieL 0]

I am sorry to hear that you have had such bad news. Don't rush into making a decision. You need to take the time to see how you feel and whether you can find it in your heart to forgive or not. As someone above said the decision is made much harder by the fact that there are children involved.

[rika60607 215]

Dear Susan,

you are not necessarily in denial. There are men who will look for companionship of another woman if left alone for too long... (they think, life is short, why miss out on opportunities? or they get so emotionally distressed that they would seek help/love from a woman, nearly any woman)...

They are what they are, and it is still very possible that he does love you and wants to be with you and the other woman was just a poor substitute.

Question is, do you want to be with a man like this?

...you should know, if he did it once, he will do it again when opportunity rises. Is that something you are willing to deal with? If he is perfect in any other way?

Rika

PS I saw your picture, you are very beautiful... remember this and do not decide on taking the cheater back just out of fear to be alone.

[CzechMate 16]

Susan, you should really find out what kind of relationship he was having. Was he really dating and being intimate (really cheating), or did he just need companionship and someone to tell his troubles to (probably about being apart from you and the kids) and hang out with that just also happened to be a woman. In American culture, having a woman friend is considered taboo when you are in a relationship while in Europe its pretty normal as long as it truly is plutonic.

Sounds like you have a really tough decision to make and I totally feel for you but give it a few days before you decide for sure. As humans we often make very bad decisions when we are in much pain.

Take care,

CM

[Sinergy 3]

I would like to say i am sorry this has happened to you. It must be a horrible feeling. Remember though, you have a daughter to be strong for.

The distance isnt the reason this happened, i know we all want to blame the distance for everything but we cant. All of us are seperated by distance, and most of our spouses managed to stay faithful. If he did this to you in the UK, who is to say he wouldnt have done it in the US. I hope everything works out for you, and i hope you can heal quickly. This is deffinatly not something you ever want to go thru, again i hope you heal fast, and make the best decision that suites YOU.

[diadromous mermaid 36]

I'm sure to suffer greatly if he's not with me.

Just as you are suffering now while he is purportedly "with you"... Please think of yourself, do for yourself, leave time to do its work and if this relationship is meant to be, it will be.

[second stage 14]

Susan, you should really find out what kind of relationship he was having. Was he really dating and being intimate (really cheating), or did he just need companionship and someone to tell his troubles to...

Sounds like you have a really tough decision to make and I totally feel for you but give it a few days before you decide for sure. As humans we often make very bad decisions when we are in much pain.

I concur with CM.

You are in a tough spot....on one hand, you may certainly feel used and on the other hand, you had all these cooked up dreams of how life would be with you together in future considering you both had a good time in the past..However, at the end of the day, its your life and you have to make the choice...

Instead of a choice, if you want him back, can you let him prove himself again( am not sure how?)

I would give yourself sometime..atleast two weeks..to think it over and perhaps having a non-verbal communication(say email) is preferred since most people get emotional on the phone..although you can have one-on-one convo easily over phone, you might get sucked into crying, getting emotional and later depressed..

Also, since he has prior conviction, its better to pour your time into it at this time and evaluate your options...This should not sway your decision but its something to think about...

Edited July 17, 2007 by second stage

[TimsDaisy 0]

I wish you the best in this difficult time.

Only you know all the circumstances, the personalities, the history. And only you know your heart - we always know our hearts, even if we don't listen to them.

I doubt you'll find the guidance you need here, or answers, but I hope you get some comfort.

[Peggy 1]

Sorry to hear this

Edited July 17, 2007 by pink_roses