CR1 visa issue

[JeanneAdil 6,508]

Telling us they do not know about the marriage is enlightning

does this mean the family will not invite u for family affairs like Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners?

are u suppose to remain out of the way during weddings and funerals ?

 

they need to know

you need a long hard discussion with your partner and he needs to have a long hard discussion with his parents

Basically ,  it is your partner that  has left u out of his family ,   not his parents 

they may not like the marriage but they eventually will find out and they aren't going to like being kept in the dark/ uneed to make your partner understand that  

[Redro 4,611]

4 hours ago, jadmac said:

It's not very clear tbh. 

Basically, they know he is gay and they know I am a friend but they do not know we are married. 

I feel he is extremely close to his parents, who are obviously Christian and conservative. I wouldn't say they are necessarily toxic or aggressive, I'd just say he doesn't want to disappoint them. I'd say that is the main motivation in all of this. 

So, I think he just wants me to leave temporarily while they visit to save face as he doesn't want to face the issue and instead would rather have the best of both worlds e.g. time with his parents and then I'd return. 

Obviously I am not happy about the situation, but at the same time I am finding myself in a very difficult situation. Firstly, I do not want to drive a wedge between him and his parents, or feel like I am applying pressure, but at the same time I feel I need to assert my own boundaries and maintain my self respect. 

Ultimately, I would not be willing to live like this long term, so my main reasoning for posting it here was to see where I stood in terms of immigration law and maintaining my green card....I have sacrificed a lot and I also don't want to sacrifice my own values over fear of losing my status etc. 
 

I am so sorry you are going through these difficulties. 

 

If the parents know of your existence and your partner hasn't told them he is married to you AND he petitioned your green card (but you are just a friend/ a roommate? A guy visiting from the UK for a few months?)

 

He is (essentially) still in the closet (are you really sure he has come out to his parents?). 

 

Eventually, his parents will discover the true nature of your relationship and I can't imagine they'll be happy about being lied to for months/years?

This is way beyond the scope of this forum. Your partner needs to confront his internalized homophobia.

 

You are scared of making him choose between you and his parents but he has already chosen his parents. You need to fight for your relationship. 

This is not a small issue, and you are well aware it has the potential to break up your marriage (it doesn't matter how great your relationship usually is).

 

From your previous posts, you've only been in the US since November. I can see why you are a little worried about your status here. But, the divorce waiver is an option. You do not have to stay in a relationship with someone who won't acknowledge your existence to their family.

 I wouldn't give up yet. I would continue to talk to your partner. Have those difficult conversations. If you can afford it, push for couples therapy (and maybe suggest your husband goes to individual counseling).

 

I am curious about the visits the parents have... how often do they visit? Are they coming over and staying in your home for several days or are they just visiting for an afternoon?

The answer really doesn't matter... what matters is you feel like you're compromising your values and your partner is not being truthful about his relationship/marriage status. He needs to be honest about what's happening... and I wouldn't be surprised if his parents already suspect you're in a relationship/married but are also happy to play along with the fiction he just has a roommate... (why else would you have to leave the home when they visit?). 

[jadmac 8]

48 minutes ago, ROK2USA said:

I am so sorry you are going through these difficulties. 

 

If the parents know of your existence and your partner hasn't told them he is married to you AND he petitioned your green card (but you are just a friend/ a roommate? A guy visiting from the UK for a few months?)

 

He is (essentially) still in the closet (are you really sure he has come out to his parents?). 

 

Eventually, his parents will discover the true nature of your relationship and I can't imagine they'll be happy about being lied to for months/years?

This is way beyond the scope of this forum. Your partner needs to confront his internalized homophobia.

 

You are scared of making him choose between you and his parents but he has already chosen his parents. You need to fight for your relationship. 

This is not a small issue, and you are well aware it has the potential to break up your marriage (it doesn't matter how great your relationship usually is).

 

From your previous posts, you've only been in the US since November. I can see why you are a little worried about your status here. But, the divorce waiver is an option. You do not have to stay in a relationship with someone who won't acknowledge your existence to their family.

 I wouldn't give up yet. I would continue to talk to your partner. Have those difficult conversations. If you can afford it, push for couples therapy (and maybe suggest your husband goes to individual counseling).

 

I am curious about the visits the parents have... how often do they visit? Are they coming over and staying in your home for several days or are they just visiting for an afternoon?

The answer really doesn't matter... what matters is you feel like you're compromising your values and your partner is not being truthful about his relationship/marriage status. He needs to be honest about what's happening... and I wouldn't be surprised if his parents already suspect you're in a relationship/married but are also happy to play along with the fiction he just has a roommate... (why else would you have to leave the home when they visit?). 

Hi and thanks for the input....

I think it's a case of him not wanting to offend or risk his relationship with his parents tbh. 

The parents visit a few times a year and are coming to stay in the house for at least a week each time. 

But yeah, ultimately, it's only tolerable for so long, nobody should be expected to live like this, hence my reservations! 
 

[Ontarkie 14,225]

~~Hijack post removed. Please start your own thread if you have questions about your own case~~

Edited June 14, 2022 by Ontarkie