CR1 visa issue

[Rocio0010 5,579]

4 minutes ago, jadmac said:

an easy stance to take, but

It’s actually far from easy.

 

4 minutes ago, jadmac said:

I don't want to force him to burn bridges with his parents? 

I guess we see it in different ways. You’re worried about him burning bridges with his parents, but what about the bridge this is burning on you and your spouse? 

 

5 minutes ago, jadmac said:

What would you do in my situation? 

I would first talk to my spouse and explain that you are his family now, not his parents. And also explain to him that , as a gc holder, you have essentially the same rights to a property as he does. 
I would also spend some time looking at divorce in this context, because it is not a situation I’d be willing to sustain. Divorce shouldn’t impact your immigration case

[Rocio0010 5,579]

1 minute ago, jadmac said:

Right now I just feel that I am worried about forcing my position or at least being strong on it since I am on a CR1 visa (permanent resident) i.e. I am feeling a little secure about being to aggressive. 




 

I guess you wanted to say you were insecure.

They cannot have you deported for this. 
This is between you and your spouse. It seems that there are more than two people in this relationship. 
At this point all you have to do is to think of what makes you happy 

[Daphne . 1,853]

28 minutes ago, jadmac said:

Right now I just feel that I am worried about forcing my position or at least being strong on it since I am on a CR1 visa (permanent resident) i.e. I am feeling a little secure about being to aggressive. 




 

Your immigration status should not dictate your position within your marriage. You have 2 options I think:

 

1) stand your ground and tell your spouse that something needs to change in this arrangement. 

2) understand that his parents are very conservative and put up with it because you don’t want to cause an issue.

 

I just wonder how long your spouse wants to keep this up? How long do they want to keep this marriage hidden? 

 

[mytruelove18 608]

4 hours ago, jadmac said:

Hi guys, 

So I am in a complicated situation, essentially me and my spouse are fine...however, his parents are extremely religious and anti-gay, so I am essentially being pressurised to leave the property when on a CR1 visa whilst they visit. However, I don't want to and feel that I am being forced to surrender my own values so that he doesn't cause animosity with his parents. 

What options are available to me? Do I have to just accept this? 

So his parents dont know he is gay?

[JeanneAdil 6,498]

This is a "Dear Abby"  type question and u can write to her % Chicago Sun-times

 

My 2 cents-  the parents can stay in a hotel and the USC can visit them or take them out to dinner with or without u 

if u went to dinner with your spouse ,  a true Christain would not make an issue (a scene) in public

[PaulaCJohnny 713]

1 hour ago, jadmac said:

Hi guys, 

So I am in a complicated situation, essentially me and my spouse are fine...however, his parents are extremely religious and anti-gay, so I am essentially being pressurised to leave the property when on a CR1 visa whilst they visit. However, I don't want to and feel that I am being forced to surrender my own values so that he doesn't cause animosity with his parents. 

What options are available to me? Do I have to just accept this? 

Is this property your home? Or you are talking about them?

Like, you and your spouse have a home together (pay for it, etc) and when his/her parents came to visit they want you out or like they don’t want you to live there?

Is the property in your name?

[jadmac 8]

45 minutes ago, PaulaCJohnny said:

Is this property your home? Or you are talking about them?

Like, you and your spouse have a home together (pay for it, etc) and when his/her parents came to visit they want you out or like they don’t want you to live there?

Is the property in your name?

Our property alone...its not a case of them not wanting to visit etc, it's just that they are extremely conservative and don't agree with their sons lifestyle etc 

52 minutes ago, JeanneAdil said:

This is a "Dear Abby"  type question and u can write to her % Chicago Sun-times

 

My 2 cents-  the parents can stay in a hotel and the USC can visit them or take them out to dinner with or without u 

if u went to dinner with your spouse ,  a true Christain would not make an issue (a scene) in public

No idea what you are referring to but don't appreciate my bloody situation being trivialised. 

 

[jadmac 8]

58 minutes ago, mytruelove18 said:

So his parents dont know he is gay?

They know, but don't know about any details of relationship status etc 

1 hour ago, Daphne K said:

Your immigration status should not dictate your position within your marriage. You have 2 options I think:

 

1) stand your ground and tell your spouse that something needs to change in this arrangement. 

2) understand that his parents are very conservative and put up with it because you don’t want to cause an issue.

 

I just wonder how long your spouse wants to keep this up? How long do they want to keep this marriage hidden? 

 

Me too! I don't like the situation but feel like I have no other choice. 

[SalishSea 17,827]

2 hours ago, jadmac said:

To clarify I am on a CR1 visa folks and living in the USA!!! I am looking for advice on what protections I have if I am being forced out of my USA property when I am currently on a CR1 visa. 

Thank you 

You have the right to safety and happiness, just like anyone else.

 

Interpersonal issues with the in-laws are not an immigration issue.   They cannot take away your GC.

 

If you divorce before removing conditions on your GC,  you can petition with a divorce waiver.

 

Best luck.

[PaulaCJohnny 713]

1 hour ago, jadmac said:

Our property alone...its not a case of them not wanting to visit etc, it's just that they are extremely conservative and don't agree with their sons lifestyle etc 

 

The only things you can do is just stand out for you. Your spouse need to do the same. 

For the legal side the only thing that I can think of it is a restraining order if you feel like they are threatening and planning on doing anything that can harm you.

 

Unfortunately your case is more about personal conflict and not about immigration so I can’t see what else we can help you.

 

I wish you the best and hope you and your spouse can live happily and far from those horrible things💕.

 

 

[JeanneAdil 6,498]

1 hour ago, jadmac said:

Our property alone...its not a case of them not wanting to visit etc, it's just that they are extremely conservative and don't agree with their sons lifestyle etc 

No idea what you are referring to but don't appreciate my bloody situation being trivialised. 

 

it wasn't trivalized

Dear Abby has given out usefull information for years (now her daughter does the answers)

she can advise on any personal and emotional issues that happen between people

i was being completely serious in saying ask someone who could really give u useful advice as others said "its not an immigration question"

its for a counselor and someone with experience in handling these types of issues 

Best to u both

[MarJhi 959]

1 hour ago, jadmac said:

No idea what you are referring to but don't appreciate my bloody situation being trivialised.

I don't think there was an attempt to trivialize anything. "Dear Abby" was/is a very famous advice column focusing on mainly on interpersonal relationships and how to deal with them. Your issues are not an immigration issue, they are an interpersonal relationship issue. 

 

My opinion, the problem is not between you and his parents, it's between his parents and him. They aren't changing their mindset, you aren't changing who you are, so he needs to step up and stand up to his parents. Your relationship is probably at the "it's them or me" stage.

 

Good luck

[SalishSea 17,827]

42 minutes ago, MarJhi said:

I don't think there was an attempt to trivialize anything. "Dear Abby" was/is a very famous advice column focusing on mainly on interpersonal relationships and how to deal with them. Your issues are not an immigration issue, they are an interpersonal relationship issue. 

 

My opinion, the problem is not between you and his parents, it's between his parents and him. They aren't changing their mindset, you aren't changing who you are, so he needs to step up and stand up to his parents. Your relationship is probably at the "it's them or me" stage.

 

Good luck

Agreed.

 

OP, would your spouse be amenable to going to couples' counseling?   He may need outside help to see that he needs to step up and be a partner to you.    As an adult, he has control over how his adult relationship with his parents will go.

 

 

[Redro 4,611]

5 hours ago, jadmac said:

Hi guys, 

So I am in a complicated situation, essentially me and my spouse are fine...however, his parents are extremely religious and anti-gay, so I am essentially being pressurised to leave the property when on a CR1 visa whilst they visit. However, I don't want to and feel that I am being forced to surrender my own values so that he doesn't cause animosity with his parents. 

What options are available to me? Do I have to just accept this? 

How long are you expected to leave the house? Is it for an afternoon or several days?

Were you aware your life would be like this before moving to the US or did you partner only tell you about this set up after you move?

 

You have several options open to you:

1.) Keep everything the same and leave your own home whenever the parents visit. (this is your life now... and you're allowing your partner to prioritize his parents over you).

2.) Tell your partner your home is not open to his parents. They can stay at a hotel when they visit and your partner can meet them on neutral territory.

3.) Your partner should travel to his parents (and their home) whenever he wants to see them. 

 

You have no relationship with his parents. I might be stubborn. But, I wouldn't upend my entire life for people who don't even know I exist. 

Your partner probably had it easy during the long distance portion of your relationship as he was able to compartmentalize the different parts of his life. 

But, he has to put his big boy pants on and figure out how to keep you happy, and maintain a relationship with his parents (if he wants to maintain a relationship people who don't support a very central part of his life).

 

Have a heart-to-heart with your partner. Tell him how you feel, and the tell him he needs to remember you share a home now. You are no longer a visitor. 

 

 

 

[bakphx1 789]

6 hours ago, jadmac said:

Hi guys, 

So I am in a complicated situation, essentially me and my spouse are fine...however, his parents are extremely religious and anti-gay, so I am essentially being pressurised to leave the property when on a CR1 visa whilst they visit. However, I don't want to and feel that I am being forced to surrender my own values so that he doesn't cause animosity with his parents. 

What options are available to me? Do I have to just accept this? 

So I take this to mean that they and/or your spouse are using the marriage-based visa as a way to make you a second-class citizen in your own home.

 

First-your husband signed up for making you an equal partner when you got married.  The home is yours as much as it is your husband’s.

 

Second-it sounds like they are trying to create a wedge in the marriage.  Insisting on visiting a home that they don’t approve of the marriage and disrupting it sounds like they think (wrongly)that they can use the visa as a way to get their son out of the marriage.  He’s in a same sex marriage whether you’re home or not.

 

Third- your husband can’t have a reasonable relationship with his parents if they won’t accept his choice of a life partner.  He shouldn’t acquiesce.