Newly married and already issues

[LexieJ 44]

Just now, Crazy Cat said:

Before blocking her access to her own funds.

Right?! This whole situation was really weird and sad but like I previously posted this was a big "WE TOLD YOU SO" Situation, now he is in a bigger mess that could have been prevented if he should have paused and did not go through with the whole visa process.

[MarJhi 959]

I am not gonna lie, there seems to be nothing good in this story.

 

To ME, and I could be wrong saying this, but it sounds like you wanted her isolated and 100% dependent on you for everything. She has no money because you don't let her have access to it. She wants to drive but you don't want her to. She is a new resident of a new country and all she is allowed to experience of it is what you allow her to. You refer to her as "my Filipina" like she is a possession or a pet and not a wife. You cannot expect someone in this situation not to feel more like an inmate than a spouse.

 

When you were texting her and you admitted to hitting her, did she also in text admit that she pushed/covered your face pushed your face? I am no expert, but as soon as one person admits to the police they got physical, the handcuffs go on. The situation she is in, I don't blame her for using whatever means necessary to get out of the relationship, just as you are willing to ship her back to the Philippines to never be seen again. You are using the purse strings to control the situation, she is going to use your domestic violence transgression to get things to go her way. 

 

Here is my opinion. I don't think this is salvageable. If she wants to stay here, all of the dominoes are in her favor and she will stay and you will pay, that is not in doubt. The only way I see this working out for you in any way is if she wants to return to the Philippines and give up on life in the US. If she goes back home and her situation is good there then maybe she wont go after you financially. You have brought up finances quite a bit, so if that is your concern, the life she will have in the Philippines will be a lot cheaper for you to handle than the life she is going to have in the US. 

[Family 3,988]

1 minute ago, Crazy Cat said:

Then you know she had a legal right to access that account

As I pointed out , for a joint acct.,  she had and still has full access to the account ( including the power to close it) and reinstating the debit card. 

[Crazy Cat 41,836]

5 minutes ago, Family said:

As I pointed out , for a joint acct.,  she had and still has full access to the account ( including the power to close it) and reinstating the debit card. 

But when does a joint account holder have the right to block another equal  holder's debit card?  This possibly illegal action is certain to come up during a divorce or criminal hearing. 

I would restore full rights to the spouse.....and move half of the funds to a private account.

Edited May 22, 2022 by Crazy Cat

[Family 3,988]

2 minutes ago, Crazy Cat said:

But when does a joint account holder have the right to block another equal  holder's debit card?

At anytime, for any reason ..either of the fully vested account owners may block a card …response based on your questioning “legality” of the issue. And even if one of them “drains” all accounts, it remains a perfectly “ legal” act …only recourse is to go cry in divorce court….but no agency can do anything to the spouse who drained joint account 
 

[MarJhi 959]

"She abandoned her own children for nearly 24 hours."

 

"I only blocked the card because she took off and we had no idea where she was for over 36 hours."

 

If this thing becomes a legal issue, you might want to get your timeline worked out.

[MarJhi 959]

7 minutes ago, Family said:

At anytime, for any reason ..either of the fully vested account owners may block a card …response based on your questioning “legality” of the issue. And even if one of them “drains” all accounts, it remains a perfectly “ legal” act …only recourse is to go cry in divorce court….but no agency can do anything to the spouse who drained joint account 
 

So the card is blocked for both parties, but either party can still access the account in person?

[LexieJ 44]

7 minutes ago, MarJhi said:

"She abandoned her own children for nearly 24 hours."

 

"I only blocked the card because she took off and we had no idea where she was for over 36 hours."

 

If this thing becomes a legal issue, you might want to get your timeline worked out.

He could have filed for missing person report if this was the case. He seems more concerned about blocking the account vs her safety and well being(especially she is pregnant with his kid).

[Family 3,988]

1 minute ago, MarJhi said:

the card is blocked for both parties, but either party can still access the account in person?

Yes,  of course, there are many ways an account can  be accessed without a debit card:  walking in to a branch is just one

[MarJhi 959]

2 minutes ago, Family said:

Yes,  of course, there are many ways an account can  be accessed without a debit card:  walking in to a branch is just one

So essentially you are blocking the card from being used by a thief, but an account holder can still drain the account in person if they have valid identification, like her passport.

[Family 3,988]

4 minutes ago, LexieJ said:

He could have filed for missing person report if this was the case. He seems more concerned about blocking the account vs her safety and well being(especially she is pregnant with his kid).

I am sympathetic to both OP and his wife..and consider his actions quite level headed , given the circumstances. Right now VJ is seemingly his support group as he goes through this..,so I hope you are all kind , no matter the opinion you post.

Wife has her friends/ church family hosting her and kids. 
It’s not uncommon for partners to call the police but they cannot lodge a missing person report because not enough time has passed or spouse checks in to say I am not coming home. ..

[Family 3,988]

19 minutes ago, MarJhi said:

So essentially you are blocking the card from being used by a thief, but an account holder can still drain the account in person if they have valid identification, like her passport.

You wouldn’t happen to friends with OP’s wife, now??? Forgive the light humor, but @Mike E sowed a mild paranoia in my mind yesterday, when he pointed out how  public/ accessible  VJ website is to anyone doing internet sleuthing ! Lol

[MarJhi 959]

4 minutes ago, Family said:

You wouldn’t happen to friends with OP’s wife, now??? Forgive the light humor, but @Mike E sowed a mild paranoia in my mind yesterday, when he pointed out how  public/ accessible  VJ website is to anyone doing internet sleuthing ! Lol

Nah, was just curious. Would love to hear the other side of this story though. I am more of a sloth than a sleuth on the internet.

[NoMansLand2020 298]

5 hours ago, MarJhi said:

She has a passport, so if it is a joint account with her name on it then a passport will be identification enough to access the bank account. 

She had no identification on her person. And since she never carries the house keys with her, had no access to the house to retrieve anything. 

[MarJhi 959]

1 hour ago, NoMansLand2020 said:

She had no identification on her person. And since she never carries the house keys with her, had no access to the house to retrieve anything. 

Don't you think it's odd that an adult human being in the United States of America doesn't carry any identification on their person? She should probably have her own set of keys with her as well (assuming she is allowed to have keys).