WIfe keeps threatening me that she will go to the battered shelter (merged)

[rollitup 1]

What rights do I have as a man? and what can I do?

Her two year visa is up in September. 

My wife is unhappy with our marriage. When she is happy she does many things to help out, cooking, cleaning, ironing and I do appreciate all that but even then we had too many fights about how controlling she is. Now she's getting advice from a Filipina friend to just go to the shelter so she can start her new life. Every time she gets mad she brings all her clothes downstairs from the room. She gets so jealous and makes make believe stories in her head. If she hears the neighbors that she is jealous about laughing together she thinks they are laughing at her. She gets explosively angry, tearing my shirt. I cant go in the front yard without a potential problem because she thinks I like the neighbors. I cant go into the bathroom with my phone because she thinks I will message a woman. She's very controlling about one of my sisters that I have its always monitored conversations and questions when I do call my sister without her. She's injured my ribs, drilled my hand, punched me slapped me, etc.

 

So recently she left and I went to find her and bring her back. But every time I don't agree with her she keeps threatening me that she will go in the battered woman's shelter. And she almost did it the last time. Before when we would argue she would threaten me buy saying she wanted to go home forever.  After about 100 times of hearing that I finally agreed. She changed her tone and now I feel suffocated into going to that interview in September. It took years to get her the annulment and now married almost 3 years so if I want a divorce she guilts me by saying I wasted 12 years of her life and she will fight for her rights. 

I don't know what to do anymore, all I know is I am not happy at all. 

 

[Pinkrlion 2,719]

File for divorce and move on.  This ploy is not uncommon from some from her country.  She will be trying to use you shortly and have you arrested.  

[Boiler 45,516]

It is not going to get any better it could get a lot worse.

 

You need a divorce lawyer

 

What rights do you have well none.

 

I assume you are talking about removal of conditions she can do that without you with a divorce waiver

 

My guess is you know what to do but have not faced the inevitable 

[Crazy Cat 41,856]

39 minutes ago, rollitup said:

What rights do I have as a man? and what can I do?

Her two year visa is up in September. 

My wife is unhappy with our marriage. When she is happy she does many things to help out, cooking, cleaning, ironing and I do appreciate all that but even then we had too many fights about how controlling she is. Now she's getting advice from a Filipina friend to just go to the shelter so she can start her new life. Every time she gets mad she brings all her clothes downstairs from the room. She gets so jealous and makes make believe stories in her head. If she hears the neighbors that she is jealous about laughing together she thinks they are laughing at her. She gets explosively angry, tearing my shirt. I cant go in the front yard without a potential problem because she thinks I like the neighbors. I cant go into the bathroom with my phone because she thinks I will message a woman. She's very controlling about one of my sisters that I have its always monitored conversations and questions when I do call my sister without her. She's injured my ribs, drilled my hand, punched me slapped me, etc.

 

So recently she left and I went to find her and bring her back. But every time I don't agree with her she keeps threatening me that she will go in the battered woman's shelter. And she almost did it the last time. Before when we would argue she would threaten me buy saying she wanted to go home forever.  After about 100 times of hearing that I finally agreed. She changed her tone and now I feel suffocated into going to that interview in September. It took years to get her the annulment and now married almost 3 years so if I want a divorce she guilts me by saying I wasted 12 years of her life and she will fight for her rights. 

I don't know what to do anymore, all I know is I am not happy at all. 

 

Life is too short to miserable all the time.  Either adapt to the current situation or remove yourself from that situation.

1.  Protect yourself physically and legally (Divorce Attorney)

2.  Move on and seek happiness for yourself.

[JeanneAdil 6,505]

Next time she leaves,  don't go after her

change the locks on all your doors

 

If she gets abusive like throwing things,  etc,  call 911 

 

if she calls and wants to return,  tell her she needs to meet u at office of a consular (u should seek one to talk to now for your own sake)

Don't agree for her to return unless u r completely satisfied (and the consular is) that she has seen a dr and gotten medical help and is willing to work this thru

Edited May 9, 2022 by JeanneAdil

[Crazy Cat 41,856]

4 minutes ago, JeanneAdil said:

change the locks on all your doors

I would be careful.  In some states, that could get you in big trouble.  

[Verrou 1,962]

sorry it happened to you. 

depend on what you want, if you want to divorce, go divorce

if you think that she will change ( highly doubt it based on ur story) guess you need to have mature adult conversation with her.

 

make me ill when people try to threatened other spouse like that ( i mean ur wife). its like emotional blackmail

 

if i were you, i will refused to come to removal of condition interview with her

not to be mean here, but why do you have to?

Edited May 9, 2022 by Misscloud

[Mike E 11,739]

1 hour ago, rollitup said:

Now she's getting advice from a Filipina friend to just go to the shelter so she can start her new life. 

I remember my brother kept threatening to run away.  Mum said go ahead. It was -20 outside.  He lasted an hour if that.  
 

She won’t last that long at the “shelter”.  While there are innocent victims of abuse there, there are also addicts and felons.  
 

Stop chasing after her.  
 

She has assaulted you, so file a criminal complaint. 
 

As for your rights: you are innocent until proven guilty. 
 

If she is accusing you of bettering her then you need to hire a criminal defense attorney. 
 

Edited May 9, 2022 by Mike E

[rollitup 1]

1 hour ago, Boiler said:

It is not going to get any better it could get a lot worse.

 

You need a divorce lawyer

 

What rights do you have well none.

 

I assume you are talking about removal of conditions she can do that without you with a divorce waiver

 

My guess is you know what to do but have not faced the inevitable 

I'm just concerned that if I do go ahead and file a divorce she will then start the process of dragging my name in the mud and trying to get me in trouble so she can file that battered spouse waiver. And also, am I trapped to support her with the affidavit of support even after the divorce?

[rollitup 1]

46 minutes ago, Misscloud said:

sorry it happened to you. 

depend on what you want, if you want to divorce, go divorce

if you think that she will change ( highly doubt it based on ur story) guess you need to have mature adult conversation with her.

 

make me ill when people try to threatened other spouse like that ( i mean ur wife). its like emotional blackmail

 

if i were you, i will refused to come to removal of condition interview with her

not to be mean here, but why do you have to?

Thanks for your advice, I'm just worried that if I don't agree to go she will reign hellfire on me 😔. I'm an introvert so I keep all these problems to myself until now here on this website.

[Verrou 1,962]

7 minutes ago, rollitup said:

Thanks for your advice, I'm just worried that if I don't agree to go she will reign hellfire on me 😔. I'm an introvert so I keep all these problems to myself until now here on this website.

if you dont do anything harm to her, i dont know how she can reign hellfire to you especially if she drilled your hand. filed a police report . 

 

14 minutes ago, rollitup said:

I'm just concerned that if I do go ahead and file a divorce she will then start the process of dragging my name in the mud and trying to get me in trouble so she can file that battered spouse waiver. And also, am I trapped to support her with the affidavit of support even after the divorce?

she can try, but being immigrant with conditional status, how far can she go? 

 

if i were you i will file for divorce immediately. 

[TBoneTX 45,289]

1 hour ago, rollitup said:

My wife is unhappy with our marriage.

 

1 hour ago, rollitup said:

we had too many fights about how controlling she is

 

1 hour ago, rollitup said:

She gets explosively angry, tearing my shirt.

 

2 hours ago, rollitup said:

She's injured my ribs, drilled my hand, punched me slapped me, etc.

Read what you've written.  To blazes with her "wasted life" poppycock.

Consult a divorce attorney (or several) NOW -- initial consultations are almost always free.

===> He (she) who files for divorce first typically has the upper hand.

Se what options you have about obtaining a restraining order.

[TBoneTX 45,289]

In addition, take photos of injuries that she has inflicted on you.

Document time and date.  Witnesses are helpful.

File police reports every time.

[Boiler 45,516]

She can file with a Divorce waiver by far the simplest option no need to fake DV, admittedly she may not be aware.

[Rocio0010 5,579]

4 minutes ago, TBoneTX said:

In addition, take photos of injuries that she has inflicted on you.

Document time and date.  Witnesses are helpful.

File police reports every time.

Agree. Lastly, divorce and move on