I think I am being used for a visa

[Shelldb 44]

On 5/5/2022 at 9:09 PM, ROK2USA said:

The K1 visa allows him entry to the US. But, his green card journey is far from over. 

If you do not marry him and you do not file for adjustment the I-485 and I-864 (and he has to apply for work authorization and travel permission) he won't have legal status in the US. 

If you're worried about being used I would try to stop or delay his entry to the US. 

The other members have given you good advice on how to proceed. 

 

If you'd like to talk about the issues you're worried about answer the questions @TBoneTX mentioned regarding you courtship and maybe you'll see a) he is using you or b.) he is someone who enjoys being super prepared for moving to a whole new country and is interested in the minutia of the process. 

 

ETA: If you read previous consulate reviews. You'll see the interview process is really easy. Especially if the couple is real.

Common questions are : when did you meet? how did you meet? what does your partner do? when was the last time you saw them? 

I believe it’s option A 

They asked him: How did we meet? How old is my daughter? When was the last time you saw them? Where does your fiancée work? That’s about it. I have traveled to Nigeria several times and something shady happens every time. 
 

 

Thanks! Good info

[Shelldb 44]

On 5/5/2022 at 7:36 PM, powerpuff said:

 

Do you know why it didn’t pan out? They were also US citizens?

Yeah, I’m not sure. I have his old IPhone and found screenshots with them discussing the visa process. 

[centric23 95]

7 hours ago, Shelldb said:

Yeah, I’m not sure. I have his old IPhone and found screenshots with them discussing the visa process. 

I wouldn't be too quick to write him off as using you just because he discussed the visa process. It's common to talk about the best way you can be with your SO in a LDR.

[SalishSea 17,836]

55 minutes ago, centric23 said:

I wouldn't be too quick to write him off as using you just because he discussed the visa process. It's common to talk about the best way you can be with your SO in a LDR.

Maybe.  But it's not common to be on a third attempt to marry an American.  Starting to look like it may well be more about the green card than "love."

[Redro 4,611]

8 hours ago, Shelldb said:

I believe it’s option A 

They asked him: How did we meet? How old is my daughter? When was the last time you saw them? Where does your fiancée work? That’s about it. I have traveled to Nigeria several times and something shady happens every time. 
 

 

Thanks! Good info

The questions he was asked seem standard. 

A marriage should be built on trust so if you do not trust him I suggest you break off the engagement. 

Remember he only has a visa right now. The only way he can legally stay in the US after arriving on the K1 is through marrying you. 

No marriage means no basis for adjustment. 

 

[crespo 30]

To each his own,  let me give you a little run down about me and you can decide for your self. When I met my wife I had several relationships with american and my intentions was to meet the right person that I can integrate my life with. I was tired of going through the same stuff with girls in my country (jamaica) that I decided on trying something new and having a new adventure. I have sinced moved to the United States and completed my immigration process and I'm still with my wife. Sure we have had outer moments but I've never once thought of just throwing in the towel and walk away from my now 8 year relationship (5year marriage). I found that long distance relationship worked for me because I was better at expressing my self that way and it gave us the opportunity to know each other.

And let's keep it real unless you have a great job offer in a foreign country your not about to move to a third world country permanently so once you engage with a foreigner its likely that they will have to move the other way man or woman. God forbid if something should happen between me and my wife and I was to date a foreigner I'm not moving from the United States to another country.

Point is him talking about a visa process which is information provided to the public not a red flag in my opinion

[texastincup 52]

My advice is to trust your instincts. If you think something is fishy, it probably is. 
 

I will explain my history though as it might mitigate your beneficiary’s behavior. If that is the only red flag, it might help you out. 
 

Back in 2000 I married a woman from Peru on a K1. We were divorced three years later. Eighteen months ago I married a wonderful woman from Ukraine. We are going through the I-130 process now and are currently at the NVC. In between these two women I dated a Russian woman for several years. 

 

As a USC I certainly have no citizenship agenda, but you could say I have a “type.”  I have dated American women, but I much prefer those from Eastern Europe. 
 

As I said, if you think he is using you for immigration purposes, my gut would agree with you. I’m just pointing out that isn’t the only possible rationale for him dating three Americans. 
 

One suggestion. On my K1, we did not get married during the 90 day period. She went home just prior to the deadline and I filed another K1. Things were much faster back then so it was only about a three month wait. 
 

if you aren’t certain, bring him here and tell him you would like more time. This will only cost you a little money and time, but it could expose his motivation. He might react very negatively in a time when he should be accommodating to your uncertainty. 

[Shelldb 44]

52 minutes ago, crespo said:

To each his own,  let me give you a little run down about me and you can decide for your self. When I met my wife I had several relationships with american and my intentions was to meet the right person that I can integrate my life with. I was tired of going through the same stuff with girls in my country (jamaica) that I decided on trying something new and having a new adventure. I have sinced moved to the United States and completed my immigration process and I'm still with my wife. Sure we have had outer moments but I've never once thought of just throwing in the towel and walk away from my now 8 year relationship (5year marriage). I found that long distance relationship worked for me because I was better at expressing my self that way and it gave us the opportunity to know each other.

And let's keep it real unless you have a great job offer in a foreign country your not about to move to a third world country permanently so once you engage with a foreigner its likely that they will have to move the other way man or woman. God forbid if something should happen between me and my wife and I was to date a foreigner I'm not moving from the United States to another country.

Point is him talking about a visa process which is information provided to the public not a red flag in my opinion

You are absolutely correct. Thanks for sharing the info. 

[Patrick Lee 8]

Hello, let your good conscience guide u. He might be innocent of what u accuse him of. He just being happy for u given him a new lease of life. Enjoy your marriage with him.

[Family 3,988]

On 5/7/2022 at 7:30 AM, Shelldb said:

Yeah, I’m not sure. I have his old IPhone and found screenshots with them discussing the visa process. 

Welcome to another exciting episode of 90 Day Fiancé! Hope you get to smile and pat yourself on the back for going all out in the name of Love and Happily Ever-after!
But please don’t leave me w a cliffhanger suspense ….what will you do? Please post, am on the edge of my seat..lol

Personally , I like the idea of telling him he can come for the 90 day Trial Period and if after living together 24/7 , you still have doubts then you don’t marry and as @texastincup suggested , give him a return ticket. All of that discussed upfront and you stay strong , don’t feel pressured….and who knows??…he may turn out to be a keeper, like @crespo. 
 

[randy32 165]

Even from high fraud countries, there are still people with integrity.

That said, talk to him. Ask about the "shady things" that occurred.

They might end up being differences that you don't understand due to your different backgrounds.

If these are not clarified, you will have doubts for a long time that could eventually wreck your relationship.

 

Lots of young Nigerians want to leave the country and some would do anything to get out.

So trust your gut, make a decision and live with it.

Don't make it in anger as some others have done.

Getting married is supposed to be getting a partner for life, hopefully. Not for just the next couple years.

So examine the facts and act.

[Shelldb 44]

11 hours ago, texastincup said:

My advice is to trust your instincts. If you think something is fishy, it probably is. 
 

I will explain my history though as it might mitigate your beneficiary’s behavior. If that is the only red flag, it might help you out. 
 

Back in 2000 I married a woman from Peru on a K1. We were divorced three years later. Eighteen months ago I married a wonderful woman from Ukraine. We are going through the I-130 process now and are currently at the NVC. In between these two women I dated a Russian woman for several years. 

 

As a USC I certainly have no citizenship agenda, but you could say I have a “type.”  I have dated American women, but I much prefer those from Eastern Europe. 
 

As I said, if you think he is using you for immigration purposes, my gut would agree with you. I’m just pointing out that isn’t the only possible rationale for him dating three Americans. 
 

One suggestion. On my K1, we did not get married during the 90 day period. She went home just prior to the deadline and I filed another K1. Things were much faster back then so it was only about a three month wait. 
 

if you aren’t certain, bring him here and tell him you would like more time. This will only cost you a little money and time, but it could expose his motivation. He might react very negatively in a time when he should be accommodating to your uncertainty. 

Thanks, that’s exactly what I’m going to do. His flight leaves from Nigeria to the states in three days. However, that’s  not the only red flag…. something feels off 😩

[Missycam 0]

Your gut is never wrong. My cousin felt this, but did not listen. She has since stopped the filing and $7,000 later, a divorce. Listen to that inner small voice.

[Redro 4,611]

13 hours ago, texastincup said:

if you aren’t certain, bring him here and tell him you would like more time. This will only cost you a little money and time, but it could expose his motivation. He might react very negatively in a time when he should be accommodating to your uncertainty. 

I think some negative rejections could be understood. Depending on how OP explains her reservations/uncertainty to him. 

We often say "You can't send someone back like they're an Amazon package. They're a whole person who has left their life behind".

Maybe it would be helpful to explain what type of negative reactions she should look out for:

I think if she says... I don't know... maybe I want you to go back to Nigeria? In my mind that warrants a negative reaction (he has probably quit a job, given up housing and sold a lot of possessions before making the move). So, I would rightly be upset if someone told me they think they want me to go back to my home country after I've upended my life. 

@texastincup do you have any pointers on how she could frame her unease without making it seem she is treating him like a "90 day free trial" fiance? 

Edited May 16, 2022 by ROK2USA

[texastincup 52]

20 minutes ago, ROK2USA said:

I think some negative rejections could be understood. Depending on how OP explains her reservations/uncertainty to him. 

We often say "You can't send someone back like they're an Amazon package. They're a whole person who has left their life behind".

Maybe it would be helpful to explain what type of negative reactions she should look out for:

I think if she says... I don't know... maybe I want you to go back to Nigeria? In my mind that warrants a negative reaction (he has probably quit a job, given up housing and sold a lot of possessions before making the move). So, I would rightly be upset if someone told me they think they want me to go back to my home country after I've upended my life. 

@texastincup do you have any pointers on how she could frame her unease without making it seem she is treating him like a "90 day free trial" fiance? 

Our decision to abandon the first K1 was not planned; it just organically happened. I did apply for the 2nd K1 a few days after she left though. There was no suspicion of fraud on my part, probably just a reluctance to take such a big life step after being around each other only 100 days in two trips. 

 

The US citizen in this case has signed a legal document to support the non-citizen for ten years. Her fiancé is from a country with a very high rate of marriage fraud. Ukraine is a reputation for fraud as well, but it doesn't even make this list on this website. Add to this the concerns and red flags the original poster has and I don't think she has obligations at all. She is taking a huge financial and emotional risk, and her primary task is to mitigate her risk. It would be helpful to know the full story here, but I would feel "obligation" to marry simply because this man made some life changes to get here. He may very well use those changes to pressure her into a marriage. 

 

I met another woman about the same time I met my wife. I met both through a website called russiancupid. The other woman only communicated by emails, and those emails were translated by an internet café in her town which also sold flowers. She claimed she had no internet in her home due to a mysterious router problem. She did not always fully respond to my emails. It was not very long before I decided to meet my current wife and so I broke off communication with the other woman. Even so, my gut told me there was a potential problem there. The original poster is in the best position to evaluate those red flags. 

 

If she has decided not to marry on this trip for certain, I would probably advise that she share her reservations with her fiancé. This may bring an end to the relationship if it is only about a green card and save her three months. The fiancé should certainly understand based solely on his two previous girlfriends and his nationality. If he doesn't, I'd consider that more red flag material. If she has not fully made up her mind, then I don't think she is obligated to share her concerns, but I don't know that it is required.