Mother-in-law says US$700 monthly remittance is not enough

[RO_AH 1,659]

21 hours ago, Prisonmate said:

I would expect my wife to send the same amount as before she arrived. However, she makes more now and end up sending more because of "emergencies" and unexpected rise of prices.  I am trying to teach her to save money for herself.

Emergencies always "seem" to happen. That is what I learned with my first 2 short lived relationships with Pinay's. Constant emergencies, always a crisis which could only be fixed by sending money.  I learned from them and with my wife who I have been with for over 10 years now I wanted to start off with a healthy relationship. In the very beginning when I did start sending money I told er open a bank account. I would send a set amount every 2 weeks and every time I sent she had to put 1k PHP in the account and that was for any emergencies. Emergencies would never change the set amount that I sent.

[Prisonmate 93]

2 minutes ago, RO_AH said:

Emergencies always "seem" to happen. That is what I learned with my first 2 short lived relationships with Pinay's. Constant emergencies, always a crisis which could only be fixed by sending money.  I learned from them and with my wife who I have been with for over 10 years now I wanted to start off with a healthy relationship. In the very beginning when I did start sending money I told er open a bank account. I would send a set amount every 2 weeks and every time I sent she had to put 1k PHP in the account and that was for any emergencies. Emergencies would never change the set amount that I sent.

Yes, total agreement there. Emergencies always "seem" to happen. There is always an unexpected expenses. The exchange rate is lower now but prices in pesos are higher. Costs in the Philippines are higher due to inflation and Covid.  Someone is sick, dying or died, a family member got admitted to a hospital, someone's house burned down, and on and on.

[seekingthetruth 1,246]

2 minutes ago, Prisonmate said:

 

It's my wife's money and I understand why she is doing it. I respect her that she wants to take care of her mother and siblings. I do tell her she have limited funds even if she is making better wages than in the Philippines. I help her setup a budget and when she sends more than the budget, I tell her that's less money for her own future. If my MIL lives to her nineties, my wife will be sending money to the Philippines even in her 70's. 

May I ask where your MIL lives?  That makes a huge difference in cost of living.

 

$700 is about 36,000 pesos

One daughter makes 23,000

Rent/mortgage is paid

Other daughter's education is paid

 

So they have almost 60,000 pesos a month for food and other expenses.  Do they all have iPhones and need the latest one every year?

 

Many expats survive in the Philippines for less than that including rent, food, beer, etc.

[Nonie 2]

My wife is a Filipina.  Her siblings were attempting to guilt trip her into sending money.  She quickly replied that while more money was in the US the expenses wer bigger as well, so he glad she could send any money home, spend it wisely.

[Redro 4,611]

1 minute ago, Prisonmate said:

Yes, total agreement there. Emergencies always "seem" to happen. There is always an unexpected expenses. The exchange rate is lower now but prices in pesos are higher. Costs in the Philippines are higher due to inflation and Covid.  Someone is sick, dying or died, a family member got admitted to a hospital, someone's house burned down, and on and on.

What will you do if there is an emergency in the US? 

Is your wife comfortable not sending money that month or sending less than the standard $700?

Have you had that discussion before? 

 

[Prisonmate 93]

5 minutes ago, seekingthetruth said:

May I ask where your MIL lives?  That makes a huge difference in cost of living.

 

$700 is about 36,000 pesos

One daughter makes 23,000

Rent/mortgage is paid

Other daughter's education is paid

 

So they have almost 60,000 pesos a month for food and other expenses.  Do they all have iPhones and need the latest one every year?

 

Many expats survive in the Philippines for less than that including rent, food, beer, etc.

Yes, they do live very well and they live in the southern part of the Philippines. Living well is fine. Just wish the MIL would appreciate her daughter's (my wife) effort in sending the monthly remittance.

[Prisonmate 93]

3 minutes ago, Kor2USA said:

What will you do if there is an emergency in the US? 

Is your wife comfortable not sending money that month or sending less than the standard $700?

Have you had that discussion before? 

 

After this latest event with the MIL, my wife will take pause from communicating with her mother. However, money has to be send as they need money to buy food and pay the utilities.

[PandoraG 1]

On 3/26/2022 at 12:36 PM, Prisonmate said:

She said to my wife that if my wife surround her with mountains of gold bricks, it would still not be enough to repay her who raised her.

 

That my wife should be grateful that without her, she would not be born and living in the USA if not for her.

 

My widowed mother-in-law dos not work due to health reasons. She is in her mid sixties. Her other daughter living in the USA is buying the house she is living in.  She also said she has to stretch the $700 remittance to make it last all month.

 

I am interested in to hear thoughts from other Filipinas living in the USA or outside the Philippines on this subject matter.

 

Thank you.

It is difficult to lu e on $700/mo. I can barely do it living on $1500/mo

[bren6969 1]

10 hours ago, Prisonmate said:

It's my wife's money so I will let her decide. In reality, because of her culture and personality, she will always take care of her mother, no matter how her mother treats her.

i'd advise your wife to get some therapy for herself, to help her see her mom's manipulation and to help break down some of her guilt, sure there's nothing wrong with helping family, but being a doormat has a huge impact on her self esteem and mental health. if you guys ever split up for any reason, how would she support herself and her family back home? would she starve to feed her family? i think this is some dangerous self destructive behavior. 

since for the mom the amount of money she sends will never be enough, maybe she can discuss with her sisters what would be a fair amount

[MarJhi 963]

1 hour ago, Prisonmate said:

After this latest event with the MIL, my wife will take pause from communicating with her mother. However, money has to be send as they need money to buy food and pay the utilities.

Then just send enough for food and utilities.

[RO_AH 1,659]

2 hours ago, Prisonmate said:

Yes, they do live very well and they live in the southern part of the Philippines. Living well is fine. Just wish the MIL would appreciate her daughter's (my wife) effort in sending the monthly remittance.

Won't happen till your wife makes it happen. Ever heard the saying that you never appreciate something until it is gone? Send her 400 USD for 2 months and then she will start appreciating when you send more.

1 hour ago, PandoraG said:

It is difficult to lu e on $700/mo. I can barely do it living on $1500/mo

Then you must not be in the Philippines 

[RO_AH 1,659]

1 hour ago, bren6969 said:

since for the mom the amount of money she sends will never be enough, maybe she can discuss with her sisters what would be a fair amount

Hahaha seriously? Here's how it works. She sends her mom what she wants to send and the mom is grateful for every penny her daughter worked for and sent to her.

 

If I gave anything to anyone who was not grateful, that would be the last time I did unless they change.

[EllisAndRenz 196]

On 3/26/2022 at 1:50 PM, Adventine said:

 

 

Your wife needs to draw firmer boundaries or the behavior is never going to stop. Filipinos have an extremely hard time saying No, especially to family, so the two of you need to be fully aligned with what is and is not acceptable financial support.

My wife is one of those ones that can't say no.  Every now and then she has an epiphany and shuts down for a bit, but a month or two later, she's sending a few weeks of her salary back to Manila.  😞 

 

[Prisonmate 93]

8 hours ago, EllisAndRenz said:

My wife is one of those ones that can't say no.  Every now and then she has an epiphany and shuts down for a bit, but a month or two later, she's sending a few weeks of her salary back to Manila.  😞 

 

Yes, I  hear you. The culture of supporting the parents is too strong in the Philippines. However, it is mostly the daughters that is supporting the parents and family members.

Edited March 28, 2022 by Prisonmate

[EllisAndRenz 196]

3 minutes ago, Prisonmate said:

Yes, I  hear you. The culture of supporting the parents is too strong in the Philippines. However, it is mostly the daughters that is supporting the parents and family members.

Thanks for that. 

Yeah, if it was just her father and grandmother (her mother passed away) I'd have less of an issue with it, but it's extended family and everyone else over there that thinks she married Warren Buffet.