Mother-in-law says US$700 monthly remittance is not enough

[Prisonmate 93]

26 minutes ago, Cyberfx1024 said:

Sorry but your assessment needs to put up boundaries between her and your MIL. That type of thing is a big issue between Filipinos and their families that we had to deal with as well when my wife first came here. Once we set boundaries we send on average about $250 a month unless there was some type major emergency. 

 

We have had to send more the last couple of months to pay for a refrigerator and a death in the family. But overall you wife needs to set boundaries. Also is this her money she is sending or yours?

I forgot to mention this is all her money that she is makes while working two jobs. I provide for us but she provides for her family in the Philippines.

[Boiler 44,874]

I went past Walmart today and they were advertising $18 an hour starting so how does that work out?

[Prisonmate 93]

1 hour ago, JeanneAdil said:

if this was me

i would tell my wife "things have to change or i get a new MIL

Now that is funny. LOL

[Prisonmate 93]

1 hour ago, Steve2022 said:

First thing I'd do is make sure that your MIL actually said this, and it wasn't just a different family member saying this through an app.   And if it was said through an app, I think you can just ignore it until such words are said without shame face to face through video chat. 

Yes, my MIL and wife spoke via video calls.

[aratamorne 164]

23 minutes ago, Prisonmate said:

My wife had a very good job in the Philippines before she left the country. She is the eldest of the siblings and contribute to the sibling's higher education. So my wife has always supported her mother with the help of the second sister. 

 And how much did you wife make at her very good job in the Philippines?  I would bet it was nowhere near $700 a month even when combined with the second sister.  My wife and I send her family maybe $150 a month and pay the internet directly.  That is it.  My wife drew the line in the sand before even she came here and we were married.  If there is an emergency, fine, but other than that, she won't even think about sending that much.  You also mentioned you are paying the youngest's college tuition, is that on top of the $700, which doesn't even factor in what the other sister is paying for the housing?  Is your MIL living in a mansion in Metro Manila and traveling to the country on the weekends or something?   

 

Your wife is sending too much, but even worse is the guilt trips and if she is working two jobs just to do this, when do you guys have time to have a relationship?  I wish you luck, but honestly, don't see how this ends well.  If you get your wife to lower the amounts, you will be the bad guy and they will constantly ride her to leave you.  If she keeps going, it will slowly increase over time, you will continue to not get as much quality time with your wife as you want, and the resentment will build against the MIL

[Cyberfx1024 7,980]

49 minutes ago, Prisonmate said:

I forgot to mention this is all her money that she is makes while working two jobs. I provide for us but she provides for her family in the Philippines.

2 jobs? Yeah how about she works 1 job and send a  3rd of what she is sending now. 

 

 

What is the priority here the family you two are spending together her or mom?

[TBoneTX 44,690]

11 minutes ago, Cyberfx1024 said:

how about she works 1 job and send a  3rd of what she is sending now.

Or how about she sends $0 in support of such arrogant presumption and entitlement?

12 minutes ago, Cyberfx1024 said:

What is the priority here the family you two are spending together her or mom?

Yes -- please publish here what you each recited or agreed to in your marriage vows.  Was mom-in-law mentioned?

[Timona 4,159]

Someone already mentioned it. But I'll send the equivalent of what she was giving them while working in the Philippines. 

 

There was a story here, I may not recall it correctly, but of a Filipina who's parents were demanding she leaves her USC husband because they claimed he was being stingy yet the dude even bought them a farm while laid off during COVID. 

 

[Prisonmate 93]

8 minutes ago, Timona said:

Someone already mentioned it. But I'll send the equivalent of what she was giving them while working in the Philippines. 

 

There was a story here, I may not recall it correctly, but of a Filipina who's parents were demanding she leaves her USC husband because they claimed he was being stingy yet the dude even bought them a farm while laid off during COVID. 

 

I remember the same story. Yes, the husband bought a farm for the family. My situation isn't that bad.

 

I would expect my wife to send the same amount as before she arrived. However, she makes more now and end up sending more because of "emergencies" and unexpected rise of prices.  I am trying to teach her to save money for herself.

 

The good thing is we have great communications skills and we can discuss this situation without any negative feelings.

 

[Prisonmate 93]

1 hour ago, TBoneTX said:

Or how about she sends $0 in support of such arrogant presumption and entitlement?

Yes -- please publish here what you each recited or agreed to in your marriage vows.  Was mom-in-law mentioned?

I knew she has to support her mother and two younger sisters. I'm okay with that. It's good that family can help others that need it.

 

It's her mother's drama way of expressing discontent when she doesn't get her what she wants with the guilt tripping. 

[Prisonmate 93]

1 hour ago, Cyberfx1024 said:

2 jobs? Yeah how about she works 1 job and send a  3rd of what she is sending now. 

 

 

What is the priority here the family you two are spending together her or mom?

The second job is a temporary job that ended up lasting almost a year.  The incentive for the second job was extra money to send to the Philippines and extra savings for her future.  We still have plenty of time together. 

[Timona 4,159]

15 minutes ago, Prisonmate said:

The second job is a temporary job that ended up lasting almost a year.  The incentive for the second job was extra money to send to the Philippines and extra savings for her future.  We still have plenty of time together. 

 

Too much work will weigh her down soon. And Healthcare is expensive in US...

[Redro 4,609]

12 hours ago, Prisonmate said:

Yes, I knew and expected my wife would support her mother when she came to the USA.  My eyes were wide open when I married her.  I didn't expect my wife's mother to be so ungrateful. Or am I expecting too much?

 

8 hours ago, Prisonmate said:

I forgot to mention this is all her money that she is makes while working two jobs. I provide for us but she provides for her family in the Philippines.

You both need to sit down and look at your finances and budget. 

You're enabling your wife's toxic relationship with her mother by allowing her to send all "her" money to the Philippines while you are expected to pay the expenses in the US. 

It's not all "her" money. IMO when you're married even if you don't have all your money in a joint account money: your money is my money. My money is your money. 

You should have a discussion on what would happen if you had to stop working for a while for whatever reason, or if a massive expense came up you need her to step up.

 

You need to figure out how much you're both comfortable with sending to the Philippines and your wife needs to be more invested in her life in the US and not rely on you to pay all the expenses. 

 

 

 

[Prisonmate 93]

2 hours ago, Kor2USA said:

 

You both need to sit down and look at your finances and budget. 

You're enabling your wife's toxic relationship with her mother by allowing her to send all "her" money to the Philippines while you are expected to pay the expenses in the US. 

It's not all "her" money. IMO when you're married even if you don't have all your money in a joint account money: your money is my money. My money is your money. 

You should have a discussion on what would happen if you had to stop working for a while for whatever reason, or if a massive expense came up you need her to step up.

 

You need to figure out how much you're both comfortable with sending to the Philippines and your wife needs to be more invested in her life in the US and not rely on you to pay all the expenses. 

 

 

 

Good point. However, everyone's financial situation is different.  I knew the monthly remittance was part of the package. My wife has been the bread winner of her family for a long time. There was no way she would cut off her monthly support of the family. I could afford to support both of us without any of her income.

[Prisonmate 93]

7 hours ago, Timona said:

 

Too much work will weigh her down soon. And Healthcare is expensive in US...

Yes, she has been feeling the effect of working everyday lately. By chance, her second job working on the weekends has ended. So for now, she will enjoy her weekend to rest. Healthcare is very expensive in the USA but better than what she had in the Philippines. That is another subject I can rant about.