Culture Based Narcissism?

[LionessDeon 2,060]

It’s been quite awhile since I’ve been on this site participating in discussions.   When my husband (now ex husband) was first denied in 2014, I took it as my mission to help others in my situation. I did that for a few years.
Well now I’m back here trying to turn another negative into a positive and hoping my pain can again help others. After 5.5 years of marriage, I have discovered that I am a victim of a covert narcissist who (along with the enabling of his family) used me for a green card and a new life.  I am here to speak my truth and hopefully bring awareness to Covert Narcissism, a personality disorder rampant within a society plaqued by systemic poverty and survivalist mentality.  
Yes, now looking back I see the red flags I ignored and signs of deceit but it was so subtle and not knowing anything about covert narcissism I was completely blindsided.  

My intention is to make future posts to help point out the signs of narcissistic personality disorder so others have the knowledge that I didn’t have.  Being in a long distance relationship makes it very difficult to really know a person’s true character and intentions because of the limited time spent in person. It’s so easy for these people to hide their real self and create a fake persona of who you want them to be. I have personally heard the stories of over a dozen women that have been take advantage of by these types of people. The events and behaviors  are almost identical. 

I encourage anyone who has experienced this to share your story. I am a safe place and you can also private message me.  
 

[Boiler 45,434]

It is sufficiently common to have produced a long running TV Show. With spin offs.

 

Must admit I have not seen it called covert narcissism before.

 

There have been many many threads on VJ about this is one form or other.

[JeanneAdil 6,484]

Dr George Simon says our US society is one 

 

For many years, ours has been a narcissistic culture. And cultural narcissism results from the tolerance, promotion, and reinforcement of certain attitudes and values, such as:

• Overvaluing of power, success, money, stereotypical beauty etc.
• Excessive striving for position, status, and a sense of superiority
• Excessive self-focus (i.e. egocentricity) and lack of awareness of/concern for others
• Selfishness and greed
• Inflated sense of worth and power
• Expectation of favor/sense of entitlement
• Lack of appreciation/gratitude
• Poor sense of moral obligation

and so very sorry for u or anyone who has been used in the fashion u speak of

but Homeland Security has warned of this and posted  that we all need to be aware of those who would use USC for a green card and/ or money and chain migration

 

I am afraid that the ones who need to hear your message would have closed ears and repond by "but i am in love"  and sorry,  but love is blind AND deaf

 

[LionessDeon 2,060]

15 minutes ago, Boiler said:

It is sufficiently common to have produced a long running TV Show. With spin offs.

 

Must admit I have not seen it called covert narcissism before.

 

There have been many many threads on VJ about this is one form or other.

Thank you. I will look for them. I haven’t been on VJ for several years. 

 

7 minutes ago, JeanneAdil said:

Dr George Simon says our US society is one 

 

For many years, ours has been a narcissistic culture. And cultural narcissism results from the tolerance, promotion, and reinforcement of certain attitudes and values, such as:

• Overvaluing of power, success, money, stereotypical beauty etc.
• Excessive striving for position, status, and a sense of superiority
• Excessive self-focus (i.e. egocentricity) and lack of awareness of/concern for others
• Selfishness and greed
• Inflated sense of worth and power
• Expectation of favor/sense of entitlement
• Lack of appreciation/gratitude
• Poor sense of moral obligation

and so very sorry for u or anyone who has been used in the fashion u speak of

but Homeland Security has warned of this and posted  that we all need to be aware of those who would use USC for a green card and/ or money and chain migration

 

I am afraid that the ones who need to hear your message would have closed ears and repond by "but i am in love"  and sorry,  but love is blind AND deaf

 

Thank you for your insight.  Yes, I agree probably so but I can’t help feeling if I knew of NPD I would have been more aware and cautious. I never knew people like this existed.  I wonder if victims of this are encouraged to support it to homeland security? I always heard don’t bother they can’t do anything. But statistical information and potential avenues for change could help. 

[Boiler 45,434]

 

[JeanneAdil 6,484]

Just now, LionessDeon said:

Thank you. I will look for them. I haven’t been on VJ for several years. 

 

Thank you for your insight.  Yes, I agree probably so but I can’t help feeling if I knew of NPD I would have been more aware and cautious. I never knew people like this existed.  I wonder if victims of this are encouraged to support it to homeland security? I always heard don’t bother they can’t do anything. But statistical information and potential avenues for change could help. 

Several have written here and asked how to turn the person in to ICE?

there is little a person can do 

mostly as u did all the work to prove the relationship is real

and the "green card holder" can get a divorce and move on with the remainder of the process -even naturalize 

 

basically people don't want to admit "My judgement was wrong"  or that they are "enablers"

 

but it hurts and hurts bad 

and to be honest "that is why immigration has all these rules and wants proofs and why some embassies deny or send a packet back for NOIR/NOID

 

it hurts girl and i am sorry you were duped

 

keep trying to warn others and post on Facebook and hope just one will listen / its all  u can do

[JeanneAdil 6,484]

5 minutes ago, Boiler said:

 

i feel for the poor guy who pays for everything and she loved him right up to the point where he said no money for a breast implant and then she didn't love him anymore

[LionessDeon 2,060]

My research has led me to this information:  there are types of NPD -

Overt narcissists are the more obvious loud boisterous arrogant ones. The outwardly draw attention to themselves commanding attention and admiration. Their abusive traits are more verbal and physical, frequently belittling, berating and even physically hurting their victim. 
Covert narcissists are much more subtle. They can even be self deprecating and appear weak to gain validation and attention.  Their abuse tactics are insidious and slight but many. Like 1,000 bee stings pinging away at your mental health little by little. 
 

There is a spectrum from just possessing some traits to full blown malignant psychopath or sociopath. 

Tactics can be any of all of pathological lying, manipulation, gaslighting, triangulation, blame shifting, isolation, stonewalling, silent treatment, “crazy making” and cognitive dissonance. 
Stages are love bombing, devaluing, and discard.  

17 minutes ago, JeanneAdil said:

i feel for the poor guy who pays for everything and she loved him right up to the point where he said no money for a breast implant and then she didn't love him anymore

Right!  I pray Mike doesn’t ignore that red flag!

[Marieke H 2,495]

I am sorry you had to go through that. Thank you for coming back with a mission to warn others.

 

We often see posts from people where things just don't seem right, and while many here try to point out the red flags, it really helps if people with lived experiences are willing to share their experiences to hopefully at least make people question some of the things that are happening to them.

[Pinkrlion 2,715]

1 hour ago, LionessDeon said:

It’s been quite awhile since I’ve been on this site participating in discussions.   When my husband (now ex husband) was first denied in 2014, I took it as my mission to help others in my situation. I did that for a few years.
Well now I’m back here trying to turn another negative into a positive and hoping my pain can again help others. After 5.5 years of marriage, I have discovered that I am a victim of a covert narcissist who (along with the enabling of his family) used me for a green card and a new life.  I am here to speak my truth and hopefully bring awareness to Covert Narcissism, a personality disorder rampant within a society plaqued by systemic poverty and survivalist mentality.  
Yes, now looking back I see the red flags I ignored and signs of deceit but it was so subtle and not knowing anything about covert narcissism I was completely blindsided.  

My intention is to make future posts to help point out the signs of narcissistic personality disorder so others have the knowledge that I didn’t have.  Being in a long distance relationship makes it very difficult to really know a person’s true character and intentions because of the limited time spent in person. It’s so easy for these people to hide their real self and create a fake persona of who you want them to be. I have personally heard the stories of over a dozen women that have been take advantage of by these types of people. The events and behaviors  are almost identical. 

I encourage anyone who has experienced this to share your story. I am a safe place and you can also private message me.  
 

OMG, I am sorry to hear this.  

[LionessDeon 2,060]

40 minutes ago, Boiler said:

 

Ahhh!  Boiler now I remember that name!  It’s been awhile eh?!

[Timona 4,207]

@JeanneAdil are you a scholar or something. You're always at hand with quotes and researched articles. Just curious. Hahha

[TBoneTX 45,223]

Folks, let's minimize posts about 90-Day Fiance, or those posts will have to be removed.

-------

44 minutes ago, JeanneAdil said:

asked how to turn the person in to ICE

One doesn't contact ICE for this.

 

The proper avenue is the FDNS officer at the nearest USCIS office.

Go in person, carrying all the objective evidence of the fraud that you can collect.

Include the A# of the individual whom you're reporting.

Ask for the FDNS officer.

Be polite and unemotional.

Explain that you have objective evidence of relationship fraud for "your expert analysis."

(This will relax and flatter the FDNS officer, who will be used to emotional complainers.)

Hand it all over, thank the FDNS officer for accepting it, and leave.

Sadly, you'll never hear anything further, but at least you've done all that you could.

[JeanneAdil 6,484]

4 minutes ago, Timona said:

@JeanneAdil are you a scholar or something. You're always at hand with quotes and researched articles. Just curious. Hahha

Still taking college courses as i get them free now (senior citizen)

and i attend many lectures from Huntsville to Nashville to Atlanta as i am free to travel anywhere i want

the biggest thing is i have a huge huge family who range from lawyers,  and doctors to ironworkers and mechanics

i tend to look everything up when i see a post 

the info is all out there 

 

[LionessDeon 2,060]

43 minutes ago, Pinkrlion said:

OMG, I am sorry to hear this.  

Thank you. I remember you from way back when!  I hope you are doing well!