Abusive husband

[Villanelle 4,122]

10 hours ago, DMA said:

Thank you for taking the time to reply and for giving such great advice and useful information. I appreciate it so much and I’ll take it into account. Also thank you for your thoughtful words that it’s not my fault. The embarrassment, shame and guilt has prevented me from reaching out to my relatives, but I’m just going to have to do it.

It can be hard to ask for help but there are plenty of people and resources you just need to take the first step and let people know what is going on. 

 

Reach out to your local legal aid. They can put you in touch with a lawyer who can help get you a restraining order. You shouldn't need a SSN for that and they should be able to help you at no cost.

 

You know how when people go to court and have to pay a bunch of fines? Some of that money goes to a fund to pay legal fees for victims to obtain restraining orders among other things. Restraining order means guns are taken away (permanently). It can also mean they order HIM to leave the house in some cases. You really need to speak to the attorney about this. They may advise you to call the police and file a report about the previous violence. 

 

Every jurisdiction is different in how they handle things so reach out to legal aid and see. You may have to file for the RO and then they will assign a lawyer or they may assign one at the beginning to help you file. 

 

Thehotline.org has various resources and tools for helping you make a safety plan but you need to take the first step in asking for help. It's scary and overwhelming but you can do it! You don't deserve to be abused,  no one does. Remember it's not your fault, you did nothing wrong. Let the system help you.

[DMA 8]

21 hours ago, R&OC said:

I would like to add some thoughts.

 

Is there any way you could convince your husband to get your SSN before moving out? Perhaps mention that the ITIN is not valid as a LPR. It would allow you to open up a bank account and start building credit. How about mentioning that your parents would like to send money to an account you have in your own name? An unforeseen financial gift or inheritance from a distant relative? Some excuse that sounds valid. Something that will make him drive you to the nearest SSN office. Once you have your SSN you could open a joint account with him and your own account, of course, without him as an authorised account holder. But even if that should fail, some banks allow for ITIN holders to open up a bank account.

 

How safe is your phone? Can you scan important documents and keep them on your phone? Or upload to iCloud or dropbox. How safe is your computer? If you start filling out the I-751, please make sure that your husband has no access to it and can not see the form as you would file under divorce waiver. Just make sure that your IT is safe. If your husband has any knowledge of your IT there is a chance that he may track your footprint. Just keep that in mind. And delete your history on your computer as a start. You can still access the information but it would take more digging. Chance your Passworts regularly if not weekly.

 

If you can, get a second cell phone that he has no access to. Cheap AirBnB's may also help you to patch things over for a while.

 

But please get out as soon as possible and keep us updated.  Do not change your behaviour, patterns or mode of operation at home. It would make him even more suspicious. 

 

You need to secure your passport, green card, marriage certificate, bona fide documents.

Thank you for taking the time to reply and giving such great advice. I was thinking the same thing, I’m going to see if I can get a bank account with just a ITIN until I get my SSN. I’ve also convinced him of getting my SSN which he agreed with. 
 

I don’t have a computer right now, so I only use my phone and always make sure I take extra precautions when using it. I also thought about Airbnb’s as an option at least in the beginning. Thankfully all my important documents are with me and always has been. I’ll be extra careful and keep you updated. 

[DMA 8]

18 hours ago, milimelo said:

One more thing - stimulus payments were only paid to those with SSN. If you only used ITIN may want to push for getting the SSN so you can get stimulus payment - talk to your local tax person. 

Ok, we got a stimulus payment using my ITIN. Regardless, I will reach out to my local tax person and take care of getting my SSN as soon as possible. Thank you for the advice! 

[DMA 8]

15 hours ago, Villanelle said:

It can be hard to ask for help but there are plenty of people and resources you just need to take the first step and let people know what is going on. 

 

Reach out to your local legal aid. They can put you in touch with a lawyer who can help get you a restraining order. You shouldn't need a SSN for that and they should be able to help you at no cost.

 

You know how when people go to court and have to pay a bunch of fines? Some of that money goes to a fund to pay legal fees for victims to obtain restraining orders among other things. Restraining order means guns are taken away (permanently). It can also mean they order HIM to leave the house in some cases. You really need to speak to the attorney about this. They may advise you to call the police and file a report about the previous violence. 

 

Every jurisdiction is different in how they handle things so reach out to legal aid and see. You may have to file for the RO and then they will assign a lawyer or they may assign one at the beginning to help you file. 

 

Thehotline.org has various resources and tools for helping you make a safety plan but you need to take the first step in asking for help. It's scary and overwhelming but you can do it! You don't deserve to be abused,  no one does. Remember it's not your fault, you did nothing wrong. Let the system help you.

Thank you for your encouraging words. Yes, it’s hard to ask for help, but I’m going to do it. I’m going to look into all these resources you’ve mentioned as soon as possible. Thank you again for being so helpful! 

[DMA 8]

On 3/14/2022 at 7:10 AM, R&OC said:

I would like to add some thoughts.

 

Is there any way you could convince your husband to get your SSN before moving out? Perhaps mention that the ITIN is not valid as a LPR. It would allow you to open up a bank account and start building credit. How about mentioning that your parents would like to send money to an account you have in your own name? An unforeseen financial gift or inheritance from a distant relative? Some excuse that sounds valid. Something that will make him drive you to the nearest SSN office. Once you have your SSN you could open a joint account with him and your own account, of course, without him as an authorised account holder. But even if that should fail, some banks allow for ITIN holders to open up a bank account.

 

How safe is your phone? Can you scan important documents and keep them on your phone? Or upload to iCloud or dropbox. How safe is your computer? If you start filling out the I-751, please make sure that your husband has no access to it and can not see the form as you would file under divorce waiver. Just make sure that your IT is safe. If your husband has any knowledge of your IT there is a chance that he may track your footprint. Just keep that in mind. And delete your history on your computer as a start. You can still access the information but it would take more digging. Chance your Passworts regularly if not weekly.

 

If you can, get a second cell phone that he has no access to. Cheap AirBnB's may also help you to patch things over for a while.

 

But please get out as soon as possible and keep us updated.  Do not change your behaviour, patterns or mode of operation at home. It would make him even more suspicious. 

 

You need to secure your passport, green card, marriage certificate, bona fide documents.

Also if you don’t mind me asking, do you have any good tips on how I could build my credit? I want to try and get it as high as I can before leaving. 

[TBoneTX 45,778]

3 hours ago, DMA said:

do you have any good tips on how I could build my credit?

In the Tax & Finances forum is this pinned thread:

Building Credit Score - Tips & Tricks - Tax & Finances During US Immigration - VisaJourney

and almost certainly several others.

 

It's great to read that you're encouraged and sounding happier.  It's admirable that you're being so proactive.  Keep it up.  

[DMA 8]

16 hours ago, TBoneTX said:

In the Tax & Finances forum is this pinned thread:

Building Credit Score - Tips & Tricks - Tax & Finances During US Immigration - VisaJourney

and almost certainly several others.

 

It's great to read that you're encouraged and sounding happier.  It's admirable that you're being so proactive.  Keep it up.  

Thank you so much, I looked through the thread and its filled with helpful information.
 

Thank you, I will. I feel lighter and happier thanks to all the great advice I’ve gotten from everyone in the thread. I’ve actively been taking steps to get my SSN, bank account and ID for the last couple of days in terms of phone calls etc, so everything is in motion. 

[Mike E 11,742]

@DMA

 

Your gc expires December 2022.  
 

I might have missed it in the thread but you should know that if your final divorce decree arrives before September 2022 you can file under the divorce waiver immediately.  IOW to do moth have to wait until 90 days before your gc expires. 
 

Some divorces are delayed  because the financial settlement drags out. As you are a conditional LPR, then if permitted in your state,  it might be in your best interest if your divorce attorney seeks to “bifurcate” your divorce.   This means you can first dissolve the marriage and get a final divorce decree before completing the financial settlement.   

[DMA 8]

15 minutes ago, Mike E said:

@DMA

 

Your gc expires December 2022.  
 

I might have missed it in the thread but you should know that if your final divorce decree arrives before September 2022 you can file under the divorce waiver immediately.  IOW to do moth have to wait until 90 days before your gc expires. 
 

Some divorces are delayed  because the financial settlement drags out. As you are a conditional LPR, then if permitted in your state,  it might be in your best interest if your divorce attorney seeks to “bifurcate” your divorce.   This means you can first dissolve the marriage and get a final divorce decree before completing the financial settlement.   

Thank you for this useful information. I will definitely look into it. I’ll also tell my divorce lawyer about it the “bifurcate” part too. Thank you once again, I really appreciate it.