Abusive husband

[milimelo 4,479]

20 minutes ago, DMA said:

Thank you for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it. Also thank you for all the great advice and useful information. When it comes to evidence of bonafide marriage, I have all the evidence from my immigration interview. Like pictures, correspondence, receipts, jointly filed taxes, health insurance cards and mail sent to me etc. That’s pretty much all I have, would that serve as enough evidence?
 

Also if I would apply for a 10 year GC on my own, through either divorce or battered spouse waiver will I still have my GC during the pending case so I can work and provide for myself? Or does the whole immigration process start all over so I have to apply for EAD etc? 
 

Thank you again for being so helpful. 

You’ll get a NOA paper extending your status for 24 months - that plus your (expired) green card is all the proof you need. You really should get your SSN sorted out - how have you been doing taxes since arrival? You’ll want copies of tax returns to send in with your I-751 as well as other paperwork. 
 

You just said you filed taxes jointly - that means you have a SSN. You can use that to apply for a bank account. 

[DMA 8]

11 minutes ago, milimelo said:

You’ll get a NOA paper extending your status for 24 months - that plus your (expired) green card is all the proof you need. You really should get your SSN sorted out - how have you been doing taxes since arrival? You’ll want copies of tax returns to send in with your I-751 as well as other paperwork. 

Ok, trust me I have tried to sort out my SSN since I arrived and I’m going to keep trying but I think it’s safer to take care of that once I’m out. I filed taxes jointly with my husband using my ITIN, so I have copies of my tax returns. 

[DMA 8]

5 hours ago, laylalex said:

Just to add, the prenup is probably unenforceable if he coerced you into signing it. As others have said, your first concern is your safety -- get out with as much documentation as possible to show your marriage was entered into in good faith. Next, you need to talk to a competent lawyer about the divorce. Personally, I would not try to DIY a divorce, particularly one where the other spouse is volatile and abusive. Yes, lawyers are expensive, but you need to have your interests protected here -- financially and in terms of safety. Worry about the immigration stuff after. You have months (it looks like) until you are eligible to remove conditions on your GC anyway.

 

Be safe and we are here to listen and help where we can. ❤️ 

He definitely intimidated and coerced me into signing the prenup and out of fear I signed it. This was a while back and I spoke to a divorce lawyer about it and he said the same thing, that it would never be valid in court. I absolutely agree with you that a competent divorce lawyer is needed in this situation. So I would probably reach out to that same divorce lawyer now. 
 

Thank you for all great advice and your kind words, it means everything. ❤️ 

[DMA 8]

2 hours ago, Jorgedig said:

Ugh.  So sorry to hear.

 

Please get yourself safe, first and foremost.  And worry about the immigration stuff later, but know that you can file for removal of conditions with a divorce waiver.

 

Do you want to stay in the US?  Do you have any type of support system here?

 

Btw, I agree about a lawyer- a divorce lawyer, not an immigration one.  You need to protect yourself financially, emotionally, physically.    The bit about being drunk and with firearms is very disturbing.  Can you get to someplace safe right now?

Thank you for your sympathy, advice and kind words. Yes I want to stay in the US. I have relatives and family friends, but nobody that lives in the same state as me. I also agree about the divorce lawyer, it’s important for me to be able to protect myself in every way. Yes that as well as many other things he does is very disturbing. I think right now a DV shelter would be my only option, since I don’t know anyone else where I live. 

[Timona 4,207]

8 hours ago, DMA said:

Thank you for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it. Also thank you for all the great advice and useful information. When it comes to evidence of bonafide marriage, I have all the evidence from my immigration interview. Like pictures, correspondence, receipts, jointly filed taxes, health insurance cards and mail sent to me etc. That’s pretty much all I have, would that serve as enough evidence?
 

Also if I would apply for a 10 year GC on my own, through either divorce or battered spouse waiver will I still have my GC during the pending case so I can work and provide for myself? Or does the whole immigration process start all over so I have to apply for EAD etc? 
 

Thank you again for being so helpful. 

 

You can take a picture of his DL and yours showing same address. Add car insurance if you have one.

 

Ideally, just file with divorce waiver. Easy. Forget about battered spouse, too much work. 

[Ontarkie 14,225]

11 hours ago, DMA said:

Thank you for taking the time to reply and for giving such great advice, I really appreciate it. I have all the evidence I submitted for my immigration interview like marriage certificate, pictures, correspondence between us, receipts of gifts, jointly filed taxes, health insurance cards, mail with my name on it etc. is that the kind of evidence that’s needed? 
 

Also I read somewhere that when you apply to remove conditions jointly with your spouse you will get an temporary GC for 18 months while your application is pending? Do you know if that applies even when filing a divorce or battered spouse waiver? Or will my immigration process start all over again so I have to apply for EAD to work or AP to travel? 
 

Thank you for mentioning the location I’ll edit that ASAP, and thank you once again for being so helpful. 

Even if you file for ROC with a waiver you will get the extension later. It is not something you get if you only file a joint application. As Milimelo mentioned above it's now 24 months, so you won't be starting over or needing and EAD or AP. Your existing GC with the extension letter will be all you need.  That stuff is good the tax returns are great too. See if you can find anything new to add to the pile. Since you have been collecting things he may not think anything of it as ROC is not that far away. 

 

You mentioned you have family and family friends. I would try to contact them and see if you can get to them. It would be much better for you to get on your feet in another state far away from your husband. 

Edited March 12, 2022 by Ontarkie

[DMA 8]

16 hours ago, Ontarkie said:

Even if you file for ROC with a waiver you will get the extension later. It is not something you get if you only file a joint application. As Milimelo mentioned above it's now 24 months, so you won't be starting over or needing and EAD or AP. Your existing GC with the extension letter will be all you need.  That stuff is good the tax returns are great too. See if you can find anything new to add to the pile. Since you have been collecting things he may not think anything of it as ROC is not that far away. 

 

You mentioned you have family and family friends. I would try to contact them and see if you can get to them. It would be much better for you to get on your feet in another state far away from your husband. 

Ok, thank you. I saw that Timona mentioned taking pictures of DL showing the same ID as well as car insurance. Besides that what more new could I add, if you don’t mind me asking?

 

Yes you’re absolutely right, I’ve been thinking about taking that route for some time. I know it’s probably the best option in this situation. 

[Villanelle 4,122]

The first thing you need to do is get yourself to somewhere safe. If you have family or friends who can help please reach out to them. I know it's embarrassing but none of this is your fault.

 

You can also call 211 or use the 211 online site to find shelters but again family would be better as shelters are not ideal. 

 

The next step is to update your address with USCIS. You can provide a mailing address and a physical address so depending on your circumstances you may want to use a secure mailbox for the mailing address like a PO box or relatives address.

 

You must file for removal of conditions before your card expires. Don't wait until the last minute as there can be mail delays. A reasonable goal would be to send it late oct-early nov since it expires in December.  You will get a NOA receipt which will serve as your proof of extension. 

 

If you are going to be changing your last name back to your maiden name fill out the 751 using maiden name otherwise you will get the card in your married name and need to pay to update it later.  You can only do this if you are filing under divorce waiver. 

 

In order to approve your case they will need the final decree. If you don't have it when filing it's ok. They will eventually RFE you for it. If you still don't have it you can bring it to the interview. If you still don't have it then they have to administratively close the case and send it to the court where you can get the time you need for it to be finalized. 

 

You have the choice to file as divorce waiver, abuse waiver or both. Whatever you select you need to prove (or drop requesting it). 

 

Divorce waiver requires the divorce and proof of bonafides. Abuse waiver doesn't require divorce (but you cannot change your name with out a divorce or name change order from a court) and it also requires bonafides BUT when claiming abuse they will consider if the abuse impacted the quality and content of your evidences and will accept less. 

 

The abuse waiver requires either police-medical reports and photos to prove physical abuse or an evaluation +medication records establishing mental abuse plus your own letter of explanation. You would need to find a Dr that has experience in writing VAWA evaluations. You are not filing for 'VAWA' as you have a GC but technically VAWA is not something you file for its an abbreviation for the violence against women act which is multi page policy that allows victims to file the 360 for the GC (what is commonly referred to as filing VAWA) and it allows for abuse waiver filings among other things. So it is the VAWA act that allows you to file as an abuse waiver.

 

If you are approved as abuse waiver you are also eligible for citizenship at 3ys if your spouse was a USC.

 

I would suggest reading through the 751 threads and determine if you have enough evidence to file as divorce only or if your evidence is too weak due to the abuse in which case filing the abuse waiver would help overcome such.

 

 

[Ontarkie 14,225]

8 hours ago, DMA said:

Ok, thank you. I saw that Timona mentioned taking pictures of DL showing the same ID as well as car insurance. Besides that what more new could I add, if you don’t mind me asking?

 

Yes you’re absolutely right, I’ve been thinking about taking that route for some time. I know it’s probably the best option in this situation. 

Think of everything and anything, Christmas cards addressed to both of you, junk mail addressed to both each of you and if anything address to both of you. Alone they really aren't much but together with other things they can help show a common resident. Photo copies of His DL and your ID at the same address is a great idea, if you have health insurance card with  your name on it. I know some don't put the names on it but get a copy of it.  So grab anything and everything you can. You can sort through the stuff later. But remember safety first if you have a phone snap pictures of things if you can get photo copies. You can print the pictures later.  

[Boiler 45,519]

Do not forget to mention the I 864 he signed to your Divorce Lawyer.

[DMA 8]

11 hours ago, Villanelle said:

The first thing you need to do is get yourself to somewhere safe. If you have family or friends who can help please reach out to them. I know it's embarrassing but none of this is your fault.

 

You can also call 211 or use the 211 online site to find shelters but again family would be better as shelters are not ideal. 

 

The next step is to update your address with USCIS. You can provide a mailing address and a physical address so depending on your circumstances you may want to use a secure mailbox for the mailing address like a PO box or relatives address.

 

You must file for removal of conditions before your card expires. Don't wait until the last minute as there can be mail delays. A reasonable goal would be to send it late oct-early nov since it expires in December.  You will get a NOA receipt which will serve as your proof of extension. 

 

If you are going to be changing your last name back to your maiden name fill out the 751 using maiden name otherwise you will get the card in your married name and need to pay to update it later.  You can only do this if you are filing under divorce waiver. 

 

In order to approve your case they will need the final decree. If you don't have it when filing it's ok. They will eventually RFE you for it. If you still don't have it you can bring it to the interview. If you still don't have it then they have to administratively close the case and send it to the court where you can get the time you need for it to be finalized. 

 

You have the choice to file as divorce waiver, abuse waiver or both. Whatever you select you need to prove (or drop requesting it). 

 

Divorce waiver requires the divorce and proof of bonafides. Abuse waiver doesn't require divorce (but you cannot change your name with out a divorce or name change order from a court) and it also requires bonafides BUT when claiming abuse they will consider if the abuse impacted the quality and content of your evidences and will accept less. 

 

The abuse waiver requires either police-medical reports and photos to prove physical abuse or an evaluation +medication records establishing mental abuse plus your own letter of explanation. You would need to find a Dr that has experience in writing VAWA evaluations. You are not filing for 'VAWA' as you have a GC but technically VAWA is not something you file for its an abbreviation for the violence against women act which is multi page policy that allows victims to file the 360 for the GC (what is commonly referred to as filing VAWA) and it allows for abuse waiver filings among other things. So it is the VAWA act that allows you to file as an abuse waiver.

 

If you are approved as abuse waiver you are also eligible for citizenship at 3ys if your spouse was a USC.

 

I would suggest reading through the 751 threads and determine if you have enough evidence to file as divorce only or if your evidence is too weak due to the abuse in which case filing the abuse waiver would help overcome such.

 

 

Thank you for taking the time to reply and for giving such great advice and useful information. I appreciate it so much and I’ll take it into account. Also thank you for your thoughtful words that it’s not my fault. The embarrassment, shame and guilt has prevented me from reaching out to my relatives, but I’m just going to have to do it.

[DMA 8]

13 hours ago, Boiler said:

Do not forget to mention the I 864 he signed to your Divorce Lawyer.

That’s a great reminder, thank you. 

[DMA 8]

13 hours ago, Ontarkie said:

Think of everything and anything, Christmas cards addressed to both of you, junk mail addressed to both each of you and if anything address to both of you. Alone they really aren't much but together with other things they can help show a common resident. Photo copies of His DL and your ID at the same address is a great idea, if you have health insurance card with  your name on it. I know some don't put the names on it but get a copy of it.  So grab anything and everything you can. You can sort through the stuff later. But remember safety first if you have a phone snap pictures of things if you can get photo copies. You can print the pictures later.  

Ok, I have some mail, photo copy of his DL and health insurance cards with our names on them already. So I’ll continue to collect everything I can, but in the safest way possible. Thank you once again for being so helpful. 

[R&OC 371]

I would like to add some thoughts.

 

Is there any way you could convince your husband to get your SSN before moving out? Perhaps mention that the ITIN is not valid as a LPR. It would allow you to open up a bank account and start building credit. How about mentioning that your parents would like to send money to an account you have in your own name? An unforeseen financial gift or inheritance from a distant relative? Some excuse that sounds valid. Something that will make him drive you to the nearest SSN office. Once you have your SSN you could open a joint account with him and your own account, of course, without him as an authorised account holder. But even if that should fail, some banks allow for ITIN holders to open up a bank account.

 

How safe is your phone? Can you scan important documents and keep them on your phone? Or upload to iCloud or dropbox. How safe is your computer? If you start filling out the I-751, please make sure that your husband has no access to it and can not see the form as you would file under divorce waiver. Just make sure that your IT is safe. If your husband has any knowledge of your IT there is a chance that he may track your footprint. Just keep that in mind. And delete your history on your computer as a start. You can still access the information but it would take more digging. Chance your Passworts regularly if not weekly.

 

If you can, get a second cell phone that he has no access to. Cheap AirBnB's may also help you to patch things over for a while.

 

But please get out as soon as possible and keep us updated.  Do not change your behaviour, patterns or mode of operation at home. It would make him even more suspicious. 

 

You need to secure your passport, green card, marriage certificate, bona fide documents.

[milimelo 4,479]

One more thing - stimulus payments were only paid to those with SSN. If you only used ITIN may want to push for getting the SSN so you can get stimulus payment - talk to your local tax person.