Abusive husband

[DMA 8]

I’ve never posted in a forum before, so please bear with me everyone. I moved to the US on a K-1 visa in July 2019, applied for adjustment of status in September 2019. I never applied for EAD or AP, but I received my conditional Green Card in December 2020. During this time my husband has became more and more controlling, Im not allowed to go outside the house or go anywhere without him. Im not allowed to have friends or work. I’m not allowed to drive, get a car or my own bank account. He controls all the finances, and if I need something I have to ask him for it. He works from home so I never have a moment to myself, he basically holds me hostage. He’s drunk and high pretty much every day and he becomes very aggressive. He’s violent and he also has guns in the house. He threatens to “send me back to where I came from” all the time. So out of fear for him and his threats I’ve never called the cops or filed a police report.
 

In the past he forced me to sign a prenup against my will, he basically said he will make me homeless or call immigration on me if I didn’t sign it. I know a little bit about the VAWA, but not enough. If I would go that route would it mean that my immigration process would start all over again? And would I be able to apply for the VAWA while still being married or do I have to be divorce? 

I don’t know where else to turn or who I should ask so I’m hoping for some advice on what to do in this situation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for the long read. 

Edited March 11, 2022 by DMA

[milimelo 4,533]

You have a green card so you wouldn’t qualify for VAWA. Pack your bags, call local shelter or police to get you out. 

[milimelo 4,533]

Also, if you already have SSN, you can get an online bank account - capital one is one of online banks. 
 

To get permanent green card you’ll need to either divorce (or be in the progress of divorce) or file as a battered spouse which will need police reports and similar. 
 

But first priority should be getting out of the house - police can escort you to get your things back and you can also file for temporary restraining order. 

[DMA 8]

I have a green card but it’s a conditional green card that expires in December, and I don’t have a SSN. Isn’t filing for a permanent green card as a battered spouse what VAWA is? I read somewhere that police reports isn’t needed when filing, is that not true? 
 

Thank you for your advice, it’s much appreciated. 

[milimelo 4,533]

3 hours ago, DMA said:

I have a green card but it’s a conditional green card that expires in December, and I don’t have a SSN. Isn’t filing for a permanent green card as a battered spouse what VAWA is? I read somewhere that police reports isn’t needed when filing, is that not true? 
 

Thank you for your advice, it’s much appreciated. 

You'll still want to file I-751 within 90 days before expiration date. Whether it's with a divorce waiver, or extreme cruelty you'll have to decide. But for starters you'll want to get yourself out of the place you're not safe. Then get a SSN, place to stay, job. 

 

Thehotline.org can get you resources you need based on your place of residence. 

 

[Rocio0010 5,586]

Sending you a PM

[DMA 8]

8 hours ago, milimelo said:

You'll still want to file I-751 within 90 days before expiration date. Whether it's with a divorce waiver, or extreme cruelty you'll have to decide. But for starters you'll want to get yourself out of the place you're not safe. Then get a SSN, place to stay, job. 

 

Thehotline.org can get you resources you need based on your place of residence. 

 

Ok, thank you so much for all your advice. I really appreciate it. 

[Timona 4,208]

You already have a GC. He's just huffing and puffing. Noone can take it away from you other than an immigration judge. 

 

My advise that I always tell people in this situation? In order:

1. Look for a place you can afford. If not, shelter or friends

2. Rent a P.O box (use this for your address if you rent so that he doesn't know where you stay).

3. Leave

4. File divorce online and let a sherrif or someone serve him. Don't go near.

 

While doing 1 & 2 above, gather as much evidence of bona fide marriage as you can, albeit silently. 

Filing with divorce waiver is less hustle compared to VAWA. I wouldn't go VAWA unless you have tangible evidence. USCIS knows marriages don't work. They understand. So, worry not. You're not the first nor will you be the last.

 

If your GC expires in December, you're eligible to file as of October. Just make sure that when you file, you have the final divorce decree or if not, send the papers that show you're in process of a divorce. A RFE will be issued for final decree maybe like 6 months later. Hopefully, you have it then.

 

You can file the 10 year GC on your own. It's form I-751. Don't use I-90. Anyways, when you get there, come back and we will guide you on the correct forms and even vet your evidence list.

 

Edited March 12, 2022 by Timona

[Ontarkie 14,345]

As mentioned above VAWA is not on an option for you. When you already have a GC but still need to remove conditions it is a extreme cruelty waiver that you are thinking of. I don't know all that it would take to get that waiver approved as you have to prove the extreme cruelty plus bonified marriage.

 

For now start gathering all the things you can find to show proof of genuine marriage. Do this quietly maybe while he is distracted with working or if he goes out without you at all. Once you get everything plan your escape. Find out where you can get too when he is out. Now never put yourself in danger if things escalate call the police do not be afraid to call them.  Get a restraining order and never let him know where you live once you are out. 

[Ontarkie 14,345]

If anything from your profile is a real location edit that also. Never have anything that can narrow down your location in case he finds this thread. 

[laylalex 7,293]

Just to add, the prenup is probably unenforceable if he coerced you into signing it. As others have said, your first concern is your safety -- get out with as much documentation as possible to show your marriage was entered into in good faith. Next, you need to talk to a competent lawyer about the divorce. Personally, I would not try to DIY a divorce, particularly one where the other spouse is volatile and abusive. Yes, lawyers are expensive, but you need to have your interests protected here -- financially and in terms of safety. Worry about the immigration stuff after. You have months (it looks like) until you are eligible to remove conditions on your GC anyway.

 

Be safe and we are here to listen and help where we can. ❤️ 

[SalishSea 18,016]

Ugh.  So sorry to hear.

 

Please get yourself safe, first and foremost.  And worry about the immigration stuff later, but know that you can file for removal of conditions with a divorce waiver.

 

Do you want to stay in the US?  Do you have any type of support system here?

 

Btw, I agree about a lawyer- a divorce lawyer, not an immigration one.  You need to protect yourself financially, emotionally, physically.    The bit about being drunk and with firearms is very disturbing.  Can you get to someplace safe right now?

Edited March 12, 2022 by Jorgedig

[DMA 8]

5 hours ago, Timona said:

You already have a GC. He's just huffing and puffing. Noone can take it away from you other than an immigration judge. 

 

My advise that I always tell people in this situation? In order:

1. Look for a place you can afford. If not, shelter or friends

2. Rent a P.O box (use this for your address if you rent so that he doesn't know where you stay).

3. Leave

4. File divorce online and let a sherrif or someone serve him. Don't go near.

 

While doing 1 & 2 above, gather as much evidence of bona fide marriage as you can, albeit silently. 

Filing with divorce waiver is less hustle compared to VAWA. I wouldn't go VAWA unless you have tangible evidence. USCIS knows marriages don't work. They understand. So, worry not. You're not the first nor will you be the last.

 

If your GC expires in December, you're eligible to file as of October. Just make sure that when you file, you have the final divorce decree or if not, send the papers that show you're in process of a divorce. A RFE will be issued for final decree maybe like 6 months later. Hopefully, you have it then.

 

You can file the 10 year GC on your own. It's form I-751. Don't use I-90. Anyways, when you get there, come back and we will guide you on the correct forms and even vet your evidence list.

 

Thank you for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it. Also thank you for all the great advice and useful information. When it comes to evidence of bonafide marriage, I have all the evidence from my immigration interview. Like pictures, correspondence, receipts, jointly filed taxes, health insurance cards and mail sent to me etc. That’s pretty much all I have, would that serve as enough evidence?
 

Also if I would apply for a 10 year GC on my own, through either divorce or battered spouse waiver will I still have my GC during the pending case so I can work and provide for myself? Or does the whole immigration process start all over so I have to apply for EAD etc? 
 

Thank you again for being so helpful. 

[milimelo 4,533]

2 minutes ago, DMA said:

Thank you for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate it. Also thank you for all the great advice and useful information. When it comes to evidence of bonafide marriage, I have all the evidence from my immigration interview. Like pictures, correspondence, receipts, jointly filed taxes, health insurance cards and mail sent to me etc. That’s pretty much all I have, would that serve as enough evidence?
 

Also if I would apply for a 10 year GC on my own, through either divorce or battered spouse waiver will I still have my GC during the pending case so I can work and provide for myself? Or does the whole immigration process start all over so I have to apply for EAD etc? 
 

Thank you again for being so helpful. 

You’ll get a NOA paper extending your status for 24 months - that plus your (expired) green card is all the proof you need. You really should get your SSN sorted out - how have you been doing taxes since arrival? You’ll want copies of tax returns to send in with your I-751 as well as other paperwork. 

[DMA 8]

5 hours ago, Ontarkie said:

As mentioned above VAWA is not on an option for you. When you already have a GC but still need to remove conditions it is a extreme cruelty waiver that you are thinking of. I don't know all that it would take to get that waiver approved as you have to prove the extreme cruelty plus bonified marriage.

 

For now start gathering all the things you can find to show proof of genuine marriage. Do this quietly maybe while he is distracted with working or if he goes out without you at all. Once you get everything plan your escape. Find out where you can get too when he is out. Now never put yourself in danger if things escalate call the police do not be afraid to call them.  Get a restraining order and never let him know where you live once you are out. 

Thank you for taking the time to reply and for giving such great advice, I really appreciate it. I have all the evidence I submitted for my immigration interview like marriage certificate, pictures, correspondence between us, receipts of gifts, jointly filed taxes, health insurance cards, mail with my name on it etc. is that the kind of evidence that’s needed? 
 

Also I read somewhere that when you apply to remove conditions jointly with your spouse you will get an temporary GC for 18 months while your application is pending? Do you know if that applies even when filing a divorce or battered spouse waiver? Or will my immigration process start all over again so I have to apply for EAD to work or AP to travel? 
 

Thank you for mentioning the location I’ll edit that ASAP, and thank you once again for being so helpful.