MENA/USA marriages

[doodlebug 3]

I hesitate to mention this but we do have a difference in opinion on whether to cover my head. My opinion is no, and his is yes. This will cause friction at times I"m sure but we both do agree that in the end it is MY decision.

[deemabrouk 0]

I'd rather implode from trapped gas than fart in front of my husband (or really anyone else besides my kids). However, apparently I did pass gas once in my sleep. I accused Moh of purposely staying awake just to catch me farting.

hahaaaaaa....

I did the same thing.. I woke myself out of sleep

I laid there.. Stunned..

then a mintue later he farted in his sleep..

so then I didnt feel bad and when back asleep

Edited July 11, 2007 by deemabrouk

[sereia 0]

ugh i did that last time i visited...and i thought i was in the clear... but the next day he brought it up and made jokes for like 10 minutes about it! boy was my face RED!!!

[allousa 1]

Well I think giving up my whole structure is going to be a big sacrafice. I've lived alone with my girls for 9 years so I'll have to:

1) think about cooking for an extra, more hungry person

2) not be sitting on the couch doing nothing at night anymore

3) not rip one when ever I want to anymore or burp the alphabet after a big diet coke

Stuff like that.

Actually, I WISH that Hicham would NOT rip ANY in front of me. He's awful!!! ROTTEN!!!! He claims that he smells like jasmine....I beg to differ!!!!

[allousa 1]

I'd rather implode from trapped gas than fart in front of my husband (or really anyone else besides my kids). However, apparently I did pass gas once in my sleep. I accused Moh of purposely staying awake just to catch me farting.

hahaaaaaa....

I did the same thing.. I woke myself out of sleep

I laid there.. Stunned..

then a mintue later he farted in his sleep..

so then I didnt feel bad and when back asleep

:lol: :lol:

[Aymerlu 3]

The only real change I made is that I cook almost every night which I really didn't do before he came here. I also don't go out with the girls as much as I did, but we do a lot more with couples.

[Marry American 0]

I made very small changes. I am a family person. My life revolves around my immediate family and he just fit right in the scheme of that. My husbands likes and appreciates me for just who I am.

My husband had to make changes. He quit smoking and drinking almost a year ago. That was my only request so far. I am glad our lifestyles are compatible.

[chasnik 0]

I hesitate to mention this but we do have a difference in opinion on whether to cover my head. My opinion is no, and his is yes. This will cause friction at times I"m sure but we both do agree that in the end it is MY decision.

Mohammed and I have this same discussion. He does agree that it is my decision, but seems to think that after we are married my decision will be to cover lol. His sisters do not and his answer was I am not their husband! Oh well we will cross that bridge when we get to it. As far as everything else goes I think compromise is the key word. When I asked him in the past about recipes so I can cook for him food he loves his answer was basically I am coming to America...cook what you cook..at least till we open the resturaunt!

[StupidJourney 0]

I was reading this article in a magazine while waiting at the doctor's office. It was called the fish test. It was given to both men and women. It gives you a scenario. Say you're at home, making some fish on the stove for you and your SO. When you go to take the fish out of the pan, one of filets starts to crumble apart, so that it's broken into several unattractive pieces. You proceed to put the fish on the plates, as well as the rice and vegetables. When you go to the dinner table to set out the plates, which fish piece to you give to your SO, the nice looking one, or the unattractive one?

Well, during the study (and this happened to me too), most of the women already knew where the scenario was going by the time it said "one of the filets starts to crumble apart" However, most of the men did not. And the men in the study also were shown to not realize that their wives were making such daily "sacrifices." The article also talked about how women tend to look for these little ways to scarfice, as a way to show their love, but men tend to see their scarifice in other terms, such as working to support the family.

I'm sure every single one of us would give the good fish to our husbands. And is there anything wrong with that? I don't think so; it's nice to do something for the other person. But the problem is when the other person doesn't even recognize it as a sacrifice. And pretty soon, we're left with nothing of ourselves because we've given it all away.

I've made lots of sacrifices that I didn't think I would have done. And the majority of them are small things that weren't important to me anyway. But I think we should never sacrifice on the big issues. If our SOs can understand the importance of these big issues to our sense of self, then maybe there is something wrong with the relationship.

[Jenn! 918]

I was reading this article in a magazine while waiting at the doctor's office. It was called the fish test. It was given to both men and women. It gives you a scenario. Say you're at home, making some fish on the stove for you and your SO. When you go to take the fish out of the pan, one of filets starts to crumble apart, so that it's broken into several unattractive pieces. You proceed to put the fish on the plates, as well as the rice and vegetables. When you go to the dinner table to set out the plates, which fish piece to you give to your SO, the nice looking one, or the unattractive one?

Well, during the study (and this happened to me too), most of the women already knew where the scenario was going by the time it said "one of the filets starts to crumble apart" However, most of the men did not. And the men in the study also were shown to not realize that their wives were making such daily "sacrifices." The article also talked about how women tend to look for these little ways to scarfice, as a way to show their love, but men tend to see their scarifice in other terms, such as working to support the family.

I'm sure every single one of us would give the good fish to our husbands. And is there anything wrong with that? I don't think so; it's nice to do something for the other person. But the problem is when the other person doesn't even recognize it as a sacrifice. And pretty soon, we're left with nothing of ourselves because we've given it all away.

I've made lots of sacrifices that I didn't think I would have done. And the majority of them are small things that weren't important to me anyway. But I think we should never sacrifice on the big issues. If our SOs can understand the importance of these big issues to our sense of self, then maybe there is something wrong with the relationship.

Good post. And I think that's totally spot on about the fish. The thing is though that if one is truly doing it out of love, then recognition shouldn't matter. That is a hard pill to swallow, for me at least.

[StupidJourney 0]

I was reading this article in a magazine while waiting at the doctor's office. It was called the fish test. It was given to both men and women. It gives you a scenario. Say you're at home, making some fish on the stove for you and your SO. When you go to take the fish out of the pan, one of filets starts to crumble apart, so that it's broken into several unattractive pieces. You proceed to put the fish on the plates, as well as the rice and vegetables. When you go to the dinner table to set out the plates, which fish piece to you give to your SO, the nice looking one, or the unattractive one?

Well, during the study (and this happened to me too), most of the women already knew where the scenario was going by the time it said "one of the filets starts to crumble apart" However, most of the men did not. And the men in the study also were shown to not realize that their wives were making such daily "sacrifices." The article also talked about how women tend to look for these little ways to scarfice, as a way to show their love, but men tend to see their scarifice in other terms, such as working to support the family.

I'm sure every single one of us would give the good fish to our husbands. And is there anything wrong with that? I don't think so; it's nice to do something for the other person. But the problem is when the other person doesn't even recognize it as a sacrifice. And pretty soon, we're left with nothing of ourselves because we've given it all away.

I've made lots of sacrifices that I didn't think I would have done. And the majority of them are small things that weren't important to me anyway. But I think we should never sacrifice on the big issues. If our SOs can understand the importance of these big issues to our sense of self, then maybe there is something wrong with the relationship.

Good post. And I think that's totally spot on about the fish. The thing is though that if one is truly doing it out of love, then recognition shouldn't matter. That is a hard pill to swallow, for me at least.

I think you're right that (in principal) the recognition shouldn't matter. And something small like the fist, who cares if they noticed or not? The point is that I noticed that it's the good thing to do, which means I should do it, and who cares if the other person sees that? But I think the problem is when we start to sacrifice one thing after another over the years and none of it registers to the other person. And at least for me, the more that I sacrifice that goes unnoticed, the more I sacrifice again so that it does get noticed. And this isn't even in just my relationship with my husband. It's not so much that I want the other person to notice it and give me medal or soemthing; I want them to see that I care. It's just a matter of not giving up too much to show people this.

[Jenn! 918]

I think you're right that (in principal) the recognition shouldn't matter. And something small like the fist, who cares if they noticed or not? The point is that I noticed that it's the good thing to do, which means I should do it, and who cares if the other person sees that? But I think the problem is when we start to sacrifice one thing after another over the years and none of it registers to the other person. And at least for me, the more that I sacrifice that goes unnoticed, the more I sacrifice again so that it does get noticed. And this isn't even in just my relationship with my husband. It's not so much that I want the other person to notice it and give me medal or soemthing; I want them to see that I care. It's just a matter of not giving up too much to show people this.

Yup, a very narrow line to walk, IMO. At what point does a person stop being a big-hearted, self-sacrificing person and turn into a doormat? I think there must be a point where too much sacrifice leads to a lack of respect, which is counterintuitive to some degree. I find that kind of sad, but it happens to people every day - at work, in relationships - romantic and otherwise. I would like to think that I'm not the type of person who would fail to recognize the sacrifices and even the small gestures of others, but I think everyone is guilty of this to some extent.

[Ban Hammer 13,332]

hahaaaaaa....

I did the same thing.. I woke myself out of sleep

I laid there.. Stunned..

then a mintue later he farted in his sleep..

so then I didnt feel bad and when back asleep

you need to introduce him to this time honored ritual between married couples

[mybackpages 0]

I was reading this article in a magazine while waiting at the doctor's office. It was called the fish test. It was given to both men and women. It gives you a scenario. Say you're at home, making some fish on the stove for you and your SO. When you go to take the fish out of the pan, one of filets starts to crumble apart, so that it's broken into several unattractive pieces. You proceed to put the fish on the plates, as well as the rice and vegetables. When you go to the dinner table to set out the plates, which fish piece to you give to your SO, the nice looking one, or the unattractive one?

Well, during the study (and this happened to me too), most of the women already knew where the scenario was going by the time it said "one of the filets starts to crumble apart" However, most of the men did not. And the men in the study also were shown to not realize that their wives were making such daily "sacrifices." The article also talked about how women tend to look for these little ways to scarfice, as a way to show their love, but men tend to see their scarifice in other terms, such as working to support the family.

I'm sure every single one of us would give the good fish to our husbands. And is there anything wrong with that? I don't think so; it's nice to do something for the other person. But the problem is when the other person doesn't even recognize it as a sacrifice. And pretty soon, we're left with nothing of ourselves because we've given it all away.

I've made lots of sacrifices that I didn't think I would have done. And the majority of them are small things that weren't important to me anyway. But I think we should never sacrifice on the big issues. If our SOs can understand the importance of these big issues to our sense of self, then maybe there is something wrong with the relationship.

Thanks for the great post. This is where my mind was even if I couldnt get the words out right n the first post. I think not only should our SOs understand the importance of the big issues, we have to understand what are the big issues for ourselves as well.

I am not so sure we always know when we are allowing ourselves to slip away.

BTW My husbands gives me the nice fish and i always insist I take the broken one. Wonder what that says about me LOL

[mybackpages 0]

Yup, a very narrow line to walk, IMO. At what point does a person stop being a big-hearted, self-sacrificing person and turn into a doormat? I think there must be a point where too much sacrifice leads to a lack of respect, which is counterintuitive to some degree. I find that kind of sad, but it happens to people every day - at work, in relationships - romantic and otherwise. I would like to think that I'm not the type of person who would fail to recognize the sacrifices and even the small gestures of others, but I think everyone is guilty of this to some extent.

And sometimes the sacrifices lead to a lost of your sense of identity so much that you become a cricature of the other culture. It is a very fine line to walk between embracing a new culture and yet remaining true to your own self.

As i mentioned in my OP, this phenomenon is not unique to MENA/US marriages, but when you add in a bi-cultural dimension to the marriage, how do you walk this line?