General advice for someone new to the US

[acabrelles 2]

Hello there!

 

I never knew that such a helpful place existed, thank you for the help you offer to so many people. I don't know if you answer these types of questions, or if I am in a proper forum page for it, but here goes.

 

I am a Spanish citizen that after two years in an online relationship, have decided to quit my job and plan ahead and spend all of my time and energy into finding a life with my significant other. This stay would be for 3 months, using an ESTA waiver (88 days), while I prepare medically at home (waiting times) to then make proper adjustments to go for a K-1 Visa or a working visa (I have a master's degree, so hopefully that'd help me out) in the future. The thing is, this relationship is with another man, and I don't know if I'll be undergoing discrimination in the interviews at the airport, or if I should say I'm staying with a friend, or with a significant other.

 

Would you please give me some advice as to what to say at customs, or if I'd be okay with saying the truth (which is what I said up there). I've been told in the past that some friends were brought into customs for hours after barely mentioning they were in a gay relationship (it slipped in the 'where are you going to stay' questions) and it made me anxious as to what I should say.

 

I am trying to inform myself as much as I can and this website has already helped me a lot before even making this post, so thank you for that already.

[SalishSea 17,828]

9 minutes ago, acabrelles said:

Hello there!

 

I never knew that such a helpful place existed, thank you for the help you offer to so many people. I don't know if you answer these types of questions, or if I am in a proper forum page for it, but here goes.

 

I am a Spanish citizen that after two years in an online relationship, have decided to quit my job and plan ahead and spend all of my time and energy into finding a life with my significant other. This stay would be for 3 months, using an ESTA waiver (88 days), while I prepare medically at home (waiting times) to then make proper adjustments to go for a K-1 Visa or a working visa (I have a master's degree, so hopefully that'd help me out) in the future. The thing is, this relationship is with another man, and I don't know if I'll be undergoing discrimination in the interviews at the airport, or if I should say I'm staying with a friend, or with a significant other.

 

Would you please give me some advice as to what to say at customs, or if I'd be okay with saying the truth (which is what I said up there). I've been told in the past that some friends were brought into customs for hours after barely mentioning they were in a gay relationship (it slipped in the 'where are you going to stay' questions) and it made me anxious as to what I should say.

 

I am trying to inform myself as much as I can and this website has already helped me a lot before even making this post, so thank you for that already.

You must always tell the truth to CBP.  Your statements become part of the record, and may be used later in the process if you have misrepresented your intentions.  Quitting your job in order to visit is not particularly smart.  Your admission to the US on an ESTA or B visa is entirely predicated on your ability to establish strong ties to home and reasons to return.

 

You may only visit on an ESTA.  If you want to move to the US, your partner needs to petition you properly.  You cannot remain in the US during this process.  You can visit, subject to CBP allowing you to enter the country.

 

US immigration is not cheap, or quick.  I suggest that your partner joins VJ and that you both read and research as much as possible to become educated about it.  Your partner especially needs to join and read, as he will be the one driving the petition process if you decide to go that route.

 

Edited to add:  same sex marriage has been legal in all 50 United States for years, and is not an issue at all for marriage-based visas.

Edited November 27, 2021 by Jorgedig

[Boiler 45,486]

I agree with the above, the only thing you mention that is a non issue is that you are in a same sex relationship.

[acabrelles 2]

Thank you both for your rapid response. I do have to come back for medical follow-ups (I had a simple surgery and I'm still being checked up for it, the next follow up being in april. The docs gave me green light to fly but they still want to check on me after it) and getting medically prepared to make any proper move beforehand (check ups, vaccines that are not covid related...) so the long stay would be just a visit as I do have an obligation to come back due to these medical terms and more, too.

 

54 minutes ago, Jorgedig said:

You must always tell the truth to CBP.  Your statements become part of the record, and may be used later in the process if you have misrepresented your intentions.  Quitting your job in order to visit is not particularly smart.  Your admission to the US on an ESTA or B visa is entirely predicated on your ability to establish strong ties to home and reasons to return.

 

You may only visit on an ESTA.  If you want to move to the US, your partner needs to petition you properly.  You cannot remain in the US during this process.  You can visit, subject to CBP allowing you to enter the country.

 

US immigration is not cheap, or quick.  I suggest that your partner joins VJ and that you both read and research as much as possible to become educated about it.  Your partner especially needs to join and read, as he will be the one driving the petition process if you decide to go that route.

 

Edited to add:  same sex marriage has been legal in all 50 United States for years, and is not an issue at all for marriage-based visas.

Not going to lie, that first part scares me. I really hope they see I have no intention to overstay or do anything of the sort in the interview. I wanted to stay at my job, but it was affecting my mental health in an incredibly negative way, and with the pandemic on top of it, I really couldn't handle the pressure.

 

I already forwarded this post to my SO so he can be informed as well, I already expected it would not be an easy task to move with him, so I've been trying to inform myself for months with the embassy websites, but it's always been a bit hard for me alone to understand. Had a friend not forwarded me this site, it would be an even rougher task. 

 

Thank you both, again, for your help.

[Redro 4,611]

I don't know if I would book a ticket for the full three months (especially as you plan to quit your job before traveling).

Maybe consider just going over to the States for a 30-40 days. 

Planning to go to the States for 3 months to stay with your SO after quitting your job could raise flags and send you into secondary. 

[acabrelles 2]

9 minutes ago, Kor2USA said:

I don't know if I would book a ticket for the full three months (especially as you plan to quit your job before traveling).

Maybe consider just going over to the States for a 30-40 days. 

Planning to go to the States for 3 months to stay with your SO after quitting your job could raise flags and send you into secondary. 

I booked the tickets and sent the leave notice before knowing of the existence of this website, or of the perils of doing so. It may be a bit too late for me to make these changes. I never knew that such innocent intentions could be so dangerous. The trip would start in 3 weeks. 

I'll, uh.. try to be very careful with my wording so it is not misunderstood in the interviews, I guess.

 

Thank you, again, for your advice.

[SalishSea 17,828]

6 minutes ago, acabrelles said:

I booked the tickets and sent the leave notice before knowing of the existence of this website, or of the perils of doing so. It may be a bit too late for me to make these changes. I never knew that such innocent intentions could be so dangerous. The trip would start in 3 weeks. 

I'll, uh.. try to be very careful with my wording so it is not misunderstood in the interviews, I guess.

 

Thank you, again, for your advice.

So besides the post surgical follow-up, what would bring you back to Spain?  The border patrol will assume that you will marry the American love interest, and stay to adjust status.   They are required by law to screen incoming travelers for this.  

 

Merely having a return ticket and a doctor's appointment back home will not be adequate, in my opinion.

 

And honestly, as you've titled this thread as advice for someone "new to the US" who has quit his job to devote spending his life with an American partner, it seems quite suspect.

 

Most people who genuinely want to travel to meet someone for the first time that they've been in an online relationship with are not yet inquiring about these things.

 

I urge to you research things thoroughly and read as much as possible (both of you).  It is the best wait to avoid costly mistakes, delays, and denials.

Edited November 28, 2021 by Jorgedig

[acabrelles 2]

Just now, Jorgedig said:

So besides the post surgical follow-up, what would bring you back to Spain?  The border patrol will assume that you will marry the American love interest, and stay to adjust status.   They are required by law to screen incoming travelers for this.  

 

Merely having a return ticket and a doctor's appointment back home will not be adequate, in my opinion.

I do not meet the medical requirements to apply for a k-1 or a job visa, vaccines wise. I had planned to continue with my vaccinations and to make sure I'm properly healthy before making any move or job search/visa requests. That and this would be our first proper visit where we are trying things out, as we started our relationship during the pandemic, not letting us have visits prior to this one. Marriage was only brought up as a possibility, but we are not as rash to go for it on the spot. The original plan will be, after being fully vaccinated, to look for a job as a main option, but that won't be until July of next year.

 

I am sorry, I really don't know what else to tell you. It's as far as we planned ahead. We wanted this long stay to be a way to recover after these past two years unable to see each other. I really hope I'm not coming off as condescending or anything of the sort with my answers, this is being a really rough thread for me right now.

[Redro 4,611]

27 minutes ago, acabrelles said:

I booked the tickets and sent the leave notice before knowing of the existence of this website, or of the perils of doing so. It may be a bit too late for me to make these changes. I never knew that such innocent intentions could be so dangerous. The trip would start in 3 weeks. 

I'll, uh.. try to be very careful with my wording so it is not misunderstood in the interviews, I guess.

 

Thank you, again, for your advice.

Sometimes the CBP officers can be very very persistent with their questioning. 

During one of my trips I was questioned for a good 5 minutes. The officer wanted to know how I met my partner. And the explicitly asked a) if we met online and b) if I had met them before.

Another time, they asked me when we were going to get married. Both times my trip was under 20 days. 

 

Things could work out fine. You could enter the US with no issues. You want to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. 

 

8 minutes ago, acabrelles said:

I do not meet the medical requirements to apply for a k-1 or a job visa, vaccines wise. I had planned to continue with my vaccinations and to make sure I'm properly healthy before making any move or job search/visa requests. That and this would be our first proper visit where we are trying things out, as we started our relationship during the pandemic, not letting us have visits prior to this one. Marriage was only brought up as a possibility, but we are not as rash to go for it on the spot. The original plan will be, after being fully vaccinated, to look for a job as a main option, but that won't be until July of next year.

 

I am sorry, I really don't know what else to tell you. It's as far as we planned ahead. We wanted this long stay to be a way to recover after these past two years unable to see each other. I really hope I'm not coming off as condescending or anything of the sort with my answers, this is being a really rough thread for me right now.

What do you mean you don't meet  the medical requirement to apply for a K1? Are you fully vaccinated against COVID? 

Edited November 28, 2021 by Kor2USA

[acabrelles 2]

Just now, Kor2USA said:

Sometimes the CBP officers can be very very persistent with their questioning. 

During one of my trips I was questioned for a good 5 minutes. The officer wanted to know how I met my partner. Another time, they asked me when we were going to get married. Both times my trip was under 20 days. 

 

Things could work out fine. You could enter the US with no issues. 

 

What do you mean you don't meet  the medical requirement to apply for a K1? Are you fully vaccinated against COVID? 

I am fully vaccinated against COVID, but in the embassy information I found, I needed to be vaccinated for basic things I never got vaccinated for as a kid due to my parents being anti-vaxxers (and still dealing with the consequences today, sadly). They are not an obligation for visits, as far as I found, but if I want to go for a visa, they are still a requirement. I think, at least, that's with the info I found https://www.uscis.gov/tools/designated-civil-surgeons/vaccination-requirements

It took me so long to finally act against their beliefs, but I'm finally getting it sorted out. I've.. been in a really rough spot in many ways, this is why this first visit was so important to me.

[Ontarkie 14,221]

~~Moved to Tourist Visas, from General Immigration Discussion- The OP is asking about visiting~~

[ineedadisplayname 497]

2 hours ago, acabrelles said:

Hello there!

 

I never knew that such a helpful place existed, thank you for the help you offer to so many people. I don't know if you answer these types of questions, or if I am in a proper forum page for it, but here goes.

 

I am a Spanish citizen that after two years in an online relationship, have decided to quit my job and plan ahead and spend all of my time and energy into finding a life with my significant other. This stay would be for 3 months, using an ESTA waiver (88 days), while I prepare medically at home (waiting times) to then make proper adjustments to go for a K-1 Visa or a working visa (I have a master's degree, so hopefully that'd help me out) in the future. The thing is, this relationship is with another man, and I don't know if I'll be undergoing discrimination in the interviews at the airport, or if I should say I'm staying with a friend, or with a significant other.

 

Would you please give me some advice as to what to say at customs, or if I'd be okay with saying the truth (which is what I said up there). I've been told in the past that some friends were brought into customs for hours after barely mentioning they were in a gay relationship (it slipped in the 'where are you going to stay' questions) and it made me anxious as to what I should say.

 

I am trying to inform myself as much as I can and this website has already helped me a lot before even making this post, so thank you for that already.

Is it your first time visiting the US? 88 days feels a lot. Usually I was coming for like 2-3 weeks at a time. That is more acceptable for CBP and I had work back home.

Quitting your job and coming to visit will raise some red flags for sure.  Had a friend over with ESTA and since her job was done in sessions of months and then time off (70 days) and she barely avoided secondary. CBP asked a bunch of questions, starting on where is she staying, why is she coming, what is she going to do for 70 days,  if we are in a relationship (I was the contact on the ESTA), is she planning to work , does she know anybody else in the US, etc.

 

I don't think you need to worry about being gay, I would worry more about convincing the officer that you won't be overstaying your allowed time... and since u have a bf in the US and quitting your job. What is your plan in the long run? I would not quit my job for somebody I was in an online relationship with so just I can visit....Especially not for 88 days. What if the two of you don't click IRL? Is he going to let you stay for 88 days regardless?

 

Btw you can just go and get vaccinated and be eligible for K1. If you plan doing the K1 start with the age appropriate vaccines so by the time you get to the K1 medical you would have all the required vaccines. Also there are vaccine requirement differences between K1 and adjusting status. Be sure to look those up too so you won;t need to pay the big bucks here in the US for the missing vaccines.

Edited November 28, 2021 by ineedadisplayname

[acabrelles 2]

2 minutes ago, ineedadisplayname said:

Is it your first time visiting the US? 88 days feels a lot. Usually I was coming for like 2-3 weeks at a time. That is more acceptable for CBP and I had work back home.

Quitting your job and coming to visit will raise some red flags for sure.  Had a friend over with ESTA and since her job was done in sessions of months and then time off (70 days) and she barely avoided secondary. CBP asked a bunch of questions, starting on where is she staying, why is she coming, what is she going to do for 70 days,  if we are in a relationship (I was the contact on the ESTA), is she planning to work , does she know anybody else in the US, etc.

 

I don't think you need to worry about being gay, I would worry more about convincing the officer that you won't be overstaying your allowed time... and since u have a bf in the US and quitting your job. What is your plan in the long run? I would not quit my job for somebody I was in an online relationship with so just I can visit....

 

Btw you can just go and get vaccinated and be eligible for K1. If you plan doing the K1 start with the age appropriate vaccines so by the time you get to the K1 medical you would have all the required vaccines. Also there are vaccine requirement differences between K1 and adjusting status. Be sure to look those up too so you won;t need to pay the big bucks here in the US for the missing vaccines.

As I mentioned in a post after this, I also quit because of how my job was affecting my mental health in such a detrimental way along with the pandemic. This is my first visit in the US, yes. It was a way to try and recover from basically everything going on at once.

 

I am unsure about how to find the adjusting status requirements. I am already undergoing through most of the vaccinations I linked on the website, I'm taking care of it in my health centers.

 

Thank you again, everyone, for your advice.

[ineedadisplayname 497]

1 hour ago, acabrelles said:

I already forwarded this post to my SO so he can be informed as well, I already expected it would not be an easy task to move with him

You already called him SO.... and mentioned "move with him" and you were not even under pressure by a CBP officer....  basically if I play the devil's advocate you just admitted that it's more than a bf/bf thing and you are planning to move in with him.... And I am not even trained to ask the right questions or pull out a contradicting sentence from you

Edited November 28, 2021 by ineedadisplayname

[ineedadisplayname 497]

4 minutes ago, acabrelles said:

As I mentioned in a post after this, I also quit because of how my job was affecting my mental health in such a detrimental way along with the pandemic. This is my first visit in the US, yes. It was a way to try and recover from basically everything going on at once.

 

I am unsure about how to find the adjusting status requirements. I am already undergoing through most of the vaccinations I linked on the website, I'm taking care of it in my health centers.

 

Thank you again, everyone, for your advice.

Ahh I see. Did not see that. Probably was writing my response.

Good luck. Let us know when you will be admitted. Hopefully they won't question you too much!