Your personal experiences moving to another country

[millefleur 5,047]

7 minutes ago, CMJuilland said:

I had visited the U.S. at least 25 times before actually moving here;

ESTA/VWP travelers and other "visa free" visitors to the US are so lucky. My husband wanted to visit the US before moving, but his tourist visa was rejected. So he had no choice but to just move here without visiting first. People in that situation probably experience more culture shock. Ideally people should visit a country before moving, but not everyone is lucky enough to have that chance. No matter how many movies or Youtube videos or google maps street view one looks at prior to going somewhere, it'll never be the same as actually visiting a place in person.

 

I hope OP has had the chance to visit prior to moving as I think it helps a lot!

[CMJuilland 485]

1 hour ago, millefleur said:

ESTA/VWP travelers and other "visa free" visitors to the US are so lucky. My husband wanted to visit the US before moving, but his tourist visa was rejected. So he had no choice but to just move here without visiting first. People in that situation probably experience more culture shock. Ideally people should visit a country before moving, but not everyone is lucky enough to have that chance. No matter how many movies or Youtube videos or google maps street view one looks at prior to going somewhere, it'll never be the same as actually visiting a place in person.

 

I hope OP has had the chance to visit prior to moving as I think it helps a lot!

I know, and I admire and feel for couples that don't have access to either VWP or a visa.  I can only imagine how hard it is not to be able to see your loved one's country, family, and friends before actually moving there.  

I'm glad it seems to have worked out for you guys, even though there are things that your husband will continue to feel puzzled about.  

[GeorgiaRoseyRose 13]

4 hours ago, millefleur said:

School uniforms do exist here but it's more associated with private (usually Catholic or religious) schools, often "preppie" schools for the wealthy. Public schools, such as where I went, don't have uniforms but a rather loose dress code, which has become even more relaxed in recent years it seems. In general, cultural attitudes about appearance in the US have become a lot more relaxed since my childhood. Now having pink hair and visible tattoos is nothing, people are so used to it, it's not seen as even "standing out" or "controversial" anymore. Some offices or workplaces might still have restrictions though, but it's relaxed a lot over the past 10-15 years. We started out with "casual Fridays" back in the 80s and 90s and now casual has become the norm almost everywhere.

 

There might be a few places you'll be expected to dress up like weddings, etc, but at most places you'll never be expected to wear more than jeans a t-shirt and sneakers. One thing my husband was shocked at was the "SHIRT AND SHOES REQUIRED" sign at some grocery stores! So, as you can see, the standards can be quite low depending on the place!

 

 

Well I wasn't expecting that! You'd only really see these types of signs outside of bars/clubs here in England. Honestly, reading these responses has made me even more excited to move!!!

[GeorgiaRoseyRose 13]

3 hours ago, CMJuilland said:

This is a great thread, and it’s actually really cool to read everybody’s experience. 

 

First off, I wish you guys the very best of luck, and as for OP, I don’t think you will have any problem adjusting and adapting here at all.  

 

I had visited the U.S. at least 25 times before actually moving here; I was even on an F1 visa once and completed part of my undergrad degree here.  

 

Here are my answers: 

 

Things you have/haven't adapted to

 

At this point, I don’t think there’s anything I haven’t adapted to.  At the beginning however, it was hard for me to wrap my head around the whole credit score business.  In Switzerland, your financial “stability” is measured by not having debt, whereas here, you kind of need debt in order to build your credit.  It still doesn’t make much sense to me, but there’s tons of stuff in my native country that I don’t understand either. 

 

Things you prefer in your new country

Everything is cheaper here than it is in Switzerland.  Gas prices, even now that they’re going up, remain almost a joke to me, and I have dental insurance here, which is almost impossible to get in Switzerland.  We’re lucky with our health insurance because of my wife’s job, but what I have through her is way better (and less expensive) than what I had in Switzerland (that being said, prices are less arbitrary there).  When you want to make changes to your home, it is easier and freer than in most places in Switzerland, and getting permits (at least where we are; I understand that California, for example, can be very different) is quicker and requires less paperwork.  Also, people are friendlier, more open, and less reserved, and in a way just more outgoing than your average Swiss.  

 

Things you miss about your native country

Some friends and my parents.  And what I call “real” mayo, not that sugary fluff you can buy in grocery stores here.  But I can get that in speciality stores, so there’s virtually nothing.  

Something I do miss is the opportunity to speak different languages in different language regions.  I speak between 8 and 12 languages and counting (depending on how you count), and in Switzerland, I was able to drive for an hour or two and find myself in a completely different language area (with signs and menus and everything in another language). 

 

Top 3 struggles when adapting to your new life

Because we took the K1 route, I wasn’t able to work for a couple of months, which drove me crazier than I thought it would.  And again, the credit system: I had never had any debt, and I had always done a good job living within my means - and one credit card after the other got denied because I didn’t have a credit history here.  That was just super weird for me.  

 

Did your big move affect your relationship in any way?

In a very positive one!  My wife and I had known each other for about 13 years when I moved (but back when we met each other, there were maybe two countries that granted immigration benefits to same-sex couples, so we didn’t even remotely think that we would ever get together, let alone that we would marry).  So, me moving over here finally put a stop to the two to three week portions we would see each other at a time because one of us always had a plane ticket that would force us apart.  We were finally able to be together - and we could even be legally married! 

 

What were you excited about the most (other than the obvious)?

From what my parents tell me, I had said I would go and become an American from about age 10 on, even though I had never been to the U.S. at that point.  So, aside from finally being with my wife, I was really excited to live my own American dream.  Which I am very much still doing. 

 

What were you scared about the most?

The fact that USCIS would lose our documents or we would get into any other immigration trouble that wasn’t our fault.  Other than that, I wasn’t scared at all.  

 

How quickly did you pick up the rules/laws of your state/country?

I already knew so much about it that I don’t think I had to adapt to anything rule- or law-wise.  The only thing, as mentioned, was the credit score stuff. 

 

Are you still close with friends and family from your native country?

Some of them, but not all of them.  I guess one of the biggest things when I moved was that some of my friends in Switzerland just assumed that I would stay the same person, but that assumption is somewhat utopian.  After all, I was going to a new country, another culture (even though there’s a lot of similarities between Switzerland and the U.S.), and even another continent.  My everyday life here, my local politics, and my immediate circle is different here than it was over there, so naturally, things change.  I believe that some of my (former) friends are quite disappointed (even though they wouldn’t say so), but everybody who has ever known me also knew that I would eventually leave Europe. 

 

How did US natives respond to you being there?

Most of them wouldn’t be able to tell that I wasn’t born and raised here, and they’re surprised when I tell them that I’m actually from some place else.  

 

How long did it take for your new home to feel like "home"?

I would say a couple of weeks.  I did eventually experience some “culture shock” about ten to twelve weeks into my move, but it was short-lived.  For me, being with my wife was home from the beginning, and that was what mattered most to me. 

 

Have you found yourself picking up the slang/accent yet?

I grew up with English, and more with American English than anything else, so there wasn’t much for me to pick up.  I would love to be more proficient in the Southern twang, but I guess that would require for us to move further south, and with our aversion to humidity, I don’t see that happening any time soon. 

 

How often do you visit your native country?

About every other year.  We try to make it happen every year, but there’s so many other places in the world I want to see that it doesn’t always work out that way. 

 

Have you brought any of your own culture to your new American life?

Just some food stuff (and some of the language or languages).  This is more driven by my wife though.  She loves Swiss culture, and we have a raclette oven (and eat raclette regularly in winter) and we celebrate Swiss independence day.  For me personally, just the languages are important (I speak English, German, and French - my native languages - with our dog, for instance), everything else, I don’t really care about.  My wife is trying her best to learn German (my mom’s language; dad’s is French, but he’s proficient in German as well), but it’s not easy with her schedule and the lack of immersion, especially during COVID.  Still, I want ours to be multilingual household (full disclosure: I’m a linguist and currently enrolled in a graduate program in linguistics, and I’m a full on language nut, too.  So, this is less cultural, but more personal). 

 

How long has it been now since moving to the US?

I have been here for 4.5 years, and just recently became a citizen, which means a lot to me (and my wife). 

 

What made you and your partner decide to stay in the US instead of the other country?

Simple: we’re here because I want to be here.  Also, I think that we have more and better opportunities, and careerwise, it makes sense too.  I already spoke English at native level, but my wife’s German (or French) is rudimentary at best, which would have meant that she would have had to take a step back from her career in Switzerland.  Also, she had just gotten established in her field (a field in which women are underrepresented), and uprooting her would have meant abandoning a lot of the work she had put into her career.  Also, I have better opportunities here as well, being a linguist and a language crack; these skills are regarded a lot higher and more valuable here than they are in Europe in general. 

 

 

What a wonderful experience! Also, you're doing my dream job!!! I think having a natural desire to travel and explore new cultures always seems to have some physical effect in the long run - I've always been restless, forever wanting to travel, so it only seems fair that I leave my home country and finally set out to achieve those desires. Thank you for sharing!

[GeorgiaRoseyRose 13]

2 hours ago, millefleur said:

ESTA/VWP travelers and other "visa free" visitors to the US are so lucky. My husband wanted to visit the US before moving, but his tourist visa was rejected. So he had no choice but to just move here without visiting first. People in that situation probably experience more culture shock. Ideally people should visit a country before moving, but not everyone is lucky enough to have that chance. No matter how many movies or Youtube videos or google maps street view one looks at prior to going somewhere, it'll never be the same as actually visiting a place in person.

 

I hope OP has had the chance to visit prior to moving as I think it helps a lot!

I agree totally! You really must have all the patience of a saint to, not only wait for the paperwork process but, wait to see what your new life is going to be like. 

 

Thankfully, I visited a handful of times before meeting my fiance. My dad's side of the family happen to live stateside and so I would visit once a year for family gatherings. 

Experiencing another country whilst on holiday is one thing, let alone having to imagine how it is from afar due to visa rejection. It must be tough and I feel for any couple/individual who is going through that.

 

How was your husband's first reaction once he could finally fly over?

[millefleur 5,047]

40 minutes ago, GeorgiaRoseyRose said:

How was your husband's first reaction once he could finally fly over?

We arrived right around 4th of July, so he was really shocked at how "American" everything seemed right away. I explained that it isn't always like that, it was mainly just due to the holiday. He loved BBQ sauce right away, which is funny because I myself (the American) hate it, lol. Our "move" went really fast because we enrolled him in the community college right away so he could get started on his degree. It all went by really quickly because he ended up studying really hard but it was a great experience for him, plus since he had the CR-1 visa he had a green card immediately and was able to get student aid/lower tuition. We basically hit the ground running, so to speak!

 

We didn't have a whole lot of time for vacations/roadtripping in the US at first but my husband got to do that later during his school breaks. Now, he's traveled all over the US with me, he's probably been to more states than many Americans. My husband would just roadtrip the whole country if he could, but it's hard to find time for it and I don't love long drives as much as he does. We will probably drive around to some other states soon, just so he can see more since we are here, might as well. Now that he's a citizen, we also want to do a Canada roadtrip as some point as well. The US has some great places to see, the country is just huge so it can take a while to get from point A to point B and thus requires time off/planning. That's not surprizing for him though, since Russia is ginormous.  

 

Another American thing my husband has totally embraced are bolo ties and western wear shirts. So he's found a lot of stuff here he likes and never expected it. Before he knew me, he had an extremely negative view of the US (which is typical and understandable for Russians) so it's improved a lot. I would say Covid coming along and making everything harder socially has been the biggest challenge. Some states (sadly ours) still have indoor mask mandates and people are scared/cautious to gather in person. It's slowly getting better though. We're planning to hit up Groundhog Day in Woodstock, IL for our next roadtrip, as it was cancelled last year and should be open this year. It's good you're coming now as Covid is winding down, 2020 and 2021 have been really hard. My husband went from full time student (taking double the classes most people do - literally no free time), to graduating right when Covid exploded. Thus, we've never experienced "normal life" here. I'm hoping maybe things will start to turn around soon.

 

 

Edited November 26, 2021 by millefleur

[TBoneTX 45,595]

15 hours ago, Wuozopo said:

the UK is better and America is not at all the greatest place ever so you’re going to point out it’s flaws daily.

My objective observation during 13+ years of VJ membership is that the above is far more prevalent among UK members than any other.  The distant #2 is Canada, although those members are more likely to bemoan than to criticize.

[Redro 4,611]

@GeorgiaRoseyRose . I know you asked a question but I want to hear from you?

What are you looking forward to/ excited about and what makes you nervous about moving to the States?

Are you only moving with a suitcase or are you planning on shipping things over to make the transition smoother?

[GeorgiaRoseyRose 13]

On 11/27/2021 at 9:48 AM, Kor2USA said:

@GeorgiaRoseyRose . I know you asked a question but I want to hear from you?

What are you looking forward to/ excited about and what makes you nervous about moving to the States?

Are you only moving with a suitcase or are you planning on shipping things over to make the transition smoother?

I'm definitely more excited than I am nervous. The only things I worry about are things like getting around when I don't drive, not even in England, and so I need to figure out when and how I can learn to drive in the States. I'm also aware that there are so many laws and they vary from state to state - a lot more regulations than in England. I mean, they're not worries that keep me up at night, they're more like considerations rather than concerns.

 

I also want to make sure the whole process is flawless, naturally. 

Our plans are as follows:

Fly over with a few cases full of clothes

Get married

Apply for AOS

 

However, I've been offered one more season of work at the Queen's estate in Scotland. Joe is encouraging me to do that last season so that I have some more savings for myself. He's on a good wage but he wants me to have some spending cash as I won't be able to work straight away.

The timing is tight as I plan on flying over in January and the season at Balmoral starts in April. I'm aware that there's an advancement that we can apply for but I'm stressing slightly because I don't want us to rush the paperwork and make mistakes. I'm 22 years old and the position I have at the Queen's estate is a BIG one for someone my age, Joe likes to emphasise this opportunity, and it means I can save another £10K. That being said, I honestly just want to stay with Joe and refurbish our new home. Saving money is sensible but so is following the immigration process as we'd planned from the beginning.

 

That's my current dilemma.

 

I don't even know how long that paperwork would take and it may mean that it's too late to start at Balmoral anyway. Plus, how long can I be out of the US following the application? There's a fair bit I need to research but they're not exactly dilemmas to fret about, more like options.

 

Other than that, I'm truly excited about the whole thing.

 

What do you guys suggest?

[Redro 4,611]

29 minutes ago, GeorgiaRoseyRose said:

I'm definitely more excited than I am nervous. The only things I worry about are things like getting around when I don't drive, not even in England, and so I need to figure out when and how I can learn to drive in the States. I'm also aware that there are so many laws and they vary from state to state - a lot more regulations than in England. I mean, they're not worries that keep me up at night, they're more like considerations rather than concerns.

 

I also want to make sure the whole process is flawless, naturally. 

Our plans are as follows:

Fly over with a few cases full of clothes

Get married

Apply for AOS

 

However, I've been offered one more season of work at the Queen's estate in Scotland. Joe is encouraging me to do that last season so that I have some more savings for myself. He's on a good wage but he wants me to have some spending cash as I won't be able to work straight away.

The timing is tight as I plan on flying over in January and the season at Balmoral starts in April. I'm aware that there's an advancement that we can apply for but I'm stressing slightly because I don't want us to rush the paperwork and make mistakes. I'm 22 years old and the position I have at the Queen's estate is a BIG one for someone my age, Joe likes to emphasise this opportunity, and it means I can save another £10K. That being said, I honestly just want to stay with Joe and refurbish our new home. Saving money is sensible but so is following the immigration process as we'd planned from the beginning.

 

That's my current dilemma.

 

I don't even know how long that paperwork would take and it may mean that it's too late to start at Balmoral anyway. Plus, how long can I be out of the US following the application? There's a fair bit I need to research but they're not exactly dilemmas to fret about, more like options.

 

Other than that, I'm truly excited about the whole thing.

 

What do you guys suggest?

If you're arriving in the States on a K1, you'll probably have to stay in the States for around 8-9 months... I believe that's how long it takes to get an EAD (work authorisation) and AP (permission to leave the States)- check the AOS forum for updates/ timelines. 

Here is what you need to do to get a DL in Pennsylvania (I assume that's where you're moving). 

https://global.psu.edu/article/how-internationals-can-get-pennsylvania-drivers-license

 

I need to learn how to drive before I move! I have a license but I don't drive because public transport is so convenient here. I know I'll miss public transport and cheap taxis when I move to the States. 

[Wuozopo 4,293]

2 hours ago, GeorgiaRoseyRose said:

What do you guys suggest?

My opinion as the old guy, but with lots of life experience—

 

Start filling out your AOS/EAD/AP paperwork now. Save to your computer. Read the AOS forum, lots of it, and find out how people screwed up so you avoid those mistakes. Ask questions about any part of the forms that puzzle you. You’ll be weeks ahead when the time comes to file with just a few things left to enter that you don’t know yet…marriage date for one.
 

It’s unlikely you will get your AP in time to travel by April. 

 

Just a thought to consider: If you fly over and marry in 2021, even on the last day, Joe can file income tax Married Filing Jointly and save a bunch in taxes. 
 

Tip: You are eligible for a Social Security card as a K1. Go get one soon after you arrive. You don’t have to be married first. Right now it’s tough because SS offices still aren’t freely open for walk-ins. Saying you need one for filing taxes seems to be a reason they will allow you an in-person appointment. Your window to get a SSN as a K1 closes on your 76th day in the country. It won’t open again until you get EAD.
 

Money: Joe agreed to support you. That includes your spending cash. You won’t be roommates, you’ll be married…a team…joined as one…Mi casa es su casa. Joe needs to get his head around that; so do you. The thought of sending you off to Scotland for months after finally getting together so you can make more spending money disturbs me. You need to be adjusting to a new culture, fixing up your home, and feeling like you belong; not be the traveling roommate. Have a talk. Yes I know all you 20-somethings won’t agree with me on this. I’ve got to say, I think part of my very easy adjustment  is because from the beginning my wife always referred to our house, our money, our car, our ATM card etc. I quickly felt like an equal partner and belonged, even though I didn’t have a job for quite a while. 
 

Driving: That’s a real problem for many K1s. Most states don’t allow a DL until you have at least an EAD which is taking a long time now. So they are stuck at home all day while the spouse goes to work. Boredom and homesickness set in. Maybe he works from home which will be nice just to have somebody around and you won’t fell so isolated.  Just Uber with Joe’s money 😂.

Edited November 28, 2021 by Wuozopo

[millefleur 5,047]

5 minutes ago, Wuozopo said:

Money: Joe agreed to support you. That includes your spending cash. You won’t be roommates, you’ll be married…a team…joined as one…Mi casa es su casa. Joe needs to get his head around that; so do you. The thought of sending you off to Scotland for months after finally getting together so you can make more spending money disturbs me. You need to be adjusting to a new culture, fixing up your home, and feeling like you belong; not be the traveling roommate. Have a talk. Yes I know all you 20-somethings won’t agree with me on this. I’ve got to say, I think part of my very easy adjustment  is because from the beginning my wife always referred to our house, our money, our car, our ATM card etc. I quickly felt like an equal partner and belonged, even though I didn’t have a job for quite a while. 

I know not everyone adopts this more "old fashioned" strategy of 100% co-financial mingling, but if you do, it just makes everything so much less stressful. Having everything just go into one shared pot is just easier. It will also help with your removal of conditions on the green card because financial co-mingling is strong evidence for that.

 

2 hours ago, GeorgiaRoseyRose said:

I'm 22 years old and the position I have at the Queen's estate is a BIG one for someone my age, Joe likes to emphasise this opportunity, and it means I can save another £10K. That being said, I honestly just want to stay with Joe and refurbish our new home. Saving money is sensible but so is following the immigration process as we'd planned from the beginning.

I have to say the job sounds really interesting but for only £10K that doesn't seem worth it to me? If both you and him were working here in the US, you'd probably easily be able to save that up here in the States between the two of you if you budget and are good with your finances. Unless you guys are extremely tight on money and have no other choice, I wouldn't do the job just for the money. For a cool and unique experience, I can understand that. It's not like you'll get an opportunity to work at the Queen's estate in the US. It money is truly tight, maybe sit down and have a heart-to-heart about your plans and your budget. The sooner you get talking about it, the less awkward it becomes.

 

If being able to work as soon as you get to the States ends up making more sense, the K-1 is not the right choice. So it's just another thing to consider finance wise.

[Redro 4,611]

10 minutes ago, millefleur said:

I know not everyone adopts this more "old fashioned" strategy of 100% co-financial mingling, but if you do, it just makes everything so much less stressful. Having everything just go into one shared pot is just easier. It will also help with your removal of conditions on the green card because financial co-mingling is strong evidence for that.

 

I have to say the job sounds really interesting but for only £10K that doesn't seem worth it to me? If both you and him were working here in the US, you'd probably easily be able to save that up here in the States between the two of you if you budget and are good with your finances. Unless you guys are extremely tight on money and have no other choice, I wouldn't do the job just for the money. For a cool and unique experience, I can understand that. It's not like you'll get an opportunity to work at the Queen's estate in the US. It money is truly tight, maybe sit down and have a heart-to-heart about your plans and your budget. The sooner you get talking about it, the less awkward it becomes.

 

If being able to work as soon as you get to the States ends up making more sense, the K-1 is not the right choice. So it's just another thing to consider finance wise.

She already has the K1 visa (visa approved 24 November). 

 

It's all about moving to the States and starting a life there... 

 

I would personally start making the house a home, and look into any study, volunteer and club opportunities while waiting for the EAD. Forget going back to the U.K. You want to start your new life and not be stuck between two homes/ countries. 

 

I've already lined up some clubs and I know which gym I'll be joining when I arrive (all approved by the husband whose told me if the locations are actually convenient in relation to our house). Google maps is a LIE! You need a local to give you the real deal. 

Edited November 28, 2021 by Kor2USA

[millefleur 5,047]

16 minutes ago, Kor2USA said:

She already has the K1 visa (visa approved 24 November). 

Ahh, I'm so used to people not filling out their timelines I didn't bother to check! With visa already in hand, time to focus on the new life stateside, I agree. I guess in theory there's time to put off entry to the US as long as the visa/medical is valid but not sure it makes sense in this case.

 

19 minutes ago, Kor2USA said:

I've already lined up some clubs and I know which gym I'll be joining when I arrive (all approved by the husband whose told me if the locations are actually convenient in relation to our house). Google maps is a LIE! You need a local to give you the real deal. 

Google maps is super deceptive, I agree. Even if a place appears "walking distance" it might be an area with "stroads" that is heavily car dominant so walking there can be unpleasant and awkward. My husband did this exact thing when we first moved to the US and he felt so out of place as the only pedestrian on the street that he just canned the idea of going there on foot in the future. Some areas/neighborhoods are more "pedestrian friendly" than others, and it's not really easy to tell which on Google maps. Walkscore is a little better for that: https://www.walkscore.com/

[GeorgiaRoseyRose 13]

Thank you!

I hear you all, loud and clear, and I completely understand the points you've made.

 

Don't get me wrong, Joe has emphasised how he's going to take care of me and the job he has taken on is VERY well paid! The finance issue is mostly on my part, I don't like to depend on someone else and that's mostly because it's alien to me. Joe has honestly done 1000 things to make sure my move will be a breeze and that our new life together is a great one.

I know £10k isn't a lot to most people but, for 3 months work, it's a lot to me and what I'm used to. I think the idea of being able to contribute to our home is what has me torn. I'm only trying to think sensibly.

 

My head is telling me to go back and save the money but my heart is saying "stop, stay and enjoy". The more I read everyone's advice, the more I'm thinking about staying put. You're all right about needing to settle and adapt. Uprooting will only bring the need to restart and get comfortable.

 

When it comes down to the driving part - Joe has bought me a truck as he's super keen to get me going. We'll be living 10-20 minutes away from the nearest town, Joe works from home and he's already set up our gym memberships. I'll also be bringing me dog, Bungle, with me and so I'll be doing plenty of exploring with him!

 

I'm just relieved to have found this site, honestly, it's a god send!