Feedback On Comment "Are you willing to support me financially"

[smore 19]

On 11/21/2021 at 9:58 PM, Kor2USA said:

I read your previous thread... 

Was wondering: was it not possible to meet up in a third country before your partner went back to the Philippines? 

Do you have a timeline for meeting in the near future and where? All of these issues in 2 years when you haven't met... 

 

I know COVID is a major barrier but many long distance couples have overcome this hurdle and met up.

If she doesn't have the funds to travel to a third country and you don't have the funds (or the inclination) to pay for the both of you... 

This relationship might be over before it started... unless you are happy just chatting online for another two or more years before you meet. 

 

Give yourself a timeline. Forget her financial assistance question. How long are you happy to just remain "chat mates" with this woman?

 

 

 

I tired asking her that several times and she did not want to meet in another country, she was insisting on meeting in Philippines and meeting with her family, I respected that for sure and I stopped pressing to meet in another country. We really have not had issues in 2 years, its been a nice getting to know each other all this time, except the asking of that question and than of course me being shocked by the question and asking her why are you asking me that all the sudden. Timeline to meet is hopefully soon, maybe spring is what she mentioned as its a better time of year and for me its a better time of year for me to get away also.

 

I am certainly not just seeking chat buddies, prior to this there was enough american women with no courage to meet that just wanted some chat buddy so I certainly am not seeking that and have little time in my life for chat. I certainly am not going to keep going on and on as chat buddies, despite covid being a setback, we now have to move forward or I have to forget about this overseas relationship finding thing and go back to the american women, not something I want to do, but also life is short, can't keep going on and on not making any progress.

 

But again she does not want to meet in another country, the idea was brought up to her awhile ago.

[Boiler 45,538]

You have no mentioned how old she is but sounds like the clock is running and she is no doubt aware of that.

 

Also you have no idea what is really going on,.

[smore 19]

On 11/22/2021 at 3:26 PM, RO_AH said:

I never read that the OP was requesting she not go back into new OFW contract. If that is the case then most definitely she would be asking him for financial support and he should be providing. Maybe more context from their conversation is needed.

Yes you are correct I never did ask her NOT to work or go back to OFW, just brought up a question as to why after only 3 weeks being home and being so excited to finally be back home that you want to now leave again. She waited for so long because of covid to finally go back home, and was counting down months, weeks, days, and I was also sharing in that excitement she was feeling. We need to be able to ask each other questions, clarification, get an understanding about one another, like in any relationship.

 

I do not know if this is some language barrier, misunderstanding as I am always careful what I write as it might get misunderstood, heck even with american women they misunderstand a person VERY EASILY sometimes, been there and done that a few times. Who has not wished they had a recorder and could play back and say "NO honey that is not what I said". And things have been really good with me and her, but now some drama which I am not up for any drama, had my fill of that with past american relationships that I finally said enough is enough to.

[Redro 4,611]

22 minutes ago, smore said:

I tired asking her that several times and she did not want to meet in another country, she was insisting on meeting in Philippines and meeting with her family, I respected that for sure and I stopped pressing to meet in another country. We really have not had issues in 2 years, its been a nice getting to know each other all this time, except the asking of that question and than of course me being shocked by the question and asking her why are you asking me that all the sudden. Timeline to meet is hopefully soon, maybe spring is what she mentioned as its a better time of year and for me its a better time of year for me to get away also.

 

I am certainly not just seeking chat buddies, prior to this there was enough american women with no courage to meet that just wanted some chat buddy so I certainly am not seeking that and have little time in my life for chat. I certainly am not going to keep going on and on as chat buddies, despite covid being a setback, we now have to move forward or I have to forget about this overseas relationship finding thing and go back to the american women, not something I want to do, but also life is short, can't keep going on and on not making any progress.

 

But again she does not want to meet in another country, the idea was brought up to her awhile ago.

You're chatting to someone who is inflexible. You need a lot of flexibility when dating someone from another culture and country.

Would you be willing to date an American woman who always wanted to meet in her neighborhood, never considered your suggestions/ opinions? 

 

16 minutes ago, smore said:

Yes you are correct I never did ask her NOT to work or go back to OFW, just brought up a question as to why after only 3 weeks being home and being so excited to finally be back home that you want to now leave again. She waited for so long because of covid to finally go back home, and was counting down months, weeks, days, and I was also sharing in that excitement she was feeling. We need to be able to ask each other questions, clarification, get an understanding about one another, like in any relationship.

 

I do not know if this is some language barrier, misunderstanding as I am always careful what I write as it might get misunderstood, heck even with american women they misunderstand a person VERY EASILY sometimes, been there and done that a few times. Who has not wished they had a recorder and could play back and say "NO honey that is not what I said". And things have been really good with me and her, but now some drama which I am not up for any drama, had my fill of that with past american relationships that I finally said enough is enough to.

You're chatting with someone who has lived abroad (not in their home country) for 8+ years... You're also chatting to someone who was working 7 days a week. 

Think of this from the US perspective:  do you know people who love to leave their city? The woman you're chatting to could be like this. She is back home and now she wants to go back to the excitement of another country. 

Re: work: OF course she is bored, she was working 7 days a week. Although she hated it. She feels like going back to work because she has nothing to do...(which means OFW). Do you know her hometown is like? What is she doing every day?

 

She has stated jobs in the Philippines are hard to get so don't expect her to find a job while she is home. 

 

It sounds like you don't really understand this woman. 

 

I would personally cut the cord. Look elsewhere. You're not losing anything by moving on because you've never met. 

And I personally don't think you ever will meet. What if she gets an OFW job before the spring?

You won't be able to meet up in the Philippines because she won't be there. You won't be able to meet in the country she is working because she doesn't want you to meet her there.

And if she doesn't work until the Spring you'll be funding the entire trip and probably giving her money (and you've stated you have no interest in that!). 

 

Good luck on your journey. 

Edited November 24, 2021 by Kor2USA

[sckms 15]

18 hours ago, smore said:

Incorrect, never asked her not to work, never said she could not do OFW again, she has her own mind and can make her own decisions. Why on earth would I ever ask anyone do to such a thing, I have certainly been involved with a few american women who did not want to work, I PRAISE a woman who wants to work and be independent. So you are understanding incorrectly. Just asked WHY? after her being so excited to get back home and never wanting to be stuck in a contract again that only after 3 weeks she wants to now leave yet again.

I think it’s clear that you didn’t want her to pick up another contract (even if you didn’t outright ask her not to do OFW) until you guys were able to meet. Her response might seem a little sarcastic, but understandable. For you to ask “Why?” when you know she’s struggling financially without expecting a sarcastic response is naive. 

[RO_AH 1,659]

19 hours ago, smore said:

Yes you are correct I never did ask her NOT to work or go back to OFW, just brought up a question as to why after only 3 weeks being home and being so excited to finally be back home that you want to now leave again. She waited for so long because of covid to finally go back home, and was counting down months, weeks, days, and I was also sharing in that excitement she was feeling. We need to be able to ask each other questions, clarification, get an understanding about one another, like in any relationship.

 

I do not know if this is some language barrier, misunderstanding as I am always careful what I write as it might get misunderstood, heck even with american women they misunderstand a person VERY EASILY sometimes, been there and done that a few times. Who has not wished they had a recorder and could play back and say "NO honey that is not what I said". And things have been really good with me and her, but now some drama which I am not up for any drama, had my fill of that with past american relationships that I finally said enough is enough to.

By saying what you said to a Pinay she took as you telling her not to go back to work. Her mind...He is questioning me about going back to work...Must mean he doesn't want me to work. Will he support me if I can't work? I'll ask. It may be be language barrier or you failing to understand women? They don't hear what you say as much as what they think you meant 🙂 Men are very literal and mean exactly what they say. You are mistaken if you think a women will ever hear it that way.

[smore 19]

23 hours ago, Kor2USA said:

You're chatting to someone who is inflexible. You need a lot of flexibility when dating someone from another culture and country.

Would you be willing to date an American woman who always wanted to meet in her neighborhood, never considered your suggestions/ opinions? 

Yes I totally agree with your statement, she needs to be flexible as well as me. I certainly am willing to be flexible, and did suggest meeting where she was OFW, or in another country with less covid restrictions, but it does seem she only wants to meet in Philippines and I also get the impression that she does what her family tells her to do even know she is a grown woman in her 30s. I believe her family wants us to meet in the Philippines so that is what she is going with. I did sort of try and sneak in the comment that she can decide for herself her choices in life and does not have to follow what the family says, but I tippy toed on saying anymore than that, perhaps her culture, upbringing and that so I wanted to be respectful of that. Yes I totally agree I would not like if an american woman always wanted me to meet in her neighborhood and never considered by suggestions, opinions, I totally agree with that. Relationships are about both being flexible, considering each others suggestions. So I also think if she goes back to OFW than how am I supposed to meet her, that thought crosses my mind if she only wants to meet in the Philippines and goes back to OFW for another contract of 2 years. Life is short and I do not have endless amounts of time waiting for something that may never amount to anything.

 

23 hours ago, Kor2USA said:

You're chatting with someone who has lived abroad (not in their home country) for 8+ years... You're also chatting to someone who was working 7 days a week. 

Think of this from the US perspective:  do you know people who love to leave their city? The woman you're chatting to could be like this. She is back home and now she wants to go back to the excitement of another country. 

Re: work: OF course she is bored, she was working 7 days a week. Although she hated it. She feels like going back to work because she has nothing to do...(which means OFW). Do you know her hometown is like? What is she doing every day?

 

She has stated jobs in the Philippines are hard to get so don't expect her to find a job while she is home. 

 

It sounds like you don't really understand this woman. 

 

I would personally cut the cord. Look elsewhere. You're not losing anything by moving on because you've never met. 

And I personally don't think you ever will meet. What if she gets an OFW job before the spring?

You won't be able to meet up in the Philippines because she won't be there. You won't be able to meet in the country she is working because she doesn't want you to meet her there.

And if she doesn't work until the Spring you'll be funding the entire trip and probably giving her money (and you've stated you have no interest in that!). 

 

Good luck on your journey. 

Not sure I fully agree with what you said about her wanting to go back to the excitement of another country. Knowing what I know of her and her recent job it was a horrible job, working 16 hour days, 7 days a week, never getting to have her day off to visit with friends to go out and have fun. She always said she was bored there also, she was a nanny and said she was just bored all the time and frustrated that she had to keep telling friends she could not meet on what is supposed to be a mandatory day off given to OFW. So that leads me to not fully agree with what your suggested that she wants to go back to the excitement of another country. Perhaps in other situations that would make perfect sense, traveling, seeing other countries, being able to get out and explore, but from what she expressed to me over these last 2 years we have known each other, she was cooped up not having much time to get out and explore.

 

Yes I can see your point about going from working 7 days a week to now being at home bored because she is not working. Even know she expressed she had bored times when being an OFW, it was work and something that also kept her busy. Now she has nothing to do, but it does sound like she has family around her all the time so I cannot imagine she would be bored. I mean here in the USA I guess we are just different, most of us would like much less time at work, and lots more time off, we certainly would not be bored but its a different lifestyle we have, different opportunities to get out and do things.

I really do not know a ton about her hometown, would like to know more but we just have not talked about it in detail to much. It does sound like the countryside as there are animals like chickens, cows, etc, perhaps not the wealthiest of areas is my guess. I also do not know what she is doing everyday, we started talking alot when she got home but now its slacked off, especially since that comment was made about the financial support, not sure if she is mad, stressed, upset, or thinks I am mad, upset, etc. I keep thinking if she is bored than she should have lots of time to message me and response to my last message, so its weird. I do know she has been hanging out with family alot since she has been back.

 

I agree perhaps I do not understand this woman, but than do men and women ever really understand each other, not sure why we seem not to be able to understand one another but it seems to happen. I have certainly tried to understand this woman, but there is alot to still know and learn about her, would of thought that in 2 years I would have a better understanding of her, but I find that I do not, which I feel is sad.
 

You mentioned moving on and not losing anything, I can look at that as yeah I am losing the 2 years I was getting to know her and not seeking anyone else and wanting to continue because I want to see this thru. Covid also would of kept me from really seeking others anyways, at least local people that is. Sounds like you do not think we will meet? I do see your points on that and I have thought of those same points as well, like you said if she does go back to OFW than how am I supposed to meet her when she only wants to meet in the Philippines, believe me I certainly am thinking that very same thing.

 

There will be no funding of anything, her life, trips, etc for someone I have never met, this is not why I sought finding someone abroad. I can meet plenty of women here in the usa and fund there life, but at least I guess I would get to see them. And I have been there and done that many times, funding some irresponsible american woman who can't seem to help with anything, just creates more bills.

Thanks for your comments, I do appreciate it and it was great feedback. Thanks for wishing me luck on my journey, who knows if its a journey anymore and if that journey has ended. I am not sure if I would start another journey as this just seems way to complex and involved and sketchy trying to find someone who is genuine and real. If I could find someone genuine and real that would be very nice.

[smore 19]

5 hours ago, sckms said:

I think it’s clear that you didn’t want her to pick up another contract (even if you didn’t outright ask her not to do OFW) until you guys were able to meet. Her response might seem a little sarcastic, but understandable. For you to ask “Why?” when you know she’s struggling financially without expecting a sarcastic response is naive. 

Yes her picking up another OFW would complicate things as she only wants to meet in Philippines, but I also did not really express that to her. Asking questions in a relationship is pretty normal here in the USA, especially simple WHY questions. As I mentioned its her choice, her life, her decision. My WHY question was due to the fact that she hated her OFW job, could not wait to get home and be around family so its very confusing why she wanted to leave right away. I believe that was an OK question to ask for clarification. I really have no idea how she is struggling financially, she has only been home 3 weeks and staying with family and has not informed me of any outgoing money that is leaving her savings so quickly. So I disagree with being naive as I certainly have no information as to how much she is struggling at this point in time or if she is worried about long term, or what sort of money she has flowing out and to what, my why? was not being naive to finances, my why was more on the fact she has not even settled in back home where she could not wait to get back to, so that is the more so confusing part.

[smore 19]

4 hours ago, RO_AH said:

By saying what you said to a Pinay she took as you telling her not to go back to work. Her mind...He is questioning me about going back to work...Must mean he doesn't want me to work. Will he support me if I can't work? I'll ask. It may be be language barrier or you failing to understand women? They don't hear what you say as much as what they think you meant 🙂 Men are very literal and mean exactly what they say. You are mistaken if you think a women will ever hear it that way.

I certainly did not mean for my very short comments in messages to mean she could not go back to OFW, I am used to being direct and if I did not want her to I would say that, but I have no business telling her to not do that, its her choice, her life, etc. As I have commented back on others comments, my WHY ? was more on the fact she has not even settled in back home where she could not wait to get back to, so that is the more so confusing part and that is why I wanted more info. She has not expressed that she has money flowing out quickly or what she is spending on or having to spend on that is making her savings go down, maybe she is just thinking future wise as well, not sure and I really am not trying to pry into that as in a way its not my business I guess at this point. I know she is living with family and not sure how that situation is financially I guess or if it carries some financial burden on here or something to help.

 

Oh I totally agree that women hear something different than what is actually being said and actually what men mean, believe me I have been there several times and having to explain no that is not what I meant. Believe me there are many men who wish they could record comments they made to play them back and say see I never said that. I agree in this situation the language barrier and chances for way more misunderstanding is way more of a factor. I try and read my messages and make sure I did not say something that she might not understand or use typical american slang or something she may not understand or take wrong. We have had a few other misunderstandings but cleared that up because of sentences not being interrupted correctly by each other from both of us.

[Redro 4,611]

@smore

If this is a genuine relationship: 

After two years, you should know what she does with her money. 

After two years, you should know how long she stays in the Philippines before looking for and returning to OFW work. 

 

I'll ask one more question: 

What do you think your trip to the Philippines will look like?

 

Have the two of you discussed the costs associated with the visit?

Where will you stay? Who will pay for the hotels? Who will pay for dates and outings and excursions?

If you stay with the family are you expected to help them out monetarily?

 

 

 

 

[Stevephoto 230]

My only--and last advise--is what I said in a different post: find a way to meet her. We have ALL faced questions and language issues. I believe my comment in a former thread was something like "meet her and you will know." Questions will always be there until you address them face to face. This is NOT easy but it is time to stop blaming COVID and move on either way. Joan and I are together 10 years in February so I hope things work out as well for you...but move...find a way. Good luck.

[smore 19]

On 11/24/2021 at 9:29 PM, Kor2USA said:

@smore

If this is a genuine relationship: 

After two years, you should know what she does with her money. 

After two years, you should know how long she stays in the Philippines before looking for and returning to OFW work. 

 

I'll ask one more question: 

What do you think your trip to the Philippines will look like?

 

Have the two of you discussed the costs associated with the visit?

Where will you stay? Who will pay for the hotels? Who will pay for dates and outings and excursions?

If you stay with the family are you expected to help them out monetarily?

 

 

 

 

I disagree with I should know what she does with her money, she was working as OFW and I would imagine not spending much money except on her phone which is all I knew she was spending money on because I think room, food, etc was covered by employer. I said I disagreed but yet at the same time perhaps I should know more about her finances and that, but than again she does not know about mine either, we never really talked about money or finances much, which I sort of thought was good that we did not. You have to understand that due to covid and her also being locked in a contract any real forward process was sort of slowed way down, so it was basically just getting to know one another, however we were unable to talk everyday due to her employer and how busy she was, no internet in her location, and its just a different lifestyle in hong kong as in USA where we are on our phones all the time including at work, not the case in a country like china with strict rules.

 

As far as knowing how long she stays in Philippines before returning to OFW, why would I know that, she has been OFW for 8 years, you seem to think I should know all these answers but clearly you do not know the full story, easy to give advise when you really are not aware of the full story. So being she has worked OFW for so long her only return trips home prior to covid were for a visit. This time she was going back to Philippines for good, she said she was done doing OFW work, had enough of it. So that is mainly why her wanting to return to OFW shocked me.

 

What do I think my trip to Philippines will look like? No idea, we have discussed it a bit, where we are meeting, and also what is involved in actually getting to her location, another plane trip, a bus or taxi. But I would imagine it would be her showing me the area since I have no clue about the Philippines and us getting to know one another and me meeting the family. We have not discussed the costs as I would be paying for my trip there of course so why discuss the costs with her, I would also be paying for outings, dates, etc, heck why would the Philippines be any different than in USA and how my past dating has went, Ok so I have met a few women who could pay or help pay but most are surely not going to offer at least thats been my experience. Where I would stay I would assume at a hotel, I would never expect to stay with her or her family.

 

I and we have not thought about or talked to much about this as we knew covid as well as when she was OFW was holding us back from meeting so why plan all this out so far in advance, again we have talked about a few things but until actually able to visit why get into so many details.

[smore 19]

On 11/25/2021 at 10:25 PM, Stevephoto said:

My only--and last advise--is what I said in a different post: find a way to meet her. We have ALL faced questions and language issues. I believe my comment in a former thread was something like "meet her and you will know." Questions will always be there until you address them face to face. This is NOT easy but it is time to stop blaming COVID and move on either way. Joan and I are together 10 years in February so I hope things work out as well for you...but move...find a way. Good luck.

I do appreciate your advise. I cannot find a way to meet her until covid restrictions are lessened, no time to sit in quarantine than stay to spend time with her, I do have a job, sorry but when there is really something to blame than its ok to blame that and yes covid was the blame for many peoples lives not being able to move forward, not just those in situations like mine or like many on this site are in. Yes you may be able to find a way around covid if the other person is ok with those ways around it, as mentioned she does not want to meet in another country, I believe that is probably based on her families opinion of that and not hers as she does seem to really follow what advise and guidance the family gives, in some ways I respect that but in others she is a grown woman and can make her own choices.

 

Yes there will be questions until meeting, obviously face to face has to happen in any relationship before those bigger feelings can come out, its much different in overseas relationships where you invest in so much talking before actually meeting, versus someone more local where you talk and than of course plan to meet as its much easier to drive 20 mins for a date.

 

Congrats on you and your wife being together for 10 years in February.

[Redro 4,611]

46 minutes ago, smore said:

I disagree with I should know what she does with her money, she was working as OFW and I would imagine not spending much money except on her phone which is all I knew she was spending money on because I think room, food, etc was covered by employer. I said I disagreed but yet at the same time perhaps I should know more about her finances and that, but than again she does not know about mine either, we never really talked about money or finances much, which I sort of thought was good that we did not. You have to understand that due to covid and her also being locked in a contract any real forward process was sort of slowed way down, so it was basically just getting to know one another, however we were unable to talk everyday due to her employer and how busy she was, no internet in her location, and its just a different lifestyle in hong kong as in USA where we are on our phones all the time including at work, not the case in a country like china with strict rules.

 

As far as knowing how long she stays in Philippines before returning to OFW, why would I know that, she has been OFW for 8 years, you seem to think I should know all these answers but clearly you do not know the full story, easy to give advise when you really are not aware of the full story. So being she has worked OFW for so long her only return trips home prior to covid were for a visit. This time she was going back to Philippines for good, she said she was done doing OFW work, had enough of it. So that is mainly why her wanting to return to OFW shocked me.

 

What do I think my trip to Philippines will look like? No idea, we have discussed it a bit, where we are meeting, and also what is involved in actually getting to her location, another plane trip, a bus or taxi. But I would imagine it would be her showing me the area since I have no clue about the Philippines and us getting to know one another and me meeting the family. We have not discussed the costs as I would be paying for my trip there of course so why discuss the costs with her, I would also be paying for outings, dates, etc, heck why would the Philippines be any different than in USA and how my past dating has went, Ok so I have met a few women who could pay or help pay but most are surely not going to offer at least thats been my experience. Where I would stay I would assume at a hotel, I would never expect to stay with her or her family.

 

I and we have not thought about or talked to much about this as we knew covid as well as when she was OFW was holding us back from meeting so why plan all this out so far in advance, again we have talked about a few things but until actually able to visit why get into so many details.

What is the full story? I don't think you know it... 

 

I think you and I view relationships very differently. 

Financial compatibility is really important to me. 

Not sure what you guys talk about but when I start dating someone knowing how they handle financials is usually one of the first issues we discuss. 

Student debt, if saving is important or if they're more YOLO about money, travel history, work history,  how to split expenses on a date or when traveling to another city or country. 

If you assume your partner is only spending money on her phone... I don't know what to say. You've never discussed whether or not she has to send money back to her family? What do you guys even talk about? What do you mean when you say "You've been getting to know her?"

You don't know about her home town, you don't know what she does with her money, you don't have a plan worked out for your eventual trip to the Philippines.... 

 

This situation is just so confusing to me. 

[flicks1998 1,044]

43 minutes ago, Kor2USA said:

What is the full story? I don't think you know it... 

 

I think you and I view relationships very differently. 

Financial compatibility is really important to me. 

Not sure what you guys talk about but when I start dating someone knowing how they handle financials is usually one of the first issues we discuss. 

Student debt, if saving is important or if they're more YOLO about money, travel history, work history,  how to split expenses on a date or when traveling to another city or country. 

If you assume your partner is only spending money on her phone... I don't know what to say. You've never discussed whether or not she has to send money back to her family? What do you guys even talk about? What do you mean when you say "You've been getting to know her?"

You don't know about her home town, you don't know what she does with her money, you don't have a plan worked out for your eventual trip to the Philippines.... 

 

This situation is just so confusing to me. 

Most of the posts I have seen you make are quite intelligent on East-West relationships.  At this point, he has enough information.  He has never been to the Philippines before and each posts speaks of being naive to how things are done.  There is nothing wrong with this as at some point in time, we were all in a similar situation, but its just the failure to listen to advice from people who have been living and dealing with these kinds of things for decades.  Even the approach to communicating is a very Western approach which does not work in the Philippines as well.  You could also add in the long meandering posts which if a similar communication style is used in the Philippines, the point will never get across.  It will just be miscommunication after miscommunication.  I havent contributed much to this thread since the OP has clearly demonstrated a severe lack of understanding on how the Philippines works and almost nothing will change that mindset until he actually lives there for a long period of time.