Feedback On Comment "Are you willing to support me financially"

[Adventine 3,189]

You seem to be set on your current course, despite never having met this woman in person in 2 years, and already she is asking if you would be willing to financially support her. Good luck to you but I personally am not optimistic that her intentions are genuine. If you haven't already, browse the Philippines subforum for examples of relationships gone sour because of money.

 

That's all the feedback I'll have for this thread. I'm out.

[smore 19]

4 minutes ago, Adventine said:

You seem to be set on your current course, despite never having met this woman in person in 2 years, and already she is asking if you would be willing to financially support her. Good luck to you but I personally am not optimistic that her intentions are genuine. If you haven't already, browse the Philippines subforum for examples of relationships gone sour because of money.

 

That's all the feedback I'll have for this thread. I'm out.

Not necessarily set on my courage, but I do feel communication in any situation is necessary, if I just assumed something from comments and never gave the person a chance to explain I would never get anywhere in life. Yes never met yet and its been 2 years, but perhaps you did not fully read my posts which is often times the issue with getting advise on forums, you do realize covid created a major issue for many people traveling, than other reasons I listed which I will not repeat yet again. I have no idea if she is genuine anymore, or what the comment was about, just wanted to feel out what the forum thought and I knew alot of RUN, walk away would be said, but than a few comments on maybe she did not explain correctly, or was venting, or frustrated at having to go back to OFW and how that could effect us meeting. I just wanted to get general feedback as to what may be going on after this long of her never asking, just seems very weird and I do need to give her a chance to speak about it before just running.

[Hank_ 9,174]

3 hours ago, smore said:

Yes for sure I am not supporting anyone financially. I have held off on responding to her but my response will certainly be "NO I will not support you financially". But in all fairness I need to than see how she reacts, responds, this sort of comment is something she has never said before, was it like "MaceMk" comment said, some sort of lashing out due to stress, frustration, and about our discussion about her doing OFW again, maybe she did not words things correctly via a message, I think its fair to let her respond and maybe have a conversation and see how that goes, I mean NO way is she getting anything from me, that much I know. And if we END than we END, I am seeking something REAL, GENUINE and if this overseas thing is just to complex, risks of scams than I will have to go back to dating in America.

OK.    Here is some food for thought then.

 

Filipinas (being we are talking about a woman here) speak English, it is taught in school from an early age .. but how they understand English is where things can go sideways.   And sarcasm .. that is not understood by Filipinas at all and they can take offense at something you thought was "smart-a funny".    Many of us here could write volumes about how "interpretation" got in the way of what was really being said.

 

So yes taking a moment to sort things out isn't wrong ....  it could all be a language barrier, or it could be thing to cut n run.

 

 

Edited November 20, 2021 by Hank_

[smore 19]

1 hour ago, Hank_ said:

OK.    Here is some food for thought then.

 

Filipinas (being we are talking about a woman here) speak English, it is taught in school from an early age .. but how they understand English is where things can go sideways.   And sarcasm .. that is not understood by Filipinas at all and they can take offense at something you thought was "smart-a funny".    Many of us here could write volumes about how "interpretation" got in the way of what was really being said.

 

So yes taking a moment to sort things out isn't wrong ....  it could all be a language barrier, or it could be thing to cut n run.

 

 

Thanks for your constructive information, I really appreciate the feedback and gives me food for thought for sure. I do not want to lean in any direction until communicating with her, jumping to conclusions never solves anything. I do agree that she knows english but yet how she understands english is different than how I understand things, we have certainly had some "what did you mean" moments on both our sides when we have been messaging or even talking, and feeling the language barrier thing. I do agree about interpretation getting in the way of what was really being said, and it could be that. I am keeping a level head and just going to talk with her, let her explain the comment, jumping to conclusions never solves anything. However my feelings are I did  not like reading that message where she made that comment, and those are my true feelings of what I interrupted, we will see what she has to say.

[B_J 2,752]

On 11/20/2021 at 1:50 AM, MaceMk said:

I'm just thinking. Maybe she said that in a different way? Like, 'oh you don't want me to go back abroad, and have a job, I don't have any income now, or what, you gonna support me financially?' Something like that maybe? If you could hear the tone in which she said this you would have better idea but it was a text I guess, so it's difficult to understand. It does seem weird that she would say such thing after so long and especially since she did work and is willing to go back to work, so she's not some parasite depending on other people's money. You should talk to her and ask what exactly does she mean.

This right here. 

 

I would love to know the entire conversation.  She wants to go back as an OFW because she needs the money.  If he told her not to then he is putting her in an impossible situation. I would really want more info before labeling her as a scammer.

 

However,  I  predict that,  if they stay together we will have future posts about sending money back home.

[sckms 15]

So from what I understand, OP is asking his gf not to work with the knowledge that savings are running low. Sounds to me that it's natural that the gf would ask OP "Are you going to support me financially?" for the sake of either clarity or "angry sarcasm." If you don't want someone to work with the knowledge that they are running out of money, how do you expect them to respond? 

[Redro 4,611]

On 11/21/2021 at 2:32 AM, smore said:

Not necessarily set on my courage, but I do feel communication in any situation is necessary, if I just assumed something from comments and never gave the person a chance to explain I would never get anywhere in life. Yes never met yet and its been 2 years, but perhaps you did not fully read my posts which is often times the issue with getting advise on forums, you do realize covid created a major issue for many people traveling, than other reasons I listed which I will not repeat yet again. I have no idea if she is genuine anymore, or what the comment was about, just wanted to feel out what the forum thought and I knew alot of RUN, walk away would be said, but than a few comments on maybe she did not explain correctly, or was venting, or frustrated at having to go back to OFW and how that could effect us meeting. I just wanted to get general feedback as to what may be going on after this long of her never asking, just seems very weird and I do need to give her a chance to speak about it before just running.

I read your previous thread... 

Was wondering: was it not possible to meet up in a third country before your partner went back to the Philippines? 

Do you have a timeline for meeting in the near future and where? All of these issues in 2 years when you haven't met... 

 

I know COVID is a major barrier but many long distance couples have overcome this hurdle and met up.

If she doesn't have the funds to travel to a third country and you don't have the funds (or the inclination) to pay for the both of you... 

This relationship might be over before it started... unless you are happy just chatting online for another two or more years before you meet. 

 

Give yourself a timeline. Forget her financial assistance question. How long are you happy to just remain "chat mates" with this woman?

 

 

 

Edited November 22, 2021 by Kor2USA

[RO_AH 1,656]

13 hours ago, Kor2USA said:

Give yourself a timeline. Forget her financial assistance question. How long are you happy to just remain "chat mates" with this woman?

Or better yet, how long is she willing.

[RO_AH 1,656]

19 hours ago, sckms said:

So from what I understand, OP is asking his gf not to work with the knowledge that savings are running low.

I never read that the OP was requesting she not go back into new OFW contract. If that is the case then most definitely she would be asking him for financial support and he should be providing. Maybe more context from their conversation is needed.

[jameyj 73]

You could just provide apolitical "maybe" to see how this all goes and what her ultimate reactions are...

 

"I'll be in a better position to answer this question once we have met and solidified our relationship and mutual feeings...." 

 

Try something like that

[sckms 15]

On 11/19/2021 at 5:33 PM, smore said:

So I did make the comment about what if you go back to OFW you will than be in some other country again, away from family, and than what about us? us meeting? our future? you will again have another contract to fulfill. She did say nothing has changed about her desire to want to meet and have a future together.

 

However this is the part that has me worried, and thinking WHAT is going on, have I wasted my time thinking I have found someone REAL she said "it might be a bit of time yet before we can meet" "I can't support myself here and savings are not enough" "Are you willing to support me financially?"

While I'm not sure that OP outright asked her not to work as an OFW, it sure seemed like he didn't want her to. Which is why I feel it's normal for her to respond the way she did. 

[Carpe Vinum 2,327]

It might be time for someone to put this thread out of its misery.

[millefleur 5,045]

**One post removed for language filter bypass and derailment. Please answer the question directly and remember to abide by the TOS**

 

VJ Moderation

[smore 19]

On 11/21/2021 at 8:01 AM, B_J said:

This right here. 

 

I would love to know the entire conversation.  She wants to go back as an OFW because she needs the money.  If he told her not to then he is putting her in an impossible situation. I would really want more info before labeling her as a scammer.

 

However,  I  predict that,  if they stay together we will have future posts about sending money back home.

I agree having more info about the conversation would help everyone and help for feedback. I did not say, tell, instruct her not to go back to working as OFW, who am I to tell anyone what to do, thats always been the type of person I am and have been in any relationship, they are there own person and make there own choices (good or bad choices that effect the relationship its there choice).

So I will try to keep this short as sometimes I write to much. So she was an OFW, has been doing that I think for 8-10 years, she had to extend her last contract due to covid, she did not like the job she recently had, long hours, not great living conditions with her own space, no days off which I guess sundays are supposed to be days off but she rarely got them off to spend time with friends she made. She missed her family, had a few family members pass away during her OFW time and just wanted to go home that is all I heard that she wanted to go home, could not wait to get home. So that is her story about that.

Finally her contract was up and she got to go home, 3 weeks ago now its been that she got home, she had to quarantine I guess for 7 days but was allowed to do that at home since she is vaccinated. So again she was HAPPY to be home, happy to be around family, was so excited when we talked on the phone that she could be around family, and was also excited that hopefully soon we could meet, most likely spring due to the weather now there and also restrictions still being a bit harsh with covid. Than all the sudden she says she is bored, and is thinking about going back to OFW work. I just raised the question why? you just got home? you did not like doing OFW anymore and were tired of it. I know also she did not want to meet in any other country but the Philippines because she wanted me to meet her family, so my only comment was what about us meeting and how does it effect that if you work OFW again? So all I did was sort of ask her clarification as to why she was thinking about going back to OFW, never saying I do not want you to go back to OFW. I also mentioned to her that I thought she was going to find work in the Philippines, when she was still not home I had asked her what her plan was for work when she got back home and she had told me she will try and find work in Philippines. Her initial responses to these questions and communication was that she is bored, and her response to her wanting us only meeting in the Philippines and her going back to OFW, she said nothing will change about us meeting, that she is serious and again nothing has changed. I guess I thought OK, sort of got my answers and did not want to dig any deeper as I did not know how serious she was about going back to OFW.

 

Than few days later is when she asked that question "are you willing to support me financially" I wanted to see what was up with that question so I did not response back with a NO quite yet, asked her why would you ask me that, she did say because I think you do not want me to go back to OFW. I never did come out and say that, only wanted to have conversation about what was going on. Our conversation went on to me saying I found that question to be a bit strange, weird, and than I did say NO I will not support you financially. She did come back and say she does not find asking that question to be weird or strange. She also said she feels sad and disappointed that I do not trust her, both those responses did not make me feel happy because this is not all about her feelings, so I did say well I feel sad and disappointed you asked me that question, emotions and expressing them is not a one sided thing so I figured I have a right to express mine as well instead of go oh poor her feeling sad and disappointed, what about me and how I feel after you asked me that question. Than she says she was in a bad mood when she sent that message as she is just bored and not feeling secure with no income, and that I should forget about what she said, but than also said I am wrong for wondering about it and perhaps thinking she is like other Philippines women.

 

So hope that helps, I mean its hard to put all the exact details from a back and fourth conversation down so you have the complete picture. I think she now just thinks I do not trust her, she thinks I think she is a scammer like other Philippines woman are, that I do not think she is real, I sorta feel she is turning this back around on "OH POOR ME" when I myself have a right to feel like I need an explanation and also I have a right to question her about asking this question and I have a right to feel some mistrust, feel disappointed and feel like I need answers, nothing wrong with that, thats normal relationship stuff you work thru and either communicate about or you don't work thru and communicate about it and you end it.

 

Who knows I have had enough drama from relationships 5 minutes away in my lifetime, certainly not going to put up with drama from someone 24 hours away that I have not even met yet and keep waiting and waiting for. Who knows where this will go. I mean I know to tip toe with the language barrier and try to figure out what she means, and am careful to say things so she understands what I mean, but this questions really thru me off, and I am not sure I like the answers I got back or lack of digging into why she said what she said.

[smore 19]

On 11/21/2021 at 7:32 PM, sckms said:

So from what I understand, OP is asking his gf not to work with the knowledge that savings are running low. Sounds to me that it's natural that the gf would ask OP "Are you going to support me financially?" for the sake of either clarity or "angry sarcasm." If you don't want someone to work with the knowledge that they are running out of money, how do you expect them to respond? 

Incorrect, never asked her not to work, never said she could not do OFW again, she has her own mind and can make her own decisions. Why on earth would I ever ask anyone do to such a thing, I have certainly been involved with a few american women who did not want to work, I PRAISE a woman who wants to work and be independent. So you are understanding incorrectly. Just asked WHY? after her being so excited to get back home and never wanting to be stuck in a contract again that only after 3 weeks she wants to now leave yet again.