Feedback On Comment "Are you willing to support me financially"

[smore 19]

I am seeking some feedback. Some of my other posts tell a bit in detail about the history of ME and the woman I met online almost 2 years ago. A bit of a recall on that history for those that do not want to check out those older posts.

 

Met her online almost 2 years ago, on just a regular dating site, not some specific Philippines, Asian, Etc one, just one day decided I had enough dating around my area and knew others who had found someone overseas so figured I would try, and I responded to her ad. Shortly after we started talking along comes covid and put the brakes on any plan to meet, plus she was OFW in Hong Kong and than had to extended that contract another year due to covid. She wanted to meet in Philippines and for me to be able to meet her entire family and all, figured by the time her OFW contract was up that travel would be back to usual, well still to this day its not really back to normal and difficult with restrictions and that (those restrictions are hard when you have a job, responsibilities around home, and can only take so much time off and cannot go thru the waiting of quarantine and all) . All the time during coivd we just kept getting to know one another and still are. She recently completed the OFW contract and finally got back to Philippines and hopes are for me to travel maybe in next 6 months, maybe spring as the weather is better she says.

 

All has really been going well as far as us getting to know one another except the fact that covid did through things off course as this process surely would of been able to move forward quicker without covid coming along, and most all of you are surely aware of how its thrown things off course.

 

So I guess what I am trying to get to is a comment she made just recently and I am seeking some feedback, guidance as I am confused and a bit taken back by her comment and not sure what to think about it. PLEASE if you comment or send me a private message please provide real feedback and not just bashing.

 

We all know about scams from other counties, especially the Philippines, and again to provide a bit of background I was the one who reached out to her on a major dating site, all conversations have been wonderful whether, chat, phone, etc. She has NEVER ONCE asked for anything, any money, anything financial, NEVER ONCE. I do recall in one of my posts someone was giving some advice and it was sort of commenting maybe on a comment I made about finding someone REAL and they asked me if she has ever asked for money, or anything financial and I said NO, and they said well than she is REAL and not a scammer because at that point it was about 1 1/2 years into us knowing one another.

 

However she has now gotten home from her OFW job, maybe been home a few weeks now, she is not working just living with family. She is starting to comment about not having income, savings will run out at some point, and I can tell she is a bit stressed. I did ask before she finished her OFW job whether she would try and find work in Philippines, she said maybe but its tough right now, plus covid has made it even tougher. She recently said she might go back to OFW work again, only after being home for a few weeks, she really could not wait to complete her contract and get back home to see family and be done with 16 hour days. It also meant that we were closer to planning on meeting and going forward, something we both have expressed we want. So I did make the comment about what if you go back to OFW you will than be in some other country again, away from family, and than what about us? us meeting? our future? you will again have another contract to fulfill. She did say nothing has changed about her desire to want to meet and have a future together.

 

However this is the part that has me worried, and thinking WHAT is going on, have I wasted my time thinking I have found someone REAL she said "it might be a bit of time yet before we can meet" "I can't support myself here and savings are not enough" "Are you willing to support me financially?"

 

That "are you willing to support me financially" comment really made me feel not well, I certainly am not supporting anyone financially that I have never even met in person, even after meeting them in person I am not sending money anywhere, I mean heck I have supported many of girlfriends due to there lack of responsibility here in America, DONE WITH THOSE TYPES of relationships.

 

So please provide some feedback, should I be concerned about that comment? I have brought that comment up to her, but I do feel like WOW is this person now wanting to scam me so I did not want to respond before getting any advise from those on here who may have experience with something in this type of situation. Again all this time now almost 2 years she has never asked or made a comment like that about money, financial, etc. I feel like perhaps I have wasted alot of time, but maybe I am overthinking things.
 

I thank the community ahead of time for some feedback, I just wanna find REAL LOVE (got tired of the attitudes, no moral, no value way of life in America) and wanted to find that LOVE, values, morals that many other countries still seem to have.

 

Sorry this post got so long.

Edited November 20, 2021 by smore

[RO_AH 1,659]

Run away. I could explain why but just trust me.

[flicks1998 1,044]

Im 100% with @RO_AH on this one.  Move on now.  Ive met and got to know people from the poorest walks of life to the upper 1% in not just the Philippines, but across SEA.  I could write a book on the nuances in the Philippines but dont have the inclination to do so.  There are some in it for the short game, others willing to play the long game, and others still with no game.  Of what you just wrote and your story before, its time to move on.  It will only get worse.  If you decide to not support, next will come the mind games and manipulations.  A steady spiral down hill.  All at your expense.  I have seen many foreigners cleaned out financially.  I have also seen many OFWs return home cleaned out financially but a greedy immediate or extended family.  There are just so many things to write, but to make it short and sweet, the warning shots have been fired.  Do you plan to take the warning or storm the beach?  In my experience in the region in 25+ years, 99.99999% of the time its best to heed the warning shots, but sometimes love or "perceived love" rules out rational thinking.

 

The one thing I learned on living in SEA for so long is that many things are just a mirage.  Everything is not what is perceived.

 

Edited November 20, 2021 by flicks1998

[smore 19]

RO_AH is actually the one who made that comment about her not being a scammer.

 

I said in a post months ago in my orig introduction "Over this 1 1/2 years she has never asked for anything and I believe she has proven she is genuine"

 

RO_AH said "If at this point she has never asked you for anything she is not a scammer."

 

I again am not sure why she said that now, was she upset? frustrated? stressed? did she think I was telling her not to go aboard again to work as OFW, maybe. I never did reply to that message yet, wanted a bit of feedback, not sure if it was sarcasm or what?

 

flicks1998 - I do appreciate your more detailed response. Again she has never asked for anything, its been just about getting to know each other. I again do appreciate your response, not sure if this is a warning sign or not. I know for sure I am NEVER EVER going to be sending anyone money, NOPE not me. Been in enough in person, living with, etc relationships here in the USA where I have supported them because they did not want to work, DONE WITH THAT here in the USA and certainly never doing that aboard. I will not be storming any beaches, I will be ducking for cover and am sort of doing that now as I have not responded to her until I get some feedback on here. I do want to respond back and give her the chance to ask her "UM what do you mean".  I do want to find LOVE, find genuine relationship, life if much fuller with someone, but only the right person, not what I have been with most of my life, leeches, hard to find real and genuine now days, wanted to try overseas but than covid really thru a wrench in that plan, also the fact who is real and who is not.

[Boiler 45,538]

Your choice is you want to be scammed, go into this with your eyes wide open and do not commit more than you are comfortable to lose.

[RO_AH 1,659]

2 hours ago, smore said:

RO_AH is actually the one who made that comment about her not being a scammer.

 

I said in a post months ago in my orig introduction "Over this 1 1/2 years she has never asked for anything and I believe she has proven she is genuine"

 

RO_AH said "If at this point she has never asked you for anything she is not a scammer."

When you made your first post it did not seem that she was a scammer. But what she said and the way that she worded it is why I responded the way I did. If you notice Flicks said pretty much the same thing. We both know a lot about the Filipino culture and its very difficult to write it all out, it would be like a book. I know several scammers and their friends as well as a lot about the scamming culture.

 

Lets say this. A Pinay girl tat you would want, would have way to much pride to say what she said and especially how she said it.

 

If it was worded like this it would be different:

 

I am really having a very hard time right no with money. I am very shy to ask you this, but would you be able to help me a little and I will find some way to pay you back.

 

But she went straight for the "Are you willing to support me financially?"

 

If your heart is invested you will make excuses to allow for this and continue the relationship. But my advice is ALWAYS filter what goes to your heart through your mind. Your mind is what saw something wrong with what she said and caused you to post here. Trust your mind!

[MaceMk 20]

I'm just thinking. Maybe she said that in a different way? Like, 'oh you don't want me to go back abroad, and have a job, I don't have any income now, or what, you gonna support me financially?' Something like that maybe? If you could hear the tone in which she said this you would have better idea but it was a text I guess, so it's difficult to understand. It does seem weird that she would say such thing after so long and especially since she did work and is willing to go back to work, so she's not some parasite depending on other people's money. You should talk to her and ask what exactly does she mean.

Edited November 20, 2021 by MaceMk

[Hank_ 9,174]

You answered your own question already.  Heed your advice:

 

I certainly am not supporting anyone financially that I have never even met in person, even after meeting them in person I am not sending money anywhere, I mean heck I have supported many of girlfriends due to there lack of responsibility here in America, DONE WITH THOSE TYPES of relationships.

[smore 19]

4 hours ago, Hank_ said:

You answered your own question already.  Heed your advice:

 

I certainly am not supporting anyone financially that I have never even met in person, even after meeting them in person I am not sending money anywhere, I mean heck I have supported many of girlfriends due to there lack of responsibility here in America, DONE WITH THOSE TYPES of relationships.

Yes for sure I am not supporting anyone financially. I have held off on responding to her but my response will certainly be "NO I will not support you financially". But in all fairness I need to than see how she reacts, responds, this sort of comment is something she has never said before, was it like "MaceMk" comment said, some sort of lashing out due to stress, frustration, and about our discussion about her doing OFW again, maybe she did not words things correctly via a message, I think its fair to let her respond and maybe have a conversation and see how that goes, I mean NO way is she getting anything from me, that much I know. And if we END than we END, I am seeking something REAL, GENUINE and if this overseas thing is just to complex, risks of scams than I will have to go back to dating in America.

[Boiler 45,538]

I can not help but think that this is somebody you have yet to meet, with all this grief now.

[smore 19]

29 minutes ago, Boiler said:

I can not help but think that this is somebody you have yet to meet, with all this grief now.

We have not met yet, due to covid, travel restrictions, her being away as OFW, we have not had the chance to meet, perhaps spring is what we have been talking about. We will see how this will continues, if it continues, etc. I am going to respond to her with the "NO I will not support you financially" than give her the chance to communicate back what she meant, why she said it that way, or we may talk on the phone about this as well which is probably better as messages often times thoughts just get misunderstood. Gotta give her the chance to explain and communicate than jump to conclusions, thats only fair for anyone in any situation. But my guard has been raised because of that comment, but I am not worried she is not getting any financial support from me.

[Boiler 45,538]

I still do not understand why you put yourself through this for somebody you have never met, why not move on?

[Adventine 3,196]

I'm a Filipina. For all the reasons already mentioned above, you need to run from this relationship. 

[smore 19]

1 hour ago, Boiler said:

I still do not understand why you put yourself through this for somebody you have never met, why not move on?

I am not really putting myself thru much, just trying to figure out things with this comment that was strangely made, and continue or not continue things. I think all of us and myself I have learned that starting a connection, relationship, etc with someone overseas or abroad is very different than a local relationship, much more involvement. Lots of communication is necessary, sometimes miscommunication occurs like in any relationship. Again the plan is to meet, but due to the factors I have mentioned and just life in general its not been possible yet, which is OK just like going on a date with someone local you both need to schedule a time, a bit more complex for overseas planning. The plan is to meet and hopefully move forward in the process, but if comments, expectations, etc like the recent comment that was made occur than I move on. Don't get so hung up on me wasting time, every connection, relationship involves time, sometimes its a waste and sometimes its not, again don't get so hung up on negative short comments, just provide some feedback from your own experiences with people in Philippines.

[smore 19]

4 minutes ago, Adventine said:

I'm a Filipina. For all the reasons already mentioned above, you need to run from this relationship. 

Everyone is so quick to say run, which I am grateful for your feedback, but there is no real reason as to why you say run. Its easy just to say run everytime a relationship has issues, believe me I have run in some past relationships but only after giving the chance for some communication, explanation, than of course if all is not well after giving the person a chance to comment than you run. This is out of her character to say this in 2 years of knowing one another, was it misspoken? One will never know unless I ask her, which I will. But again in no way is she getting financial help, just wanna be clear to everyone here that is not occurring so there will be no being taken advantage of going on, its just unclear whether to continue talking, but again she deserves the chance to be told NO you will not get any financial help, and why did you ask that.

 

I do lean a bit in the direction of what "MaceMk" said - was she upset, did not know the right way to put her feelings into words about going back to OFW work and our conversation about that, no one here knows the entire story about that situation. But I am only leaning in that direction as she needs to explain as she should be given the chance to do so.