Reverse Culture Shock

[USAUAinCZ 38]

Any other Americans who lived abroad for a substantial amount of time and move back feel really weird being back in the USA? I read into this a bit and discovered it's called reverse culture shock. It's been a year since I've been back full time and I still can't seem to shake it.

 

Having to drive everywhere again, deal with traffic, having higher expectations at work, more aggressive people, polarization of so many topics, increased cost of health and dental care, expensive rent prices while apartments are lower quality etc. It's all just been pretty tough to get used to again. I'm still kind of glad we made the move to the USA as the work situation is better here as I work in IT but everything else just seems like a massive downgrade. Could just be also that we don't do much as we have a newborn and coronavirus has made it tough for us to meet with people. 

 

Anybody else go through this?

[CMJuilland 485]

Where did you live before you came back to the U.S.? 

My brother-in-law is going through something similar.  He was in Germany for the better part of eight years as a contractor (living off base) and came back to the States about ten months ago.  All he talks about is leaving again as soon as he will have another opportunity.  His concerns are very similar to what you list, especially the lack of public transport and opportunities to just walk where he is.  

I hope you can find a way to get used to the ways here, especially given that these last 18 months have been so rough.  Having a newborn in these weird times certainly doesn’t make stuff easier either.  I wish you all the best. 

[JeanneAdil 6,505]

yep  IBM sent us to Japan for 2 years then to California 2 years and onto Belgium 2 years

it was easier to adjust to places that have trains and buses than to come back 

but my big thing is food 

other countries have fresh fruits and we import ours (mostly from Chile ) and they just have no taste / green bananas never ripen good

insurances and taxes

so many to pay for and do

i would move away in a heartbeat 

[Gatekeeper 35]

I’m not American, but I was an expat in several different countries throughout my studies and career. Based on my experience, what you feel is very normal, and the better your experience abroad was, the harder adjusting back to your home country is. It doesn’t necessarily has to do with public transportation or food specifically. These differences that you feel on this particulier topics are a symptom more than a cause.

i read somewhere, long ago, that the time one needs to adjust back to one’s home culture after a great experience abroad is as long as the time you spent there (ie you spent 2 years in country A, you’ll need 2 years to re-adjust to your home country).

Almost every expat goes through that phase, especially after the 1st experience abroad. But it will wear out eventually, you’ll stop comparing everything to the former country where you lived. 
Going back home is known to be the same process as the one you (probably) went through while adjusting to your new country abroad (the homesickness feeling with its sequential steps eventually ending into adjusting and thriving in your new home).

So hang in there, it will get better!

[And_Sam 44]

growing up military style, I lived 14 of my first 17 years out of the states. I had a huge culture shock. More so of the darn fast food chains every where. You get used to it again. AND it will provide sympathy where your other half comes here. 

[TBoneTX 45,288]

30 minutes ago, And_Sam said:

fast food

Best part of returning is all the coupons for these in the daily and local newspapers, isn't it?  

[And_Sam 44]

1 minute ago, TBoneTX said:

Best part of returning is all the coupons for these in the daily and local newspapers, isn't it?  

I don't know about the coupons but I do have an 80 year old dad who apparently stock piles them!

[TBoneTX 45,288]

He'd better use them before they expire -- they're "free money."

[And_Sam 44]

Just now, TBoneTX said:

He'd better use them before they expire -- they're "free money."

Trust me, he does. He just keeps enlisting family members to "go out to eat"

[Redro 4,611]

17 hours ago, USAUAinCZ said:

Any other Americans who lived abroad for a substantial amount of time and move back feel really weird being back in the USA? I read into this a bit and discovered it's called reverse culture shock. It's been a year since I've been back full time and I still can't seem to shake it.

 

Having to drive everywhere again, deal with traffic, having higher expectations at work, more aggressive people, polarization of so many topics, increased cost of health and dental care, expensive rent prices while apartments are lower quality etc. It's all just been pretty tough to get used to again. I'm still kind of glad we made the move to the USA as the work situation is better here as I work in IT but everything else just seems like a massive downgrade. Could just be also that we don't do much as we have a newborn and coronavirus has made it tough for us to meet with people. 

 

Anybody else go through this?

Reverse culture shock is definitely a thing... people tend to romanticize the old country city after they move... and remember only the good things. 

I moved back to my home country thinking I would live there for at least a year. Instead, I left

 after 3 months because I missed Korea so much. 

As soon as I moved back to Korea, I remembered all the issues I have here but I do prefer living here. Now, we are preparing to move to the States and I'm not ready. All the issues you've listed are concerns I have about moving there... but after weighing the options I know the US will probably be better for us and if it isn't we will move back to Korea, move to my home country or move to another country. 

 

15 hours ago, JeanneAdil said:

yep  IBM sent us to Japan for 2 years then to California 2 years and onto Belgium 2 years

it was easier to adjust to places that have trains and buses than to come back 

but my big thing is food 

other countries have fresh fruits and we import ours (mostly from Chile ) and they just have no taste / green bananas never ripen good

insurances and taxes

so many to pay for and do

i would move away in a heartbeat 

Food in Japan is so amazing! 

Interesting for you to mention you prefer fruit overseas because the fruit here in Korea is awful and extremely expensive! 

One of my reasons for wanting to move to the States is because I want to eat fruit again 🙈 and whenever we visit I go on a fruit and vegetable buying frenzy! 

I also love my father-in-law's vegetable garden. 

[USAUAinCZ 38]

3 hours ago, Kor2USA said:

Reverse culture shock is definitely a thing... people tend to romanticize the old country city after they move... and remember only the good things. 

I moved back to my home country thinking I would live there for at least a year. Instead, I left

 after 3 months because I missed Korea so much. 

As soon as I moved back to Korea, I remembered all the issues I have here but I do prefer living here. Now, we are preparing to move to the States and I'm not ready. All the issues you've listed are concerns I have about moving there... but after weighing the options I know the US will probably be better for us and if it isn't we will move back to Korea, move to my home country or move to another country. 

 

Food in Japan is so amazing! 

Interesting for you to mention you prefer fruit overseas because the fruit here in Korea is awful and extremely expensive! 

One of my reasons for wanting to move to the States is because I want to eat fruit again 🙈 and whenever we visit I go on a fruit and vegetable buying frenzy! 

I also love my father-in-law's vegetable garden. 

 

Good luck moving back! I hope you guys find a great city to move back to as I feel like this is one of the issues I've run into and we are looking to make a move soon.

 

I have to say moving back during covid has been pretty brutal. A lot of the things I missed about America now don't really exist here as much anymore such as things open 24/7, cheaper big housing, cheap used cars, people being friendly etc. I don't mean to be a debbie downer but I'm still trying to find some things I like about being "home" and its tough after living for 10 years abroad. 

[Redro 4,611]

15 minutes ago, USAUAinCZ said:

 

Good luck moving back! I hope you guys find a great city to move back to as I feel like this is one of the issues I've run into and we are looking to make a move soon.

 

I have to say moving back during covid has been pretty brutal. A lot of the things I missed about America now don't really exist here as much anymore such as things open 24/7, cheaper big housing, cheap used cars, people being friendly etc. I don't mean to be a debbie downer but I'm still trying to find some things I like about being "home" and its tough after living for 10 years abroad. 

I think I read somewhere that when you leave a country it remains "frozen" and you remember how it was when you left and you don't 'grow' with the changes... 

A friend of mine left Korea several years ago and when she returned on vacation it wasn't the Korea she remembered... so, it makes sense, you're looking for the city/country you left 10 years ago. And you're in a different stage of life so maybe it's no longer a good fit. 

I hope the next city/town you move to treats you better... 

Another buddy of mine moved back to the States and complained about how expensive it was compared to Korea -but he moved back to SanFran and then NYC 😅

He is finding it easier in Chicago even though he hates the weather... 

 

Edited November 20, 2021 by Kor2USA

[SteveInBostonI130 3,451]

Is it culture shock or is it lifestyle shock?

 

I've lived in Tampa, Atlanta, Cincinnati and Philadelphia.  In Philly I lived without a car for 2 years.

 

I also lived in Ashland KY, Columbus, NB, Leesville, LA.  

 

Philly vs the other large cities was different but not by too much.  The main thing was being able to walk everywhere (in Philly).  Philly vs Ashland and Columbus was WAY different.  The big event of the year in Columbus was the opening of it's first Taco Bell.

 

I now live in MA, outside Boston.  It's mainly because of friends, family, neighbors of similar or neutral viewpoints, and access to city life (within 1 hr drive or commuter train).  

 

I "lived" 2 months in Ukraine, also, in Kharkiv.  It was nice, living in a nice and inexpensive apartment and being able to walk everywhere.  Also, 5 star dining was $50 for 2.  Normal dining was only about $20.   But not knowing Ukrainian/Russian very well kept me from feeling at home.  On the plus side, I didn't get pulled into political discussions that sometimes vexxed my wife, because I didn't understand and mostly just smiled unknowingly during those conversations.

 

I think the culture shock is not mainly US vs other countries, but the differences in lifestyle between the various parts of US.  Life in NYC/Philly/Boston is very different from life in Podunk, KY, for example.  It's also very different from life in Dallas or Kansas City, for that matter.

 

 

[SuznAaron 121]

22 hours ago, USAUAinCZ said:

Any other Americans who lived abroad for a substantial amount of time and move back feel really weird being back in the USA? I read into this a bit and discovered it's called reverse culture shock. It's been a year since I've been back full time and I still can't seem to shake it.

 

Having to drive everywhere again, deal with traffic, having higher expectations at work, more aggressive people, polarization of so many topics, increased cost of health and dental care, expensive rent prices while apartments are lower quality etc. It's all just been pretty tough to get used to again. I'm still kind of glad we made the move to the USA as the work situation is better here as I work in IT but everything else just seems like a massive downgrade. Could just be also that we don't do much as we have a newborn and coronavirus has made it tough for us to meet with people. 

 

Anybody else go through this?

Yes I feel you! Lived with my now husband in Ireland. Returned here in 2017. First 2 years were awful as an adjustment. I'm better now but there will be a day I will return to live in Ireland. I also had trouble (and still do) dealing with cost to live here, having to drive everywhere instead of taking the train or bus or walking, dealing with a workforce that expects you to NOT have a life outside of work, and just the Irish way of life. Right now with all that is going on in politics trying to keep aggressions high and pit one group against another, I just feel sad. Its not the country I remember growing up in. 

1 hour ago, Kor2USA said:

I think I read somewhere that when you leave a country it remains "frozen" and you remember how it was when you left and you don't 'grow' with the changes... 

A friend of mine left Korea several years ago and when she returned on vacation it wasn't the Korea she remembered... so, it makes sense, you're looking for the city/country you left 10 years ago. And you're in a different stage of life so maybe it's no longer a good fit. 

 

 

Yes this is so much me right now! 

[JoBri 548]

It's different with the military, but after 5 years in Germany in the Army, it was really different coming back home. First there was the changes between German and American culture. It wasn't as stark a contrast because overseas in the military you have your own American community with you. And that community becomes something like family. But still, life back in the states changed a lot in 5 years. And I missed Germany. And I missed my American military community. But back then we didn't have the internet or so many American TV shows to choose from. Here I am with my wife in Germany again,  this time for 4 years. She is in the Air Force. When I was here before I lived on base. This time we live off base at the edge of a German village. The internet and American TV, plus the access to our American military community maybe will reduce the shock some when we go home again. But living amongst the Germans this time may counter balance that. I am curious how it will be when we go home this time.

Edited November 23, 2021 by JoBri