An unhappy ending to a marriage

[nykolos 711]

You look at cultures in the Philippines or Samoa for example,  parents bring as many children into the world with the idea they will provide financial support in their later .years,. it's a messed up culture if you think about it, but that's how it is. And when one of their children meets an American, they have this idea in their head that all Americans are rich and they see dollar signs in front of them....Understanding it and discussing it with your girl friend and her family BEFORE you ask her to Marry is crucial, if the expectations of her family are more than what your willing to do, you should reconsider your proposal.  From reading the OP's story, they clearly did not have a meeting of the minds on their Finances.

 

As to the poster who equated money as the primary reason for the highest number of K1's in the Philippines, ridiculous to say the least.  Filipinas have qualities that American men are desperately looking for, but cant find in Women of their own country or Women from other parts of the world.. And the fact that English is widely spoken is another reason.

Edited December 11, 2021 by nykolos

[Boiler 45,482]

39 minutes ago, nykolos said:

You look at cultures in the Philippines or Samoa for example,  parents bring as many children into the world with the idea they will provide financial support in their later .years,. it's a messed up culture if you think about it, but that's how it is. And when one of their children meets an American, they have this idea in their head that all Americans are rich and they see dollar signs in front of them....Understanding it and discussing it with your girl friend and her family BEFORE you ask her to Marry is crucial, if the expectations of her family are more than what your willing to do, you should reconsider your proposal.  From reading the OP's story, they clearly did not have a meeting of the minds on their Finances.

 

As to the poster who equated money as the primary reason for the highest number of K1's in the Philippines, ridiculous to say the least.  Filipinas have qualities that American men are desperately looking for, but cant find in Women of their own country or Women from other parts of the world.. And the fact that English is widely spoken is another reason.

It is a normal culture, and until relatively recently was common throughout the world. You only have to go back a few generations in the US.

 

And marrying well is hardly a new focus either.

 

The PI connection is particularly strong with the US I think for historical reasons, there are 90 Day equivalents in other countries, for example the UK. Now there it seems more spread and not just heavily focussed on one country.

 

I agree there is definitely a supply and demand situation. And I can not see that going away, I can see the opposite.

[top_secret 2,417]

My wife seems to be some kind of weird exception in that after recent casual discussion about her family, it appears she snuck out of Dodge without telling most of her rather large extended family where exactly she was going or even that she was immigrating at all.  It seems most of them think she's on some kind of extended vacation somewhere.  Even I found that a bit odd.  For the record, I have known her family quite a while and they have never asked me for money and neither has my wife.  She's taken a job at McDonald's here which quite surprisingly to me apparently pays $15 an hour these days.

[flicks1998 1,044]

28 minutes ago, top_secret said:

My wife seems to be some kind of weird exception in that after recent casual discussion about her family, it appears she snuck out of Dodge without telling most of her rather large extended family where exactly she was going or even that she was immigrating at all.  It seems most of them think she's on some kind of extended vacation somewhere.  Even I found that a bit odd.  For the record, I have known her family quite a while and they have never asked me for money and neither has my wife.  She's taken a job at McDonald's here which quite surprisingly to me apparently pays $15 an hour these days.

Actually this can be very common.  Ive been in the same situation as you where the entire time I have known her family, I have never been asked for anything.  However, the slightest hint of her being outside of the Philippines, will raise "suspicion" from ex colleagues, ex classmates, and extended family.  The extreme level of envy and jealously can rear its ugly head and your wife probably knows this.  Its basic crab mentality that is everywhere within the culture. Its possible your wife knows that the extended family is rooting for her failure, or she knows people will be crawling out of the woodwork asking for her to "share her blessings." 

 

I had to even change my management style when working in Manila, because little did I realize when I would congratulate a team member for doing something well, the rest of the team would get angry and start making snide remarks to the person who was receiving the attention.  The Filipinos on this board can probably provide many more examples.  As with most Filipinos, my wife uses social media (I on the other hand dont use it at all) and the few times she has posted has supposedly created drama and the jealousy to rage.

 

As for the hourly wage, I was also taken by surprise on how high it was nowadays.  Around here, I have seen signs at Kohls where they start at $14, but every other place it appears the wage to start is $15.  I remember when I graduated high school, I took a summer job for a few months and was paid $4.25.   

[top_secret 2,417]

4 minutes ago, flicks1998 said:

I remember when I graduated high school, I took a summer job for a few months and was paid $4.25.   

Ahhh, then you are younger than I 😁.   As my first job bagging groceries paid $2.85/hr and I worked at McDo for $3.35.   I clearly remember how rich I felt when I got boosted to $4.25.  My wife's first job was as a maid for P1500 a month and not consistently paid at that.

[Boiler 45,482]

 I remember I could buy a pint for 18p when I started work. Gallon of petrol was 40p.

[Laser1 63]

Expecting support is common Filipino culture, but demanding PhP 3.2 million is not, and holding her there to punish you is runaway greed. Establishing friendships with people in her family, giving modest gifts for birthdays and holidays, might lead to a better situation, if you still want to deal with them.  

Edited January 6, 2022 by Laser1

[j&ana 363]

It is true that Filipinos are very family devoted but not all Filipinas are going to choose their family over their husband. They will try to find other ways to help their family. My wife is Filipina and loves her family very much, but she knows that I cannot give money to help her family on regular basic If I am going to provide for her and our daughter. I do give her money for her family when I have extra. To help, what she did at first was make extra money by making Spanish bread and selling the bread. The money she made, she sent back to her family. A month ago, she started working full time. She likes that she is now able to help us and her family