An unhappy ending to a marriage

[shell20 746]

16 minutes ago, shaolincrane said:

No part of anything you described sounds like a wonderful woman. I don't think I really need to spell out all the reasons why, you can only lie to yourself for so long, but you always "know" why.

I'll leave the specifics of the Filipino dynamics out of this, without generalizing...

 

Your marriage was predicated on payments. Plain and simple, people being direct in their answers are not being rude. This is the time to hear the inconvenient truths, especially so you can heal.

 

Your wife's family lied and your wife lied for them to scam you, the amount of the scam is irrelevant.  You could have purchased the farm and the payments would have continued, until they couldn't or didn't and it would have ended then. You dodged a bullet by having it end now. Buy your farm and live off of it in piece without scum like this.

Let's be honest here it was half a dozen of one and half a dozen of another, they both used each other for one reason or another, but well said!!

[NMBob 0]

I read a lot of stories on international dating forums.   From that, it is not surprising to me that a daughter felt an obligation to support her parents and that family back in the Philippines.    People trying to berate the posting for making a generalization, when this is something that does happen, often enough, in that culture.  People need to be aware of that possible issue if they are dating someone from the Philippines. 

[wishiboughtaboat 5]

90% of these "unhappy endings" I've seen on this forum come from the Phillipines. 

 

If you really think buying that mango farm would have saved your marriage, I genuinely feel bad for you. It was never going to work.

 

Those of you who still pursue Filipina spouses after reading all the countless horror stories on here and thinking "it won't happen to me" are bringing these problems upon yourself. There is a reason the Phillipines has the highest number of k1 applications by a wide margin. 

[shell20 746]

7 minutes ago, NMBob said:

I read a lot of stories on international dating forums.   From that, it is not surprising to me that a daughter felt an obligation to support her parents and that family back in the Philippines.    People trying to berate the posting for making a generalization, when this is something that does happen, often enough, in that culture.  People need to be aware of that possible issue if they are dating someone from the Philippines. 

I agree there is a family obligation in many countries not just the Philippines. However, I also believe that this particular story satisfied both needs at the time and unfortunately came to an unhappy ending when those needs were not fulfilled. I stand by what I have said and my views from an observer point of view.

[shell20 746]

9 minutes ago, wishiboughtaboat said:

90% of these "unhappy endings" I've seen on this forum come from the Phillipines. 

 

If you really think buying that mango farm would have saved your marriage, I genuinely feel bad for you. It was never going to work.

 

Those of you who still pursue Filipina spouses after reading all the countless horror stories on here and thinking "it won't happen to me" are bringing these problems upon yourself. There is a reason the Phillipines has the highest number of k1 applications by a wide margin. 

It's not just the Philippines, there is a lot of fraud from different countries. However,  I can't say I blame some (not all)  as who doesn't want a better life? If you can have a better life and also  find the love of you life then I say go for it, life is too short not to dream your dreams and then pursue them.

[wishiboughtaboat 5]

2 minutes ago, shell20 said:

It's not just the Philippines, there is a lot of fraud from different countries. However,  I can't say I blame some (not all)  as who doesn't want a better life? If you can have a better life and also  find the love of you life then I say go for it, life is too short not to dream your dreams and then pursue them.

Its not just the Phillipines but in general if you look on this forum the overwhelming amount of people who end up in these situations tend to be a couple where there is an old American guy with a young Filipina woman. This doesn't mean they are all like that but if we objectively look at the data the majority of the cases are like I stated. 

 

There are plenty of American girls who marry guys just for money so of course that is going to happen with girls in poorer countries than the USA. That being said if you are a 65 year old man dating a 22 year old Filipina girl you need to be real and honest with yourself about each person's motives and what might happen.

[shell20 746]

28 minutes ago, wishiboughtaboat said:

Its not just the Phillipines but in general if you look on this forum the overwhelming amount of people who end up in these situations tend to be a couple where there is an old American guy with a young Filipina woman. This doesn't mean they are all like that but if we objectively look at the data the majority of the cases are like I stated. 

 

There are plenty of American girls who marry guys just for money so of course that is going to happen with girls in poorer countries than the USA. That being said if you are a 65 year old man dating a 22 year old Filipina girl you need to be real and honest with yourself about each person's motives and what might happen.

I agree with you on some points, I  think I said that. We need to  take the country out of the equation, if you are in your 70s and you marry someone in their 20s, then there is something both people in that relationship want. Let's be 100 percent honest, everyone uses everyone to some degree, we all need something from each other. When we get down to the nitty gritty unless a 70 year old man is rich, famous, intelligent, what average 20 year old girl would be interested statistically?  I think if you look at my prior posts I have said exactly what you are saying. What I am trying to reiterate is it's not just the Philippines although they might be in the  majority, there are also  other high fraud countries. I am not blaming anyone though, I understand to some degree the reasoning behind it and if I was in that situation who knows what I would do.  However, as I keep trying to say in my posts without trying to be particularly unkind to anyone is that the OP shouldn't be surprised and I believe deep down if he did some soul searching the reality is they both used each other.

Edited November 15, 2021 by shell20

[wishiboughtaboat 5]

2 minutes ago, shell20 said:

I agree with you on some points, I  think I said that.  However,  we need to  take the country out of the equation, if you are in your 70s and you marry someone in their 20s, then there is something both people in that relationship want. Let's be 100 percent honest, everyone uses everyone to some degree, we all need something from each other. However, when we get down to the nitty gritty unless a 70 year old man is rich, famous, intelligent, what average 20 year old girl would be interested statistically?  I think if you look at my prior posts I have said exactly what you are saying, however what I am trying to reiterate is it's not just the Philippines although they might be in the a majority, there are also  other high fraud countries. I am not blaming anyone though, I understand to some degree the reasoning behind it and if I was in that situation who knows what I would do.  However, as I keep trying to say in my posts without trying to be particular unkind to anyone is that the OP shouldn't be surprised and I believe deep down if he did some soul searching the reality is they both used each other.

Yeah I agree with all of that. It seems we are mostly on the same page. 

[shell20 746]

4 minutes ago, wishiboughtaboat said:

Yeah I agree with all of that. It seems we are mostly on the same page. 

Exactly!!

[Shaz1 65]

A one of the family member goes to foreigner country, the whole family expect that person to run the whole house financially; even if that person’s life get ruined in the process.  

[seekingthetruth 1,246]

On 11/9/2021 at 10:10 AM, JonInCA said:

The part that was somehow left out of the OP is the ages of the husband and wife. In a lot of cultures such a marriage would never have gotten started. The wife may love the husband, but with that age gap, everyone knows that in the long run the wife will end up spending more time with her family than her husband. She is only young once, and that is is her one shot to help her family. If she has to spend time taking care of an older man with limited financial resources, then she won't have that time to earn money to send back. No doubt this is a painful event for the OP and also his wife, but blaming this on Filipina culture is not helpful to anyone. 

Also, here is another key point not mentioned.

 

I gathered that she was 24 and he was 68 when they married. And then some time in the next year or two he became unemployed for two years.  Then reemployed as an RN at age 70+???

 

It is amazing that the OP still can work at that age, and obviously still has all his faculties, especially in writing.  However, he should be enjoying life at this point in time in life.

 

Best to quickly move on and if working, accumulate some retirement money.  If those two years of no income hurt a lot, it appears that retirement finances are not good.  Enjoy your good health while you can and save money.

[John007 3]

On 11/7/2021 at 4:07 PM, chancecody said:

Sorry you are having difficulty right now but things will get better. Reading your post felt like I was watching a telenovela on GMA PinoyTV. I think you are better off now as like you said, you married someone with extended family who likes to treat you like an ATM. Do not generalize the Filipino culture though based on your experience as not everyone is like that. If your wife really loved you, she would not have left and fought for you. 

I am Filipino American and grew up in the states.  I hate to say this, but from my experience living in Philippines from 2018 to 2020, I only had two friends who didn’t use me financially.  Majority either tries to borrow money and if you oblige and try to collect they’ll just disappear.   To my fellow Filipino I know it doesn’t sound good for us but the only way we can change our culture is for us to be honest with ourselves.  We can’t change if we don’t think anything is wrong with us.  Also not saying other countries don’t have cultural problems because they all do.  Also if you are a foreigner you have to be smarter.  If you are 70 years old and the girl is 23, uhm you should know that they are only after one thing.  No way you can convince me other wise, but if you just want a young wife and understand the consequences then I see nothing wrong with it. It is possible that they can fall for you but chances are slim.  Just hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

Edited November 15, 2021 by John007

[John007 3]

My advice if you meet woman from a third world country and plan to marry her.

- Do not support her financially during your relationship.  If you are, then you are giving him or her the wrong perception.

- Be honest with yourself.  If your age gap is 20+ and you don’t look like Brad Pitt then you should ask yourself why?  Then you decide if you still want to take the risk of being used.  If you do then you can only blame yourself.

- Don’t flaunt your money or spoil her with gifts.  Only spend money on gifts if its her birthday or anniversaries.  
 

Now if she still wants to be with you after this then you got yourself a good girl.  

 

 

[Ban Hammer 13,342]

one post removed for stereotyping 

[lloy0076 6]

To be honest, no-one "wins" in this situation; various people have gotten various "things" both tangible ("pesos") and intangible ("happy married life"); I am sad for both the OP and his (ex?) wife and hope that in time they can look back on this time as a time of learning but also find any nuggets of joy/happiness they had.