An unhappy ending to a marriage

[notantifun 196]

1 hour ago, Balamban said:

My wife is now almost fluent in English, and has a very good vocabulary.  Yes she tends to get “th” wrong, but so does half the world.  We spent much of the 1st year together with her learning and our city has an exceptional English as Second Language and she did quite well.  The reality is that there is no language barrier for her.  I do wish that I had learned at least conservational Bisaya, so there is a language barrier for me.

 

English is taught in schools in the Philippines. The fact that she had to take classes to learn to speak English means she received poor Education. (Nevermind our diction and accent). And stop kidding yourself that there is no barrier for her. First point of the power disparity in your relationship. 

 

1 hour ago, Balamban said:

Just how is it clear, pray tell, that the dynamic was problematic?  The reality was that we had a fun, loving relationship until about a month ago which was brought on by our being one single day late on a remittance. 

You married her when you were past the age of retirement and she is just barely starting adulting. You don't see a problem with this? 

Every divorced couple would tell you they had fun and loving relationship. So what's your point?

1 hour ago, Balamban said:

Just yesterday she had stopped by and said: “I told the family that I still wanted to see you,” they said, “no, no, you will be on Calvary.”  Now I’m not sure what Calvary was but it was clear that they did not want her talking to me.  Anyone know what "Calvary" is to a Filipina?

She's using the word Calvary slightly wrong. She translated "kalbaryo" literally. But basically, she's saying they want you to be punished. But then again this shouldn't be a surprise. See;

 

 

1 hour ago, Balamban said:

I fail to see any “power dynamics,” or any misrepresentation between us.  Perhaps you’d like to clarify? 

I remember your post about your concerns about health insurance, even considering Philhealth which indicated you weren't exactly financially comfortable and yet there was some promise to buy a mango farm? Misrepresentation.

 

The wife not being clear that marriage relied on the purchase of said mango farm. Misrepresentation.

 

 

1 hour ago, Balamban said:

As far as the age gap, the couple that she is currently renting a room from has a 37 year age gap, they have been married now for 17 year.  Large age gaps are not uncommon and a simple age gap does not in itself predict a marital failure.

Anecdotal. Does not help.

Edited November 8, 2021 by notantifun

[Balamban 113]

9 minutes ago, notantifun said:

English is taught in schools in the Philippines. The fact that she had to take classes to learn to speak English means she received poor Education.

True, her education was very poor.  Still she managed to become fluent in English and get up to 7th grade in Math, all in two years.  

 

9 minutes ago, notantifun said:

You married her when you were past the age of retirement and she is just barely starting adulting. You don't see a problem with this? 

Nope. she was 24, she knew what she was doing, we discussed the age gap.  Clearly you see a problem with this similar to the website Plenty of Fish which forbids any search greater than 14 years.   I have no problem with your mores, but they do not dictate ours.

 

9 minutes ago, notantifun said:

Every divorced couple would tell you they had fun and loving relationship. So what's your point?

The couple that I was referring to are not divorced, they live down the street.

 

9 minutes ago, notantifun said:

She's using the word Calvary slightly wrong. She translated "kalbaryo" literally. But basically, she's saying they want you to be punished. But then again this shouldn't be a surprise. See;

I'm sorry, but I don't get it.  That sister asked for $50 US for a Hepatitis B shot for her newborn.  We paid it. Then I read that there was a free newborn Hepatitis B program.  I contacted the clinic who gave the Hepatitis B vaccination, yes, it was free.   So are you saying that the sister wants me punished for catching her in one of several blatant scams?  

 

 

9 minutes ago, notantifun said:

I remember your post about your concerns about health insurance, even considering Philhealth which indicated you weren't exactly financially comfortable and yet there was some promise to buy a mango farm? Misrepresentation.

My concern was simple.  Her moma does not have Philhealth because she does not have a birth certificate or a baptismal certificate.  I tried to find a way that we could buy Philhealth for her in the absence of a birth certificate.  I went so far as to send a letter to the church where she was born hoping to find a birth certificate.  I failed.   It was my choice to try to make sure she, at least, had Philhealth. 

 

9 minutes ago, notantifun said:

The wife not being clear that marriage relied on the purchase of said mango farm. Misrepresentation.

 

Anecdotal. Does not help.

Thank you for your input.

[Boiler 45,482]

35 minutes ago, Balamban said:

How so, sooner?  One can only accumulate 4 quarters a year?  Am I missing something?

Yes that had nothing to do with naturalization or neutralization as it is sometimes called on here.

[Balamban 113]

1 minute ago, Boiler said:

Yes that had nothing to do with naturalization or neutralization as it is sometimes called on here.

 

I'm lost now.  I thought a resident alien immigrant with a Green Card, who acquired 40 quarters or ten years of work could become a naturalized citizen.

 

I admit that I'm not familiar with the process of an immigrant becoming a full citizen.

 

[Boiler 45,482]

I assume you are thinking of the termination  of the I 864 if she does not naturalise

[Balamban 113]

1 minute ago, Boiler said:

I assume you are thinking of the termination  of the I 864 if she does not naturalise

 

Though I am not worried about the financial obligation for a person who worked last week for 88 hours is unlikely ever to be a public charge, yes, I thought that the financial obligation ended when the immigrant accrued 40 quarters which, I think, also makes them eligible for social security.  

[Boiler 45,482]

I 864 has been used in divorce proceedings 

[HRQX 4,145]

18 minutes ago, Balamban said:

I thought a resident alien immigrant with a Green Card, who acquired 40 quarters

For when I-864 obligation can end then also note the bolded part:

20 hours ago, HRQX said:

Has worked, or can receive credit for, 40 quarters...

https://secure.ssa.gov/poms.nsf/lnx/0500502135

a QQ is a QQ earned by:

• The LAPR alien himself/herself; and/or
• a parent(s) (as defined in SI 00501.010A.2. and verified per SI 00502.140D.2.a., but with no requirement of living in the same household except in holding-out relationships, as defined in SI 00501.152 and developed per SI 00502.145B.3.) in periods in which the alien was under age 18; and /or
• a spouse(s) (as defined in SI 00501.150B.1. and developed per SI 00502.145) during their marriage if the marriage continues or the spouse is deceased.

18 minutes ago, Balamban said:

or ten years of work could become a naturalized citizen.

There is no work requirement for the naturalization application: https://www.uscis.gov/policy-manual/volume-12-part-d

Edited November 8, 2021 by HRQX

[TBoneTX 45,273]

[Moderator hat on]

Thread is moved back to the Philippines regional forum because of cultural-specific aspects.

[Mod hat off]

 

Personal observation:  The cultural peculiarities (<--- not meant in a negative sense) are fascinating.  I know that if Mrs. T-B. had asked for regular or large family support (more than an occasional gift or help with airfare), her shapely hindquarters would have been on the very next conveyance back to Ecu.

[Boiler 45,482]

Well I have not read this thread but strikes me OP did not appreciate the nature of the arrangement he was entering 

[notantifun 196]

2 minutes ago, Boiler said:

Well I have not read this thread but strikes me OP did not appreciate the nature of the arrangement he was entering 

And also being purposely "naive" about the real cause of the breakdown of his marriage. 

[notantifun 196]

11 minutes ago, TBoneTX said:

Personal observation:  The cultural peculiarities (<--- not meant in a negative sense) are fascinating. 

I enjoy this kind of posts. Although, it is unfortunate because it only adds to the stereotypes and harms minority women especially. I, my self, have been stereotyped (gold digger, marrying for visa, etc.) and even called names for being married to an American, even though my husband is Asian American. 

 

15 minutes ago, TBoneTX said:

 I know that if Mrs. T-B. had asked for regular or large family support (more than an occasional gift or help with airfare), her shapely hindquarters would have been on the very next conveyance back to Ecu.

It takes two to tango. OP is understandably not very honest (even to himself) as to his intent marrying a very young Filipina. The wife is no victim herself. I do not want to excuse these Filipinas with their poverty and poor education. They know what they are getting into.  

[Balamban 113]

22 minutes ago, Boiler said:

Well I have not read this thread but strikes me OP did not appreciate the nature of the arrangement he was entering 

700,00 PHP over three years with no complaints...other than occasional blatant scam attempts.  Then when, rather abruptly I could not come up with 3.2 million peso, whammo... 

I thought that the post might be useful, especially of one read the beginning, but this has turned into something else.

 

notantifun, at this point you're simply being a bully.

 

For the rest of those who posted civilly, salamat.

 

[TBoneTX 45,273]

All:  Let's be frank yet kind (not brutal) toward the OP, who is in some pain right now.  If there's a softer way to make a point, choose that avenue.

[Talako 781]

I can't help it, as this will sound cruel  This sounds more like  business deal gone wrong.