An unhappy ending to a marriage

[Boiler 45,482]

Nothing new, have you read Pride and Prejudice?

[Balamban 113]

7 minutes ago, chancecody said:

Sorry you are having difficulty right now but things will get better. Reading your post felt like I was watching a telenovela on GMA PinoyTV. I think you are better off now as like you said, you married someone with extended family who likes to treat you like an ATM. Do not generalize the Filipino culture though based on your experience as not everyone is like that. If your wife really loved you, she would not have left and fought for you. 

I don't generalize.  In fact I think that I largely got myself into this mess.  I told my then fiancée, I wanted to have a mango farm on Bohol.  She told her family, who told everyone else.  Based on my behavior, they became certain that such a plan would materialize in a few years, and that is exactly what would have happened if I had not found myself in a situation where I could not work in my profession for two years.  If I had been able to, the farm would be there now, and all problems solved.  The family however was unable to fathom that I was in a position where I could not work for two years, so eventually they labeled me kuripot.

 

You stated: "If your wife really loved you, she would not have left and fought for you."  Those are the same words that I said to her--apparently in "her" culture, I'm wrong.

2 minutes ago, Boiler said:

Nothing new, have you read Pride and Prejudice?

No, and at the moment, I think I'll pass....

[Balamban 113]

41 minutes ago, Boiler said:

It is also about adjusting status from a K 1

 

Have you pulled the I 864?

Boiler, I went though the K1 process but I'm not really very familiar with it.  Can I pull the I-864.  I thought that once she was here and had a Green Card that was no longer an option.

 

How would one go about attempting to revoke the I-864.

 

Maybe I'm stuck in the Kubler-Ross "denial" or "bargaining" phase of grief but at this stage I'd be happy to put her back in the Philippines.  Shortly, the family might decide to "forgive" me, whereupon if she, as she says, still loves me, I could propose again and this time marry in the Philippines and the family who believes that marriages in America are substandard might get stuck with me.

[Balamban 113]

12 minutes ago, Balamban said:

Boiler, I went though the K1 process but I'm not really very familiar with it.  Can I pull the I-864.  I thought that once she was here and had a Green Card that was no longer an option.

 

How would one go about attempting to revoke the I-864.

 

Maybe I'm stuck in the Kubler-Ross "denial" or "bargaining" phase of grief but at this stage I'd be happy to put her back in the Philippines.  Shortly, the family might decide to "forgive" me, whereupon if she, as she says, still loves me, I could propose again and this time marry in the Philippines and the family who believes that marriages in America are substandard might get stuck with me.

 

Thinking about what you said Boiler:

 

"She's been here a bit more than three years.  She got her first Green card which has expired, but has the letter of extension through to sometime next year.  I'd appreciate if you can, pointing me in the right direction.  I have honored all my promises to the letter.  In our wedding vows she promised to "love, honor and protect him, forsaking all others and holding only unto him forever."  I promised the same.  I don't recall the words.... "or until the family tells you to divorce him and find a richer guy."

 

 

 

[HRQX 4,145]

18 minutes ago, Balamban said:

I thought that once she was here and had a Green Card that was no longer an option.

That is correct. Only an Immigration Judge can revoke her GC. Or she can voluntarily abandon her GC.

1 hour ago, Boiler said:

It is also about adjusting status from a K 1

The I-485 was approved in 2019: https://www.visajourney.com/timeline/profile.php?id=253424

18 minutes ago, Balamban said:

the I-864.

The I-864 obligation only ends when the immigrant:

• Becomes a U.S. citizen;
• Has worked, or can receive credit for, 40 quarters of coverage under the Social Security Act;
• No longer has lawful permanent resident status and has departed the United States;
• Is subject to removal, but applies for and obtains, in remove proceedings, a new grant of adjustment of status, based on a new affidavit of support, if one is required; or
• Dies

Also: https://www.uscis.gov/sites/default/files/document/forms/i-864.pdf Page 7

Quote

NOTE: Divorce does not terminate your obligations under Form I-864.

 

Your obligations under a Form I-864 that you signed also end if you die. Therefore, if you die, your estate is not required to take responsibility for the person's support after your death. However, your estate may owe any support that you accumulated before you died.

Edited November 8, 2021 by HRQX

[Boiler 45,482]

She can remove conditions with a divorce waiver so you are on the hook

[Balamban 113]

30 minutes ago, Boiler said:

She can remove conditions with a divorce waiver so you are on the hook

 

30 minutes ago, Boiler said:

She can remove conditions with a divorce waiver so you are on the hook

Am I correct in thinking that it's the I-134 in my case?

 

I'm not particularly worried about being "on the hook."  But wonder about options if I have any.  The way I see it is, she has the Green Card and the only thing that could change that would be if they pulled us in for a 2nd interview and USCIS determined if it was not a bonafide relationship.  They could refuse to adjust status.  (Btw, we're not divorced yet)  Interestingly, it was bona fide, until the "family" took over which might make it no longer bona fide.

 

The reason I'm not worried about being "on the hook," is that this last week she worked 88 hours.  Really.  She loves to work, and works too much.  I doubt that she'd ever be on the dole.  Sure, it's always possible but very unlikely.

 

Is there any way to promote being called in for a final interview.  Interestingly I have a recording of her telling how her family is demanding that she divorce me.  My state could care less, since we're no-fault but then there is the question: If an immigrant divorces her husband via a demand from the family, with intent to find a richer ATM...  If I were a USCIS officer I'd have issues with that.

Edited November 8, 2021 by Balamban

[HRQX 4,145]

12 minutes ago, Balamban said:

Am I correct in thinking that it's the I-134 in my case?

No. During I-485 adjudication an I-864 was submitted so that is now in effect since the I-485 was approved.

12 minutes ago, Balamban said:

They could refuse to adjust status.

Removal of Conditions is adjudicated differently than Adjustment of Status. Thus why a divorce waiver exists for Removal of Conditions.

12 minutes ago, Balamban said:

If an immigrant divorces her husband via a demand from the family, with intent to find a richer ATM

That is not an issue for a divorce waiver ROC case. I.e. the divorce and the main reasons occurred after I-485 approval.

Edited November 8, 2021 by HRQX

[Balamban 113]

1 minute ago, HRQX said:

No. During I-485 adjudication an I-864 was submitted so that is now in effect since the I-485 was approved.

Removal of Conditions is adjudicated differently than Adjustment of Status. Thus why a divorce waiver exists for Removal of Conditions.

That is not an issue for a divorce waiver ROC case. I.e. the divorce and the main reasons occurred after I-485 approval.

Thank you HRQX.  I really wasn't looking for an "out," and I'm really not worried about needing one though some will say, "anything is possible."

 

She's a wonderful woman, a wonderful life partner and all that.  God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change... and all that.

[African Zealot 1,455]

7 hours ago, Jorgedig said:

You had me until this.  Your saga sounds like you are a disgruntled customer.

 

Why not look for a partner for their own merits, rather than someone from a specific country who you assume will be "simple"?

Perhaps you’re being unnecessary judgmental and misreading? I read simple to mean average, no drama. He didn’t sound like a disgruntled customer to me. He didn’t call her a bad woman etc, he sounded like a man in pain.

 

Let’s have some empathy.

[Redro 4,611]

I'm sorry you are going through this difficult time. 

 

47 minutes ago, Balamban said:

 

Am I correct in thinking that it's the I-134 in my case?

 

I'm not particularly worried about being "on the hook."  But wonder about options if I have any.  The way I see it is, she has the Green Card and the only thing that could change that would be if they pulled us in for a 2nd interview and USCIS determined if it was not a bonafide relationship.  They could refuse to adjust status.  (Btw, we're not divorced yet)  Interestingly, it was bona fide, until the "family" took over which might make it no longer bona fide.

 

The reason I'm not worried about being "on the hook," is that this last week she worked 88 hours.  Really.  She loves to work, and works too much.  I doubt that she'd ever be on the dole.  Sure, it's always possible but very unlikely.

 

Is there any way to promote being called in for a final interview.  Interestingly I have a recording of her telling how her family is demanding that she divorce me.  My state could care less, since we're no-fault but then there is the question: If an immigrant divorces her husband via a demand from the family, with intent to find a richer ATM...  If I were a USCIS officer I'd have issues with that.

Do you plan on attending an interview (if it happens) if you are not divorced when the time comes?

Your answers in an interview or your non-attendance could impact your wife's case.

And your wife is not "adjusting status" but "removing conditions". 

 

As you still love your wife, if you are divorced when she is called for an interview, you can write a letter stating you had a bonafide relationship but unfortunately the marriage ended due to irreconcilable differences. This could strengthen her case.

 

I'd like to note: Her family is not the deciding factor in the authenticity of your relationship but they do appear to be one of the reasons behind the breakdown of this relationship. Family interference is a very real issue in bonafide relationships... 

 

If your wife has her conditions removed with a divorce waiver she will be indicating she entered the marriage in good faith and the proof of bonafide marriage you've already collected/ provided would probably suffice. 

 

[African Zealot 1,455]

Yes she’s a nice woman etc etc but let’s get real, you lost your job for TWO years. Most Americans will crash if they lose a paycheck or two. So I would expect a loving wife (even from a demanding Philippines family) to realize it is her husband who needs compassion and support at this time, not the mooching family.

 

If you were plain stingy and had the means but refused, it would be a different thing. But you were actually remitting them while unemployed and she has the heart to abandon you (granted your Facebook move was dumb) at your lowest point?
 

I hate divorce however in my opinion you’re better off. If you’re going to abandon me at rock bottom, I sure can do without you. I don’t want someone who will be with me only when it’s peaches and cream. And no I am not clueless, I also come from a culture where the American husband is expected to finance quite a few of his in laws back home.

 

You will overcome and hopefully at some point stop viewing the relationship through rose tinted glasses.

[SalishSea 17,824]

22 minutes ago, African Zealot said:

Perhaps you’re being unnecessary judgmental and misreading? I read simple to mean average, no drama. He didn’t sound like a disgruntled customer to me. He didn’t call her a bad woman etc, he sounded like a man in pain.

 

Let’s have some empathy.

I get tired reading story after story here on VJ, written by American men....   as if the women they bring over are commodities.   

[Balamban 113]

24 minutes ago, African Zealot said:

Perhaps you’re being unnecessary judgmental and misreading? I read simple to mean average, no drama. He didn’t sound like a disgruntled customer to me. He didn’t call her a bad woman etc, he sounded like a man in pain.

 

Let’s have some empathy.

Thank you African Zealot.  I took no offense as I believe that the poster was from NZ and now lived in Seattle, Washington.  To call someone "simple" in America tends to mean they are a "dolt," or stupid person.  The definition in the Philippines is non-derogatory.

[Balamban 113]

2 minutes ago, Jorgedig said:

I get tired reading story after story here on VJ, written by American men....   as if the women they bring over are commodities.   

I'm sorry that you read it that way.  In no way was my dear wife ever considered a commodity.  I apologize if I came across that way, and please remember that the conflict was not between me and my asawa (wife) it was between us and the family.  It is painfully clear that I am being considered by the family, a commodity or rather an ATM, yet I don't take offense at that.