My daughter recently married a foreign student

[Demise 1,289]

I will take a contrary position to most.

 

There's very few benefits you're on the hook for and he'll be ineligible for them until he's been a permanent resident for 5 years. These programs are: Food stamps, non-emergency medicaid, SSI, TANF, and SCHIP. Anything else, even if he does draw them you're not on hook for in any way, shape, or form.

 

Assuming that they remain married he'll be eligible to naturalize after 3 years and upon naturalization your obligations under the affidavit of support end, so as long as he naturalizes quickly, there's going to be literally 0 time that you'd be liable.

Edited November 8, 2021 by Demise

[Redro 4,611]

I agree with @African Zealot and @Demise, I think you should reconsider sponsoring your son in law. 

 

Sponsoring him will help him and your daughter start to set up their lives together in the States. Your son-in-law will be able to obtain work authorization and contribute to build a foundation with your daughter. 

 

If they have to separate because your daughter does not have the ability to sponsor him alone, your daughter will have to divert some of her income to trips to his home country to maintain their relationship whilst they go through consular processing. 

 

Unless your daughter is also expecting to you pay for the entire immigration process, I think signing the I-864 is not a big ask. 

 

 

[davidvs 337]

This is your daughter and son in law we are talking about.

 

What do you think about his future prospects? Do you have faith that he will be able to provide for your daughter in the future?

What about your daughter's future prospects? 

 

Did you object to their marriage? If not, you probably think well of him.

 

They both will have degrees soon, and will presumably be able to fend for themselves.

 

I would show a bit of faith in him (and your daughter)

[Boiler 45,527]

Then she can sponsor him. He is studying and international student fees are not cheap so nothing much has changed.

[Ellie_7 103]

"Also, if they continue to pressure or guilt trip you into becoming a co-sponsor, consider that a big red flag." Bingo.

[SalishSea 17,837]

56 minutes ago, davidvs said:

This is your daughter and son in law we are talking about.

 

What do you think about his future prospects? Do you have faith that he will be able to provide for your daughter in the future?

What about your daughter's future prospects? 

 

Did you object to their marriage? If not, you probably think well of him.

 

They both will have degrees soon, and will presumably be able to fend for themselves.

 

I would show a bit of faith in him (and your daughter)

Why would he have to provide for the daughter?  It’s not 1954.   Her earning potential is likely equal to or greater than his.

[Marieke H 2,512]

I agree with others that the financial risk of being a sponsor in this case is very low. However, trying to guild-trip you into becoming their sponsor is wrong. There can be many reasons why someone does not want to sign the I-864, and any reason is valid. We had someone tell us that they just were not comfortable sending all that financial information to us to include in our AOS packet. Totally understandable and no hard feelings. Instead, my husband was able to work more hours to increase his income a bit, and we used some assets to meet the financial requirements.

 

They need to do more research on the immigration process, and the different options they have. Please encourage them to create their own accounts here and do their research.

[davidvs 337]

53 minutes ago, Jorgedig said:

Why would he have to provide for the daughter?  It’s not 1954.   Her earning potential is likely equal to or greater than his.

Agreed. I could have worded my statement better.

 

What I meant is that if the parents think that the young couple will be financially self sufficient in the future, I see no reason not to cosponsor.

 

 

Edited November 8, 2021 by davidvs

[MistyEyed 10]

Our daughter called this afternoon sobbing because our son-in-law told her that my husband and I are being unreasonable about not co-signing and causing him mental anguish.  

 

I've directed them to this message board and that we wish them well, but they will have to figure this out independently.  

[arken 4,197]

They didn't listen to you when you said "why the rush to marry, finish your study, get a good job n marry". They played the adult card back then, now it's time they act like one.

 

 

[Coco8 1,042]

I guess than when the parents are really old and need care or anything, their daughter can also tell them to go get a job or figure it out LOL

 

 

[laylalex 7,285]

I guess I see it in cost-benefit analysis terms. As an educated person with (presumably) a good grasp of English, the son-in-law is likely at low risk of ever requiring means-tested benefits that would require repayment -- he's likely to get a job that would make access to those benefits impossible. Even if he did, the daughter is still the primary sponsor, and the government would seek to recover from her first... and she's also likely to be employed and able to repay given her educational status. The risk of exposure by signing an I-864 is (to my eyes) pretty low even though it does definitely exist.

 

On the other side, not signing is already affecting the OP's relationship with the daughter. Some people look at this as emotional blackmail, fine. But being in your early 20s these days IS still like being a child for many, many people, particularly those who have not been forced to get out there and get a job and have stayed in academia. And here are your parents, who have always been lovely and supportive, and who up until this point have seemed fine with your relationship and your life choices. I am to some extent playing devil's advocate here, but what might it look like to the daughter? That her parents don't trust her, that her parents don't like her spouse, that her parents would put the vague possibility of having to repay the federal government above the very concrete effects of not being able to stay with her spouse. Instead, it might look like they are separating her from her spouse to make a point, not for any actual harm they are suffering right now.

 

Should adults reckon with the consequences of their decisions? Of course. But why should some speculative maybe-maybe not dollar figure be given more weight than one's child's mental well-being? This is an opportunity to make it clear to the daughter and her spouse that it was utterly foolish to expect joint sponsorship, and to help them make a plan to avoid needing benefits. But I guess I just don't see the point in being "right" at the expense of harming your relationship when the risk is pretty low in reality. Is it worth more to be "right" than to force your child to live apart from their spouse? 

 

There are many, MANY lower-stakes ways to help young people grow up and be more independent, like refusing to let them live rent-free in your home, or not getting involved in a job hunt, or not interfering their relationships and allowing them to get hurt, or helping them understand how money works in the real world. Young people (I assume these people are in college, so VERY young adults), like it or not, just don't have the life experience to fully understand the consequences of their actions, like getting married when all their financial ducks aren't in a row. I don't see the heightened emotions as being a red flag -- these are kids, even if they're legally adults. That's just kind of how it is with kids. I remember being 20 and thinking that everything was the end of the world or the very best thing ever, because I had nothing to compare it to. Red flags are the son-in-law being emotionally abusive, to the daughter or parents, or lying about his past, or taking part in dangerous behavior. Not, "I really want you to help me be here with your daughter, whom I love, and I will do what it takes to avoid anything happening to you." Unless you don't trust them to get jobs and be responsible adults, there's a danger of alienation.

 

Enforcing separation to make people "grow up" seems unnecessary. Just my two pennies. I know a lot of you will disagree, and that's fine. But if my parents did this to me, frankly I'd feel abandoned and like they don't trust me. 

[TBoneTX 45,309]

Another factor is whether babies will be forthcoming, and, if so, when.

Even an uneventful healthy birth can wreak havoc on finances and financial plans.

[Mike E 11,739]

Folks opining that it is low risk to sign an I-864 on this and similar threads might consider offering to sign an I-864 on this or other threads.  
 

I know of an immigration lawyer who is has been spamming Reddit in the past two months who has claims to have carved out a practice enforcing I-864 support claims.  $1300 month for life (or until LPR status ends or there are 40 SSA credits) is what he claims, and I imagine he takes a healthy chunk of that.  
 

Here is a sad but realistic thought: not all marriages last.  If this one ends in divorce, the obligations of OP to the ex son-in-law continue. 

[Boiler 45,527]

A quick google will bring up no end of lawyers willing to help.

 

There is a tendency to look at what has happened but this is the future