And speaking of jealousy....

[ya falaha! 0]

Exactly.

Let's be honest here. Lots of the men marrying western women are un-marriable in their home country. What, exactly, is there to be jealous of? They can't or won't provide what is expected of them, so why would women be jealous of the western women who will marry them?

[jpaula 20]

I, too, lived in Algeria for a year and a half and am quite shocked at the way Algerian women are being portrayed here.

There are many parts of the culture with which I was uncomfortable. It was hard for me as an American, Jewish woman to live in Algeria. I won't minimize that. But, the women I met there, be it through family or work, were nothing but kind and supportive, if a little baffled by my life (the feeling is mutual). The gossip and staring by strangers are a bit much and we are easy targets because we are different in a country that sees very few, if any, foreigners. I am sure tongues wagged after I left family affairs sometimes. But, this is not malicious, only hard to take for someone who is very private by nature. We come from an individualist culture and enter a communal one where what you do and how you behave is important beyond just yourself. I agree that to live there, to remain sane, sometimes you just have to ignore it, but I also understand why ignoring what Algerian women think of me can be seen as hostile and can provoke an equally disrespectful reaction. It took time, but the women in my husband's family and the ones who became my friends did eventually accept my differences, learn that I did not like weddings, know that I needed to go read a book by myself, stop trying to take me to the hairdresser, etc. I know they thought it all strange, but we found a balance with some time. I also met some women like me in this regard and they were as frutsrated as me by how strange this was to others. I am very grateful to the women I met. Now, the men, that is another story...(joking there).

As an afterthought, of the discomfort I did feel, I would attribute none of it to jealousy of me regarding my husband. Time and again, women seemed proud that an American woman would marry an Algerian man when she could marry an American instead. "Then you like Algerian men!" My reply was always,"well, I like ONE Algerian man."

[peezey 0]

I could see the women being jealous or resentful of the guy that gets to leave for a better opportunity, but I don't see why she would be jealous of the western woman taking a man the moroccan/algerian/MENA woman wouldn't consider marrying in the first place.

[JODO 2]

Let's be honest here. Lots of the men marrying western women are un-marriable in their home country. What, exactly, is there to be jealous of? They can't or won't provide what is expected of them, so why would women be jealous of the western women who will marry them?

Peezey, Peezey, Peezey

[peezey 0]

I, too, lived in Algeria for a year and a half and am quite shocked at the way Algerian women are being portrayed here.

There are many parts of the culture with which I was uncomfortable. It was hard for me as an American, Jewish woman to live in Algeria. I won't minimize that. But, the women I met there, be it through family or work, were nothing but kind and supportive, if a little baffled by my life (the feeling is mutual). The gossip and staring by strangers are a bit much and we are easy targets because we are different in a country that sees very few, if any, foreigners. I am sure tongues wagged after I left family affairs sometimes. But, this is not malicious, only hard to take for someone who is very private by nature. We come from an individualist culture and enter a communal one where what you do and how you behave is important beyond just yourself. I agree that to live there, to remain sane, sometimes you just have to ignore it, but I also understand why ignoring what Algerian women think of me can be seen as hostile and can provoke an equally disrespectful reaction. It took time, but the women in my husband's family and the ones who became my friends did eventually accept my differences, learn that I did not like weddings, know that I needed to go read a book by myself, stop trying to take me to the hairdresser, etc. I know they thought it all strange, but we found a balance with some time. I also met some women like me in this regard and they were as frutsrated as me by how strange this was to others. I am very grateful to the women I met. Now, the men, that is another story...(joking there).

As an afterthought, of the discomfort I did feel, I would attribute none of it to jealousy of me regarding my husband. Time and again, women seemed proud that an American woman would marry an Algerian man when she could marry an American instead. "Then you like Algerian men!" My reply was always,"well, I like ONE Algerian man."

This has been my experience as well. I come from a very small family, so going to a place where families can be quite large (and somehow expand a million times when it's known there is a foreigner in town), plus the communal atmosphere of neighbors popping in and being one big family, I thought I'd give anything to melt into the floor a number of times. Any time there has been harshness or hurt feelings has always been because of a misunderstanding, language, cultural, social, and not because of any jealousy.

[peezey 0]

Let's be honest here. Lots of the men marrying western women are un-marriable in their home country. What, exactly, is there to be jealous of? They can't or won't provide what is expected of them, so why would women be jealous of the western women who will marry them?

Peezey, Peezey, Peezey

Just saying. There are huge differences and this is one of them. Women here marry men for different reasons than MENA women marry. Western women marrying a mena man have most often been married before and are extraordinarily different in their attitude, desire, financial situation, relationship needs than a mena woman marrying for the first time.

Edited August 6, 2007 by peezey

[doodlebug 3]

This last time in Egypt I got a TON of really hateful looks in Alex.

I'm starting to really believe about that "evil eye" thing.

where did i say these were jealous hateful looks? They were definitely not good looks since at one point my husband started to comment on them saying "what did you do to these women??" lol.

maybe it was just curiousity but geesh could they at least have smiled a bit? I smiled but it was definitely not reciprocated. And I don't think it was jealousy per se since most were much older women. They just looked like they didn't like that we were together for some reason.

[♥JP♥ 5]

I'll be honest and say that I think people tend to see what they want to see. Some women really thrive off of considering themselves the object of envy.

Best post in this entire thread.

How do we know if the jealousy is not actually jealousy but curiosity instead? I've been stared at in Egypt on a few occasions but never thought of it as jealousy. How can a complete stranger who doesn't know me or my husband be counted as jealousy? I don't know anything about Algerians or their culture so perhaps they act differently than other Mid Easterners/N. Africans.

This is always my question.

Exactly, most of the time it IS curiousity. How would any of you know unless you can understand the women?

Let's be honest here. Lots of the men marrying western women are un-marriable in their home country. What, exactly, is there to be jealous of? They can't or won't provide what is expected of them, so why would women be jealous of the western women who will marry them?

Peezey is 100% correct here. Sorry to say this and I'm not saying it to be mean but most of the men married to VJ'ers in the MENA forum would not be able to get married in their current situation overthere. There is no arabic woman or her family that would accept a $1 dowry or supporting their families by sending money. That's not to say that your relationships aren't valid but the things that western women accept from these MENA men is not accepted among their own communities. So arabic women are not jealous that western women are taking their men away.

You could actually say that MENA men might feel the same way because of all the MENA men that go back home from the US to find a bride.

[doodlebug 3]

(i was gettin' sick of the soup anyways...)

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

Wow. I never experienced anything negative in Jordan or Palestine -- of course I got some curious stares because I am a foreigner (mostly from children, not grown-ups) but nothing resembling jealousy or haterism. Women were very very kind to me, and men were well-behaved.

Sorry to hear that some of you had unpleasant experiences.

She doesnt live in Jordan. She lives in Algeria and its a completely difffernt culture

I think you have misunderstood. I was answering the original question in the thread, which was not specifically about Algeria:

And speaking of jealousy....have you experienced any jealousy from your SO's fellow countrymen or women? LOL!

[ya falaha! 0]

I agree with JP and Peezey's statements about how most MENA men who marry Western women are unmarriable in their countries for various reasons.

My husband wouldn't have been able to marry in Egypt for several years due to finances.

Edited August 6, 2007 by moody

[♥JP♥ 5]

I just want to add that just because they are unmarriable in their own countries doesn't mean squat. They can still be great men but unfortunatly that is the way society works there.

I agree with JP and Peezey's statements about how most MENA men who marry Western women are unmarriable in their countries for various reasons.

My husband wouldn't have been able to marry in Egypt for several years due to finances.

[peezey 0]

Right. It's just perspective. It's about realizing pulling the jealousy card is uninformed and pretty arrogant. Arab women aren't one dimensional and it's quite unfair to paint them with this broad brush.

I just want to add that just because they are unmarriable in their own countries doesn't mean squat. They can still be great men but unfortunatly that is the way society works there.

I agree with JP and Peezey's statements about how most MENA men who marry Western women are unmarriable in their countries for various reasons.

My husband wouldn't have been able to marry in Egypt for several years due to finances.

[~Jackie~ 30]

unmarriable --puts a different perspective on things, doesn't it ?

Jackie

[mybackpages 0]

could help but be reminded of this Far Side cartoon