And speaking of jealousy....

[Jenn! 918]

I'll be honest and say that I think people tend to see what they want to see. Some women really thrive off of considering themselves the object of envy.

[ya falaha! 0]

So those of us who haven't experienced a lot of jealousy are in FAKE marriages? Does the jealousy count if the "jealous" ppl don't know you or your husband like in Doodle's case? How do we know if the jealousy is not actually jealousy but curiosity instead? I've been stared at in Egypt on a few occasions but never thought of it as jealousy. How can a complete stranger who doesn't know me or my husband be counted as jealousy? I don't know anything about Algerians or their culture so perhaps they act differently than other Mid Easterners/N. Africans.

This last time in Egypt I got a TON of really hateful looks in Alex.

I'm starting to really believe about that "evil eye" thing.

Thats cause your marriage is a REAL ONE. the more real the marriage the more the jealousy.

Agreed 100%.

I'll be honest and say that I think people tend to see what they want to see. Some women really thrive off of considering themselves the object of envy.

[Nasturtium 500]

I had a lot of staring which I figured was because i was different and foreign-- not jealousy-- because I got it with or without anyone... and if I whipped on hijab I lost it with and without him. So I think it was the foreign factor. The only real jealousy I had was from on of his cousins, but that was a totally different issue and not related to me being foreign at all... and 100% just related to whomever my husband would have chosen as a wife or fiancee, etc.

[ya falaha! 0]

The only female cousins I had contact with in Egypt were either married, engaged, sisters in milk (Moh has two of these) or too young to care.

[peezey 0]

I'll be honest and say that I think people tend to see what they want to see. Some women really thrive off of considering themselves the object of envy.

Kinda what I was getting at.

[ya falaha! 0]

Being called fat or treated maliciously doesn't necessarily equal jealousy. Perhaps these ladies just aren't big fans.

Edited August 6, 2007 by moody

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

I'm really curious as to how anyone can tell just by looking at you if the marriage is a "real" marriage, or not? My husband wouldn't let go of me when I was in Jordan with him. He always had his arm around me, or my hand was in his coat pocket, or we were holding hands, any and all times we were in public. So, how does anyone have the ability to look into our hearts and see what our feeling toward each other are?

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I'll be honest and say that I think people tend to see what they want to see. Some women really thrive off of considering themselves the object of envy.

I think its an injustice for some of the american women to say that. I personally only had one experience in all my time there getting along with all kinds of people but there is a underlying resentment towards many of the americans and westerners that marry these men and to diminish it is to say that the things done to these girls have not really happened. We are not from the same background. Why do you think so much emphasis is placed on wedddings, gold mahers etc? Its the perception of how others, neighbors see them..Its real..... you cannot diminish its occurance and its important that the american marrying these men maintain friendships to bolster them .many times we are starting behind the 8 ball due to culture, relgion and other factors

I'm really curious as to how anyone can tell just by looking at you if the marriage is a "real" marriage, or not? My husband wouldn't let go of me when I was in Jordan with him. He always had his arm around me, or my hand was in his coat pocket, or we were holding hands, any and all times we were in public. So, how does anyone have the ability to look into our hearts and see what our feeling toward each other are?

sounds kind of real to me

Being called fat or treated maliciously doesn't necessarily equal jealousy. Perhaps these ladies just aren't big fans.

yeah its called maliciousness and spitefulness and it does exist

[ya falaha! 0]

Yes but it's not necessarily jealousy.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

I had a lot of staring which I figured was because i was different and foreign-- not jealousy-- because I got it with or without anyone... and if I whipped on hijab I lost it with and without him. So I think it was the foreign factor. The only real jealousy I had was from on of his cousins, but that was a totally different issue and not related to me being foreign at all... and 100% just related to whomever my husband would have chosen as a wife or fiancee, etc.

but you admit that she was jealous. thats henias point

Yes but it's not necessarily jealousy.

who cares what it is. Its uncalled for especially if you are well intentioned and kind to that person

[peezey 0]

How do we know if the jealousy is not actually jealousy but curiosity instead? I've been stared at in Egypt on a few occasions but never thought of it as jealousy. How can a complete stranger who doesn't know me or my husband be counted as jealousy? I don't know anything about Algerians or their culture so perhaps they act differently than other Mid Easterners/N. Africans.

This is always my question.

[Jenn! 918]

Yes but it's not necessarily jealousy.

who cares what it is. Its uncalled for especially if you are well intentioned and kind to that person

Well, that was the topic of the thread. I'm not denying that people have had negative experiences or have been treated unkindly, but to automatically attribute that to jealousy is, IMO, rather conceited and presumptuous.

[ya falaha! 0]

Are these ladies jealous of you or are they malicious? Or are they malicious because they're jealous? If so, how do you know if they're jealous or just malicious? Has anyone come out and said they're jealous? Or perhaps you're perceiving the jealousy and in fact you're jealous of them because you didn't get what they get in marriage ie gold, mahr, etc.

[peezey 0]

Let's be honest here. Lots of the men marrying western women are un-marriable in their home country. What, exactly, is there to be jealous of? They can't or won't provide what is expected of them, so why would women be jealous of the western women who will marry them?

[Nasturtium 500]

The only female cousins I had contact with in Egypt were either married, engaged, sisters in milk (Moh has two of these) or too young to care.

I met quite a few.. but that's because there are about 60-70k people in his tribe, and his whole village is one big family This one has been trying to marry him forever although he and his family refuse her.. she's kind of desperate and it's a sad situation. She ended up publically accusing us of wh*ring around together (we were married though), which resulted in her being ostracized. The outcome she was hoping for, apparantly, was his shame. If I had been Jordanian it would have been different, as it could (in the right family) end in honor killing (although he says his tribe doesn't do that.). So it wasn't a light matter per se. But this is a really odd case and has nothing to do with me personally so I don't count it as jealousy because it was not her against me, it was her against my husband. My husband's village is one of the 3 or so that mix in the area-- men and women do not segregate except during dancing at weddings... and then if the women are dancing they get their own place, and the men do it on the public square (but only with other men-- but you can go watch and sing or whatever you want to do.) So it's really not hard to fit in there as a byproduct, and they are quite used to (and expect) women being in the middle of social life and discussions, etc.