Potential fraudelent marriage- do I post here ?

[Boiler 45,558]

I 864 has been coopted into Divorce proceedings, seen him it on here a few times, and elsewhere.

 

She may not have physical friends but there are certainly. Russian lady  help groups on line so it would not be wise to think that she is not being coached.

 

Mention of her working is a plus.

[Hanane حنان 18]

May be she s homesick. As she has no friends here .ask her to take a vacation and go for a trip to vistit her family and friends back home.this might help her a lot since she s been here for 4 years ..that might help.unless you really want a divorce as she doesn’t want to.

[JeanneAdil 6,514]

pretty hard to get an annulment and say person is bipolar and /or has mental issues 

depends so much on the state

Examples:  California u can divorce a person who is mentally ill

NYS:  main rule is you have to get lawyer to draw up separation papers and can not pursue divorce for a year (don't know what they say about mental illness)

but there are specific  laws to protect people with any type of disability

you need a lawyer in your state

and understand that there is a child involved here and most courts will be more interested in what they need to do to protect the child if the mother is unfit

more than what they need for you (sorry children come first)

and yes, u need to protect yourself and property but please try to think of all here if what u say is true ,  she needs help, but  think of that child 

perhaps call social services 1st to see what they say about a disabled child with a mother who is bipolar

 

as far as debt goes ,  lawyer can tell u how to recover  and it may take years but it can be done

 

 

 

[Elmarko19 3]

great idea Hanone. She is having a mental breakdown and wont speak or listen to me , so I wrote her a letter offering to send her home for 4-5 weeks and buy a 2nd laptop so she could work from home there . her mother is there dying slowly of dementia - and i know its tough for her here in US. 

[Aquilina 51]

I'm sorry but why mentioning she doesn't shave? 😐

[StrawberryKiss 170]

12 hours ago, Aquilina said:

I'm sorry but why mentioning she doesn't shave? 😐

Good point. I found that very inappropriate as well!!!

[Elmarko19 3]

The intention was to show she is mentally not well . Not meant as offense . I’ve now determined that this is mainly a mental health issue not a legal one . I appreciate everyone’s advice . Unless I decide to get her committed which I really don’t want to do then she is my responsibility to make sure she is taken care of until she gets back to normal . It’s typically a cycle with bipolar behavior . Thanks everyone . 

[debbiedoo 2,339]

35 minutes ago, Elmarko19 said:

The intention was to show she is mentally not well . Not meant as offense . I’ve now determined that this is mainly a mental health issue not a legal one . I appreciate everyone’s advice . Unless I decide to get her committed which I really don’t want to do then she is my responsibility to make sure she is taken care of until she gets back to normal . It’s typically a cycle with bipolar behavior . Thanks everyone . 

I know how it was intended, even if others did not. Lack of personal care that is typically normal for a person is common in a person who is depressed, in general and particularly so in BPD.

 

I say this, with all compassion in my heart, because my husband lived with this for twenty years. I have heard so many stories, from him, from his family, from HER family, from their friends, from his kids, even as recently as this past WEEK... this is a disease that love can not fix. With the proper meds and therapies (and her willingness to STAY on them) ... you'd have a chance. Without it...you are only postponing the inevitable. Love does not conquer all, and 'for better or worse' and 'in sickness and in health' does not apply to every situation, sadly. With each cycle she goes through, you run the risk of it getting worse. Some might not be quite as bad, but some may be, quite literally, life threatening. For either of you. or all of you. And you never know, from day to day, what you are going to wake up to.

 

And had my husband been in the US and not Canada, all of her commitments (6 total I think?) and other healthcare costs, likely would have bankrupted him. Her spending in general came close enough to doing that. And he made over 6 figures a year just as he does here, so it's not as though he was scraping by. I won't get into the emotional and physical toll it took on him. Those are his stories to tell if he chooses to do so, not mine.

 

I truly wish you the best of luck. You will need it. And if you ever want to reach out to us, please feel free to do so.

[Allaboutwaiting 2,503]

Just out of curiosity: does she have a diagnosis made by a psychiatrist? And if so, is there already a set treatment? 

Edited September 4, 2021 by Allaboutwaiting

[RLA 323]

On 9/4/2021 at 10:51 AM, Elmarko19 said:

Unless I decide to get her committed which I really don’t want to do then she is my responsibility to make sure she is taken care of until she gets back to normal. It’s typically a cycle with bipolar behavior.

I admire your loyalty, but please make sure you approach taking care of you wife with the right mindset.  You cannot help her, let alone take care of her, against her will.  If she is not on board you will only antagonize her while burning yourself out.  Even if you are on the same page — taking care of a family member with mental illness is stressful and can burn you out.  Especially if it's on top of a full-time job.  Be realistic with your commitments and don't hesitate to scale back when necessary.  "Put your own oxygen mask on first, before helping others."

 

I'd recommend you look for self-help groups or forums for family members of bipolars.  They can tell you what works and what doesn't and can point you to resources.

[Elmarko19 3]

your right . im extremely burnt out . i dont know how to handle her and if i have her committed my stepkid will run away for sure shes already threatened . its just a horrible situation no matter what I decide to do . i work 6 days a week to support them both and so im busy busy im a business owner . 

On 9/4/2021 at 11:53 AM, debbiedoo said:

I know how it was intended, even if others did not. Lack of personal care that is typically normal for a person is common in a person who is depressed, in general and particularly so in BPD.

 

I say this, with all compassion in my heart, because my husband lived with this for twenty years. I have heard so many stories, from him, from his family, from HER family, from their friends, from his kids, even as recently as this past WEEK... this is a disease that love can not fix. With the proper meds and therapies (and her willingness to STAY on them) ... you'd have a chance. Without it...you are only postponing the inevitable. Love does not conquer all, and 'for better or worse' and 'in sickness and in health' does not apply to every situation, sadly. With each cycle she goes through, you run the risk of it getting worse. Some might not be quite as bad, but some may be, quite literally, life threatening. For either of you. or all of you. And you never know, from day to day, what you are going to wake up to.

 

And had my husband been in the US and not Canada, all of her commitments (6 total I think?) and other healthcare costs, likely would have bankrupted him. Her spending in general came close enough to doing that. And he made over 6 figures a year just as he does here, so it's not as though he was scraping by. I won't get into the emotional and physical toll it took on him. Those are his stories to tell if he chooses to do so, not mine.

 

I truly wish you the best of luck. You will need it. And if you ever want to reach out to us, please feel free to do so.

yes how can i reach you ?

[TBoneTX 45,329]

36 minutes ago, Elmarko19 said:

yes how can i reach you ?

The Personal Message function here is a start.  

[debbiedoo 2,339]

11 hours ago, Elmarko19 said:

your right . im extremely burnt out . i dont know how to handle her and if i have her committed my stepkid will run away for sure shes already threatened . its just a horrible situation no matter what I decide to do . i work 6 days a week to support them both and so im busy busy im a business owner . 

yes how can i reach you ?

If you click on my user name to the left, my profile will open. From there, you will see a 'message' option.