Long distance relationship jealousy

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

I so agree with Doodle and PW. It takes two people to make a relationship work and only one to tear it apart. I don't think I would want a man who I couldn't be just a little jealous of, but not to the point of wondering if I really mattered to him. What would be the point of the relationship in the first place if you were constantly in fear of losing him to another woman?

[Marriednow 4]

I so agree with Doodle and PW. It takes two people to make a relationship work and only one to tear it apart. I don't think I would want a man who I couldn't be just a little jealous of, but not to the point of wondering if I really mattered to him. What would be the point of the relationship in the first place if you were constantly in fear of losing him to another woman?

I agree with the above folks. I put it this way, "If you can do any better, good luck, and don't let the door hit you in the ### on the way out."

I have come to realize that Moroccan men (this is what mine says) believe that jealousy means you love somebody. He does get jealous, but so far, I have done all right. He never does anything (yet) to make me jealous. However, it all came home to me yesterday when I met my new single beautiful blonde new neighbor that Hamid will be exposed to when he moves here. I actually stopped and worried about that--really pitiful. BUT I do worry about women chasing him here in the USA, but what can you do? And the difference in our ages worries me some, but not him. He worries that I will find an older guy and dump him--lol. We just have to go on blind faith. He tells me if he wanted somebody else, he could find her there in Marrakech with all those half-naked tourists and other women.

So what can you do???? Not a damned thing, just know that if something happens and you become single again, you WILL survive that. I thought my life was over when my hubby of 22 years came home and announced he wasnt happy, then filed for a divorce 2 weeks later. BUT I am now happier than I ever was...point is, keep going, things will work out. My mom's best advice: "Not one door closes that another one doesn't open." If you had told me a few years ago that I would be going to Morocco to see a younger fiance, I would have thought you were crazy. Just goes to show you, be open, anything can happen....and usually does!!!

[aya*abouelnasr 0]

A cute story: IMO

Sometimes I act as designated driver for a friend of mine who likes to go to clubs and drink and dance. Since I don't drink, but like to watch people dance and enjoy the music and the night away from my kids, I don't mind doing it. It's not very often, maybe once or twice a year. So, I was telling my husband about having gone out with this friend, and he asked me what I did, what did I drink, did I talk to anyone and if I danced. So, after telling him that I watched, I drank diet pepsi, and I talked to my friends, and no, I did not dance, I asked him if he was angry at me because I had gone out. His answer? No, I am not angry, you can go anywhere you want to go and you can do anything you want to do, but you cannot dance with anyone.....LOL I thought it was really cute that he said that.

[Aymerlu 3]

I don't have the time to be jealous

[aminah 6]

I don't have the time to be jealous

I'm jealous of the fun he has with his friends. He's jealous because I'm with my kids and he really wants to be here with us.

[Marriednow 4]

I don't have the time to be jealous

I'm jealous of the fun he has with his friends. He's jealous because I'm with my kids and he really wants to be here with us.

Forgot to say that I AM SOOOOO JEALOUS OF THE PEOPLE THAT HAVE THEIR SO HERE ALREADY. And I am pissed that a person sitting in Casa gets to determine the path of my life. Wish I could make a few judgments on those folks' married lives---

[slbois 0]

I don't have the time to be jealous

I'm jealous of the fun he has with his friends. He's jealous because I'm with my kids and he really wants to be here with us.

This sounds exactly like my hubby. He always says that its not fair that I have the kids here with me to keep me company. I tell him that I can easily arrange to send them back over there to him.

He gets jealous of when I go on outings with the kids and family or functions at the mosque. He says that he feels like he is losing out not being able to be here and do those things with us. In a way that does make me feel good, I know that he really does love us.

A cute story: IMO

Sometimes I act as designated driver for a friend of mine who likes to go to clubs and drink and dance. Since I don't drink, but like to watch people dance and enjoy the music and the night away from my kids, I don't mind doing it. It's not very often, maybe once or twice a year. So, I was telling my husband about having gone out with this friend, and he asked me what I did, what did I drink, did I talk to anyone and if I danced. So, after telling him that I watched, I drank diet pepsi, and I talked to my friends, and no, I did not dance, I asked him if he was angry at me because I had gone out. His answer? No, I am not angry, you can go anywhere you want to go and you can do anything you want to do, but you cannot dance with anyone.....LOL I thought it was really cute that he said that.

That is too funny! You just gotta love how guys think. My husband doesn't care where I go as long as I have the kids with me. Guess he thinks that a guy won't try to talk to a woman if she has kids with her. He's got some learning to do about guys here in the States....I will let him figure that one out on his own.

[babybunny 2]

Just wondering if anyone has experienced this type of jealousy from their significant other, created perhaps out of the frustration from being separated during the visa process? Not talking crazy stalker jealousy, just little things.

nope..

I never felt jealousy toward javed. nor has he felt that towards me.. however, we both feel

jealousy for all the approvals and family reunions. thats the role jealousy has played.

[Henia 11]

Just wondering if anyone has experienced this type of jealousy from their significant other, created perhaps out of the frustration from being separated during the visa process? Not talking crazy stalker jealousy, just little things.

Um, well in my case we knew each other for several years and there is a great trust there, so not much jealousy arose between us. We tell each other everything, have very few secrets and are both very understanding/unjudgemental about each other's thoughts and actions. We both have our beliefs, the deep respect we have for each other, goals in this life and relationship. I know all his friends and he knows mine. But of course, we both do have jealousy about others looking/admiring each other... I think if there is no sense of jealousy there is no love.

My husband always makes jokes in a poor attempt to see if I get mad with jealousy (just to see my reaction) Sometimes I indulge just so we can have something to laugh about later.

Just wondering if anyone has experienced this type of jealousy from their significant other, created perhaps out of the frustration from being separated during the visa process? Not talking crazy stalker jealousy, just little things.

Um, well in my case we knew each other for several years and there is a great trust there, so not much jealousy arose between us. We tell each other everything, have very few secrets and are both very understanding/unjudgemental about each other's thoughts and actions. We both have our beliefs, the deep respect we have for each other, goals in this life and relationship. I know all his friends and he knows mine. But of course, we both do have jealousy about others looking/admiring each other... I think if there is no sense of jealousy there is no love. My husband always makes jokes in a poor attempt to see if I get mad with jealousy (just to see my reaction) Sometimes I indulge just so we can have something to laugh about later.

[Henia 11]

But I have stories where they is such jealousy (in my opinion distrust) that the couple reports to each other every action. Where the woman can go out with her childre or some other adult (mahram or female) guardian, never look or talk to any man for any reason, Internet time limitations, spying techniques better then the KGB ever was. Weird!

[angeljan 0]

I think my husband tried to get me jealous once. We were talking and he told me that a few women in his neighborhood are mad that he married me. He went on for a few minutes telling me how they liked him, etc. so being sick of hearing it I finally just said, "well if you really want them you are free to marry them and that will save me airfare and some visa headaches...just let me know, k?"

lol he was shocked and quickly backtracked like no no no you donnot get what I am saying, but I was all "seriously....if you are talking about them you must want them so Im' just makin' it easy on you telling you you're free to go"

How odd.

Not odd at all. I have survived a very hurtful divorce where my husband left me for another woman. I spent a good year full of jealousy and sorry pining over the man. I finally got strong enough and with two kids under the age of 2 pulled myself up by the bootstraps and built my life over. So, call it odd if you will but I just don't see the point in the energy of being jealous. If he's seriously into someone else, why bother fighting it, since neither of you will be happy in the end. I don't need a man to fulfill my life. Sure he enhances it but I won't die if he leaves, so why burn up energy on worrying if he's gonna?

Oh doodlebug, I agree with everything your saying. I have been through it myself and I had 2 boys at home and had to rebuild the strength for my children and myself to continue. I figured my children are my life I can live without a s/o but not without them its amazing what a person can accomplish when minds are set. Having my husband in my life right now feels so right this time and this time there is trust . So I do agree with you.

[sereia 0]

there is a slight jealousy on occasion. today i am going out with a male friend of mine and abdou didn't seem too thrilled with that idea. i had to spend a few minutes reassuring him that he was a long time friend, and friend only. i'm sure he would rather see me not go with my male friends ever without him though!

[StupidJourney 0]

From my experience in Morocco, it seems like minor amounts of jealousy are a sign of affection. (I'm not talking about controlling jealousy, but the types of jealousy other people have reported in this thread). I had to deal with my fair share of jealousy while we were waiting for the visa, and this was something I had to adjust to. We had quite a few discussions about it. Male friends were out of the question, and I did the whole "clearing away pictures of ex" thing as well. But for both of us, honesty has always been the most important, especially when the distance is so great. For example, we could have easily gone out with a friend of the opposite sex, not tell each other, and we would never know. But we would tell each other these things, even if they would make the other person jealous, because that was more important than trying to hide it (even if it was something in which neither one of us did something "wrong").

Oh, and he tried to get me jealous too, and he was usually sad when it didn't work!

[sereia 0]

ooooooh the whole "clearing pictures of the ex" thing! i forgot about that! last time i was in morocco i brought my laptop to show my fiance photos and burn music on his ipod. anyway, as he was browsing in my photo folders he came across an ex of mine and was kind of jealous about me still having those around! i hadn't even looked at those photos in quite a long time so to me it wasn't a big deal, but he must have thought i still look at them often and dream about the guy! lol

[Henia 11]

I used to be the jealous one in the relationship, now he has taken on the role. I recall one episode of me finding old pics in a drawer of his former girlfriend who happened to be stunningly beautiful and the drama that ensued of me ripping up photos and crying like an idiot. He has vowed to seek revenge on me when he gets here to the States, needless to say I have a to-do list with clearing out old photos and love letters of my ex as a priority.

I'm just too darn tired to be jealous anymore. I am so preoccupied with work and with the Visa that I don't have the time or energy to think about anything else.

I remember something like this. Some girl SMSing him before (but turned out she was only instagating B) And I did find old letters from some old flames. I did not say anything about it, but it did drive me. But when we had to move out all our things, cos of the construction we went thou his drawers and we "found" them together. He made his explanation on who each was. Then torn them up and throw them out. Also there was one time we met some girl in the airport he knew. I mean, I knew she was a collegue and I had talked to her regularly on the fon when he was in the hospital, buuut in that moment that I actually saw her a pain of jealousy ran throu me as she was absolutely gorgeous.