Wow

[Carpe Vinum 2,327]

1 hour ago, Adventine said:

You two need marital counseling ASAP. Certain issues are best discussed in private with a professional counselor. After all the time and effort you've both put into the immigration process, it's a shame to throw that all away just because you have disagreements about intimacy.

 

On another thread about scams in the Philippines, you posted that you think that might be happening in your marriage. That lack of trust in your wife is something you also need to address with professional counseling.

 

She's been in the US only a few weeks. It's stressful and overwhelming to move to a different country. That could be another reason for her not being interested in intimacy. Probably, the way you respond to her is likely contributing to the stress. This is where a professional counselor can really help - identifying the actions you are BOTH doing that are undermining the marriage.

 

Ranting here on VJ about your private marital problems might make you feel good in the short term, but I don't think it's going to help either of you in the long run. Especially when your wife finds out you're sharing these intimate details to internet strangers.

 

^^^ Less talking to us. More talking to her. 

[PaulaCJohnny 713]

4 hours ago, Murph4865 said:

 

I don’t think they need couples therapy. I think he desperately need professional help and she needs to be in a safer place.

[PWB 213]

Sorry Bud but you are coming off very self-centered.  There are literally thousands who would trade places with you.  You got her here and so many others are struggling to do the same.   My wife and I have been together for 9 months and we work on our relationship every day.  I would not trade her for anything and I know she feels the same way.  ADVENTINE gave you some good advise.  Don't berate her on a public forum. 

[jg121783 3,915]

As far as the other issues you brought up go as others have suggested counseling might help but as far as her wanting to get a job right away goes that is fairly normal. My wife was the same way when she first got here 5+ years ago. I discovered it was because she felt guilt for lack of a better term over all the money I spent to get her here and all the overtime I worked to earn it so she just wanted to contribute financially. Also as others have stated it is a big deal to leave everyone you know and move to a country you have never been to before. Give her some time to adjust. While I can't say my wife and I had the issues you brought up our marriage like many others wasn't perfect at first. Over time though we have been able to work out our differences and our marriage is a lot better now than it was 5 years ago. You invested all this time and money. I would say give it some time and if need be some counseling and see if things get better.

[brightfuture78 118]

5 hours ago, Murph4865 said:

This is not about job stuff this one is about intimacy has flat said no nothing at all, do you put out for your SO

Ok. I'm going to give you the benefit of a doubt that you're actually seeking advice, but going about it in the wrong way. In my opinion, sex is an expression of intimacy - not intimacy itself.

 

Hopefully, you're not giving her the impression that she's just a product you imported to the US for the purpose of your gratification. Because, who could blame her for not complying with that? As you said, she's only been in the country for 2.5 weeks.

 

Maybe just focus on making sure she's happy, content, and adjusting to her new life well? Let her know you truly love her, share the things you like about this country with her, be attentive and romantic and empathetic to her situation. And most of all - stop treating her like you suspect some ulterior motive. Create an atmosphere of intimacy and the sexual component should happen organically, when the mood is right.  

[Crazy Cat 41,853]

Self-retracted .....I reported offensive post....

Edited August 21, 2021 by Crazy Cat

[millefleur 5,046]

**Thread locked temporarily pending moderation review.**

 

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[TBoneTX 45,288]

Two inappropriate posts have been removed, and administrative action has been applied.  This thread will remain locked; the topic is not to be reopened, and its drama is not to be transported into other threads.

 

TBoneTX

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