Messy Situation

[browngirl 2]

Hi, I am hoping that someone might be able to guide me a little.. My hubby is a US citizen, we met outside of the US, dated, and married in the US in 2017 and then came back to where we lived, he adopted my son in 2019 in his hometown Alabama, he is now 18, he was 16 when adopted, my hubby went back to prep for us, we were all living abroad and had started the immigration process in late 2019, 1-130s got approved in early 2020, since then we had a few setbacks in our relationship due to relapse issues with addiction, and now my hubby is sitting on one pay stub that is all that is required of him and is demanding various things in return, like post nup, apologies in front of son, etc. Problem is, my son has already lost one year of college, he was admitted to a uni in the state my hubby is from because the whole family said he should and I have been a single mom forever, we felt loved and like we found our tribe, esp. my son. I looked into getting him an F1 but was told that it will be denied because he has already shown intent of immigration through the 1-130 that is still filed. I had a preliminary call with another immigration lawyer who asked me details and said we certainly qualify for VAWA but need to be there. I do have a visitor's visa and my son lost his and now, due to the above mentioned issues, it seems like he cannot get a visitors visa or F1, we already have the 1-20 from his college. Could you please advice me,  has anyone been in a situation like this and what are his chances of getting his F1, does it help that his adoptive father is in the US already and I am not..? and if I do want to enter on a visitor's visa, (I have been several times in the past before the 1-130 process began), would that be a risk? I do miss my hubby even though he is acting like this suddenly and haven't seen him for a whole year now. The chances are, he might most likely still pull through but for now, I really need to get my son into college asap even I do not go with him, he will be 19 in September and has a solid scholarship, he deserves this. Please advice. 

[canadian_wife 1,822]

The I-130 is approved correct?  Where exactly in the process is your case?  NVC possibly?

 

When I had my F-1 questioning it was made very clear to me that I was expected to demonstrate non-immigrant intent since the whole purpose of an F-1 visa is non-immigrant.  How does your son intend to show the officers that he intends to return to your home county once his studies are completed?  

 

I understand that your son deserves this, but I went to University at the age of 41.  It is never too late for him to chase his dreams. 

 

Good luck 

[Timona 4,207]

If both I-130s were approved in early 2020, why have you both not immigrated already?

 

[browngirl 2]

28 minutes ago, Timona said:

If both I-130s were approved in early 2020, why have you both not immigrated already?

 

Lots of delays, the lawyer was missing half the time, she didn't respond to our emails etc, we had to get documents from India and China, and then we needed an additional support affidavit and that took time as my mom in law is 84 and she didn't send them in on time, and now its been 2 months since my hubby is sitting on his 1 pay stub, the last of the documents required.. 

[Timona 4,207]

3 minutes ago, browngirl said:

Lots of delays, the lawyer was missing half the time, she didn't respond to our emails etc, we had to get documents from India and China, and then we needed an additional support affidavit and that took time as my mom in law is 84 and she didn't send them in on time, and now its been 2 months since my hubby is sitting on his 1 pay stub, the last of the documents required.. 

 

Have you sent everything in now?

 

I would hold off in your son's school till he immigrates. With that, he doesn't need to pay expensive F-1 school fees.

[browngirl 2]

1 hour ago, canadian_wife said:

The I-130 is approved correct?  Where exactly in the process is your case?  NVC possibly?

 

When I had my F-1 questioning it was made very clear to me that I was expected to demonstrate non-immigrant intent since the whole purpose of an F-1 visa is non-immigrant.  How does your son intend to show the officers that he intends to return to your home county once his studies are completed?  

 

I understand that your son deserves this, but I went to University at the age of 41.  It is never too late for him to chase his dreams. 

 

Good luck 

Yes, that is the difficulty, we don't really know what to do and are thinking of just telling the officer the truth if this comes up.... I am wondering if we just cancel the NVC application and just do this F1, will that help? My hubby started playing up at the very end of the process, had he flaked out a few months back we could have submitted his application to other universities.. as of now, our lease has run out,  we are in an extremely difficult position..  I am so proud of you for doing uni at 41. I know it's never too late, and that is hopeful, but I have to try, I cannot let him pay the price. 

[browngirl 2]

9 minutes ago, Timona said:

 

Have you sent everything in now?

 

I would hold off in your son's school till he immigrates. With that, he doesn't need to pay expensive F-1 school fees.

No, My hubby is NOT cooperating, he is not sending his last pay stub, so no, and he is saying he won't process the immigration until we jump through some impossible hoops he has laid out for us now... 

[canadian_wife 1,822]

24 minutes ago, browngirl said:

Yes, that is the difficulty, we don't really know what to do and are thinking of just telling the officer the truth if this comes up.... I am wondering if we just cancel the NVC application and just do this F1, will that help? My hubby started playing up at the very end of the process, had he flaked out a few months back we could have submitted his application to other universities.. as of now, our lease has run out,  we are in an extremely difficult position..  I am so proud of you for doing uni at 41. I know it's never too late, and that is hopeful, but I have to try, I cannot let him pay the price. 

So back to my original question, what can he show to an officer as to why he MUST return after his studies? Simply cancelling an immigrant visa petition will not be sufficient.  

You and he should always try, but be prepared. 

 

Good luck

[Timona 4,207]

55 minutes ago, browngirl said:

Yes, that is the difficulty, we don't really know what to do and are thinking of just telling the officer the truth if this comes up.... I am wondering if we just cancel the NVC application and just do this F1, will that help? My hubby started playing up at the very end of the process, had he flaked out a few months back we could have submitted his application to other universities.. as of now, our lease has run out,  we are in an extremely difficult position..  I am so proud of you for doing uni at 41. I know it's never too late, and that is hopeful, but I have to try, I cannot let him pay the price. 

 

He has already shown immigration intent. I do not see him getting F-1 even if you cancel the I-130.

 

44 minutes ago, browngirl said:

No, My hubby is NOT cooperating, he is not sending his last pay stub, so no, and he is saying he won't process the immigration until we jump through some impossible hoops he has laid out for us now... 

 

You now have a non-immigration issue. You need to sort your house fast. Good thing, nonetheless, is that you will be getting a 10 year GC as opposed to 2 year GC. However, sort your house first & fast. People who think they have power will not hesitate to dangle a carrot in your face. This is what is happening here. Sorry that you have to go through this.

[browngirl 2]

2 hours ago, canadian_wife said:

So back to my original question, what can he show to an officer as to why he MUST return after his studies? Simply cancelling an immigrant visa petition will not be sufficient.  

You and he should always try, but be prepared. 

 

Good luck

Thank you so much, I really appreciate you bringing me back to the question.. we have nothing and no place to go now. I wouldn't know how to answer that question. We have not had a home to call our own for 15 years, I am an international school educator and we move from country to country based on my work.. and currently I am out of work as we were waiting in this city for this to come through, I do have a part time job but it is not lucrative and just pays our rent and utilities.. what a soup this is .  Thank you for your help and good wishes. 

Edited August 20, 2021 by browngirl

[browngirl 2]

1 hour ago, Timona said:

 

He has already shown immigration intent. I do not see him getting F-1 even if you cancel the I-130.

 

 

You now have a non-immigration issue. You need to sort your house fast. Good thing, nonetheless, is that you will be getting a 10 year GC as opposed to 2 year GC. However, sort your house first & fast. People who think they have power will not hesitate to dangle a carrot in your face. This is what is happening here. Sorry that you have to go through this.

Thank you, Timona, yes, so it seems.. any advice how? He has become almost irrational and delusional, and I am not there to talk to him,  his family has fallen off the grid and he won't do couple counseling even though he said he would.. I am at my wit's end. I really do love him so much and it's breaking my heart over and above all else, to see the man he is showing himself to be now.  

[carmel34 3,635]

39 minutes ago, browngirl said:

I really do love him so much and it's breaking my heart over and above all else, to see the man he is showing himself to be now.

This is the core issue you need to come to terms with, to make the difficult decision whether you really want to be with this man, move to the US to live and make a life together with him.  It sounds like his demands for moving forward with the spousal visa process are unreasonable, isn't that a big red flag that he is trying to control and manipulate you?  Are you prepared to be manipulated in this way just to get to the US?  Only you can make this decision, but you should be concerned about your own emotional well-being and happiness, not just the ability of your son to attend university in the US.  There are lots of good universities in other countries that your son could attend, and from the description of your career, you could move somewhere else without your husband, divorce him, and move on with your life.  So sorry you are going through all of this, but my suggestion is to ask him nicely, one more time, to move the spousal visa forward.  If he refuses, divorce him and be grateful you found out now, before you move to the US, that he is a bad person.  Good luck and stay strong!

[Ontarkie 14,234]

I'm not seeing a case for VAWA in your post. Hopefully the lawyer has more information than what you posted on here. So far from what you said she messed up a few times and is now giving you wrong information about VAWA (you needing to be in the US to file). 

Since your husband is dangling your immigration over your head to make you sign a postnup that will never hold up in court. Have you seen what his demands are in the postnup? It may not be anything to do with you and maybe his family inheritance? You mentioned addiction and if that is the case he may be paranoid and it could be the drugs.

 

Why would you need to apologize to your son? 

How on earth did he adopt your son in the US? When you don't even live in the US. I'm seriously questioning this. Not that it matters at this point with your son being 19 now. 

 

Anyway, from what you wrote I do not see a case for VAWA. I'd get rid of a lawyer who has messed up as much as she has. 

I'd find out what is going on in his head why he thinks he needs a postnup. 

I'd get back to teaching like you have been doing and figure out a better place for your son to go to school. With your husband listed as his father, plus the i130 I doubt he will get a student visa anytime soon. Show your husband you're done playing his games.

 

Figure out if his postnup request is from paranoia or a legitimate request (even if he is being a real **** about it) decide if that is a make or break deal. If drugs are involved figure out if this is something you want to deal with at all. (I've been there it's not good). 

 

[Pinkrlion 2,724]

Unfortunately what you wrote sounds like a spouse that has changed their minds about moving forward with you immigrating to the US.  Nothing you stated is VAWA related.  You need to make a decision of sustaining your livelihood for yourself and your son.  

[Bob in Boston 717]

18 hours ago, browngirl said:

I really do love him so much and it's breaking my heart over and above all else, to see the man he is showing himself to be now.  

Who had the Relapse, You, your Husband or your Son?