Pre-Move Anxiety

[cb611 10]

Hello! As we are only a few weeks away from "the big move", my husband expressed having some (understandable!) nervousness about his new life in the US. Does anyone have any resources, advice, or anecdotes about their move and adjusting over here? I know he's worried about how to make new friends and leaving old friends in England. I want to support him as best I can through this stressful but exciting time, so I thought I would ask people who have already been through it! Thanks! 

[TBoneTX 45,273]

I speak for all of us by saying, "Welcome to the Colonies!  We Colonists kill only in cold blood and then only for money."  

 

Seriously, the butterflies in his stomach are exceptionally natural.  Get them to fly in formation by concentrating on opportunity and new experiences.

 

Others will be along with supportive advice.  Keep the faith.

[P0907 127]

First of all, congratulations on making it through the process!

 

I'm only on day 49 and to be perfectly honest, I'm still a little anxious/nervous - and I expect I will be for a little more time to come. It's totally normal.

 

What is helping me so far is to have a to-do list of things to do when I got here. Little things that we take for granted back home but actually need to be done here, like getting a drivers license, library card, grocery store membership cards, etc. By the time I got those things done, I'd started to recognize the roads and a few faces which helped a lot.

 

If you have any family or friends there, why not throw a little welcome party? Something that says "we want you here with us" (My taxi driver knew exactly which house to drop me off at from the airport because of the flags my wife put everywhere!). If he has any hobbies consider finding a club/group he could join, having a shared interest is a great way to make friends. Getting a job whenever that may happen will also help the integration process.

 

Wishing you both the best of luck in your new lives!

[JeanneAdil 6,498]

Add him to your cell phone plan ASAP so he doesn't have to forget old  friends /whatsapp is free 

talking to family and friends helps new friends will happen fast enough

spend a few days off when he first gets here to show him the area and what it can offer him

getting the driving license soon so he is not dependent on you to take him everywhere / put your home address in the cell (or car)GPS and let him drive around and look for himself

if he loves his English soccer add BEIN sports channel to your lineup

[TBoneTX 45,273]

7 hours ago, P0907 said:

have a to-do list of things to do

Ah, yes -- not only the daily functional needs, but long-term plans, such as, "By X date, I will have made progress toward this social/educational/business-networking goal," and similar.  Have a plan.

[Chancy 6,241]

10 hours ago, cb611 said:

Does anyone have any resources, advice, or anecdotes about their move and adjusting over here?

 

Almost to the finish line!  Congratulations!

 

This might help as you prepare to move -- https://www.uscis.gov/citizenship/civic-integration/settling-in-the-us

 

[SalishSea 17,824]

18 hours ago, cb611 said:

Hello! As we are only a few weeks away from "the big move", my husband expressed having some (understandable!) nervousness about his new life in the US. Does anyone have any resources, advice, or anecdotes about their move and adjusting over here? I know he's worried about how to make new friends and leaving old friends in England. I want to support him as best I can through this stressful but exciting time, so I thought I would ask people who have already been through it! Thanks! 

Do you have any local shops which sell English food/tea?  If you have Cost Plus World Market, they do.  There is also Amazon.

 

My husband spent his day off this week driving an hour each way to go to an Australian pie shop.  And he hates Australia.

[Twiz&Toz 240]

I have the same feeling as he does. I know the first week weeks will be fine then the home sickness will click in. I’d do some running around and get some of his fav comfort stuff and it put it around the house like normal day stuff Eg fav snacks ect. Spend time with him the first few weeks and get him on the google to look up different hobby places he has. Once covid slows down I’d say plan a surprise visit from friends/ family.  

[E&W 146]

Find out where you can buy food from home that he likes. I swear, this helps so much, as ridiculous as it sounded to me at first. We found a store that has my favorite soup from my home country, it feels so good just knowing whenever I am craving home, I can just get some soup and I'll be better.

Whatever hobbies he has, shop for those. Or even something he has wanted to try for a while, but hasn't been able to do/find. Include him in your hobbies, or find new ones you both like. I felt so much better and included into my husbands group of friends after we started paying MTG, which is something I wanted to learn and try for a long time.

Growing plants was also very helpful for me. I have gotten a while bunch of succulents and seeing them grow and thrive makes me feel so much more at home.

It will be hard at times, it is for everyone. Be aware of that, accept it, work through it.
I hope some of this helps you out.

[TBoneTX 45,273]

A real trap (for anyone who immigrates anywhere) is that after a period of time, he'll think that he's begun to figure things out, and then something will happen and he'll realize that this isn't true at all.  It's deflating, if not crushing.

 

A dual trap is homesickness, which will strike even if we're fully aware that it will.

 

We gringos, albeit innocently, may assume that immigrants from other English-speaking countries will have an easier time adjusting than will immigrants from elsewhere.

 

To minimize the above, I suggest the following:  Take a little time every day -- from a few minutes up to an hour maximum -- to take a walk around the block.  Ask the newcomer what he sees that varies from what he saw/had at home, and have him describe each thing mentioned.  Mildly explain a detail or two about the U.S. item -- for example, that the neighbor had his choice of companies to replace the driveway, but the Homeowners' Association had to approve the idea, the contractor had to pull a City permit, and (if true) that all new paving must have rebar under the concrete to prevent shifting/cracking.  If the newcomer notices a bird, explain whether it's indigenous to the area or has migrated from the north.  If a loose cat is seen, explain the HOA or City rules about tags/collars, any dangers to the cat from birds of prey, etc.  If mosquitoes are out, explain that the City sends out "bug trucks" to spray on Tuesday & Friday nights from May through October.  No subject or topic is too mundane.

 

By design, the plan above is unthreatening and deals with observations of everyday life.  The more "little" things that the newcomer is knowledgeable about, the more strength he'll have when faced with bigger differences to comprehend.

 

The same principle holds regarding supermarkets.  Take him along and prompt him to describe the differences that come to his mind, which you'll explain.  On each visit, pick one aisle of items to meander through as he studies items, varieties, brands, and prices.  If you're able and if it's true, suggest that a particular item might not be too much different from a similar item in his country.

 

The only danger is to do too much of this at one time or in one day.  Adjusting after immigrating is a very big elephant that needs to be eaten a bite at a time.

 

The side benefit from the above is togetherness with consequent bonding.

Edited August 7, 2021 by TBoneTX

[TBoneTX 45,273]

In addition are vast differences in dealing with authorities.

 

Even U.S. citizens aren't always fully aware.

[killercat 2]

Congratulations! My husband is also from the UK and has been here for 6 years (finally starting to look at the adjustment of status). He found the US to be incredibly welcoming and loves it here. Whenever he wears a Manchester United jersey it becomes an instant conversation starter and he has met a ton of expats just by walking down the street. He now has a more active social life than he ever did back home and it's all down to those football (soccer) jerseys. Good luck!