Breaking up with Filipina GF

[MBSalvador 3]

I met a Filipina online and we have been chatting every day x2 per day since October of 2020. She appears to be a very good person and I have emotional attachment to her. The pandemic prevents me from going there to meet her. From my viewpoint, it looks like the pandemic will go on for years and regardless of Covid and its variants, we will never go back to 'normal'. I see legal immigration for foreign spouses getting more difficult, expensive and time consuming and its just not feasible to fly her to Mexico and have her walk into the US like the last million illegals that did so. Certainly waiting times, restrictions, fees and requirements will just get worse too so, I think its best to forget meeting this woman and the idea of marriage, immigration etc is looking bleak, at least for now. I know she will be hurt if I break it off with her and I will be hurt too but I just can't see a way through. I don't even know if the feelings we have are real or based on reality because we have not actually met yet.  

 

What good reasons are there for going through all the trouble, money, time and effort to go to the other side of the world to meet her? I can just imagine that if flights and tourism open up in the Philippines, it could easily all be shut down within hours should they decide another 'wave' of the virus suddenly appear, or if China invades Taiwan and war breaks out, leaving me trapped in the Philippines which would be a death sentence for me. What are your thoughts? Is it worth it? Do you see the future as bright and full of hope? I don't. Change my mind.

[Adventine 3,196]

***Moved to the Philippines sub-forum for feedback from others in Filipino-American relationships***

 

1. Have you considered meeting up in a third country with relatively easy travel restrictions like Costa Rica? Search this subforum for details.

 

2. If it's not worth the time, effort and expense to arrange meeting in a third country, then this one is not for you. Cut your losses and move on. Google "sunk cost fallacy."

 

3. The right one is worth the time, effort and expense.

 

 

[payxibka 10,045]

57 minutes ago, MBSalvador said:

I met a Filipina online and we have been chatting every day x2 per day since October of 2020. She appears to be a very good person and I have emotional attachment to her. The pandemic prevents me from going there to meet her. From my viewpoint, it looks like the pandemic will go on for years and regardless of Covid and its variants, we will never go back to 'normal'. I see legal immigration for foreign spouses getting more difficult, expensive and time consuming and its just not feasible to fly her to Mexico and have her walk into the US like the last million illegals that did so. Certainly waiting times, restrictions, fees and requirements will just get worse too so, I think its best to forget meeting this woman and the idea of marriage, immigration etc is looking bleak, at least for now. I know she will be hurt if I break it off with her and I will be hurt too but I just can't see a way through. I don't even know if the feelings we have are real or based on reality because we have not actually met yet.  

 

What good reasons are there for going through all the trouble, money, time and effort to go to the other side of the world to meet her? I can just imagine that if flights and tourism open up in the Philippines, it could easily all be shut down within hours should they decide another 'wave' of the virus suddenly appear, or if China invades Taiwan and war breaks out, leaving me trapped in the Philippines which would be a death sentence for me. What are your thoughts? Is it worth it? Do you see the future as bright and full of hope? I don't. Change my mind.

You wouldn't be trapped in Philippines if they shut down,  you have an embassy there who is there to help you get out if that's your desire 

[Murph4865 597]

57 minutes ago, MBSalvador said:

I met a Filipina online and we have been chatting every day x2 per day since October of 2020. She appears to be a very good person and I have emotional attachment to her. The pandemic prevents me from going there to meet her. From my viewpoint, it looks like the pandemic will go on for years and regardless of Covid and its variants, we will never go back to 'normal'. I see legal immigration for foreign spouses getting more difficult, expensive and time consuming and its just not feasible to fly her to Mexico and have her walk into the US like the last million illegals that did so. Certainly waiting times, restrictions, fees and requirements will just get worse too so, I think its best to forget meeting this woman and the idea of marriage, immigration etc is looking bleak, at least for now. I know she will be hurt if I break it off with her and I will be hurt too but I just can't see a way through. I don't even know if the feelings we have are real or based on reality because we have not actually met yet.  

 

What good reasons are there for going through all the trouble, money, time and effort to go to the other side of the world to meet her? I can just imagine that if flights and tourism open up in the Philippines, it could easily all be shut down within hours should they decide another 'wave' of the virus suddenly appear, or if China invades Taiwan and war breaks out, leaving me trapped in the Philippines which would be a death sentence for me. What are your thoughts? Is it worth it? Do you see the future as bright and full of hope? I don't. Change my mind.

1 Major deciding factor i made when i started this journey is i told myself, i want someone that will love me for who i am and not what i have or can give.

2 The woman i would meet would not ask for anything at all no matter what it was and especially not ask for monetary help of any sort.

I found that one the second time around and we are now married, from the day we met online back in 2015 she has never asked for anything period especially money which was my deciding factor to marry her a little over 2 yrs ago, even her family asked for anything which made me fall in love with them along the way.  So i keep them fed and pay all bills and even do construction on the house when i can afford to.

[MBSalvador 3]

58 minutes ago, Adventine said:

***Moved to the Philippines sub-forum for feedback from others in Filipino-American relationships***

 

1. Have you considered meeting up in a third country with relatively easy travel restrictions like Costa Rica? Search this subforum for details.

 

2. If it's not worth the time, effort and expense to arrange meeting in a third country, then this one is not for you. Cut your losses and move on. Google "sunk cost fallacy."

 

3. The right one is worth the time, effort and expense.

 

 

#2 - sunk cost fallacy: This was very helpful. Thanks. Geez, I don't want to hurt her. She is so sweet and kind. 

[Adventine 3,196]

6 minutes ago, MBSalvador said:

#2 - sunk cost fallacy: This was very helpful. Thanks. Geez, I don't want to hurt her. She is so sweet and kind. 

 

Welcome, it's helped me a lot with my own decisionmaking.

 

It's more cruel to lead somebody on if you don't see a viable future with them.

[Joe Kano 327]

7 hours ago, MBSalvador said:

I met a Filipina online and we have been chatting every day x2 per day since October of 2020. She appears to be a very good person and I have emotional attachment to her. The pandemic prevents me from going there to meet her. From my viewpoint, it looks like the pandemic will go on for years and regardless of Covid and its variants, we will never go back to 'normal'. I see legal immigration for foreign spouses getting more difficult, expensive and time consuming and its just not feasible to fly her to Mexico and have her walk into the US like the last million illegals that did so. Certainly waiting times, restrictions, fees and requirements will just get worse too so, I think its best to forget meeting this woman and the idea of marriage, immigration etc is looking bleak, at least for now. I know she will be hurt if I break it off with her and I will be hurt too but I just can't see a way through. I don't even know if the feelings we have are real or based on reality because we have not actually met yet.  

 

What good reasons are there for going through all the trouble, money, time and effort to go to the other side of the world to meet her? I can just imagine that if flights and tourism open up in the Philippines, it could easily all be shut down within hours should they decide another 'wave' of the virus suddenly appear, or if China invades Taiwan and war breaks out, leaving me trapped in the Philippines which would be a death sentence for me. What are your thoughts? Is it worth it? Do you see the future as bright and full of hope? I don't. Change my mind.

As of now you just have a chatmate, I think you realize that and I am sure you have feelings and she probably does as well.  I think Philippine will open back up July 2022 for tourism, and you will not get stuck over there.

 

Chatting online is fine, I am sure it gives you something to do and you look forward to it, but until you get that one on one facetime and spend time together you just never know.

 

For me if I had it all over to do again, I would just have a few longterm gf in Philippines, maybe one in Cebu, one in Manila and one in Davao City since these cities are easy to travel between and many flights and cost around $50 per trip.  Make a few trip each year to Philippines and visit one person each trip. 

 

Regardless of how you feel of this one person, you owe it to your self when you are able to enter the Philippine to explore and meet other girls so you can compare and contrast.

 

With the Philippines being locked down for so long, I am sure there are many guys just like you who have been chatting with girls from the Philippines.   

[Yehuda 26]

I haven't seen my gf in 2 years and filed for a K1 in January 2020. If you aren't willing to wait for things to get better you clearly aren't in love with her. You're in love with the idea of being with her. This is going to cause you a lot of marital problems years down a line. I strongly ask you to rethink why you want a relationship to begin with. 

[Joe Kano 327]

4 hours ago, Yehuda said:

I haven't seen my gf in 2 years and filed for a K1 in January 2020. If you aren't willing to wait for things to get better you clearly aren't in love with her. You're in love with the idea of being with her. This is going to cause you a lot of marital problems years down a line. I strongly ask you to rethink why you want a relationship to begin with. 

OP stated he has "emotional attachment" he never stated he loved her, heck he hasn't ever meet her yet.

 

He is rethinking the relationhip, that it what his post is all about.

 

 

Edited July 30, 2021 by Joe Kano

[NeonParticles 126]

In the interest of not instigating something, I'll hold my tongue except for this:

Please meet in person before you start talking marriage.

I lived in the Philippines for 13 years and have seen this story a hundred times.  For some, it turns out okay, but for others, it ends up being a traumatic experience (ESPECIALLY the girl when she realizes the guy wasn't serious the whole time and ghosts her).

Edited July 30, 2021 by NeonParticles

[MarJhi 963]

If you are questioning whether or not it's "worth it", then it probably isn't. If it is love you wouldn't give up so easy....move on.

 

There is a huge backlog of people waiting in line who have met in person BEFORE the pandemic, and there are very few after the pandemic. Once that backlog is cleared up, there will be a huge decrease in petitions because in the last year and a half nobody has been able to meet in person, so why file?