Bomb drop...in-laws want to immigrate to USA. HELP

[USC4SPOUSE 506]

3 hours ago, Timona said:

 

Is that church MAAM? There is one here in Houston at a Colombian strip mall and it is always packed every Friday night.

I always frequent some Colombia restaurant across and one Friday, while waiting to be sitted, we wandered around. I thought it was a club as the women were dressed to kill and there was loud Latin music. So we went to visit, only to be told it was a church. 

Anyways, if anyone want to find a partner, feel free to visit. I would have, if I was single 

 

 

 

You're hilarious. Leave it to @Timona to tell a good story. "I thought it was a club" LOL

That does sound like my peoples, though. Ha

[USC4SPOUSE 506]

2 hours ago, Ryan76 said:

Exactly.  I will probably even screenshot a several comments that i can use to help me in the next discussion. 

 

I really want them to know - because i think they have no idea - that bringing a sibling can take longer than 15 years.  Because that could end the whole discussion.

I also want them to really understand the situation about the mother and medical insurance and all that.

 

But at the same time i really don't even want to bring it up, period, unless my wife starts talking to me about it.  Not sure how i should handle this.

@Ryan76I would advise against showing her the thread. You were venting and that is OK. However, you do not want any of that venting to be misunderstood. I would handle any conversation with great care.

 

Are you planning on having children? I will tell you that your Colombian mother in law would have no second thoughts on helping out with child care when your wife is at work when the time comes. 

 

Your sister in-law could probably find her way to a J-1 exchange visitor program and come here as a teacher to teach subject matter in Spanish. There are a lot of Spanish Immersion Schools in the US looking for native speakers of Spanish. The Colombian Spanish accent is very neutral and desired by these schools.  This route could be a long term plan for her while her I-130 gets processed whether your wife files it or her mother files it upon becoming a citizen. 

Edited July 16, 2021 by USC4SPOUSE

[SalishSea 18,016]

36 minutes ago, USC4SPOUSE said:

Your sister in-law could probably find her way to a J-1 exchange visitor program and come here as a teacher to teach subject matter in Spanish.

Not an appropriate visa if what the sister wants to do is immigrate permanently.

[Ryan76 46]

On 7/15/2021 at 12:54 PM, SteveInBostonI130 said:

 

 

 

That said, your sister-in-law falls in the F4 family preference category.  Currently that takes about 15 years.  As of this month, USCIS/NVC is approving petitions submitted in February, 2007.  It then takes a few months to a year to complete the process.  So if your mother and sister has to come at the same time, then you are looking at 2036 or so.

 

 

 

Can you show me where i can find that exact info? About the wait being so long?  I was having trouble finding it, and i want to be armed with as much facts and irrefutable data as possible, lol.

 

As has been discussed,  showing her this thread probably isn't a wise decision 

[Lil bear 4,271]

21 minutes ago, Ryan76 said:

Can you show me where i can find that exact info? About the wait being so long?  I was having trouble finding it, and i want to be armed with as much facts and irrefutable data as possible, lol.

 

As has been discussed,  showing her this thread probably isn't a wise decision 

Visa bulletin. Issued monthly. Shows you what date they are currently processing 

https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/legal/visa-law0/visa-bulletin/2021/visa-bulletin-for-july-2021.html
 

F4 is currently at 8 Feb 2007 

[Ontarkie 14,345]

31 minutes ago, Ryan76 said:

Can you show me where i can find that exact info? About the wait being so long?  I was having trouble finding it, and i want to be armed with as much facts and irrefutable data as possible, lol.

 

As has been discussed,  showing her this thread probably isn't a wise decision 

When the time comes if you want her to post on VJ and ask her own questions report this thread and the Moderation team can remove it. 

[LEISEROM 32]

My wife is from Rio. A number of years ago her sister after a spat with her husband she said she was going to move up here. I pointed out that although she had a valid tourist visa and  is a Portuguese citizen who could come on a VWP if she stayed too long she would be out of status.

 

I asked her how she planned to support herself. She claims to be a psycholgist. I pointed out she had to have a state medical license to do so. She does not have a degree and does something called regression therapy.  Her only clients could be Brazilians. As my wife explained to her Brazilians here are more interested in making money not doing therapy. My wifes friend who was a pychologist in Brazil told her that she could not get a license but instead teaches Portuguese to support herself. And she is a us citizen.

 

I also told her she would need a car in Houston. Plus medical insurance which of course is costly

 

I never heard anything further about this issue

[Nay05 5]

You are not being selfish. I Had some similar issues with my husband trying to get his family to come stay with us too until they can get jobs.. Thank God I fought that decision and won!!! I too felt selfish. But at the end of the day it's your mental state, your money because basically you will be taking care of them until the sister gets a job that could take a while because she doesn't have a authorization to work anyways, right? , all your bills will go up..no privacy.and the mother won't have insurance so what's the point... sit down and talk to your wife about all your concerns. 

 

Why do people even say the want to move here like its an easy process????

[wxman22 109]

On 7/15/2021 at 12:14 PM, Ryan76 said:

Thanks.  Maybe the starting point is that i tell my wife about the sibling / F4 category taking 10-15 years.   That could completely change their minds.

 

But yes ...deep breaths.  Thanks again.  I will update if/when anything else happens.

My experience tells me that you should:

 

1. take few steps back from the ledge,

2. take a few deep breaths, 

3. As you have learned above, emigration for family will take a loooooong time

 

Therefore, tell your wife your concerns, BUT remember it is her family and if she wants them to come, tell her "honey whatever you want"

 

The reality is many things can and will change before they ever set would get approval, so you are really stressing about hypotheticals and that is stress that is not productive.

 

And having got your rant off your chest, you do need to man up and remember that you married into the family. It is what it is. 

 

All will be fine.

[Ryan76 46]

12 minutes ago, LEISEROM said:

My wife is from Rio. A number of years ago her sister after a spat with her husband she said she was going to move up here. I pointed out that although she had a valid tourist visa and  is a Portuguese citizen who could come on a VWP if she stayed too long she would be out of status.

 

I asked her how she planned to support herself. She claims to be a psycholgist. I pointed out she had to have a state medical license to do so. She does not have a degree and does something called regression therapy.  Her only clients could be Brazilians. As my wife explained to her Brazilians here are more interested in making money not doing therapy. My wifes friend who was a pychologist in Brazil told her that she could not get a license but instead teaches Portuguese to support herself. And she is a us citizen.

 

I also told her she would need a car in Houston. Plus medical insurance which of course is costly

 

I never heard anything further about this issue

Interesting.  I kind of feel my situation will end up like that.

 

I mean, just the aspect of her mother. Over 60 with no money, will never be eligible for Medicaid, food here is more expensive, medical care and insurance more expensive, etc.

I don't think they are comprehending that the situation they have now is about as perfect as it can get, with her being able to be on her daughter's medical insurance in Colombia.  And we don't have several hundred extra dollars in our monthly budget to help.

[Ryan76 46]

6 minutes ago, Nay05 said:

You are not being selfish. I Had some similar issues with my husband trying to get his family to come stay with us too until they can get jobs.. Thank God I fought that decision and won!!! I too felt selfish. But at the end of the day it's your mental state, your money because basically you will be taking care of them until the sister gets a job that could take a while because she doesn't have a authorization to work anyways, right? , all your bills will go up..no privacy.and the mother won't have insurance so what's the point... sit down and talk to your wife about all your concerns. 

 

Why do people even say the want to move here like its an easy process????

Totally agree on all that.  They are still here on this extended vacation until mid August. For now i am just waiting to see if she brings it up again.  I doubt it, but maybe she will do some real research and realize how difficult and expensive it will be.  But if and when the topic gets brought up, i am certainly a lot more prepared now.

 

To answer your questions.  No, the sister doesn't have work authorization. She doesn't even remotely have conversational English either.  

 

And i'm sorry but there's no way we are going to agree to financially sponsoring both of them and then have them living with us indefinitely.  They probably think 2-3 months and they could get their own place. There's just no way.  

 

 

[Ryan76 46]

15 minutes ago, wxman22 said:

My experience tells me that you should:

 

1. take few steps back from the ledge,

2. take a few deep breaths, 

3. As you have learned above, emigration for family will take a loooooong time

 

Therefore, tell your wife your concerns, BUT remember it is her family and if she wants them to come, tell her "honey whatever you want"

 

The reality is many things can and will change before they ever set would get approval, so you are really stressing about hypotheticals and that is stress that is not productive.

 

And having got your rant off your chest, you do need to man up and remember that you married into the family. It is what it is. 

 

All will be fine.

I agree with most of that, but i don't think marrying someone means you have to just say okay and let multiple adults who can't provide for themselves come and live with you indefinitely until they build a life here...hell it could be a year or years.

[wxman22 109]

33 minutes ago, Ryan76 said:

I agree with most of that, but i don't think marrying someone means you have to just say okay and let multiple adults who can't provide for themselves come and live with you indefinitely until they build a life here...hell it could be a year or years.

Yes.Just i had thought when i was your age:-)

 

but life and experience have modified my views, otherwise would have married an American. You'll be fine. Don't stress too much.

Edited July 18, 2021 by wxman22
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[jim_julian 26]

Ryan, one aspect I didn't see discussed is what I call the "cultural filter".  My wife and I have a GREAT relationship and I attribute a lot of that to our early agreement that there is a cultural filter that inhibits couples from really understanding each other unless they acknowledge that there can be deep differences in understanding and it takes work to overcome this.  My gut tells me that you and your wife don't fully understand what each other is saying on this issue ... and I'm almost certain that the in-laws don't understand your thoughts.  Have you gotten a good explanation as to WHY they want to immigrate from Columbia?  Do you deeply understand your wife's thoughts and does she understand yours?  I would suggest a loving but serious sit-down with your wife, away from the in-laws, to explore these issues.  I would suggest that you introduce the idea that you have each spent your lives in very different cultures and "quite naturally" this influences how you see things.  All this takes time and often is not easy ... but the rewards are great.  Many of the previous posters have made insightful comments, particularly in the areas of visa process, timing, finances etc ... I just think an optimal resolution requires a bit more effort as to what all parties are really thinking.

Edited July 18, 2021 by jim_julian

[teddyking1958 4]

On 7/15/2021 at 4:30 PM, Boiler said:

You took the words right out of my mouth.

 

Mothers medical insurance will be more like $500.

 

I like the idea of suggesting sister looks at a work visa, as sister presumably pays for Mothers living expenses now also can she afford the US version?

More like $1000 per month for a person in their 60-70 yr old