Bomb drop...in-laws want to immigrate to USA. HELP

[Ryan76 46]

54 minutes ago, .yana said:

With all due respect, but every person has their own boundaries. What works for you - doesn't work for others and vice versa. 

 

I love my husband's family and we get along well. But what you described triggered an anxiety attack. There are many people whose mental state relies on their personal space and / or alone time. Respect that.

I agree completely.   Honestly i do love my in-laws and i love their culture, i love Colombia.  I love to visit there whenever possible, and i like when the family comes here for maybe 2-3 weeks when we can take some vacation time and spend a week in Florida or something like that.

 

But what i am living right now is relatives basically just living with us for 2+ months.  And i know my wife loves it but it's just difficult for most non-latino people.

For us it's difficult to not have our normal routines after work, our free space, etc. Just privacy in general.  Most of them never had that growing up.  So it doesn't feel weird to them.

 

Lol...like if my brother and his wife lived somewhere amazing,  i couldn't imagine telling him i'm coming to visit for 2 months.

We like to give people space, acknowledge their normal routines, etc.  Maybe i would stay a week  maximum.  But for latinos i am not even sure they have those thoughts.  And i am not being critical of them....it's just different cultures, that's all. 

 

I suppose in a way you could say yes, you "marry the family".  But that's not agreeing to having people come live with you, or having way more people in your house than you are comfortable with for long periods of time.  When you marry into different cultures you need to meet in the middle on some things.

[Sierra TC 26]

There could be several motivators for why your wife's family wants to move to the U.S., and maybe the biggest being that their daughter/sister is no longer with them and they feel they're missing a piece of their family. I wouldn't want to be in your shoes, trust me I completely understand where you're coming from as I myself like my privacy but family is a big part of my life so I can also understand the other side. In the end, I think that the immigration process is in your favor because it can be a very long and difficult process to get immediate relatives over here.

[Timona 4,207]

33 minutes ago, Ryan76 said:

Yes they always dress nice and look beautiful for church.  But the one i am talking about is called Iglesia de Dios - Ministry of Jesus Christ International.  It started in Colombia and now has like 200+ international locations. I grew up going to church and sometimes my parents would try different churches, but my wife's family won't even consider another church, not even just one visit. And like if a catholic relative has a ceremony at their catholic church, my wife's family won't even go.  It has always seemed different to me, but that's what they believe and i respect it.

 

Yap. I see I have 2 of them here. AND they open at 7pm...I am always curious why these Colombian churches worship at night. Is that a thing?

 

[Timona 4,207]

33 minutes ago, Ryan76 said:

Yeah.  I would be fine showing her about 80% of it but there are a few things i said pretty bluntly that i wouldn't want her to read.  As i said earlier i always need to be careful how i choose my words in conversations with her about this stuff.

 

Honestly, I would not even show her a thing. She will know your username and can easily trace your posts. I will just pick whatever you have been advised here and tell her.

[Ryan76 46]

1 minute ago, Timona said:

 

Yap. I see I have 2 of them here. AND they open at 7pm...I am always curious why these Colombian churches worship at night. Is that a thing?

 

In the pre-covid world, her mom would typically go to church on Sundays and then 2 or 3 weeknights. So they will have like bible study services, other services with a brief message and then a lot of singing, and then on Sundays the more traditional service and sermon, which typically lasts almost 2 hours.

 

Now it's all online and they watch it.  But i think they would definitely prefer to physically be in the church for the services.

(In Colombia you still can't attend church because of covid.)

 

That's why i said i don't think her mom would like being here in Indianapolis,  2+ hours from the nearest church.  She is used to being able to walk to the church basically whenever she wants.

 

I usually take my wife once every 3-4 months, but it's just too far to go consistently.

[Ryan76 46]

7 minutes ago, Timona said:

 

Honestly, I would not even show her a thing. She will know your username and can easily trace your posts. I will just pick whatever you have been advised here and tell her.

Exactly.  I will probably even screenshot a several comments that i can use to help me in the next discussion. 

 

I really want them to know - because i think they have no idea - that bringing a sibling can take longer than 15 years.  Because that could end the whole discussion.

I also want them to really understand the situation about the mother and medical insurance and all that.

 

But at the same time i really don't even want to bring it up, period, unless my wife starts talking to me about it.  Not sure how i should handle this.

[.yana 597]

14 minutes ago, Ryan76 said:

Exactly.  I will probably even screenshot a several comments that i can use to help me in the next discussion. 

Just crop out the username of the commentator. 

[Timona 4,207]

5 minutes ago, .yana said:

Just crop out the username of the commentator. 

 

20 minutes ago, Ryan76 said:

Exactly.  I will probably even screenshot a several comments that i can use to help me in the next discussion. 

 

I really want them to know - because i think they have no idea - that bringing a sibling can take longer than 15 years.  Because that could end the whole discussion.

I also want them to really understand the situation about the mother and medical insurance and all that.

 

But at the same time i really don't even want to bring it up, period, unless my wife starts talking to me about it.  Not sure how i should handle this.

 

Nowadays, you can just type 10 or few word and Google will point where that text is at. She will then trace it. So I would not suggest screenshots. Just read and remit.

[Ryan76 46]

Here's another thought i had.  My wife has a pretty good job working in logistics.  What if she tries to get the sister to work there? I think it would be a horrible idea to bring family into her work life, but i could see them coming up with this idea.

 

Would that be something that could enable the sister to get here quicker?  I have no idea about any of this stuff.  All of my accumulated knowledge was about the K-1 process and everything  after that.

[Chancy 6,241]

4 minutes ago, Ryan76 said:

My wife has a pretty good job working in logistics.  What if she tries to get the sister to work there?

 

Are you thinking of a work visa?  Only a company qualified to sponsor for work visas can petition for a foreign worker.  And the company must show that they are unable to fill the position with workers already in the US legally.  So work visas are typically granted to applicants with technical degrees or niche skills in high-demand industries.

 

So, is your wife's company qualified to sponsor?  Does your SIL have highly in-demand skills?

 

[mushroomspore 3,044]

15 minutes ago, Ryan76 said:

Here's another thought i had.  My wife has a pretty good job working in logistics.  What if she tries to get the sister to work there? I think it would be a horrible idea to bring family into her work life, but i could see them coming up with this idea.

 

Would that be something that could enable the sister to get here quicker?  I have no idea about any of this stuff.  All of my accumulated knowledge was about the K-1 process and everything  after that.

Getting a work visa this way for the sister depends completely on the company and their management. A LOT of companies do not provide such sponsorship. Most work visas require the company to prove why they must hire the foreigner instead of an American. There's no harm in your wife asking her company's management but don't get your hopes up. Work visas tend to be specialized and most people who have work visas have very specific and high levels of education nd training to justify getting the work visa in the first place.

[Ryan76 46]

2 minutes ago, Chancy said:

 

Are you thinking of a work visa?  Only a company qualified to sponsor for work visas can petition for a foreign worker.  And the company must show that they are unable to fill the position with workers already in the US legally.  So work visas are typically granted to applicants with technical degrees or niche skills in high-demand industries.

 

So, is your wife's company qualified to sponsor?  Does your SIL have highly in-demand skills?

 

Yes i was talking about a work visa, sorry for leaving that out. Honestly I have no idea if my wife's company is 'qualified to sponsor for work visas'.  It's a Logistics company that moves/forwards freight internationally. Her office has a lot of people with different races and ethnicities, but as far as i know they are all citizens or at least permanent residents.  My SIL does have a degree in something (not sure what) and she works for a big oil company in Colombia. 

She's smart and has a good job.  But she has no knowledge of logistics, and her english is currently nowhere near good enough. 

 

I've just never researched any of this, and i know i have sort of blindly asked random questions...so thanks for taking the time to explain 

[arken 4,197]

Just so you know, even if she is qualified and finds an employer to sponsor her for work visa under H1B, she can start working from Oct 2022 only that too with some luck. Till then either she has to stay in the US in some legal status or leave US not to be out of status.

Edited July 16, 2021 by arken

[Boiler 45,520]

I would let them investigate such options, from what you have said getting a work visa is very unlikely, and you do not want to be in the middle.

[Skyman 321]

21 hours ago, arken said:

Increase your chance by saying15-20. 15 is the minimum so start from there. 

I would say that. Then if your wife still wants to do it, fill out the forms for the sister but forget to mail them. Then in 15 years say the government lost them.

 

As for the 2 month visits, no, I wouldn't allow that. 1-2 weeks, tops. For that long a visit, send the wife there. Cheaper and far less stressful for you.